See, here’s the problem with all these “Ask this” and “Ask that” threads. The problem is that all you ungrateful, ill-behaved children are forgetting what’s best for you. And who knows what’s best for you? Damn skippy. Your dear, sainted, put-upon, don’t-know-what-I-did-to-deserve-you MOM.
So I’m channeling your Mom. And since I’m your Mom, I know everything.
Go ahead. Ask away.
And wipe that look off your face!!! Do you want it to freeze like that?
Where’s dad?
But why can’t I go to the mall? Kaylee’s mom lets her go to the mall!
You just don’t want me to have a life!!
:ivylass storms off to her room, slams the door and cranks Def Leppard:
yes, I’m old enough for Def Leppard. Got a problem with that?
Hey Mom: What’s up with all the lame-ass artwork? The shiny varnished carved wooden happy bunnies in the stairwell, the cute ducks in the bathroom, etc… How is it the older you get the more your sense of good taste goes to hell?
Where’s my retainer?
Mom, when are you going to get over your homophobia and love me for who I am even though I’m not who you wanted me to be?
Kaspar: Daddy had to go away for a little while. Now swallow this balloon and get on the bus with Mommy.
ivylass: Kaylee gets to do whatever she wants because HER mother is too liquored up to take good care of her. Now if you want to get on the train to Slutsville like your friend Kaylee, just remember it’s a one-way trip. And turn that noise DOWN! ::pounds on ceiling with broom::
Cervaise: When YOU’RE old enough to have a house of your own, you can decorate it however you like. And if I hear you saying h-e-double-hockey-sticks again, I’m washing your mouth out with soap. You just keep testing me and see if I don’t mean it.
Deep Fried: You’re old enough to look after your own things, and you’re old enough to pay for another one if you can’t keep track of a little thing like a retainer. That’s coming out of your allowance.
Homebrew: I’m NOT homophobic. I’m just disappointed. I mean, how many times do I have to tell you not to put strange things in your mouth? You don’t know where that’s BEEN!
why can’t i drive up to north jersey to hang out with a guy that i met in a message board who is 11 years my elder?
Why did you run away from home with that Turkish leopard smuggler when I wads three? <sob>
Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? WHYYYYYY?
Are we there yet? Where’s my homework? How come I have to wash my hands, I just had a bath yesterday?
Lucy: Because all those guido Jersey boys are dirty, dirty, DIRTY. You don’t want to end up itching and burning like Mom, do you?
Bosda: Because you cried. Little boys who cry drive their mommies away.
7: Because I’m your MOTHER and I SAID SO. :: backhand slap ::
Quilt: Five more minutes! Don’t make me turn this car around! :: blind, reaching backseat slap :: If you would just USE the Trapper Keeper that I BOUGHT YOU, you’d know where your homeowrk IS. And you don’t HAVE to wash your hands, but when tiny parasites begin to grow in your stomach and devour you from the inside, don’t you DARE come running to me.
oh i see, so i’m not supposed to go and see him?
Mom: If you’re gonna’ support a gigilo, couldn’t you at least pick a young, good lookin’ one with a pleasant disposition?
PS: I don’t really care. Sis wanted me to ask that.
Do I have to take out the trash? But I got a “D+” for math, aren’t you proud of me?
I’m dirty. Will you change me?
What’s for dinner? ( HOPE it’s not Liver, AGAIN…!)
John Carter: Little Benny Affleck needed the money. And tell your sister to give back Mommy’s special toy.
Green: No chores, no television. You decide. The D+ was very good, honey. You’ll make it through the fourth grade at least two years before anyone else in the family. Now, have you registered for Selective Service yet?
Smeghead: Dirty AGAIN?!?!? I just changed you! :: sigh :: All RIGHT. Go get Mommy the hose and the Comet.
DrMemory: Well, since all I seem to have in the cupboard is some fava beans and a nice Chianti, it looks like it’s liver again, Keep complaining and you’ll go to your room hungry. Do you understand me?
How come you lied to me with all that “you can be anything you want to be” nonsense, huh? Imagine my shock and awe at reaching adulthood and finding out how singularly unqualified I am to be a rockstar or president or zillion dollar making athlete! 
Who’s dad?