Hey Cecil,
I think you forgot the most obvious cure for the burning tongue phenomenon. Try using the sour cream that usually comes on the side with hot wings, nachos, etc.
In reference to this column,
Sour cream probably shares the essential dilutant properties of milk, which Cecil mentioned in his reply. Curiously, of the ethnic cuisines mentioned in the original question, one (Chinese) rarely uses milk or milk-based products in its dishes.
Why not make sure you cover all the bases? Salt, lime AND tequila seem like the obvious choice to me.
That’s what I’m talkin’ about. 
In addition, many folks (myself included) have found that acidic foodstuffs help, and sour cream also helps on that count. In my experience, nothing works better than sour cream or yoghurt (like that yoghurt-based sauce that you sometimes get on the side with Indian food… Delicious, too!).
so, more fat would dilute, acid would saponify, but we didnt explore the removal way :
i’d suggest liquid soap.
btw, there is a physiological accustomation process involved in spicy hot stuff toleration, so you may try red hot chilly pepper, too.
Years ago I had the pleasure of sharing a flat with a PhD scientist, whose colleague was doing high-powered research on this subject.
She found that the molecules in chilli which are responsible for the taste actually cause permanent damage to the cells on the tongue. That partly explains why you can get accustomed to hotter and hotter food.
She also found that certain molecules in milk interact with and neutralise the “end-groups” on the molecules in the chilli. In layman’s talk, there are things in the milk that blunt the sharp end of the chilli.
Sour cream, being thicker than milk, probably contains a high concentration of these good bits.
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To take away the burning sensation of “Hot Food”, in India, Nepal and SE Asia you are served Yogurt with your meal to cleanse the mouth. I know not why it works but I know it works from experince. I expect Sour Cream or Buttermilk would serve the purpose. If you can’t stand the heat stay out of the kitchen
Chewing a mouthful of white rice also helps; same principle as bread, soaks the oils up, and you can get a lot of it in Asian restaurants where they typically don’t serve tortillas or rolls. My experience is that you can indeed develop a taste for the hot stuff. Whether it’s through a process of gradual damage to the taste buds or what I can’t say. But one of my favorite hot food experiences was shoveling exquisitely spicy Thai squid in basil sauce into my mouth with tears running down my cheeks; I didn’t care 'cause the endorphins were really running. So my advice would be to get past the pain, which would mean eating as much as you can of the hottest stuff you can stand. Not exactly homeopathy but as close as I’m likely to get to it . . .
Try hot water, the hotter the better. It may feel like hell first but you will feel better after that.
At first I don’t have any idea why, but - thanks to Cecil - now I know why. Hot foods are oil based, said Cecil, and if you hadn’t notice, hot water works well with oil. If you try to wash an oily bowl or platter after dinner with hot water (boiling water at 212F worked best, but be careful) you’ll see that it will wash away almost all the oily remain of your dinner. The same with your tongue and throat:)
Although I am still researching this, I have found that a radish will completely neutralize any burning that is the result of spicy food almost instantly.
Ordinary cold water has always worked fine for me for relieving the taste of spicy foods. Everyone tells me it shouldn’t because oil and water don’t mix, yet I swear it makes the spicy taste go away. Am I crazy? Is it all in my head? Or does my tongue have some kind of oil-neutralizing power?
Works even better with a squirt of Fairy Liquid … lemon scented recommended. 
Just in case anyone is puzzling over that, “Fairy Liquid” is a dish detergent, called “Dawn” in the US.
Thanks. I must admit I was a bit curious…
Ingredients:
1 Elf, 2 Imps or 4 small Leprechauns
1 Blender
…
Sorry folks, had my “insular” head on for a bit there!
One of my coworkers has an infatuation with all things spicey and got a hot sauce with some 2 million scoville units. I was in pain after trying that, but my indian coworker suggested sugar and it worked like a charm. Just a spoonful of sugar…
Altoids!!!
I have found that no matter what you do, there is some heat that lasts about 10 minutes in your mouth after that hot stuff explodes in your mouth. It is best to lean back and enjoy the ride!! But if you are really suffering, you can stop the heat immediately by taking away the air that is required for the chemical reaction. The best way is to take a drink of liquid and DO NOT SWALLOW!! Just hold it in your mouth until you have recovered your dignity. When you swallow, the heat will start again, so be prepared. For me, cold water works best. Beer and marquaritas are less effective. It may be that this is why so many people report that foods which coat the oral mucosa with a layer of grease or fat are helpful for them.