Parents of Small Children--Do You Worry About This Kind of Stuff?

[belladonna]

This story is like my worst nightmare come true with regards to my kids.

In summary, a woman crashed her car and died, but her three year old survived and spent five days clinging to her mother's corpse before before being found, thankfully still alive.

Along these lines, I've often worried about what would happen to my boys if something befell me, especially since they're still so small (2 1/2 and 8 months). One day I even laid down on the floor and "played dead" to see what Lil'Guy would do (yes, I know it's morbid but I was curious). Basically--he used my "corpse" as a trampoline for a few minutes and then went into the kitchen and got a popsicle. At that point I started laughing and was no longer a very convincing dead mom. But still, I'm sure that eventually he would have become alarmed and it kills me to think that something like that might actually happen.

What if I fall down the basement stairs? What if I get kidnapped while taking out the garbage? What if I slip in the tub and bash my brains in? What if I crash my car and don't survive?
I'm a single mom, and I don't think anyone would really miss me to the point where they came looking for at least a couple days. Work might call and daycare might wonder, but on a weekend even those tenuous safety nets wouldn't be there.

Am I ridiculous for worrying about this? Do other single parents have the same fear? Most importantly, is there anything I could do to protect my boys? I've considered instituting a check-in call policy with my parents, but I know as soon as I bring it up my mother's would probably start in on the whole guilt trip about "this is why kids are supposed to have two parents" and my dad would start asking me if I've been feeling sick lately or something, and do I need to go to the doctor, and has someone been harrassing me as I take out the trash, and should he buy me some fricters for the bathtub, and on and on and on. Obviously, my worrying tendencies are inherited.

So, any thoughts? Opinions? Similar stories? Kindred spirits of the WorryWart persuasion?

[FairyChatMom]

I'm not mocking you, truly, but your post made me laugh and reminded me of my MIL - Queen of the Worst Case Scenario. When we sit around discussing how we'll spend our theoretical lottery winnings, she worries about getting protection for my daughter because, you know, children of lottery winners are always being kidnapped and held for ransom.

And, I have to admit, I have wondered about the same thing as you, although my kid is now 18. What would she do if I didn't wake up one morning? How would she react to my lifeless form? I also worry about my husband because he's living aboard our boat 700+ miles away from me. He hasn't been at that marina long enough to have made friends who'll notice if he doesn't move his car for days on end. That's why we talk daily and email frequently.

If it would put your mind at ease, make a deal with a friend that you'll email or call on a regular basis, and if that person doesn't hear from you, some action will be taken, leading up to a call to 911 if necessary. I think it's a highly unlikely possibility, but if it gives you peace of mind, go for it.

[C3]

I think about the falling in the shower scenario every single day. I'm not a single mom, but even the thought of my baby sitting there all day while I'm unconscious in the tub freaks me out. I think he'd probably fall asleep, then cry out of hunger, then really cry when no one helps him. Thinking about that desperation just kills me.

I just use it as an excuse to not shower until about 4 pm every day.

[foxymoron]

I have the same fear. I'm not a single mom, but my husband's job generally keeps him out of town Monday-Friday, so I am alone with our kid a lot.
I can't bear to read or hear about those dead parent/child alone survival stories. It breaks my heart just to think about it.

[belladonna]

Whew! So I'm not a total basketcase if other people worry about it too, right? Although FairyChatMom's "Queen of the Worst Case Scenario" title fits me so well that I laughed out loud just reading it.

[lieu]

I think about it too. You're just being a good Mom in considering all the possibilities. FairyChatMom's final paragraph sums up my suggestion rather eloquently.

That and for heaven's sake keep that popsicle box full.

[Ca3799]

Nothing like having kids to help you find new and interesting things to worry about!!

[leechbabe]

I have similar worries. Also I worry what would happen to us if something happened to my husband, especially when he is running late.

