The Most Embarrassing Stories Ever Told

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Ok, lets roll them out. The most embarrassing story that has ever happen to you, I’ll start

When I was 16 years old, shortly after my father died I woke up one day with a boil. At the time this was not unusually, I’d been getting boils in my arm pits since I was 12, resulting in my changing deodorants often. No, this boil was somewhere new, and frightening.

It was on my ass.

Not just on my ass, but mere inches from my anus snuggled warmly in my crack.

It got so bad I couldn’t make use of the throne with out a burning shooting pain.

But what to do, the only way to deal with it was with a hot compress and squeezing the puss out. It was behind me, I couldn’t see what I was doing, in short I needed help.

So after three days of burning ass hell, I go to my mother and explain the situation.

She took the news well.

She giggled, and snorted, and stopped short of a guffaw.

I hate my family.

Shortly thereafter I was in the bathroom, with my pants around my ankles bend over the sink as my mother “milked” my boil. Her comments of “Oh MAN that thing is big, how the hell did you sit down.” where not helpful or appreciated.

Thankfully I didn’t have to see her face

This went on for almost two weeks.

I dare you to top that

2

Well, I have a friend who can top that. I’m male, but she is female and had the single most emabarassing moment I’ve heard.

She was in cheerleading in highchool. She also was the smallest and the top of the pyramid. One day, at practice, she had to pee.

This story practicaly tells itself. She helf off until she was at the top of the pyramid. Someone made a joke and she laughed; she also lost control of her bladder. She began to urinate on herself and her friends. They lost control and the pyramid fell. She sat there, in the middle of the gym in a puddle of her own urine(her firiends mad at her for urinating on them).

Not only that, but the guy’s basketballl team was there as well, laughing at her as she sat in her own urine.

3

Well here it goes. When I was younger and finding my sexual identity as a teenager, I video taped myself masterbating with food products. Well I didn’t want anybody to find the tape so I hid it in the trunk of my car so I could dispose of it where no one that knew me could find it. I was going to throw it away while on a road trip to see my older brother 8 hours away, I figured I could dispose of it in a rest stop trashcan. I took my car in to my father’s shop to get it checked out before I left. (I never thought he would go looking in my trunk) When I got my car back I found the tape on my front seat of my car with a note saying that it was ok to be confused and if I needed to talk I could talk to him. That made me so sick I almost threw up in my car right there. I couldn’t look at my dad in the eyes for a month.
Well that is my story

Edison

4

I believe this one wins.

5

I second the vote for Edison, but here’s my story (which has been posted here before, in a thread about public pooing of pants:

Twas late January, and I had just returned to grad school in
California after a six-week winter break in Kansas. Because I
had had a crappy New Year’s Eve (watching rental movies with my
crabby sister, sans alcohol of any kind), the BF and I had
planned a belated New Year celebration upon my return to Cali,
complete with fancy-schmancy dinner, champagne, etc.

We went to dinner at a lovely little place on the water with
expensive food and much ambiance. I ordered pasta with seafood
and a rich, rich cream sauce and scarfed it down gleefully. By
the middle of desert, however, my pasta was beginning to churn
in unsavory ways below my ribcage…

After dinner, we went by a liquor store to pick up champagne,
and by the time we hit the checkout line, I was having so much
intestinal pain that it was all I could do to stand upright. It
subsided after a few moments and, thinking it was gone for good,
I agreed to a moonlight stroll along the bay with my beau.

About a block into the stroll, the pain returned, accompanied by
poots that I swore must be causing 2nd degree burns to my butt
cheeks. I kept reaching back to make sure that a hole hadn’t
been singed in my pants. After awhile, I was so miserable that I
cut the stroll short and convinced my BF to take me home, saying
that I had to pee really badly.

So he dropped me off in front of my building and I ran inside
(praying that the poots I’d injected into the car seat during
the ride wouldn’t rise up and blind him when I got out) while he
parked the car. I was comfortable in the knowledge that my
trauma could still be acted out in secret, because

a) I lived in an area where parking spaces were at a premium, so
I knew it would take him 10 minutes to find a space,

b) said parking space would most likely be a 5-minute walk away
from my place, and

c) he didn’t have a key to my building, and so would have to wait
until I buzzed him in before he could enter.

