How Naive Were You In Your Youth?

[Quasimodem]

Due to improper sexual education, I once thought that if you ever got a girl pregnant, you had to keep "doing it" or you wouldn't get a complete baby. I guess that's why I stayed a Wirgin until I was 18!

"Oh God, honey! Have we done the legs yet?"

Then when I was a real little boy in Germany, I used to think that every time I heard a song on the radio it was being performed live. Some of it was, but I didn't understand the concept of records, because we didn't own any.

And then, there was my dear Mom who would feed me Vicks Vaporub inbetween a biscuit for a chest cold. Yup, she didn't have much education, but I sure did love her. (I used to think I could breathe into my mouth and out of my asshole!)

Okay, mah fellow-little heathens! Your turn!

Q

[auntie em]

Actually, I think that theory is quite sound, Quasimodem-- it would explain why some babies are born without limbs, etc.

But, uh . . . what would that mean for multiple births?

[LauraLittlePony]

Somehow I got the idea that people had sex with their clothes on (just passionate hugging and kissing, I tell you!) and that all babies were born by c-section.

Also, I have no recollection of this, but according to my mom, I once asked what a sperm looked like and after she told me I said, "Oh. I thought it looked like a big red arrow."

[FairyChatMom]

Not so much naive as misinformed. When my mom gave me "the talk" she pretty much focused on how to deal with periods. She also said something about babies being a gift from God to a married couple. I remember being very confused in my early teen years when I heard about unwed mothers. I couldn't figure out how they tricked God into making them pregnant!

Naturally, any sexual information was lacking in my youth. When I joined the Navy, I did a lot of listening and learning - it's amazing how much you can learn about sexuality from dirty jokes!

Oh, yeah, and I used to think politicians worked for the good of the country. Silly me.

[DeVena]

I had a particularly fertile and promiscous aunt and I overheard my mom say "Doesn't she know that all she has to do to get pregnant is spread her legs in front of a man?"

Yep, I kept my ankles crossed, at school - in church - everywhere, until I was 13 years old, terrified that I would be lax and end up pregnant.

[October]

When I was in 7th grade I was quite the little innocent.

However, I became friends with some, um, more mature girls (the kind who are a size D at age 12, and have had more experience with men by the 7th grade than I've had my entire life).

At a slumber party, one of them asked me if I had a pussy. Naturally, I assumed she was asking me if I had a cat. So I replied brightly, "Yes! I have three!" She started laughing at me hysterically, and said, "What are you, some kind of freak?!" Thinking quickly, I deduced that "pussy" in this context must mean something dirty. The only "dirty" think I could think of was a penis. I vaguely knew that there were "dirty slang" words for penis, so maybe "pussy" was one of them.

Aha! I had it! She was asking me if I had a penis! Which of course, I did not. I saw now how silly I must have sounded, saying I had three pussies. Of course, I didn't want to look silly, so to correct my error, I said, "Ha! I was just joking! I don't have any!" Once more, she started laughing at me hysterically and said, "What are you, some kind of freak?!"


I was in high school before I found out what I'd said wrong.

[Arien]

I used to think a woman couldn't have a baby unless she was married.

[Ich Bin's]

I was convinced I wasn't circumcised because I wasn't Jewish.

I'm too ashamed to admit how old I was when I figured out how wrong I was. And I don't mean about the Jewish part.

[dwc1970]

I once thought that all a woman had to do in order to conceive a child was to be in the presence of men. I had a female friend in my childhood who only lived with her mother and did not know who her father was. Confused, I couldn't figure out how she could have been born without having a dad. When I asked her, she said that her mom "hung around with a lot of men." At the time it didn't click that "hanging around" these men went beyond merely being in their presence.

Once my understanding advanced to the penis/vagina thing I thought that the man urinated into the vagina and an erection was not necessary. I also thought the baby came out the mother's butt and the doctor had to wipe poop off the baby's body after it was born.

When I discovered ejaculation at the age of 12 I thought this was an indication that the penis had gone past its erectile capacity and the insides of it squirted out. I thought that I had caused permanent injury and was scared and afraid to even ask my father about it, until I soon learned on my own that all was well and I could do it again, and again... A book that I was given shortly thereafter on boys and sexuality helped confirm that this was all normal and natural.

[Scarlett67]

I dimly understood that making a baby involved male and female nudity and a man's penis. I translated this into the man and the woman going into the bathroom naked and the woman drinking the man's urine.

Thank God I was wrong. (I like dwc's version, though.)

[AHunter3]

I knew about what part went where in M/F sexual intercourse before I knew about erections. So given the organ's usual orientation, the image I had of sexual intercourse was of the male on top of the female but with his head down around her ankles and his penis, pointed towards his own ankles of course, inserted into her. It just didn't sound very appealing.

