Do zombies poop?

[TheAndyChrist]

I mean - all those precious tasty brains have to go somewhere right?

[Master Wang-Ka]

In a manner of speaking.

"Day Of The Dead" establishes that zombies' digestive systems are pretty much nonfunctional, just like most of the major organs. Therefore, they do not digest their food. Therefore, eventually, assuming they get plenty to eat, they will eventually burst... a process hastened, no doubt, by their own decay.

And even that prolly won't stop 'em...

[Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor]

Do zombies poop?

\

Does the Pope scream for brains in the woods?

[Ranchoth]

It should be noted that the while Romero zombies, who are human-eaters, don't eat for nourishment; the Return of the Living Dead series zombies, who only eat brains, do seem to gain something from brain eating. The zombies themselves (!) say that it helps "ease the pain of being dead," but research has shown that they're actually draining "electrons" from the brain tissue for energy.

This not only leads to the facinating possibility that brain-eating zombies might be capable of starving to death, but also that some portion of their digestive system might still be functioning, and might be expelling their digested "food."

Of course, brain-eating zombies are known to be much more rotten than Romero zombies...to the point of being little more than walking skeletons. It's possible that all their tissues have become able to extract energy from brains, and that their digestive systems remain dormant and unnecessary. Going through the motions of "eating" brains might just be an ingrained habit from life.

[SCSimmons]

Mmmm ... Brains ...

(Well, somebody had to be the first, right?)

[kunilou]

You know what they say. You never buy brains, you just rent them.

[SpectBrain]

Well I guess since some people can be said to have shit for brains, some zombies could be said to have brains for shit.

[NoClueBoy]

They poop their brains out, I'll tell you whut.

[Mr. Blue Sky]

"Pee-yoooo, what died in here?"

"Oh, it's you, Joe."

[Shirley Ujest]

Would brains be considered Atkins?

[Shirley Ujest]

While we are on the subject, do Mummies poop?

[Antigen]

Originally Posted by Shirley Ujest

While we are on the subject, do Mummies poop?

Well they'd have plenty to wipe with, anyway!

[Shirley Ujest]

Good point, but I don't think mummies do actually poop.

After all, they are walking around stiff arm/leg going " Mmmmmaaah....Raaaaaah"

Constipation most definately.

[elfkin477]

Originally Posted by Ranchoth

Going through the motions of "eating" brains might just be an ingrained habit from life.

If they had a habit of eating people's brains when they were alive, wouldn't they have died from Creutzfeldt- Jacob?

[Ponder Stibbons]

Hey, what about Vampires? Considering their source of nourishment, do they always have the runs?

[Ale]

Originally Posted by Ponder Stibbons

do they always have the runs?

... yes, like a bat out of Hell.

[js_africanus]

Originally Posted by Master Wang-Ka

"Day Of The Dead" establishes that zombies' digestive systems are pretty much nonfunctional, just like most of the major organs. Therefore, they do not digest their food. Therefore, eventually, assuming they get plenty to eat, they will eventually burst... a process hastened, no doubt, by their own decay.

And even that prolly won't stop 'em...

Hmmmm...How long does it take a body to pop? I recall reading about an English king who burst at his funeral and ruined everybodies' day. Would that tear the major muscle groups in the abs/lower back? Or would it vent out a small hole and just scoot the zombie along like a mime in the wind?

Tell you what: Lear how to aspirate a body and you'll be the lone survivor—far too valuable to eat.

[Master Wang-Ka]

........"absorbing electrons?"

I wouldn't mind knowing where THAT came from.

O'Bannon Zombies do not require food to function, but they do crave brains. Weirder still, they can get up and function as zombies even without them, it seems (judging from the experience of at least one cop and Trash, the nude punk rocker in the first "Return Of The Living Dead" film). Even weirder, they seem to maintain a modicum of intelligence, even after suffering massive brain damage and/or decerebration! O'Bannon Zombies cannot be stopped, short of complete destruction of the carcass or complete flensing of all connective tissue from the skeleton. Cremation is about the only way to do it, for sure.
Excretory Habits: Unknown. Based on the comprehensive medical exam given two of them in the first film, their internal organs don't work; it can be assumed they breathe largely out of habit, as opposed to any need for oxygen. We can, therefore, assume their digestive systems don't work; how brains "stop the pain of being dead" is a mystery. It may even be psychosomatic, although it also seems to be instinctive in O'Bannon Zombies. Then again, moths fly into flames instinctively, despite the fact that this isn't any good for them; perhaps O'Bannon Zombies are simply deluded, and the consumption of brains falls into the category of "comfort food."

