Kicking their kids out of the house when they turn 18 - I don't get it

In My Humble Opinion
1

I made this thread mainly due to a pit thread saying how there is nothing wrong with living with your parents. There is something that really bothers me, why do a lot of parents kick their kids out of their homes when they turn 18? Now, I understand that a person is considered to be an independent when they turn 18, but that does NOT justify in parents kicking their kids out of the house when they turned 18. This is ESPECIALLY when the kids are still in school and cannot fully support themselves yet. It doesn’t make any sense to me.

Okay, so the kid graduates highschool at 18, then they are expected to move out of the house and find a place to live, get a job, and go to school if they decide to. Does anyone see the problem with this? How can a highschool graduate possibly do this? I know in some cases this does work out but most of the time it doesn’t. Either the kid is working minimum wage at mcdonald’s part time and going to school, or they are working full time at mcdonald’s, and in both cases barely or not at all making their needs met.

The parents have raised their child for 18 years, isn’t there love between them that they wouldn’t bear to see their children suffer like that? Why must they kick them out of the house on their 18th birthday? How can that possibly give them the chance to have a good future? Also, another similar point is that, why won’t the parents pay for their children’s post highschool education when they can afford to? By making them have a part time job while going to school, it would just take their time away from their studies and cause them to have bad grades, or maybe even failing out.

In regards to the other post, a poster said that at 18 the kid should get out, because if they don’t, they are mooching. Please explain why this is to me. From observation, I see that it is mostly white families that do this. I am of asian descent, and the way for us is that, the parents are to support their children until they can fully support themselves, no matter how old they are. They will not let their children live out in the streets, and they will pay for their education if they can afford it so that the kids can concentrate their time on their studies and have a good future. They might even discourage their kids into getting a part time job. I’m 20 and going into my third year of university, and 100% of my friends that are of asian descent live with their parents while not at school (since the school is far from where we live, our parents pay for our on/off campus housing). Most asian families are very family oriented, and no parents would EVER kick their kids out of the house. In fact, they would love it if they can live with their children even after they get married and have kids. It would even seem ABSURD to my friends if I was kicked out of the house and have to support myself when I’m still in school. Does anyone agree with me or does it just make me seem like i’m a spoiled brat? Also note that I know there are many exceptions, but this is just the general observation that I see.

2

I hate kids. If I ever create one, I’m sure I’ll be sick of him by the time he’s seven or eight.

Better get on with that book-learnin!

3

I think it depends on the situation with the kid.

Almost everyone I know, stayed with their family until they were ready to go out on their own. The kids I know who got tossed out, refused to be responsible for anything. They wanted to stay home, not work, not go to school and not even clean up after themselves. The parents didn’t see any other way but to try and force them to get a life.

I don’t think having a part time job to pay for school is a bad thing. It’s very expensive and if my children choose to go to college, I expect them to work part time.

4

“A lot of parents” kick their kids out? What do you mean by “a lot”? My daughter turned 18 and I don’t know of any of her friends that have been kicked out reaching that age.

I’m sure it happens occasionally, but it’s hardly the norm (unless you consider sending the kid off to college as “kicking them out”).

5

Where it grew up, it was pretty traditional for 18 year-old males to move out on their own. They weren’t exactly “kicked out” (unless, like dragongirl mentioned, they were causing trouble and/or just lying around the house doing nothing), but it was just expected that once you reached the age of majority, it was time to support yourself. I’m 41, and I grew up in a mostly blue-collar area. Most fathers of that time and place had either gotten jobs in factories or joined the military once they were 18 - college was not a consideration. I’m sure they felt since they did fine with that path, their kids would too. Of course things are different now - back then you could get a decent-paying job in manufacturing without a college degree. This is much less true now, but I wouldn’t be surprised if that tradition still gets passed on in that area.

Girls were different - non-college bound girls were actually expected to stay home until they got married. It was considered inappropriate for a girl to live in an apartment by herself by many families.

I knew quite a few boys who decided to buck the trend and go to college with pretty much no help at all from their families. My high school boyfriend was one of them. He joined the Army Reserve to help pay for college. It also gave him a place to stay in the summers - the minute he moved out his parents moved into his room (it was the biggest bedroom in the house - at one time he shared it with two of his brothers), moved his younger brother into their room, and turned the smallest bedroom into a sewing room for his mom. As far as they were concerned, he was done living at home. My best friend’s boyfriend went to school all year round because his parents were poor and still had younger kids at home to support, plus there were no jobs in the rural town he was from, so even if they’d wanted him to come back for summers it really wouldn’t have made any sense.

My parents, on the other hand, were completely different. While my dad joined the Army right after high school, he ended up earning a master’s degree on the GI Bill, and my mom has a master’s also. So they pretty much expected me to go to college, and were prepared for me to be at home, at least at times, up until I was 22. I don’t think they would have minded if I’d stuck around longer. They left that part up to me, though, and after graduation I moved out.

6

I can’t think of anyone who’s been ‘kicked out’ at 18. Lots of people have to at least partially support themselves through college, but that’s not hostility from parents, it’s economic reality and learning to be responsible.