[angelicate]

You aren't alone. I am a worrying freak, and I've worried numerous times (Especially since my husband is in the Navy and is often gone for weeks or months at a time.) about what would happen to Emma if something happened to me. We go out of the state to visit my family for a couple of weeks here and there, so the neighbors might not think anything of it if they didn't see us or see the car move for a while.

[duckthunder]

Originally Posted by belladonna

This story is like my worst nightmare come true with regards to my kids.

In summary, a woman crashed her car and died, but her three year old survived and spent five days clinging to her mother's corpse before before being found, thankfully still alive.

Along these lines, I've often worried about what would happen to my boys if something befell me, especially since they're still so small (2 1/2 and 8 months). One day I even laid down on the floor and "played dead" to see what Lil'Guy would do (yes, I know it's morbid but I was curious). Basically--he used my "corpse" as a trampoline for a few minutes and then went into the kitchen and got a popsicle. At that point I started laughing and was no longer a very convincing dead mom. But still, I'm sure that eventually he would have become alarmed and it kills me to think that something like that might actually happen.

What if I fall down the basement stairs? What if I get kidnapped while taking out the garbage? What if I slip in the tub and bash my brains in? What if I crash my car and don't survive?
I'm a single mom, and I don't think anyone would really miss me to the point where they came looking for at least a couple days. Work might call and daycare might wonder, but on a weekend even those tenuous safety nets wouldn't be there.

Am I ridiculous for worrying about this? Do other single parents have the same fear? Most importantly, is there anything I could do to protect my boys? I've considered instituting a check-in call policy with my parents, but I know as soon as I bring it up my mother's would probably start in on the whole guilt trip about "this is why kids are supposed to have two parents" and my dad would start asking me if I've been feeling sick lately or something, and do I need to go to the doctor, and has someone been harrassing me as I take out the trash, and should he buy me some fricters for the bathtub, and on and on and on. Obviously, my worrying tendencies are inherited.

So, any thoughts? Opinions? Similar stories? Kindred spirits of the WorryWart persuasion?

I have all those same concerns and it also drives me batty trying to decide when it is ok to let my child wait outside while i use the public restroom. this is especially troublesome, since I am a woman and my child is a boy. PLus I've been paranoid about going outside to mow the lawn. What if something happened and somebody found out he was in the house alone while i was inside? But what am i supposed to do, carry him around in a backpack all day?

[LifeOnWry]

Add me to the list of worrywarts. I'll take the worst-case scenario, and then extrapolate from that: say I croaked and my kid found me dead on the floor, and say that it happened real early in the day and by the time the kid got home from school the cat had been nibbling on me because I carked it before filling the food dish.... or what if that's the day she misses the bus and gets a ride from the mom of a friend, only it's D***'s mom, the not-even-remotely-recovering-alcoholic? I can very quickly make myself nuts thinking stuff like that.

I honestly didn't have these fears nearly as often as I do after seeing Steel Magnolias and Julia Roberts' character's little boy howling over her unconscious body. I'm not a single mom, but I am married to the guy who can't work the microwave, so not only did I build a support net of neighbors and friends, I also recruited one friend to come over and teach someone in this house how to cook in the event of my death.

[Tequila Mockingbird]

Well, you can just rock me to sleep tonight.

I didn't worry about this kind of thing, but I will now. Wow, my heart goes out to that family.

[elfkin477]

I don't have kids, but I can see worrying about stuff like that. In the past two months there have been two families in MA murdered (and one in PA too looks like) - except for the babies in cribs who were found alive days later. The poor little things... all I keep thinking about is, they must have been given bottles in their cribs (the oldest of the three, a two-year-old wasn't found for four days), what if they hadn't?

A little obsessing on kids left behind seems entirely reasonable to me.

[CrankyAsAnOldMan]

I didn't know how grimly imaginative my worrywart mind could be until I had a child.

I won't even go into the scenarios I think about.

I have been a lot quicker to turn off the news when it comes to stories like this--or others involving children in harm's way. It's gotten somewhat better in 4.75 years, but I wonder if I'll ever truly stop fretting over crap like that.