[Rabid_Squirrel]

My bird and bees talk with my parents occured about 7'ish with those 'kinda censored but not quite' pictures, so no confusion there.

But there was that time my Mum had to careful explain that people don't sound the same when they're half asleep, and to please stop repeatedly ringing people at 7am.

Or when Daddy is on call with patients, don't pick up the phone and have prolonged conversations with a patient who is probably sick and wanting to talk to a doctor.

[Spudo]

Is it just me or does it seem like most parents don't tell their kids anything about sex, as if it's some big secret? I mean really now, it's not like it's difficult or evil to explain. Maybe this is just me being naive.

[Salem]

When I was about 11, I was already well developed physically (we're early bloomers in my family!) and, being the youngest of three within three years of each other, I had been exposed to a little more than your average 11 year old through my close association with my brother and sister and their friends. i.e. I thought I was pretty cool and mature and knowledgable. We went on vacation to this "Dude Ranch" in upstate NY. Being the good sister that I was, I quickly left my uncool sister and brother in the dust of Trigger's feet, and started hanging out with this 14 year old girl who was staying there with her uncool brother and the two of us somehow managed to make friends with some of the college kids who were working there for the summer. One night, we were all going out to one of the activities and I was all worried about what I was wearing and how I looked. I didn't like the outfit I had on cause I thought it made me look stupid or something and I walked out of the room and whined (to the whole group, including my uncool brother and sister) "God, I look like a slut, don't I?"
I had no idea what the word meant. They did. Yep, haven't lived that one down in 35 years...

[RandMcnally]

I went to a Korn concert in November, and I noticed that it was a little smokey.

I said out loud, "Hey, they have a fog machine!"

[susan]

I was naive enough to think that when I came out to my middle school classmates, they'd say, "Wow! How interesting!" rather than "Look at the big dyke!"

[Quasimodem]

Originally posted by Salem
I walked out of the room and whined (to the whole group, including my uncool brother and sister) "God, I look like a slut, don't I?"
I had no idea what the word meant. They did. Yep, haven't lived that one down in 35 years...

Hmmm. Funny. My slut-alarm didn't go off at all, but my babe-alarm is starting to flicker!

Q

[Baker]

I was in the seventh grade before I knew how a man got a woman pregnant. I had been informed about sperm and eggs, but not how the former was delivered to the latter. One week in Phys Ed the boys and girls were seperated for sex-ed. I was in the class with the rest of the girls and read a very technical, physiological decscription of intercourse, all "bllod vessels engorging" and so on. My first thought was "That means, Mom and Dad had to.....ewwwwwww!" Then I had to raise my hand and ask about if this info was true. I can still remember the laughter, although some of those girls probably weren't much more informed than I was. Suddenly, a lot of things I'd read in some adult books made a WHOLE lot more sense.

[Delly]

I knew about sex and all that, my best friend when I was about 11 told us all about it, but she neglected to tell us about multipple births, needless to say I assumed that if you wanted two babies at the same time... basically twins, like me, then you had to do it twice....

oh how thick was I...

dont answer that

[delphica]

Originally posted by Spudo
Is it just me or does it seem like most parents don't tell their kids anything about sex, as if it's some big secret? I mean really now, it's not like it's difficult or evil to explain. Maybe this is just me being naive.

I don't know about most parents, but my parents gave the sex talk the ol' college try, and did their best to be open and forthcoming. For a kid, a lot of the information just didn't make much sense, or I made assumptions that seemed likely (AT THE TIME) and it never occurred to me to ask about them. There is a whole bunch of stuff about sex that I didn't really "get" until I was ... ahem, getting it, literally. I had many "oh, DUH! Now that makes perfect sense!" moments.

[Salem]

And if you combine Delly's assumptions with Quasi's, just think how many times it would take to make twins.

And Quasi, I'm afraid that flickering is the distant star of my babe-dom. While I've been trying to fight gravity lately, and I've won a few rounds, I'm afraid my babe-dom may never make a full recovery.
I'll let you know when to send condolences, though. Not giving up on it yet.

[skyzoo]

I thought that a training bra actually trained the, uhm, breasts!
This was such a deep belief system in me, that I still wonder if it's possible...
sometimes I check for progress. So far, I'm too shy to ask for a second opinion. Well, *blush*, enough shared, 'tis time for an adult beverage now...

[Vlad Dracul]

Knew about the mechanics (from a book), but had no clue about the emotional aspects.

I had never seen anyone flirting, and knew only married couples and kids, so I thought men and women got married for legal and economic reasons. The idea that people would have sex for fun never occurred to me.