I need some evidence, or stories, or something. Have all your friends been kicked out? Who do you know that has?

7

Remember, McLeo, every culture is different. You are in school, I’m guessing you are taking what would be considered a full load of classes and you are progressing toward a degree, right?

My sons both knew that if they were in school full-time, they could live with me, no problem. However if they were not in school full-time, they would be expected to pay a percentage of the rent and contribute toward food and utilities.

So far, one has dropped out and moved out (he figured if he was going to pay rent, it might as well be for a place of his own) and the other one is in school full-time.

Please be careful about generalizations – they are ugly regardless of which culture makes them, eh?

8

I have a 22 year old daughter and her friends were not kicked ot at 18. Instead the kids went to college or moved out on their own. My daughter moved out on her own when she was 20.

I have a 17 year old who is saving money now to move out when he is 18. He says he is tired of rules and regulations and wants to live on his own. His friends are older then he is and they work full time jobs and live with friends. I won’t kick him out unless he can’t follow the house rules. Frankly I am ready for this one to fly the coop!

9

Funny you should post that…
I just within the last 30 minutes suggested to my 18 year old son
that he find another place to live…

Why? He got his eyelid pierced…
HUH? You think that is a stupid reason?

Well, I gave birth, nutured, loved/adored, was a full time Mom, gave him discipline as needed, hugs always and mainly expected from him:
RESPECT.

He did not respect my wishes that he NOT mutilate himself.
We talked several times about how REVOLTING the whole piercing fad is to me… This is my home and I choose NOT to have to look at his mutilated face everyday. I of course put up with the occasional “teenage crap” but this time he went too far.
He had been warned of the consequences.

He has also been warned about what he can expect when he leaves…

  1. He has no job. (he graduates next year)
  2. He does not have a car. ( He used ours whenever he needed it.)
  3. No one will let him “live” with them for very long and its a GREAT way to lose a friend
    4.Finding a job will be much harder with HOLES IN HIS FACE.
    etc.etc.

He has made his decision, ( yes he was given several chances to “save face” << bad choice of words <<… to retain his pride
and elect to continue living here.

At 18, he is of course sure that he knows everything… it goes with the territory but I think it may be time for him to see for himself that NOT EVERYONE ELSE ON THE PLANET will cater to his
needs the way “THE PARENTS” do.

Certainly if I had my way about it, this would not have happened. and I occasionaly think that it would be a GREAT IDEA for the kids to live at home even after they get married and have grandkids
and what a great time we would have, but I KNOW BETTER…LOL

Sometimes, the only way for a person to learn is to let them learn it by themselves…
I know he will be in for a major rude awakening and my heart hurts really bad right now. In fact its an excruciating pain, but I hope this particular lesson will be learned quickly and he will return home again soon. The door will certainly always be open
as long as there are no metal attachments attached to his face…

PS. I can’t help but wonder if he did it because he KNEW I would sugggest he leave… I’m pretty sure right now he is quite pleased with himself and feels he is headed on a fun adventure.
PS. at the present time I really am not interested in hearing from pro-piercing advocates… If piercing turns you on, then have at it… Let it rip, whatever,
This incident boils down to
MY HOUSE and MY feelings on the subject… thank you so much…

10

We’ve been kidding our daughter for years, telling her that once she hits 18, she’s outta here! Well, because of the age requirements for school here, she was 5 days past the cutoff date, so she’ll turn 18 right after she begins her senior year. There’s no way we’re tossing her out.

To be honest, the reason we’ve said that to her over the years is to get her thinking about living on her own. We want her to be independent, and that involves leaving home and having her own life. To that end, we’ve been teaching her how to live on her own - how to cook, clean, do laundry, drive, get her car serviced, use common hand tools, sew, and all the other things one needs to survive. In addition, when she moves, she’ll go with enough furniture to fill a one-bedroom apartment, including a piano. She’ll have enough kitchenware and linens to start out, needing nothing.

And shortly after high school, she will be on her own - we’ll take her to college and get her set up in an apartment. She’ll have a part time job while in school, and we’ll continue to help her out until she’s established in a job. If something happens and she has to come home for a while, that’ll be fine - both my husband and I had to impose on our parents at various times after we’d gone out on our own. It’ll be temporary, and she knows that. After that, it’s just a matter of time before we have to move in with her in our dotage. :smiley:

11

nuthinboutnuthin I empathize with you. Everytime I went out of town my daughter got something pierced. In Florida you must be 18 to get piercings but somehow she was getting them without proper i.d. She had holes up and down her ears, her lip, her nose, her nipples, her clitoris, her tongue. All I can tell you is when she tried to get a job and the people looked at her funny she finally caught a clue and removed all the piercings. (Except the tongue) She is normal today and a beautiful girl.

So my hope for you is this too shall pass.

You are doing the right thing asking him to leave your house.
I intend the same thing will happen at my house with my 17 year old. He needs to follow rules. He wants his tongue pierced and a tattoo. I have told him NO! So we will see who wins. I told him when he is 18 he can do this crazy crap but not under my house!