Romero Zombies also do not require food to function, but crave warm flesh. They seem to realize instinctively that they can get it from live creatures, including humans. They have nearly no intelligence left, operating on "pure motorized instinct," and can be laid to rest by a severe brain injury or decerebration. Injury to any other part of the body has little, if any effect.
Excretory Habits: Unknown. They do ingest tissue, but, again, their internal organs simply don't work, and it is known they can't digest what they eat; they do so simply out of "motorized instinct." Furthermore, they tend to rot, even as they lurch around (although the zombification process would seem to slow this process down, somewhat), and we can assume their meals would do likewise, inside them, with a resulting buildup of noxious gases; therefore, even if zombies do not poop, it's a pretty safe bet they belch and fart like fiends.

Juju Zombies, the result of Haitian witch doctor experimentation, are either animated corpses or badly screwed up people in a trance. As animated corpses, they can only be laid to rest by filling their mouths with salt; as people in a trance, they can be laid out by any method that would do in you or I.
Excretory Habits: variable. If they're dead, they don't ingest food, and therefore do not poop. If they aren't dead, they do ingest food, and therefore presumably poop along the same schedule you or I would.

Mummies are the dessicated remains of Egyptian royalty, reanimated either by tremendous willpower on the part of the deceased (Im-Ho-Tep), or by the use of arcane and ancient Egyptian magics involving tana leaves (Prince Kharis). They do not eat or drink (except for amounts of tana leaf brew that can be measured in tablespoons), and are effectively indestructible except to fire.... although, considering their dehydrated state, I've often wondered what would happen if you threw one into a swimming pool...
Excretory Habits: Likely nil. As previously mentioned, the only thing any mummy has ever been seen to consume was a few spoons of tana leaf brew, which was likely quickly absorbed into his sawdust-dry dessicated innards. Considering that the tana leaf brew is only readministered semiannually -- monthly at most -- to reactivate the mummy, it's a safe bet that the sun will burn out before Prince Kharis feels any great urge to take a dump.

Vampires drink blood, although the amount necessary to sustain the vampire varies from story to story. Precisely how their bodies metabolize the blood is also a matter of some question, although a vampire who fed more than once every week or so is going to have some problem dealing with the fluid intake. He'll likely bloat, or develop edema, unless his digestive organs DO work in some manner, in which case, he'll likely do what mosquitoes do -- strain out the nutritious blood cells from most of the fluid, and then slurry off the fluid, in the vampire's case via the bladder, since it's there already and is fully equipped to deal with waste fluids.
Excretory Habits: Since the colon's main function is to reabsorb water from fecal matter, and the vampire requires most (if not all) of the solid matter in blood to remain functional, it seems likely that vampires poop very infrequently, if at all. It is far more likely that they tend to pee occasionally, if their blood intake is sufficient to warrant it; this supposition would tend to be backed up by Stephen King's The Night Flier and the film made from that story.

Godzilla is a humungous freakin' mutated lizard. He regularly ingests nuclear power plants, and occasional military vehicles and people.
Excretory Habits. Godzilla does not poop; presumably he obtains most of his energy via radioactivity, and simply assimilates all other material he consumes, without waste products. Believe you me, if a 400' lizard took a dump anywhere in Japan, those Japanese would have noticed it by now, and it's likely we'd have heard them screaming all the way over here.

At least, I would, if it were MY yard.

[AskNott]

I dunno. I think Godzilla poop would be quickly carted away for sale to Canadian herbalist farmers on Ebay. Tomacco, Hell! Behold Cannibinato!

[Master Wang-Ka]

Originally Posted by AskNott

I dunno. I think Godzilla poop would be quickly carted away for sale to Canadian herbalist farmers on Ebay. Tomacco, Hell! Behold Cannibinato!

I doubt the Canadians would be all that wild about buying lizard poop that required cadmium damper rods before it was safe to go near it...

[Master Wang-Ka]

(blinks twice)

Canadians.

Growing legalized dope.

On a huge pile of radioactive lizard poop.

Ghod, this is starting to sound like some kind of horrible Troma movie, starring Jack Black and Julie Strain...

[Ranchoth]

I've just consulted the Zombie Survival Guide, which claims that zombie digestive systems ARE dormant, and that consumed human flesh remains undigested. However, it notes that if a sheer volume of consumed human doesn't cause the zombie to outright rupture, the meat will eventually be "forced [out] through the anus," while not actually becoming feces per se. (Kind of like Zombie Olestra, I guess.)

It also claims that one captured (and dissected) zombie specimen had over 211 pounds of human meat inside his body cavity. He was a hungry boy, apparently.

[Ponder Stibbons]

Damn! What with all the research going on in this thread, we gotta be careful or someone will move it to GQ!

[Master Wang-Ka]

Well, y'know, fightin' ignorance and all that.