[Hedda Rosa]

I do it too..and have even done the "play dead to see how she reacts" thing. The Steel Magnolias scene haunts me.

I'm not a single mom but neverthelss even just the idea of my kid spending the day crying over my body while she waits for my husband to get home gives me the chills.

One thing my mom told me while I was pregnant sticks with me. She said that once I had the baby I'd worry and worry over some things - but whatever really happens won't be what I worried about. It'll be some other random thing I've never thought of. So, I tell my self if I worry over "dead-body" senarios, I'm almost guaranteeing it'll never happen! Twisted logic but it lets me sleep at night.

Twiddle

[Lucretia]

This is, most unfortunately, not an unreasonable fear. The Air Force now has a program whereby a member of any deployed member's unit is charged with regularly checking up on the deployed person's family. They institiuted this several years ago, due to a tragic case in England, in which an Air Force member came home to find his wife and two little girls dead in their home.

The wife had somehow fallen and hit her head, and subsequently died, while the two children, something like 2 and 3, though I don't remember exactly, were not able to summon help or feed themselves, and they died as well.

The wife was British, and had apparently told neighbors that she would be visiting her father up north for while, so nobody thought anything of it when they didn't see the family.

I remember that it sent some really bit shock waves through the AF community at the time, and led to the policies I mentioned.

[Fujerica]

oh yes, I worry about that stuff ALL THE TIME. What really helps to think about it all the GOOD stories where it could have been bad but turned out really good.

For instance: I recall a Rescue 911 episode where a mom fell unconcious and her 2 (or maybe 3?) year old called 911... And the medics came and were able to save her. Even though I doubt my kids would think about doing that, it makes me very concious of the impotance of training them to handle some stuff.

Likewise, my kids bedrooms are on the first floor, and ours is on the second floor. I get the creeping horrors about someone coming into my house and hurting them. I have a baby monitor on all the time and I've become the lightest sleeper on Earth. When it was reversed (ie kids on the second floor) it was almost worse cause then I was thinking... "Gosh, if there's a fire, would they know what to do? What if I can't get to them?"

[leechbabe]

Originally Posted by CrankyAsAnOldMan

I didn't know how grimly imaginative my worrywart mind could be until I had a child.

I won't even go into the scenarios I think about.

I have been a lot quicker to turn off the news when it comes to stories like this--or others involving children in harm's way. It's gotten somewhat better in 4.75 years, but I wonder if I'll ever truly stop fretting over crap like that.

Oh gosh yes, that is exactly how I would describe it now I have had a baby.

I used to be addicted to programs like Law and Order and CSI, nowdays I more often than not I turn the TV off if the show involves children in any way.

[Reader99]

There was a thread along these lines a few weeks ago. The terrible fact is that sometimes a single parent will be incapacitated, or worse, alone at home with a young child. The consensus was that the child should be taught, at as young an age as possible, that if mom or dad won't wake up they should call 911--and a phone should be within their reach. The other thing is to establish some kind of network with someone--if not family, then a neighbor or maybe another parent of a young child--to check in with each day. Tell your employer that you're too old to play hooky, and if you unexpectedly don't show up for work it means something's wrong. Tell daycare that you'll always call if you don't plan to drop off your child that day, and if they don't see you or hear from you it means something's wrong. Make sure everybody knows you have a young child, so if something happens to you people will wonder about him/her.

[China Guy]

I have these fears all the time. Heck this morning my wife had to drive me to a meeting, and we left China bambina sleeping with MIL sleeping in the next room as well. I was worried my sometimes completely bone stupid MIL would get up and leave while forgetting she was on point to watch China bambina this morning...

[carlotta]

I actually had a near scare in this area.

I don't have to worry about no one missing me because my mom calls me every day (usually to tell me the weather in my town) and would call out the national guard (and very nearly has) if I failed to respond in a timely fashion.