12

dragongirl : Well yes, I agree with you that the kid has a lot to do with their parents kicking them out. Two personal experiences,

  1. I knew this guy back in highschool, and he was up to the point of no hope. Even before he was 18 he had got into fights, beat people up, threaten other kids, stolen cars, bought and used counterfeit money, and opened a whore house at his friend’s place where they hired girls to be prostitutes :eek: , he rightly deserved to be kicked out by his parents.

  2. Another guy from highschool, he stole money from his family, stole his parents’ credit cards, forged his mom’s signature to buy a car, and went off to live out in the streets in his car - he also deserved to be kicked out.

But what I’m saying is, sure, these people deserved to be kicked out, but decent and normal kids are also being kicked out purely for them to learn to be ‘independent’. But ya, you have a point.
** RealityChuck ** : Ya, I guess I shouldn’t have said “a lot”, but by no means that this is a rare event. And sending them to college is not kicking them out, making them move out to pay for their own education, food, rent, etc. is kicking them out.
** romansperson ** Quite a few good examples there, and great job on how your parents handled your situation. Props to them. Letting you choose to move out if you want to, but also letting you stay is great.
genie Actually yes I do know of a few people who were kicked out of the house or got no support from their parents. A friend of mine he was to attend university after highschool. Extremely bright guy. His parents were also pretty well off. But his parents would in no way support his education. He was to pay for his own off campus housing, food, and tuition. He was welcome to go back home during the summer, but anything else he had to pay. And if he didn’t have enough money, he would’ve had to quit school for a year and get a job, while his parents’ large sums of cash is sitting in the bank.

I have some more examples but now I’m in a hurry to leave work, will reply to everyone once I get home.

13

Thanks Isabelle,
This mothering thing never gets any easier does it???:frowning:
Wishing you all the best in your mothering “adventures” too…

:slight_smile:

14

er. How do you pierce an eyelid? Wouldn’t your eye get scratched up?

15

Lazy layabout 18 year olds are the ones who tend to get booted at or around 18 . Go getters are typically either going to school or otherwise employed and often leave to have their own space.

BTW Asian kids aren’t going to be inculturated to be worker bees forever. It’d be interesting to fast forward a generation or two and see how Asian parents deal with their lazy, disaffected kids lounging around the house getting laser tattoos and electro-stim neural implants at age 20 or so in 2030.

16

I have a hard time imagining the 18-year-old who doesn’t want to move out. I was chomping at the bit when I went off to college. Something strange when a young adult is content to live with mommy and daddy.

Oh, and for those who are mad because their kids got pierced. How dare they express themselves!! I hope they come home with tattoos next time, because those are permanent. haha.

17

My daughter’s 21, and still lives at home. When not attending college, that is.

Throwing her out? No. Encouraging her to build herself a life? Certainly. And we continue to pay the bills, sure. Hell, I wouldn’t condemn her to living under a freeway underpass or something.

18

I can’t see why any parent would kick out their own kid just because they turn 18. I’m 18 and am moving out in September to go to university, my mum is actually asking me to STAY! My brother is 20 and still lives at home.

19

nuthinboutnuthin, I feel for you. My son turned 18 eight months ago and graduated from high school almost two months ago and has still not applied for college or found a full-time job. He has known since he as 14 that once he graduated he would be required to be either a full-time student, or working full time and paying his share of the bills roommate-style. The final blow came when he told me he was not going to be able to pay his share of his car insurance (we have one car so I charge him the difference between my rates and his rates - a damn good deal in my opinion and one he knew he would be obligated to since he was 14) and I had to pay the whole thing, leaving nothing for groceries for two weeks. We literally had nothing but rice and oatmeal.

On top of all that, he continually slacked off on his few paltry chores - to the point I was starting to see bugs (his chores are emptying the trash and loading and unloading the dishwasher).

That’s when I told him he would have to show proof of applying for at least 10 jobs per week (again, a good deal in my opinion since he could easily do that in a day) to either supplement or replace his current part-time job, and do his chores every day. Each Friday, if any chore had gone undone for the week and/or if I didn’t have a list of 10 applications I would put his stuff on the porch and change the locks.

It finally got to him that he was an adult now and needed to start taking care of himself.

I’m just curious as to how long it will last.

But if it doesn’t, McLeo you’ll know at least one reason why 18 year old kids get kicked out of the house.

Yes, I love my son, more than I love myself. But, first of all, that love requires that I teach him responsibility, and if the normal ways don’t work I am obligated to resort to tough love. Secondly, just because I love someone doesn’t mean I have to resort to eating rice and oatmeal because they’ve blown their paycheck taking their girlfriend to lunch DAILY and now I have to take over their financial obligations to my own detriment.

But, as long as he is going to school he’s welcome here. If he chooses not to go to school or drops out, as long as he works full-time and pays his own way I won’t worry about kicking him out til he’s around 21 or so.

20

My folks made it very clear that as long as my brother and I were in school, we were welcome to live at home, and we did return home for the summers. However, there comes a point when it’s time to push the baby birds out of the nest. Young adults (not necessarily 18-year-olds, but certainly people in their early 20s) should have to deal with landlords, pay utility bills, learn how to live with roommates, be responsible for feeding and clothing themselves, etc. It’s called growing up.