Please help me settle a dispute with my wife.
After you drop a load, how do you wipe your ass?
**A) Sitting down
B) Standing up
C) Both**
I say standing up is the most efficient way. You get more leverage and it’s easier to do a thorough cleaning.
My wife says “no one does it that way!” “All decent, civilized people” use the ‘sit down method’.
So, umm, am I the only one?
Yes.
Your cheeks would clench onto the mess when standing. It also doesn’t work with many kinds of clothing.
You either put this in the wrong forum by accident, or you think this issue is much more important than it is.
A great debate?
Wiping while standing up? Sounds like one of the profile list items for becoming a serial killer.
Before this thread gets booted, I just want to say that I’m not sure why, but one of the most annoying things on the planet to me is adults who use “baby talk” words like “potty”. It’s like fingernails on a chalkboard.
OK, you guys sucked me into posting in this thread.:eek:
Unless I mis something, he is not talking about standing at attention. He is talking about lifting the buttocks up off the seat into a sort of squat. If you must have the full visual…
You simply rais the buttocks off the seat. Keep you feet spread as wide as possible. If clothing prevents this, then at least spread the thighs as far as possible. This posture allows access to the “area to be cleaned” via the reach around or under the package. Using the reach around in conjuction with an exagerating of the squat can result in maximum leverage.
OK. Now I have to go wash.:smack:
[looks at autz]
Yes, I meant to post in this forum. I think this topic could turn out to be a “Great Debate”. It’s an issue not many people are willing to talk about. I think the silent majority is waiting to be heard here. 
[looks at pervert]
Thank you. That is exactly what I am referring to when Isay “standing up”. The buttocks are not touching the seat. Legs are either straight or roughly at a 45 degree angle.
Um…a little of both, actually…
(“I’d let you watch…I would invite you…”)
Trinopus
Um…well, I’ll chime in on the ‘standing up’ with warm water vote. The way I was raised is that toilet paper is not very hygenic (should be used for ‘emergencies only’), so you, er, wash…and the only practical way to do that (in an American style bathroom anyway) is to partially stand up to allow the water to go over your bum properly.
I’m sure this is all TMI. 
BTW, this is the proper forum for such a weighty question IMO.
-XT
[Moderator Hat ON]
To IMHO. Those guys luuuuurve bathroom stuff.
[Moderator Hat OFF]
I do the first couple of wipes sitting down. Then, once the “prints” on the TP are 1) more or less solid and 2) diminishing in amount, I stand up and wipe until I can put some TP and it’ll come out clean.
Take a shower instead, saves TP, cleanses thoroughly.
No problems!
I now love those flushable wipes (next best thing to a bidet), and I always wipe sitting down.
Well, since the OP specifically asks about wiping, the bidet answer is out of context.
The few times I’ve had to stand up after pinching a grogan to retreive a fresh roll of bogwad, the accumulated turdage became smeared to the point of unpleasantness… So, if you’re gonna wipe, my experience is to do it in place, sitting down.
Once, when extra attentiveness wass required, I placed a mirror on the floor and squatted over that, and used a cold, damp washcloth. But that was due to a rather unpleasant and far too common medical condition.
Then again, if you’re a guest at someone else’s house, you could use the “floss” method with your hostesses bath towel, then fold it so as to hide the evidence, and replace the towel on the rack.
Oh, and my dog just told me he prefers to use the “scoot” method, preferably on the carpet, but the lawn will do in a pinch.
Now for the rest of my life the image of the High King of the Noldor standing up to wipe his ass will be burned into my brain pan. Thanks for ruining The Silmarillion forever.
Do what I do. First wipe a few times while sitting down, then stick a wad in your ass, get up, and wipe a few more times. It works.
NOTE: Take your dog to the vet. It has congested glands on each side of the anus!
I’m a sitter in the shitter.
As for the dog, he could be just fine. My dog does the Booty Scoot Boogie and the vet tells us his anal glands are just fine.
Go figure.
Not fare. I had my post locked on this very subject recently. What gives?
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=222301
I’ll go over it again but, I’ve lost my head of steam.
Standing. Always standing. Sitting is too uncomfortable. Can’t get “in there”.
The little extra “smearage” one gets from standing in negligable.
Besides. One of the reasons for the stand (and I do mean full stand at attention, not a bend-over) is because that I just must inspect the bounty.
If you’re sitting and you do a reach-around, you’re covering up and you won’t be able to see what’s going in there.
Works for me.
Both, depending on which is more tactically sound at the time. Plus, if I’m really happy that day, I might stand early, just because I’m so excited.
Now what’s really weird is my girlfriend goes in between her legs to wipe (sitting – she thinks standing is weird). I prefer to go in from the side, even if I need to lean or tilt my pelvis a bit.
Anyone else go through the five-hole? Seems crazy to me.