[Nobody]

I used to be very naive when I was younger, hell, even into my early 20's (I'm 30 now). I'm no longer naive, except for when it comes to drugs. I've never done them (Not even pot), and even though I had some friends who were at one time heavy drug users, we never discussed the subject much. But I was so naive about drugs (and probably still am) that twice (as far as I know) I was in the presence of someone who was high, and never even knew it. The first time, I was giving a ride to this one girl I use to know to a get together for members of a local BBS that I used to belong to (remember those? ). Anyway, I picked her up and she was giggling the whole way there. I asked her what was so funny, and she told me that she'd tell me later. On the ride home, she told me that just before picking her up, her and her mother had smoked some pot together. She was high, she was sitting right next to me, and I couldn't even tell...uhg!
I'd like to think that I'm a little bit better now, but hell, I bet even today if somebody around me was high, I probably couldn't tell. Oh well.

[MaxTheVool]

When I was a kid, I used to read old Doonesbury books, and when I read the strip in which Duke says that it is his lifelong dream to "drop acid on the great wall", I assumed that he had a desire to take some hydrochloric acid and pour it onto the great wall for some reason.

And for ages I thought that the lyric "When I was five I remember my mother/dug earrings out of the car/I knew that they weren't hers but it wasn't/something you'd want to discuss" from A Chorus Line meant that her mother was a jewel thief.

[summerbreeze]

I'm so naive that when I saw Wolfe's thread, "How do you manage your dope?" I thought he was asking about the baggie I keep in the freezer.

[SeGate]

My dad always used to talk about "making whoopee." My mom would just look irritated when he would mention it.

One day I announced to them that I knew what they were talking about. I had figured out what "making whoopee" meant.

They would get out the drum of Quaker Oats, take off the lid, grab handfuls of dry, oatey goodness and throw it in the air...

All while yelling, "WHOOPEE!"

I figured that my mom got irritated because she had to do all the clean up.


They bought me a container of oats for a wedding present.

[Ms. Fisk]

After my mom had the sex talk with me, I still thought that babies were delivered by the doctor sticking his hand in Mom's belly button and pulling out the baby while turning it right side in (like taking off a latex glove). I knew it had something to do with the belly button. Not so sure the real explanation is any less scary...
In 3rd grade, it was popular to ask, "Are you a virgin?" I didn't know what one was, so my answer always varied. I think very few kids who asked the question knew what it was either.

[Gr8Kat]

I think parents are terrified to tell kids the actual mechanics of sex because they (the parents) are afraid that they (the kids) will want to run right out and try it themselves, right? I don't think they realize how much their talks actually muddy the waters and that they cause more confusion and fear than they clear up. Or maybe they know exactly what they're doing

Anyway, I'd watched enough prime time television that I knew that adults "slept together." However, I didn't know what the "sleeping" entailed. After our first sex ed. class in the 5th grade, which explained about the egg and the sperm but now how tab A was inserted into slot B, I envisioned lines of sperm wriggling across the sheets to their intended destination.

I also remember, in about the 3rd grade, announcing to my sister that I was a homosexual after I read an extremely brief dictionary entry that read something along the lines of "one who interested in one's own sex" and I assumed it meant someone who played with himself alot.

[Ms. Fisk]

After my mom had the sex talk with me, I still thought that babies were delivered by the doctor sticking his hand in Mom's belly button and pulling out the baby while turning it right side in (like taking off a latex glove). I knew it had something to do with the belly button. Not so sure the real explanation is any less scary...
In 3rd grade, it was popular to ask, "Are you a virgin?" I didn't know what one was, so my answer always varied. I think very few kids who asked the question knew what it was either.

[Nobody]

Wow, I've seen double posts happen in a row, like Post A, Post A, but I've never seen one Post A, Post B, Post A.
That's a first for me.

[Nobody]

And, for something that contributes to this post , a more recent example of my naivete when it comes to drugs, until I read about it, I never realized that in the Gorillaz song Clint Eastwood that "Sunshine in a bag" referred to drugs. Although I still have no idea what drug that refers to.

[Nobody]

Originally posted by summerbreeze
I'm so naive that when I saw Wolfe's thread, "How do you manage your dope?" I thought he was asking about the baggie I keep in the freezer.

You mean had in the freezer. Man, that was some good s**t.

[Delly]

I remembered another one, and this is stupid..

When I was little, I remember asking Mam what my bellybutton was for, and she told me when I was a baby I used to get fed through it... I had visions of a spoon going up to my bellybutton much like it would go to your mouth if you were being spoon fed... LOL

[KP]

They would get out the drum of Quaker Oats, take off the lid, grab handfuls of dry, oatey goodness and throw it in the air...

All while yelling, "WHOOPEE!"

Well, I'm so naive that even after 25 years of raucous sex life, an MD, and other innocence-reducing experiences, I've still been known to refer to "making Whoopie" as "sowing/throwing my oats"

[summerbreeze]

[b[Joel[/b], you must own a transposer if you got to NC from OR that fast. Yes, it is good.

[Nobody]

It wasn't yours Oh, then who's freezer did I raid? Hmmmm....

