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  #1  
Old 11-14-2003, 02:31 PM
Eve Eve is offline
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"All the Girls in France Do the Hoochie-Coochie Dance"

Thanks to those wonderful old-music sites from a recent thread, I have been listening to a lot of pop tunes, c1910–30. One musical leitmotif that recurs frequently is the "Little Egypt" music, which I sang as a child as,

"All the girls in France Do the hoochie-coochie dance,
And the way they shake, it could really kill a snake.
When the snake is dead, they will tie it 'round their head . . ."

Now, that can't be right. I mean the lyircs, I don't mean the entire female population of France hoochie-coochie-ing with dead snakes tied around their heads. I have never been to France, but I trust that is not the state of affairs there.

What are the lyrics to this ditty you heard as a tot?
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  #2  
Old 11-14-2003, 02:48 PM
Governor Quinn Governor Quinn is offline
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I've seen the lyrics for this in several different places, but they all seem to differ.

One of the (and possibly the most) popular versions opens:

"There's a place in France/
Where the naked ladies dance"

(BTW, Eve, did you get my e-mail and go to that site?)
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  #3  
Old 11-14-2003, 02:50 PM
cher3 cher3 is offline
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There a place in France/
Where the alligators dance/
But the one wouldn't dance/
So they shot him in the pants/
And the pants that he wore/
Cost $1.64/
Plus tax.
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  #4  
Old 11-14-2003, 02:56 PM
Eve Eve is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by Governor Quinn
(BTW, Eve, did you get my e-mail and go to that site?)
I don't remember . . . All heck's been breaking loose, I've been in and out of town and extremely fardeiget recently.
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  #5  
Old 11-14-2003, 02:57 PM
Mr2001 Mr2001 is offline
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There's a place in France, where the naked ladies dance
There's a hole in the wall, where the men can see it all
And [something] don't care, 'cause they [something] underwear
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  #6  
Old 11-14-2003, 03:06 PM
h.sapiens h.sapiens is offline
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On an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000, Tom Servo sings, "There's a place in France where the ladies wear no pants," but that's as far as he gets.

(In case you're wondering, the episode is "Laser Blast")
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  #7  
Old 11-14-2003, 03:10 PM
Governor Quinn Governor Quinn is offline
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I know that you were gone for personal reasons last week, but I just sent it yesterday.
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  #8  
Old 11-14-2003, 03:13 PM
Governor Quinn Governor Quinn is offline
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There's another version, not involving ladies in France, but all I can remember of it at the moment is a line in the middle: "When the roses die/ They put diamonds in their eye".
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  #9  
Old 11-14-2003, 03:13 PM
Kaspar Hauser Kaspar Hauser is offline
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They have a recording of that at the Sex Museum in NYC. It's a neat little song.
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  #10  
Old 11-14-2003, 03:16 PM
Eve Eve is offline
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Guv—you better send it again, In think I deleted most of my e-mail in a fit of pique.

It must be hard to tie a snake around your head when you have diamonds in your eye.
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  #11  
Old 11-14-2003, 03:17 PM
Bren_Cameron Bren_Cameron is offline
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When I was a kid, this musical classic went:

There's a place in France
Where the ladies wear no pants
There's a hole in the wall
So the men can see it all.


Sheer poetry. Brings a tear to my eye.
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  #12  
Old 11-14-2003, 03:21 PM
Governor Quinn Governor Quinn is offline
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Hey, hey, hey, the people who said it were 10-year-old girls. 10 year-olds are not particularly known for full logic.
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  #13  
Old 11-14-2003, 03:35 PM
MaxTheVool MaxTheVool is offline
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I've definitely heard "There's a place in France/Where the naked ladies dance" which, as I recall, continues with something like "But the men don't care/'cause they chew their underwear"

There's also: "There's a place on mars/where the ladies smoke cigars"
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  #14  
Old 11-14-2003, 03:59 PM
Governor Quinn Governor Quinn is offline
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Thanks, Max, that was just the mental stimulation I needed to remember some more lines to the above post.

"Every drop they take/Is so much to kill a snake/When the snakes are dead/They put roses in their head"

Yes, this will pass down in the ages, along with Marlowe's "Passonate Shepard", Eliot's "Four Quatros", and Keats' "Can You Loan Me Two Bob?"
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  #15  
Old 11-14-2003, 04:29 PM
BrainGlutton BrainGlutton is offline
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There's a place in France
Where the naked ladies dance
And the dance they do
Is enough to [I forget]
And the love they make
Is enough to charm a snake
And there's a hole in the wall
Where you can see it all!

