I have been in a few surprisingly fascinating conversations about personal pooping protocol, and always find that everyone has their own unique procedure. I know people that put toilet paper in the water to prevent the unpleasant splash-back up the ass, others that ALWAYS put down t.p. on the lid in public restrooms, etc.
But what I’ve found is that I’m a rare breed in that I stand up to wipe. Apparently, most people remain seated. Some use the old “lean and reach around the side” technique, and others reach behind.
Personally, I stand up and reach around. This is the only way to make sure that you’ve done the job as thoroughly as required. I also employ a unique “bouncing” technique prior to standing, in which I try and knock off any clingers that will make the wiping process much more arduous. I’d estimate that it has a 75% success rate. My roomate, also a “stand-up” wiper, employs his own “down-wipe” procedure for the same purpose, in which his first wipe is a down-ward swipe to eliminate the clingers (when you stop and think about it, everyone always wipes “up,” but maybe that only applies to us “stand-up” wipers). He swears by it, but I haven’t yet tried. It doesn’t sound like it would work.
So, what are your techniques? Any profound and innovative ideas? Do you stand or sit when wiping?
Please don’t let this turn into a “leave the toilet seat up or down” thread, as that toilet conversation is too boring.
Rhinostylee, you liar! I personally know that post-pooping you sit on the ground, lift your legs up in the air and drag your ass like a dog with worms…
I, too, am a stand-up, reach-around wiper. With a wet paper-towel when necessary. Which is a lot.
You know, I was just thinking about this yesterday.
I stand up. But I’ve recently come to challenge the logic of my technique because we got these new self-flushing toilets at work. As soon as you stand up, they flush. So now if I do a #2, it ends up flushing twice: once when I stand up, and then I flush it manually after I finish cleaning up. 'Cause who wants to see my used TP in there later?
Then I feel guilty for wasting water. Don’t the toilet manufacturers think of these things?
Oh yeah! I’ve ran into that problem myself! I think that those sel-flush toilets are genius for urinals, but are inappropriate for pooping. It’s not that I mind wasting water since I think it’s for a good cause, but it just messes up my routine. I guess I’m a creature of habit. Plus, it always takes a few seconds to figure out exactly how to manually overide the system, and we’ve all tried waving our hands and arms in front of the sensors, which never works, and then you feel silly standing there in front of a toilet full of poopy toilet paper, pants around anlkles, waving your arms at the toilet.
Another problem with the auto-flushers is that sometimes they flush while you’re still sitting there, and you have to endure the “mist” and some splashing, which must stir up some horrible microbes and then distrute them all over you ass and balls. I cringe every time.
We need these sensors to be more consistent. “Zurn” seems to be a leading manufacturer. I think I’ll send them the link to this thread and let them know how the consumers feel about their confusing sensors . . .
Stand up here. And I must say that I wish I’d had all of you around when I was in boot camp. Somehow “no one” in my entire company had ever heard of the stand-up-and-wipe method, I gave all of them a mighty f-u but it would have been nice to also have someone else to point to and call strange.
People! Standing up to wipe? But…but…once you stand up, your butt-cheeks slap back together, and anything that had come out the back door, but hadn’t made it to the pool (icky clingers & moisture) is now being spread around between your cheeks! I must be missing something in the visual I’ve got.
First, I shake off the clingers (I always have them for some reason, maybe all the ass hair), using the reflection in the toilet water to make sure they fall. Some are very stubborn, so I grab my butt cheek and shake which is usually enough to make it fall.
Next I do a downward wipe while sitting (although you have to sort of lift yourself off the seat to do it, I remain in the sitting position). Then I stand up and do the reach around upward wipe.
Then I put one leg up on the wall and wipe the last time.
Ok, I don’t really put one leg up on the wall, I just thought it’d be funny to say it.
Sit and reach around from the right. I lean a little bit to make this easier. I’d think standing would be much more difficult; sitting, it’s easier to spread things out, so to speak.
And I HATE auto-flush toilets, ever since my first encounter with them at DFW when I was sitting there quietly peeing and the damn toilet flushed underneath me. I nearly had a heart attack.
Oh, wow, I forgot all about the “check for clingers” through the reflection in the toilet water! I used to employ that technique all the time! It was very effective, too. You’d be all ready to stand up and get down to business, but then you’d check and see a clinger that went unnoticed. That’s when I’d employ “the bounce” even more rigorously to knock that sucker down once and for all. I probably conserved a case of toilet paper in one year thanks to the old “reflection” technique. Unfortunately, the toilet at both work and home do not have lighting in the appropriate places, so when you ty to see the reflection in the water, all you see is your dissolving terds instead, slowly creating the “brown cloud” in the yellow abyss.
I’ve never tried actually grabbing my asscheek and shaking the clingers away. And I never really considered the fact that standing may squish them more firmly in position, making the clingers more steadfast and stubborn. I suppose that’s possible, however, that is why us “stand-up” wipers have clinger contingency plans, to get rid of them before we even stand up.
Wow. All I can say is wow. I’ve lived 26 years on this earth, and I had no idea anyone ever stood up to wipe.
Here’s my anti-clinger strategy: i take a couple of sheets of TP between my thumb and index finger, reach up and pinch out the little offender. We’ve got opposable thumbs for a reason, people!
This method gets the job done while avoiding (1) the risk of being tossed onto the floor by apres-bounce seat slippage and (2) the necessity of viewing yourself in the toilet water reflection from a most unflattering angle.
Though I remain firmly in the “sitting” camp for all manner of wiping, at wirk they’ve put in new automatic-flush toilets, and those things are hyper-sensitive. If you shift your weight or posture even the tiniest fraction of an inch, the flushing commences, complete with misting of water (and toilet contents) onto one’s nether regions. Quite the galvanizing experience. So now, by default, I stand immediately after using an office toilet. I hate it.
Ummm, Hello. How in the hell can you stand up to wipe? You stay sat down, spread the leags wider, and go right down the middle, still wiping back to front.I imagine this might be harder for men to do.
Exactly. We have testicles hanging directly in the way. This prodedure would be ludicris for men unless they wanted to get shit smeared all over their balls, because I think that it would be impossible to avoid. Not to mention the fact that you have to keep checking the TP to see your progess. We have just to much junk in the way to pull it off!