So I ran upstairs and commenced the horror of expelling all of
that pasta out my back door. When I arrived at the toity and
dropped my pants, I discovered that I’d been releasing more than
just gas during our little romantic stroll!

Ewwwwwwww!

Well.

Not only did my BF luck out and find a parking space 1/4 of a
block away in less than 30 seconds, he also found a nice person
in the lobby of my building who recognized him and let him in,
before he even got his finger NEAR my buzzer.

Meanwhile I, having completed my first round of the shits,
decided that I had to do something about my pants. Thinking I
was safe from intrusion, I hopped off the pot, wiped (alot),
flushed, and began waddling towards my bedroom with my pants
around my ankles, wondering if I should deposit my icky panties
into my laundry hamper (in my closet) or toss them out my 3rd
floor window.

At that moment, my BF (thinking it would be fun to scare me)
came bursting into my apartment (why oh why didn’t I lock the
door??)! He took one look at me, standing shocked and ass-out
with my shit-stained pants tangled around my feet, and burst out
laughing. At that point I began to try to RUN towards the
bedroom. After a 5-foot trip-and-tumble, I made it to safety.
I don’t think I’ve ever heard him laugh so hard.

Reeling in the utter humiliation and sheer hilarity of the whole
scene, I slammed the bedroom door shut. About the time I
recovered, and began getting myself together (I tied the panties
into a plastic shopping bag and threw them in the trash), I felt
a second round of the squirts coming, so I sprinted for the
bathroom once more. As soon as I was settled in for the haul,
the phone rang. My BF answered and, after the initial greetings,
I heard him saying “Cool–we’ll be there in a few minutes!”

WHAT??? Be WHERE??? When I came out of the loo once more, I
learned that my BF had kindly accepted an invitation from my
friend John and his GF to spend the evening with them! Ummm,
hel-LO… did he have NO idea what was going on with my toot
chute???

Rather than discuss it with him, I went along. We rented Pink
Flamingo (which is the most horrid movie I’ve ever seen), and I
spent the entire movie dashing into John’s john for squirts of
pasta and gulps of Pepto Bismol (separate ends). I found out later that John and his GF had gotten into a little mutually accusatory tiff afterwards about who drank all the Pepto.

I didn’t even get any champagne.

6

Wow, and I thought having the security guard confuse my wife for a prostitute when he caught us ahem enjoying each other vigorously our first night on the beach during our honeymoon was embarrassing!

:eek:

Well, more so for her. I couldn’t stop laughing. :smiley:

7

YOu guys make me feel so good about my Ass boil

:slight_smile:

8

We need more stories people. I mean I demeaned my self ** auntie em** aired her dirty laundry. :slight_smile: I know people have done more embarrassing things. We need more than six posts for this thread. Don’t make me bring out more sotries from my own closet, I have way to many of them. So come on and post people.
Edison

9

lol:D

10

LOL I’ve embarrassed myself plenty in life, but nothing that can compare with these, so I’m not even gonna give it a try. Thanks for the laughs y’all!

11

The first time I got my period, it soaked through the seat of my pants, and I didn’t know.

I walked around like that for maybe two hours before figuring out that something was wrong.

Then I totally freaked and had to go home because I was hysterical.

Thankfully, no one said anything.

12

Oh, and it was picture day, too.

13

Well, if it will make you feel any better, MonkeyMule, I will share an embarrassing moment I had myself. It was when I was a teenager and … wait, I have to compose myself. I’m still laughing at your story about the boil. Here, let me calm down.
Okay, like I said, I was a teenager, and there was this very attractive girl next door who liked to … wait, you had your mom squeeze a boil – on your ass? Oh, man, that is funny and creepy in just so many ways.
So anyway, this very nice looking girl next door who liked to …
Your mother “milked” a boil on your ass only inches from your anus? Bwaaa-haaaaa-haaaa. … Oh, god …

14

You guys have got guts! To tell these stories means that you’re truly comfortable with yourselves. Good stuff. I don’t have an embarassing story on this level, but I guess that means it’s only a matter of time.