But there was a time when my husband was away for the weekend at a convention, when I hurt my back (note: do not pick strawberries while wearing an 18 lb. baby in a front carrier). I was caring for a (18lb) 6 month old and a 3 year old. I wasn't totally incapacitated, but I was afraid I was headed in that direction and called my husband and begged him to come home, but it took him almost a day to do so.

Within hours of him coming home, I couldn't walk. That was really scary, and, as it turns out, completely temporary. But I had to spend a whole night on our basement floor because that's where I fell and I couldn't get up (and any attempt at help from my husband was as painful as any attempt by me to get up).

What if that had happened while I was alone with my kids? I guess being conscious would go a long way (Bring me the phone! No the phone! Stop throwing cheerios! THE PHONE!).

Still, very scary.

[Miss Purl McKnittington]

Heck, I worry about stuff like this and I'm only nineteen and don't see children in my immediate future. Of course, I'm diabetic, so Steel Magnolias totally freaked me out and made me think about not having kids at all, just to avoid a situation like that. Then I talked to my specialists, and they told me that the odds of that happening, as long as I kept my glycosolated hemoglobin in the safe range were ridiculously small. That doesn't mean I still don't worry about the weird crap that might happen to me while I'm pregnant and consequently harm the baby, though.

Right now, though, my (totally irrational) fears mostly center around having an insulin reaction and not being found for a couple days, as it's really not unusual for my roommate and I not to talk to each other for that long, what with our class schedules and all. If our bedroom doors are closed, then we don't bother each other. I really wouldn't be that scared if it wasn't for the ridiculously low blood sugar I had while studying for finals that I chalked up to being overtired. I almost took a nap but realized I couldn't feel my lips or tongue and that I totally walked into a wall.

I get the obsessive worrying thing from my mother, I know. I remember waking up as a child with her in my room, to make sure I hadn't stopped breathing or choked on my own vomit. It's completely natural for parents to worry about their children. I'd be concerned if I didn't have a little frissons of fear when I read about things like that.

[pepperlandgirl]

[quote=Fujerica]oh yes, I worry about that stuff ALL THE TIME. What really helps to think about it all the GOOD stories where it could have been bad but turned out really good.

For instance: I recall a Rescue 911 episode where a mom fell unconcious and her 2 (or maybe 3?) year old called 911... And the medics came and were able to save her. Even though I doubt my kids would think about doing that, it makes me very concious of the impotance of training them to handle some stuff.

[\QUOTE]

I have a pretty grim imagination too, but no kids. Wasn't going to respond, but this reminded me of something that made me laugh out loud..

When I was about 6 or 7, my dad said "What will you do if you ever find me laying on the floor, bleeding."
And I immediately responded, "I'd call 262-8915 (may or may not be accurate numter)" Why that number? Because it was the ambulence chasing law firm that advertised during the day time soaps with the slogan "if you're ever in an accident, and you need assistance, call Robert Devry and associates..."

Moral of the story? Make sure the kid knows the difference between the ambulence and the ambulence chasers...

[belladonna]

Hee, that is pretty funny pepper. I can just imagine the lawyers face when he gets some six year old kid calling him up asking for help.


And Lucretia--my god! That is horrific. I'm so glad the AF has instituted a policy so that, hopefully, they don't ever have something like that happen again. Those poor little girls. I guess that's why this bothers me so much--because I find it all too easy to put myself in the place of the players in these tragedies. Little children alone, confused, hungry, scared. A father returning to find a scene that NO ONE should ever have to even imagine, let alone live through. And it's not anybody's fault really--just those freak accidents and occurences that all add up to disaster. No one to blame, no one to punish, just heartbreak and regrets for all involved. I can all too easily see how it could happen and it scares the shit out of me.

Thanks to everyone for all the replies. I am much reassured to hear that I'm not being totally unreasonable. I plan to talk to my boss today about calling my family if I pull a no-call, no-show.

[Avalonian]

Originally Posted by CrankyAsAnOldMan

I didn't know how grimly imaginative my worrywart mind could be until I had a child.

I won't even go into the scenarios I think about.