And I find it hard to believe that a zombie could actually poop via the sheer volume of flesh consumed, considering the fact that in order for this to work, (a) the system would require lubrication, i.e., water consumption, and (b) the fact that the meat would have a tough time working its way through several dozen yards of rotting intestine if it weren't pretty well masticated.

I personally prefer the "exploding zombie" theory...

[Tir Tinuviel]

Originally Posted by js_africanus

Hmmmm...How long does it take a body to pop? I recall reading about an English king who burst at his funeral and ruined everybodies' day. Would that tear the major muscle groups in the abs/lower back? Or would it vent out a small hole and just scoot the zombie along like a mime in the wind?

Tell you what: Lear how to aspirate a body and you'll be the lone survivor—far too valuable to eat.

Well, it's all a bit moot with Zombies really, but it really depends on the body and it's environment. The prescence of more bacteria and parasites would speed the process as would a warmer climate. The body generally swells up first as the bacteria inside produce more gasses (the smell of decomposition is actually bacteria farts ), then a leak will develop and the gas will escape slowly (usually through the rectum) allowing the body to collapse in on itself. Although it is possible for the skin to rupture and release pressure more quickly, given the motion and clumsiness of your average Zombie, I imagine they'd have a constant leak (snicker) but a rupture would probably be fairly common too.

As far as I'm aware there's never been a test where they pumped extra food into a rotting corpse or kept the limbs moving to see what happens. Lottery grant anyone? heh.

Having aspirated a few bodies in my time, I think I'd rather be eaten by the Zombies than be retained as some sort of undead organ irrigator. Besides, releasing the gasses isnt going to stop the decomposition.

[Broomstick]

Huh.

Couldn't the zombie excrete its own rotting intestines first, then expel the brains/whatever it's been eating?

Of course, that would lead to the question of how the matter is expelled with no intestinal muscles to help it along. I suppose it would either be a build up of internal pressure or maybe that just give each other big ol' hugs, like squeezing out toothpaste, only ickier.

[Ponder Stibbons]

Let's take for a given, for the moment, that a zombie could poop. After all, the arms and legs are working to a limited extent, why not internal organs? However, given that the organs would be operating haphazardly (i.e., zombie fashion), the end results would likely be poorly digested, if at all. Would other zombies then react to the brain-poop and, well, re-eat it? Ewwwww ...

[Beauty Personified]

Originally Posted by Ponder Stibbons

Let's take for a given, for the moment, that a zombie could poop. After all, the arms and legs are working to a limited extent, why not internal organs? However, given that the organs would be operating haphazardly (i.e., zombie fashion), the end results would likely be poorly digested, if at all. Would other zombies then react to the brain-poop and, well, re-eat it? Ewwwww ...

I don't remember which movie it happened in, but there was one zombie who, upon being eviscerated, began to re-consume its innards. Not quite poop, but not quite food...

[Master Wang-Ka]

I don't remember which movie it happened in, but there was one zombie who, upon being eviscerated, began to re-consume its innards. Not quite poop, but not quite food...

Man, you musta seen more zombie movies than I have.

It was my understanding that zombies weren't much interested in any meat that was anywhere near room temperature. Therefore, they don't attack each other, and they would be unlikely to autocannibalize.

Excretion, I would think, would kind of hinge on an actual muscle reaction of some sort, to move the poop along. Therefore, excreting one's own rotting intestines would seem unlikely, at least until the rectum ring is decayed enough that it's no longer watertight, at which point the zombie would seem to be decayed enough that it would have other problems.

However, using the Romero films as canon, it also seems that the reactivation process also slows decay; zombies seem to be able to perambulate and hunt many months after death, despite obvious decay problems. Therefore, it's safe to say that perhaps the zombie's own body would not generate the gases of decay. I was thinking more of the zombie's meals... and a considerably shorter route of exit from the body, for gases, anyway, is the gullet, although certainly the intestines will be inflating and expelling some gas as well. Theoretically, a well-fed zombie, as previously mentioned, should likely be burping and farting like mad... an idea which frankly kind of amuses and boggles the mind when I think of a mob of zombies trying to sneak up on the living after dark... "Ssshhh! Dammit, Guido! Shut the hell up! They're gonna get away THIS time, too, if you don't keep a lid on it!"

Of course, this could also presuppose that zombie digestion is dependent on this gas in some way, if only to keep it moving along the intestinal tract. Geez. Maybe zombies DO poop...

[Beauty Personified]

Originally Posted by TOTBP

I don't remember which movie it happened in, but there was one zombie who, upon being eviscerated, began to re-consume its innards. Not quite poop, but not quite food...

Originally Posted by Master Wang-Ka

Man, you musta seen more zombie movies than I have.