15

Okay. I had gone to a friend’s house for dinner. My friend and his new GF were living together and this was their first dinner party so quite a few of my friends were present.
First of all they served lamb, which for some reason I had never had before, and I didn’t like it, but I ate it. Then I got terrible stomach cramps, which I blamed on the lamb, but I didn’t mention them, either. So, I was sitting on their NEW BEIGE LEATHER COUCH, trying not to look like I was gritting my teeth, trying to act like a normal person, when suddenly I realized I was sitting in a puddle . . . of blood. Oh God. Very embarrassing.
The hostess gave me another dress to change into as I was cleaning myself up thinking, “God! Their couch! Oh my god!” and saying things like, “Um, I guess I forgot to put in a tampon.” (No, it was in there all right.) I protected myself with two more tampons, plus a pad. I went back and went to work trying to mop up the bloody spot on the NEW BEIGE LEATHER COUCH, meanwhile sitting in another spot, on the same couch, and . . .
IT HAPPENED AGAIN.
At which point the hostess said, “I think we’re taking you to the hospital.” They took me to the ER, which admitted me. Good thing. Otherwise I would have had to kill myself. Or move to another state and find new friends (and this happened in the middle of the semester). A LONG time ago.
Here’s how bad it was: NONE OF MY FRIENDS EVER MENTIONED IT AGAIN. It was like it didn’t happen.

16

Cicada, did you ever find out what was making you bleed so much?

All of my most embarrassing stories seem to be period related as well. One happened about four years ago.

It was my first year in graduate school and I was taking a paleobotany class. One weekend we drove up to Canada. All week I had been praying that my period wouldn’t spoil the fun by showing up unexpectantly. Well, as soon as we got on the highway I felt that horrible “leaky” feeling. We stopped at a McDonald’s two hours later and I discovered that only a little bit of blood had come out. So I lined my panties with a bunch of toliet paper with complete faith that it would last until we got to the hotel.

Ten hours later, we climbed out of van and my pants were sticking to me. Fortunately, I was wearing a long coat and no one noticed. Buit…and this is the embarrassing part…I had only brought one pair of pants. I had to scramble for quarters and detergent so that I could wash them in the hotel laundry room. When the professor asked what I was doing, I had to tell him that I had started my period. It was so embarrassing, but it couldn’t have been a lot worse. We had originally planned to go campling. I don’t know what I would have done then.

It’s not as bad as everyone else’s story, but I still have scars from that day.

17

HIJACK: How do you manage to use two tampons at once? I hear women say they’ve done this before in emergency situations, but it unfathomable to me. Doesn’t it hurt? I don’t think I’d be able to sit down if I had 2 sticks of cotton plugged into me.

18

oh hell, lucky for you I have been drinking… is not something I normally share.
I was 10 years old and we were having a huge cookout involving 5 families. We were all joking and laughing and cutting up when someone let out a nice big fart.
I was walking out of the grage into the back yard when I felt the pressure build up so I start laughing getting all my friends attention hike my leg up in dramatic effect and proceed to shoot a steady stream of liquid crap down my leg.

Thank goodness we moved to a different state shortly there after.

19

I was walking with my father on Cannery Row in Monterey CA when I felt a funny feeling in my intestines. I tried to ignore it but in a minute or so it became clear this was a diarrhea attack of record proportions. Before we could even get any idea of where the nearest toilet was I blew. Explosive diarrhea. Lots of it.

My Dad managed to find a small gift shop whose owners let me use their toilet, where I blew again. You’d be surprised at how far explosive diarrhea can travel. Anyway, I had to spend half an hour cleaning myself, my clothes, and the restroom. It wouldn’t have been a big deal if I was five but I was in my 30’s at the time. Luckily there weren’t a lot of people around when it happened and my father has been kind enough to never mention it again.

20

MonkeyMule, I had a similar thing happen to me about three years ago. I had a boil, but it at the top of the great gluteal split and was caused by an infected sweat gland (or so the doctor tells me). I thought I had a bruised tailbone at first, but the pain kept getting worse as the week wore on. Finally, I went to the doctor and got antibiotics and pain killers. The night I started the medication is when the damn thing burst.

The worse part of this was that I worked in the dorms that summer, so I did a lot of sitting in uncomfortable chairs working desk shifts and going through classes. Not to mention all the walking I had to do as well (and that bastard would only stop hurting if I laid down on my stomach). I was in intense pain, so I feel you there.

As far as embarrassing stories go… I know I have some, but I’ll be damned if I can’t think of one right now. I’ll get back to y’all soon.