That's they way I heard it.
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  #16  
Old 11-14-2003, 05:05 PM
wolfman wolfman is offline
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Quote:
There's a place in France, where the naked ladies dance
There's a hole in the wall, where the men can see it all
And [something] don't care, 'cause they [something] underwear
Ours was ' But the Men don't care, cause they lost their underwear' which might be what you are thinking of.
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  #17  
Old 11-14-2003, 05:25 PM
amarinth amarinth is offline
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We didn't use the word "ladies" very often when I learned this song...late 70s and 80s. So for us it was:

"There's a place in France
Where the naked women dance
There's a hole in the wall
Where the men watch it all"

We also had "There's a place on mars
where the women smoke cigars
But the men don't care
Cause they smoke their underwear"

which didn't make sense at all. But had the magic word "underwear" which makes any song hilarious for the under 10 set.
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  #18  
Old 11-14-2003, 05:30 PM
silly_duck silly_duck is offline
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"There's a place in France where the naked ladies dance
There's a hole in the wall where the men can see it all
But the men don't care because they're in their underwear
And the cops don't shoot, 'cause they think its kind of cute"
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  #19  
Old 11-14-2003, 06:28 PM
CadburyAngel CadburyAngel is offline
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"There's a place in France where the naked ladies dance
Each step they take is enough to kill a snake.
When the snake is dead, they put diamonds in its head.
When the diamonds break, it is 1998."

This sounds like a really bizarre form of augury.
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  #20  
Old 11-14-2003, 06:39 PM
Lisa-go-Blind Lisa-go-Blind is offline
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There's a place in France where the naked ladies dance
There's a hole in the wall where the men can see it all
And a king and a queen with a rubber ding-a-ling

(More verses, but I forgot them.)
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  #21  
Old 11-14-2003, 07:47 PM
SolGrundy SolGrundy is offline
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There's a place in France
Where the ladies wear no pants
And the men all stare
'Cause they don't wear underwear
There's a whole in the wall
Where the men can see it all


Apparently my community was too uptight to come right out and say that the ladies were naked.

(That reminds me of a story a friend of mine told me. She was working at a camp for kids with Attention Deficit Disorder. One day one of the kids started pitching a fit and had to be restrained, and he just went ballistic. He was kicking and screaming every cuss word he could think of, "Shit! Fuck! Damn!" and more; she told me he was quickly able to run through just about every one even she'd heard. Eventually he ran out of curses and just stopped sputtering, realizing he wasn't going to be able to break free, then finally exploded with the most profane possible thing he could think of: "Naked lady! Naked lady! Naked lady!")
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  #22  
Old 11-14-2003, 09:57 PM
Doomtrain Doomtrain is offline
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This reminds me of a book called something like "Green Grimy Gopher Guts". Well worth reading.
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  #23  
Old 11-14-2003, 10:02 PM
Guinastasia Guinastasia is offline
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We sang it as:

From the land of Mars where the lady smokes cigars
Every puff she makes is enough to kill a snake
When the snake has died they put diamonds in his eyes
When the diamonds shine it is 1999
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  #24  
Old 11-15-2003, 12:34 AM
teleute12 teleute12 is offline
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When we sang it as kids, the hole in the wall was where you could see it all. We were quite sure that we were being very naughty.
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  #25  
Old 11-15-2003, 01:51 AM
betenoir betenoir is offline
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Ok, I guess I have a unusual variation...

"Oh they don't wear pants
on the other side of France
But they do wear grass
to cover up there ass."


Except the kids I knew would spell out A-S-S...and then squeal and roll around on the floor at fliting so closely with depravity...
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  #26  
Old 11-15-2003, 07:44 PM
mobo85 mobo85 is offline
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My grandfather sings it as follows:

"Oh, they don't wear pants
On the sunny side of France
And the dance they do
Is enough to make you chew." (Or alternately, "Is enough to kill a Jew.")
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  #27  
Old 11-15-2003, 11:31 PM
Eve Eve is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by mobo85
My grandfather sings it as follows:

"Oh, they don't wear pants
On the sunny side of France
And the dance they do
Is enough to make you chew." (Or alternately, "Is enough to kill a Jew.")
. . . And thus comes to light a hitherto unknown aspect of the Vichy regime's atrocities . . .
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  #28  
Old 11-16-2003, 09:05 AM
TeaElle TeaElle is offline
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I must admit to being aware of only the version of the song which imparted homicidal capabilities on the women's dances which would only cause the demise of Semitic peoples. Children in my community in rural Mississippi in the 60s weren't likely to have ever met or seen a Jew, I know that I hadn't, and I'm not sure that we really knew what we were singing.

