What NOT to do while watching "Passion"

[HubZilla]

Like me, have you been invited to watch it with a church group? If so, do NOT:

1) Belt out "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" during the crucifixion scene

2) Announce the sequel: "Inquisition: The Revenge of the Christians"

3) Ask "So is this happening at 3:00 or 6:00?"

Anything else not to do?

[UrbanChic]

Say the following:

"Man, Jesus was hot!"

"Don't you just hate it when they set a movie up for its own sequel? I mean, really, who just up and comes back to life beside Freddy and Jason?"

"Man, Mary was hot!"

[RealityChuck]

"The movie promised passion! Where are the sex scenes?"

[Annie-Xmas]

Where were Luis and Sheridan and Antonio and Beth and Julian and Alister and Theresa and.....Oh, Passion, not Passions.

[KXL]

"That's gotta hurt!"

[Zap_Rowsdower]

WHACK

"Thank you sir, may I have another"

WHACK

"Thank you sir, may I have another"

etc. etc.

[Darkhold]

Man why only three nails? What kind of a cheap production is this?

(point out any of the many historical inaccuraces)

Hey I think that Jesus guy was probably boffing that Mary(Magdelen) chick don't you think?

Hey this guy Jesus is obviously gay. Who else hangs out with tweleve guys drinking wine in the desert.

Give him tongue give him tongue! (during the betrayal kiss)

heh heh heh they said erection.

[Zap_Rowsdower]

Right before they start putting him on the cross yell out:

Uh oh Chongo!

[HubZilla]

Oy vey, that'll teach him!

[Revtim]

"That movie was so good they should make a book from it!"

[Treviathan]

It's only a flesh wound!

[Left Hand of Dorkness]

Wear a gimp suit.

Wear a Darth Vader costume.

Dress up like Jesus.

Giggle loudly.

Daniel

[merge]

Originally Posted by HubZilla

Oy vey, that'll teach him!

;j
lol.. that was good....

[Ponder Stibbons]

Originally Posted by Revtim

"That movie was so good they should make a book from it!"

Along the same lines...

"I heard that Salman Rushdie was writing the novelization ..."

[Sampiro]

-Thou shalt not start a drinking game with sacramental wine (1 shot for every lash, 2 shots for each nail, 3 shots for everytime a Latin character says 'Ego', and 4 shots for whenever an Aramaic speaker says a word that doesn't require phlegm.)

-Thou shalt not loudly sing "So you are the Christ/you're the great Jesus Christ/prove to me that you're no fool/walk across my swimming pool..." when Jesus goes before Totally Gay Herod™

-When Pilate offers the crowd their choice of Jesus or Barabbas, thou shalt not cry out "What's behind Curtain Number 3?" or scream "OJ! OJ! OJ!"

-Thou shalt not make use of the phrase "Now that's what I call a good old Roman asswhoopin!"

-Thou shalt not say the old punchline "I can see my house from here!" during the agony on the cross

-Thou shalt not say "Dude! You are so punk'd!" when Peter denies Jesus.

-Thou shalt not say aloud in the dark theater "Keep your hands to yourself, Father Joey!"

-Thou shalt not cry out "Jesus Christ is that guy hung!" when the cross is raised.

[Tangent]

Originally Posted by KXL

"That's gotta hurt!"

(stops swirling red dot from laser pointer around Jesus' nipples and points laser toward KXL)

[Ponder Stibbons]

When Big Gay Herod appears on screen for the first time, break out into "I'm Super! Thanks for asking ..."

[Ponder Stibbons]

Do not, repeat, do not, say at any point in the movie, "Now those Romans, they knew how to take care of terrorists!"

[RealityChuck]

"You know, if they set fire to that cross, it'd be really cool."

"All right! A snuff film!"

"Subtitles? No one told me this is a foreign film!"

"When is Mel going to show up and kick some ass?"

[Casey1505]

Chew your nails.

Wonder aloud, "How did this guy eat M&Ms?"

[rjung]

"Man, those special effects look so fake!"

[vibrotronica]

1) Belt out "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" during the crucifixion scene

"Crucifixion?"

"yes"

"Good."

[Dizzy Fingers]

Originally Posted by Sampiro

When Pilate offers the crowd their choice of Jesus or Barabbas, thou shalt not cry out "What's behind Curtain Number 3?" or scream "OJ! OJ! OJ!"

Or "Welease Wodewick!".

[Zap_Rowsdower]

As the final scene fades in Announcers Voice say:

Pontias Pilate received a telegram stating that Jesus was found alive, well, and of normal size some eight thousand miles away in a lifeboat.

[drm]

during the crucifixion scene:

"That doesn't look so bad."
"Why is it I feel like a shish kebab all of a sudden?"


I feel the need to apologise.

[drm]

The last post was for everybody. I was going to reply to a post but changed my mind. My mistake

[Miller]

When I saw it the theater, just as they were raising the cross, someone sitting behind me leaned forward and whispered in my ear, "Worship Satan!"

Fucker cracked me right up.

[tracer]

The Internet Infidels Discussion Board has a whole nicely-long thread devoted to things (not) to do while wathing The Passion of the Christ.