[Nobody]

Oh hey, and to be serious for a moment, reading the OP made me remember something about music that I was naive about when I was younger. I use to think that the singles that artists released, and would perform live, on shows like SNL or David Letterman were some of their lesser quality songs, and that if you wanted to hear their better songs, you'd have to buy the album.

[Hazel]

Originally posted by Vlad Dracul
Knew about the mechanics (from a book), but had no clue about the emotional aspects.

I had never seen anyone flirting, and knew only married couples and kids, so I thought men and women got married for legal and economic reasons. The idea that people would have sex for fun never occurred to me.

At a young age, I thought I knew all about sex, reproduction, etc. (my parents always answered any questions it occured to me to ask) -- but I, too, did not realize that fun was involved. I thought sex was something people did solely in order to have children.

[Tommyturtle]

When I was a little kid one of my older neighbors told me he had died many times and everyone did...no he wasn't referring to reincarnation or some religious concept he was just playing with my itty bitty mind

Fortunately I mentioned it to my Mom later that day and she set me straight...I might of tried some kind of fatal experiment on myself

[Phnord Prephect]

Uh, Joel... how do you know it's any good? Just wondering. q;}

[Nobody]

Originally posted by Phnord Prephect
Uh, Joel... how do you know it's any good? Just wondering. q;}

I guess it would be a matter of personal preference. After all, the world don't move to the beat of just one drum, what might be right for you, may not be right for some....

[Dragonblink]

One day when I was eight or so I was helping my dad clean out the garage and came across a small box marked "Zig-Zags", half full of thin pieces of paper.

"Dad, what're these?" I asked.
"Oh, those are for cigarettes," he said.
"Huh," thought I, "must be pretty small cigarettes. But my parents don't smoke ..."

It was several years later when I realized, "Hey! Those weren't for cigarettes!"

[juji_mojo]

When I was four and my mom was pregnant, I wanted a brother. I mean I really wanted a brother, not a sister.

I got my wish. Except...it was a baby. And he stayed a baby, and then was a toddler... then a young boy.

I somehow in my head had decided boys were older than girls, and I expected my brother to be about 10 and able to teach me to ride a bike.

(My rationale? Dad is older than Mom, neighbour Perry was older than his sister...My cousin Brian older than cousin Missy, and my moms still teen age brothers were older than my 12 year old aunt.)

By the way, when my brother WAS 10, I was 14 and couldn't stand him. My mother had the AUDACITY to remind me of this story then. Also got me a card on his birthday that I "Finally got what I had always wanted."

[Mudshark]

I used to think that condoms were similar to empty toilet paper rolls. Made of cardboard and all. I knew what they were used for and all, I never had any pirblems figuring out stiff about sex. However, condoms were a mystery for a while.

[dctaz]

I remeber getting "the talk" at a fairly young age, also had older relatives that kinda set me straight as it were. anyway, one day was hanging out with the neighbors, and one of them made the comment that a girl got pregnant through kissing. I just had to correct him. later, he told his mom, who called my parents, and I was basically told not to tell this kid stuff like that because it was his parent's job. BTW, I was only 11 or so at the time.

[summerbreeze]

Is this all about sex? Or Joel imagining he found my stash?

I thought people were inside the radio. I thought people just pretended to smoke cigarettes because they thought it looked cool. I thought I could walk across a neighbor's ice-coated pond (in North Carolina!) because I had read Hans Brinker. Oops! I'm okay, folks.

[Quasimodem]

Originally posted by Mudshark
I never had any pirblems figuring out stiff about sex.

(italics mine)

BWAH!

Then I'd say you got it dicked, Dude!



Q

[TeaRoses]

I thought people were inside the radio too! Even later, I thought puppets could talk. Then I decided there were talking puppets and non-talking puppets.

I thought the animated Star Trek was a really cool show (sorry, couldn't resist... heck, I'd probably still watch it)

Try as I might I can't think of anything truly amusing I ever thought about sex though.

[Orange Skinner]

Quasi, my mother used to think music on the radio was performed live in the studio, too. She said it really confused her growing up with you'd hear the same song/group on different stations within a few minutes of each other. How'd they get there so fast?

This one's mine. For a long time, I thought "raped" was "raked," possibly because the first time I'd heard the term was in the fall and we raked a ton of leaves. I distinctly remember asking my mother, "can you imagine how much it'd hurt to be raked?" when I was about eight or so, coming home from my grandparents.' I thought getting raked involved hiding in a pile of leaves and then having someone who didn't know you were in there come along and raking the pile with you in it. Sometimes until you died. I don't remember how I was set straight, only that it was shortly after forming the original idea.

I told a friend about it once in our own sort of "how naive were you in your youth" conversation. She ranked on me for a while, but then I trumped her with, "At least I didn't think the president's cabinet was an actual cabinet with a whole bunch of miniture politicians inside!"