I like the other versions much better.
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  #29  
Old 11-16-2003, 09:30 AM
Eve Eve is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by TeaElle
I must admit to being aware of only the version of the song which imparted homicidal capabilities on the women's dances which would only cause the demise of Semitic peoples. Children in my community in rural Mississippi in the 60s weren't likely to have ever met or seen a Jew . . .
Well, they might have, if your community hadn't taken in all those French ladies after WWII . . .
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  #30  
Old 11-16-2003, 10:07 AM
pizzabrat pizzabrat is offline
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There's a place in France, where they do the hula dance
And the way they shake is enough to kill a snake
when the snake is dead, they put diamonds in his head
red, purple, blue, and orange & yellow too
when the diamonds break, it is 1988!
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  #31  
Old 11-16-2003, 10:15 AM
Governor Quinn Governor Quinn is offline
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pizzabrat and Guin seem to have heard variants of the song I'm used to.

Wonder what the common connection is.
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  #32  
Old 11-16-2003, 11:15 AM
Eve Eve is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by Governor Quinn
pizzabrat and Guin seem to have heard variants of the song I'm used to.

Wonder what the common connection is.
. . . Apparently, that when French ladies remove either their undergarments or all of their clothing and do the "hoochie-coochie dance," it proves fatal to reptiles and/or Jews. The only way to arm yourself against them, it seems, is to chew your underwear.
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  #33  
Old 11-16-2003, 01:57 PM
Mr. Blue Sky Mr. Blue Sky is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by cher3
There a place in France/
Where the alligators dance/
But the one wouldn't dance/
So they shot him in the pants/
And the pants that he wore/
Cost $1.64/
Plus tax.
This is the one I grew up with, except the pants cost $1.94.
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  #34  
Old 11-16-2003, 03:37 PM
leafrog leafrog is offline
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This is too funny...growing up in Oregon in the 70s, the version I heard/sang was a mix of all of these, but I haven't seen this particular version here yet:

There's a place called France
Where the ladies wear no pants.
But the men don't care,
'Cause they smoke their underwear.

I was never sure whose underwear was being smoked......
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  #35  
Old 11-16-2003, 10:19 PM
ccwaterback ccwaterback is offline
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Origin of the OP song:

http://www.gildedserpent.com/article...s-of-cairo.htm

Other schoolyard ditties:

http://www.tikifish.com/schoolyard.html
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  #36  
Old 11-19-2003, 09:11 AM
sugaree sugaree is offline
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Wow, I just found a variation in a profile of Scottish comedian Billy Connolly in the November 17th New Yorker.

Quote:
With the Parachute Regiment of the Territorial Army, in which he enlisted in 1962...[Connolly] was renowned for leaping onto tables to do the "Dance of the Flaming Arseholes," a barroom competition to see who could last the longest with a lighted newspaer in his butt. Amid paratroopers chanting, "Oh the girls in France / Take their knickers down and dance," Connolly was the undefeated champion.
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  #37  
Old 11-19-2003, 09:47 AM
Breezy Breezy is offline
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There's a place in France
Where the alligators dance.
If you're not careful
they will bite you in the pants.

OY!
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  #38  
Old 11-19-2003, 10:20 AM
Kizarvexius Kizarvexius is offline
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Eve, I just read your Vichy regime comment and spat orange juice all over my keyboard.

Thanks for the best laugh I've had all week. Even if I do need a new keyboard now.
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  #39  
Old 11-19-2003, 10:27 AM
Eve Eve is offline
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If another keyboard is ruined, my job here is done.
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  #40  
Old 11-19-2003, 11:20 AM
Zebra Zebra is offline
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Overall, I would say "Ladies, Dance Naked and Kill Them" is not so bad as "Go take a shower!"
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  #41  
Old 11-19-2003, 12:11 PM
Corner Case Corner Case is offline
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I opened this thread because the line "All the Girls in France" fit a song that is on my kid's CD. The song is "Knees Up Mother Brown" (no known author or copyright). The first part begins:

There came a girl from France
Who didn't know how to dance
The only thing that she could do
Was knees up Mother Brown

{refrain}
Oh, knees up Mother Brown
Knees up Mother Brown
Knees up, knees up, never let the breeze up,
Knees up Mother Brown

Frankly the song sounded quite aggressive, apparently telling the kids to knee Mother Brown in the "groin".
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  #42  
Old 11-19-2003, 12:38 PM
Kalhoun Kalhoun is offline
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I swear, until this very moment I had No Idea(TM) that there were words to this song. I always heard it as "snake charmer music" and we all just sang, "Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah
NahNahNahNahNahNahNah Huh.
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  #43  
Old 11-19-2003, 05:57 PM
Azure Eternity Azure Eternity is offline
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I heard one of the versions already repeated several times - "There's a place in France where the naked ladies dance/there's a hole in the wall where the men can see it all."
It didn't have any more lyrics.

Did everyone sing that that "Hello Operator" song at your school too?
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  #44  
Old 11-19-2003, 06:01 PM
bradministrator bradministrator is offline
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We used to tack on a "And the men wear bikinis and the women suck their weinees."
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  #45  
Old 11-19-2003, 07:08 PM
bughunter bughunter is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by Azure Eternity
Did everyone sing that that "Hello Operator" song at your school too?
You mean this one?

Miss Lucy had a steamboat
The steamboat had a bell
Miss Lucy went to heaven
The steamboat went to
HELL-o operator
Give me number nine
If you disconnect me
I'll kick your big be-
HIND the frigerator
There was a piece of glass
Miss Lucy fell upon it
And cut her big ol'
ASS me no more questions
Tell me no more lies
The boys are in the bathroom
zipping up their
FLIES are in the meadow
The bees are in the park
Miss Lucy and her boyfriend
Are kissing in the dark...


Gawd, I'm ashamed I remember that much...

I'm going to be a terrible influence on my children.
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  #46  
Old 11-19-2003, 08:51 PM
godzillatemple godzillatemple is offline
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Gad, I haven't thought of this in YEARS, but here's how we sang it:

There's a place called Mars
Where the ladies smoke cigars

Every puff they take
Is enough to kill a snake

When the snakes are dead
They put roses in their heads

When the roses die
They put diamonds in their eye

When the diamonds break
It is nineteen forty-eight


It's funny how stuff like that sticks with you 30 years later....

Barry
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  #47  
Old 11-19-2003, 09:17 PM
John Carter of Mars John Carter of Mars is offline
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When my contemporary neighborhood chicks were 10, they sang several of the versions posted here.

By age 12/13, they had developed some real XXX versions that can't be posted.

Sneakin' in a lounge with fake ID at age 17, the band sang it this way:

"So, I held her in my arms
Told her of her many charms
Kissed her as the fiddle played
Bonaparte's Retreat"

Progress? Questionable.
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  #48  
Old 11-24-2003, 12:46 AM
23skidoo 23skidoo is offline
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There's a place in France
Where the naked ladies dance
There's a hole in the wall
Where the boys can see it all
But the men don't care
Cuz they chew their underwear
And each pair they chew
Costs $1.92
And the king and the queen
Have a rubber ding-a-ling
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  #49  
Old 11-24-2003, 01:08 AM
Superdude Superdude is offline
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I'd always heard it this way:

Going down to France
Where the naked ladies dance
The men don't care
Cuz they chew their underwear
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  #50  
Old 11-24-2003, 02:48 AM
The Asbestos Mango The Asbestos Mango is offline
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Oh, my God, do you have any idea how offensive this is to Eastern Rite Christians?

The melody of the song you all are quoting is ripped from a hymn sung at the Entry of the Bridegroom (celebrated on Wednesday and/or Thursday of Holy Week in the Greek Rite Churches.)

The lyrics don't translate well into English but they go roughly

Behold the Bridegroom is coming in the middle of the night
Blessed are the servants He shall find awake
But the one found asleep is not worthy of Him

Beware, Oh my soul, do not fall asleep
Lest to death you're delivered
And the doors of the Kingdom be closed on you
Watch instead and cry out
Holy, holy, holy Lord
Through the intercession of the Angels
Have mercy on us

There are more verses, but I don't have them available at the moment. You might want to consult with Dogface for the rest.

Leave it to a bunch of American G.I.'s to take one of the most beautiful hymns in Christianity and turn it into a bawdy song...
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