Actually, I've never seen the film I mentioned. I just enjoy reading film reviews online. (And I've really not seen many zombie movies myself; at least not compared to all the zombie-zombies out there.) From what I remember of the review, the zombie in question was more interested in returning its organs to their proper place inside its body, rather than just eating them. I believe it may have been one of the last scenes in the film, as well.

On the subject of mummies, are their intestines one of the internal organs removed from them during the mummification process? I believe this would impact (no pun intended ) their ability to poop.

Back to zombies proper, somebody's most likely already done a zombie flick using this premise, but... I had the demented idea to do a film where the undead, instead of being so horny for brains, would be horny for, well, sex. Instead of grabbing and biting victims, they'd grab and hump them. Of course, maybe they'd bite them to death in the throes of passion.

But, only the dead who died as virgins would be reanimated. But that wouldn't mean non-virgins would be safe from the advances of the zombies. They'll screw the brains out of anyone. Perhaps they'd be more likely to go straight for the virgins in a crowd, though. Nonetheless, a lot of horny guys and gals would have a relatively good reason to try and get it on before the zombies find them.

That would be a great movie, methinks!

[Morgyn]

I don't even like zombie movies, and I still had to open this thread. Why? Because every time I see the title I keep thinking it's asking if zombies pop, and I get this image of a zombie head exploding like a well popped pimple.

Then I scan down the thread and discover that people are suggesting that zombies really would pop, eventually.

I have to go scrub my brain now.

[Johnny L.A.]

Perhaps they'd be more likely to go straight for the virgins in a crowd, though.

That reminded me of this:

VYVYAN: I don't see what all the fuss is about! Vampires only attack... virgins!

[They all look worried]

MIKE: Uh, yeah, uh, I'm not worried for myself, Vyv. It's Rick and Neil I'm concerned for!

RICK: What, me? Rick? A virgin? Ha, ha, ha!!! Just try telling that to some of the foxy chicks who owe me favours!

NEIL: Well if Rick's not a virgin, then I'm not either!

VYVYAN: We'll soon be able to find out, won't we! 'Cause the vampire's gonna know! And if anybody gets attacked, then we'll know, that they're a sissy virgin! (God! I hope snogging with SPG counts!)

[snip]

VAMPIRE: OK! Who's first? My God, what a choice!

[Marsie]

I like the brain-eating zombies better than the other kind. If they were jelly beans I'd go for them first.

[fnord1966]

Would now be a bad time to bring up munging?
What if there was a group of people who liked that sort of thing, and did it to the zombies as charity work?
Maybe the zombies hold some victims captive in order to force them to mung

[Eve]

Originally Posted by Master Wang-Ka

the fact that the meat would have a tough time working its way through several dozen yards of rotting intestine if it weren't pretty well masticated.

Zombie Mom: "It's brains, dear--and chew twenty times before you swallow!"

Zombie Tot: "I say it's spinach and I say the hell with it!"

[manx]

Originally Posted by fnord1966

Would now be a bad time to bring up munging?

If there was ever a good time to bring up munging, this would be it. However there is NEVER a good time to bring up munging.

Eww...

[welby]

Originally Posted by SCSimmons

Mmmm ... Brains ...

(Well, somebody had to be the first, right?)

I was thinking more along the lines of:

UNNNGH! UNNNNNGGGNNNGGGGGGGGH! Brains. (flush)

[Chastain86]

Master Wang-Ka, your summary of the undead's eating-and-excretory habits is probably the finest thing I've read in awhile. And to think I was giving you advice in the DotD thread. I'm so humbled.

Good work. (golf clap)

[Ponder Stibbons]

Originally Posted by manx

If there was ever a good time to bring up munging, this would be it. However there is NEVER a good time to bring up munging.

Eww...

The only "mung" I know of is either the bean or the acronym ("Mash Until No Good"). I must be getting old, not keeping up with you youngsters' colloquialisms ...

[Master Wang-Ka]

Chastain86, it ain't the writin'. It's the research. And it's all a collaborative project.

I really don't think I have it in me to do an independent solo research project about zombie poop.

As to munging: I have no clue what this person is talking about... but based on context, I prolly don't WANT to, now, do I?

TOTBP: Yes, prior to mummification, a mummy had his internal organs removed; it was part of the embalming process. They couldn't force natron or spices into internal organs, so it was easier just to take 'em out and put them in little jars, which would then be placed in the tomb with the mummy, on the off chance he'd need his guts with him in the afterlife.

This has led me to wonder, on the off chance that the ancient Egyptian version of the afterlife was on the money... how did all those kings and queens feel about waking up in the afterlife with their kidneys several feet away in separate jars? I think I'd find this a little disturbing, whether dead or undead, you know?

Then again, you really only need ONE thing to poop, and I'm pretty sure the embalmers left that item right where it was...