For those of us with too much hair below the belt, front to back wiping seems to be a really bad idea: you are spreading some of that waste to the hair inside the back of your cheeks. As Adam Corolla once so eleoquently put, for guys who are hairy, this necessary chore is akin to “wiping peanutbutter through a shag carpet with a cottonball”. So, common sense tells me this approach is wrong.
However, back to front seems to have its own problems: no, you dont get any waste on your nads, but because of how the anus sits between the cheeks, you arent getting it all. In fact, you are getting less clean that way, unless you go front to back a few times, which I’ve tried.
However, I am not sure if switching from the two methods is a good idea, because it seems to cause irritation.
So what is the best approach for us hairy males with regard to health and efficiency? Front to back? Back to Front? Both? And what about standing versus sitting?
I agree. I’m only moderately hairy, but that doesn’t lessen the problem one bit. Unfortunately, I don’t have one. Barring having to install a bidet, or one of those similar substitute types that sit inside your regular toilet, buy a package of the body wipes that have become popular in grocery stores. The ones for infants are called baby wipes. Then, no matter which direction you’ve chose, you can go over the canvas a couple of different directions and you’re back to new.
Howard Stern, in his book, advised jumping in the shower. This was from after getting an anal fissure from overzealous cleaning.
OK. I’ve officially grossed myself out now.
How about shaving around your ass?? At least with some clippers - it doesn’t have to be with a razor or anything that might irritate. If the hair is a problem, get rid of the hair…
Also, once you’ve mastered the back to front method, you will get all of it. I use that method and I’ve never once had shit stripes in my pants or an ichy ass or anything else I’ve heard (and seen. EEEEK). Not even in the field where I am wiping with the little squares of paper in an MRE bag… So it’s not like it’s an inefficient method!
NO! Ass hair is there for a reason. I’ll try to rewrite the whole stroy here, but I may leave some stuff out. This was seen on a message board I frequent, it may not be true but the concepts are there.
So there's this college kid with the same problem as the OP. Tired of dingleberries and ripped toilet paper he decides to shave his ass. He gets a towel, a fresh razor, and a mirror. Shaves away without incident, puts some cream or somesuch on there to deal with the irritiation. A few hours later nature calls and our intrepid shaver gets up to go to the can. His gorgons flowed forth like beer from a keg. It was glorious. One swipe revealed that wiping wasn't even neccessary!
Off to class the next day he feels pure and alive. Sitting in class he gets a bit warm and starts to sweat. After class he has to fart on the way back home, no one is around so he does. Expecting a might riiiiip, he gets a little squeaker. He fails to note this discrepancy and starts to walk again and notices that his ass feels funny. His cheeks are sliding across each other with each step. Very uncomfortable. Arriving home, he spreads his ass open in front of a fan to dry it out and apply some powder. He releases the most vile stench he has ever smelt. The fart was trapped between his sweaty ass cheeks and fermented further.
The next day, he is prepared. He powders his ass before he leaves for the day and everything goes well, until the powder absorbs all it can and his cheeks start slidign again. Only this time, he has a days worth of stubble sliding around instead of baby smooth ass.
The moral is, there is hair on mens asses for a reason.
My screenname tells you all about my suffering with this problem…
I find multiple rear-to-front swipes often necessary…although the first one is the crucial one. Make sure you get as much as you can in that motion, otherwise it’s going everywhere :mad:
and of course the real secret is to not eat junk that makes your poop all soft and runny. my poop is fairly solid, so it scarcely leaves any residue behind on my behind.
Squat on the bowl. Place your feet on the very front, and rest your back against the wall or back of toilet. Manually spread ass cheeks with hands, and hold back hair. Excrete. Works every time.
First, let me mention that hair grows around the bung whole so shaving is a no-go! You could end up with a nasty cut and a little hair prevents chafing. Trimming helps but watch out for getting those clippers too close to the soft tissue of your a hole! Best thing I found is preparation H wipies. They’re flushable, work great and are fairly cheap at Costco.
What also works is a quick “ass shower”. Just sit on the edge of a bath tub and wash that ass. No need to get completely nude. Just let your butt hang over the edge and wash. Fast and easy. But trimming is definitely helpful.