Same here... I've always had a pretty good imagination, but it turns ugly when I worry about things that could happen to my kids. I've considered Pitting my brain a few times, after it gave me a particularly vivid flash of something nasty happening to them, so strong that it brought tears to my eyes immediately, or made me sick to my stomach, or both.

Sometimes I hate my imagination.

[Kalhoun]

Originally Posted by duckthunder

I have all those same concerns and it also drives me batty trying to decide when it is ok to let my child wait outside while i use the public restroom. this is especially troublesome, since I am a woman and my child is a boy. PLus I've been paranoid about going outside to mow the lawn. What if something happened and somebody found out he was in the house alone while i was inside? But what am i supposed to do, carry him around in a backpack all day?

I was weirded out by the public restroom scenario (which only ran in my head...over and over and over...). I'd stand outside having lengthy conversations with him while he peed. "Don't touch anything!" "Are you still there?" "Hurry up! You don't need to spend that much time washing your hands!" And I made him come in with me for a pretty long time. Maybe 8 or 9 years old. I had a real fear of Mr. Stranger-Danger.

[NurseCarmen]

I think if you don't have fears like these flitting through your head from time to time, you need to question your parenting skills.

[Dolores Reborn]

I don't tell this story very often, and I'm still not very religious, but here goes.

About 17 years ago, when my son was two, I was a single mom with a bigtime cocaine addiction. I was shooting up almost every day, even though I had broken up with my equally addicted boyfriend, in an attempt to quit the shit.

You lose all track of time while doing it, especially while alone, (my son was asleep) and I got pretty freakin' close to OD'ing I think. I had a "vision." Jesus showed me a picture of me laying on the floor dead, with my 2-year-old poking me and saying "Mama, wake up." I don't know if it was really Jesus, or just an hallucination, but it doesn't matter. I quit doing coke.

After that, I really didn't worry about dying and leaving him alone any more.

[myrnajean]

I have no children, but I worry about this kind of stuff anyway.
Its the whole, "what if I were to die" scenario.
My husband did die. He was ill with diabeties, and the Steel Magnolias movie just showed me something I had already seen, but it was still horrifying on film. Even more horrifying in person.
I called him every day, all day. It happened anyway.
I can't go into that now.
Anyway,
Now, I have made plans and arrangements. If something were to happen to me, at least my family would be in better shape than I was, when it happened to me. Once I could afford it, I bought life insurance and various policies, so if I were to die in a accident or by illness, at least they would be taken care of, at least financially.
I (sometimes) thank god I don't have any dependents. I think I would be a terrible worry wart.

[whiterabbit]

The idea of letting your employers know that if you don't turn up for work, there is a serious problem is a very good one. My dad died over a weekend eleven years ago and on that Monday when he didn't show up for work, a few of his coworkers went to his place to find out if he was okay. Obviously he wasn't, but I am thankful to those people anyway. My dad was VERY reliable about work and stuff, and I'm guessing that when he didn't answer the phone they got really worried.

[whiterabbit]

I mean, letting them know that if you don't let them know you're not coming, there's a problem. I hate hitting "submit" before I proofread.

[Queen Tonya]

When my son was a baby, we lived in a rental house with a gorgeous brick fireplace that we used maybe four times in two years. I was terrified of having a fire when we were home alone, being single that was nearly all the time. It wasn't the fear that the fire would somehow leap out of control and rush at us or something, just the regular what if I fall and hit my head and there's fire available to explore?
I once brained myself on an open cupboard door, opened the door to get a lid for something in the oven and stood back up right into the corner of the door and knocked myself out cold. He was just under two years old at the time and naturally spazzed out because Mommy was laying inert on the kitchen floor and bleeding profusely. Luckily, the phone happened to ring and he 'answered' it, my sister was greeted with a screaming child instead of 'hello' so she immediately drove over. I was awake by the time she arrived, he'd been comforted and everything was fine.....but the what if's from that little scenario cost me many nights sleep.