Here it is, for your enjoyment:
http://www.iidb.org/vbb/showthread.p...threadid=77465

[capacitor]

When Jesus is dragging the cross, don't sing The Lumberjack Song.

[Miller]

Incidentally, did anyone catch the HUGE continuity error in the beginning of the film? The one Jewish soldier gets his ear cut off when Peter tries to prevent them from arresting Christ, and you can see that there's just a bloody stub left. Then, a few moments later, you can see the guard's head, and his ear is perfectly fine! I was shocked at such a glaring error in a movie with this sort of budget. Wasn't anyone paying attention?!

[kung fu lola]

Mel's not big on continuity. Anyone remember the "running into battle" scene in Braveheart?

Now he's carrying a sword! Now an axe! Now nothing! Axe! Nothing! Sword! Nothing! Sword! Nothing! Axe!

[Nonsuch]

I'll bet it would be in really bad taste to yell, just as Jesus is breathing his last, "FREEE-DOOOOOMMMMMMMM!!"

[Gorsnak]

Originally Posted by capacitor

When Jesus is dragging the cross, don't sing The Lumberjack Song.

Hehehe....I never wanted to be a messiah. I always wanted to be....

[Qwertyasdfg]

Laugh. I actually did that when the children kicked Judas's ass.

Sing "Rain Drops Keep Fallin' On My Head" when they show the raindrop camera shot near the end.

[vivalostwages]

What not to do? Eat.

[Seven]

Cheer for the Romans

[Annie-Xmas]

Say "Hey Jesus! If English is good enough for the Texas school children, it's good enough for you."

Inspired by my thread on Carl Anderson's death, I so want to find a young black guy who is willing to wear a long fringed white jumpsuit and jump up and sing "Superstar" over the closing credits.

[SkeptiJess]

Read all the subtitles out loud, using different goofy accents. A thick Irish brogue, Danish like Meryl Streep used in "Out of Africa," Pepe LePeu-style French, etc. When you run out of accents, read some while impersonating famous people -- Ed Sullivan, John Wayne, Carol Channing. When all else fails, just use a silly voice -- real high, real low, whatever. If you can , sneak in a balloon and do a few lines with helium-voice. Practice your Pig Latin and read afew lines in that, maybe.

[the O-man]

Make out in the back row with your date during the Crucifixion scene (a la Jerry in Seinfeld when he saw Schindler's List.)

[Avalonian]

Don't bring your kids, and if you do bring then anyway, don't sit there with them as they're bawling their eyes out, clearly deeply traumatized, through the entire last half of the film.

Seriously.

[tracer]

Originally Posted by Nonsuch

I'll bet it would be in really bad taste to yell, just as Jesus is breathing his last, "FREEE-DOOOOOMMMMMMMM!!"

DAMN IT! You beat me to it.

[gum]

ask: "Is that an Armani loin-cloth?"

[Snooooopy]

Originally Posted by vibrotronica

"Crucifixion?"

"Naw ... freedom!"

[widdershins]

I've been telling everyone I know that I want to take a date and make out in the front row instead.

Start singing the Monkees' "What Am I Doing Hangin' 'Round?" during the crucifixion.

Singing Loudon Wainwright's "I am the Way (New York Town)" at any time.

Walk out when the brutality starts, yelling "I can't watch this! I gave up violent movies for Lent!"

Make telephone ringing noises just after Jesus dies, and say "I'm sorry governor. You're too late with that pardon."

Say:

"I thought this was a movie about police brutality and a Puerto Rican guy named Jesus (HAY-sus). I want a refund!"

"Goddamn, there goes his golf swing!" during the nailing to the cross. (With apologies to Richard Hooker's novel M*A*S*H.)

[Cisco]

You know how people dress up like Elves or Stormtroopers when going to see the other big movies?

I was thinking of dressing up like a Roman Soldier for this one.

[matt_mcl]

"[Diet pills] made me more crazy. I knew I was crazy because I was watching Jesus Christ Superstar and during the scene where Jesus is carrying the cross up the mountain, I actually said to myself, 'Wow! That must be a really good workout. Yeah, because you're doing arms and cardio!'"
- Margaret Cho

[Johnny Q]

Originally Posted by Dizzy Fingers

Or "Welease Wodewick!".

What about Thimeon the Thaddutheean Thailor?

[widdershins]

Bring a Tickle Me Elmo doll and set it off during the violence. That "Hee hee hee! That tickles!" seems so wrong it has to be right.

Start singing the sunday school favorite "My God's Bigger Than Your God".

Start singing internet and Cool Hand Luke favorite "Plastic Jesus".

Go to the bathroom or concession stand, come back and ask strangers beside you, "So did I miss any good stuff?"

Dress as Satan.

[iampunha]

Originally Posted by Zap_Rowsdower

Right before they start putting him on the cross yell out:

Uh oh Chongo!

Bolding mine. Can a brother get a spoiler box? Some of us haven't read the book yet!

[BabaBooey]

Jesus to Judas: "You ready to be fucked man? I see you rolled your way into the semis. Dios mio, man. Paul and me, we're gonna fuck you up."