We were talking about Dialectical thinking (w/ regaurds to Euthinasia), and he said, and I quote: “Handicapped people are not like real people”, when he was referring to the fact that handycapped people are different than non handicapped people. The poor teacher, he went beat red 
Recently, my physics professor spoke about the questions he’d made up for an upcoming exam.
“The problems are really very simple.”
Pause. Snicker.
“For me.”
One of my favourite teacherfunnies was in grade 9 science class. The first day the teacher was chuckling that there so many ‘Michaels’ on his class list. He went on to tell us that one year he had 6 ‘Jennifers’ and another year he ad 5 ‘Peters’. Being 13/14 years old, we thought it was hilarious. 5 Peters is a lotta Peters. 
World History, ninth grade.
"A servant runs into the King’s court with great alarm and proclaims, ‘Sire! Sire! The peasants are revolting!’
“The King considers this news, and responds: ‘I know. I’ve seen them.’”
Repeat once a week for one semester.
In a German Culture and Civilization class (which, for some reason, was all about WW II), regarding Allied firebombings: “One night 100,000 Hamburgers were fried.” Pause…pause…groan.
Freshman year, High School…
Basic freshman history course. Teacher is merrily talking away about great moments in history:
“And the greatest invention was the invention of the hoe!”
A pause as everyone realizes what it sounds like the teacher just said.,
Cue laughter and one embarrased teacher.
(I was in a classroom a few rooms down, and was wondering WTF all that laughter was about: found out later what happened.)
<< I’m not too weird – you’re too normal. >>
:rolleyes:
I had 3 college courses where the teacher said exactly what was on the exam and what the answers were before the day of the exam.
One guy got upset when some people failed the exam.
Another teacher I had, was lazier than I. She gave out multiple choice test with extremely easier answers.
Like what is 2 + 2?
Similar to CheeseMonster
College organic chem professor as he’s handing out mid-term to a bunch of uptight Sophs (us).
“This test is pretty tame. I took it this morning, and I got a 70”
Lots of nervous chuckles, and one obviously overstressed young lady turns to me and says:
“70? He got a 70% and he’s the prof?? How are we supposed to pass that???”
8th grade, Catholic school.
After lunch, we usually went out to the playground. There was a basketball court, and we were allowed to play soccer, basketball, kick ball, etc-with some of the school balls.
Before we went back inside, we had to say the Pledge of Allegiance. (I don’t know why, we just did).
Well, some of the guys would dribble the balls while saying the pledge. Our principal, a nun, said one day over the loudspeaker, “And you’re not supposed to be playing with your balls during the pledge!!!”
Mass hysteria. Some of our teachers were having a hard time holding it together.
If only I had been there. I would’ve responded,
“You think that’s bad? Since he’s the prof that means he’s the one that graded his own test. [sotto voce]And I bet you he cheated!!! [/sotto voce]”
11th grade Chemistry
Our instructor was a walking Superfund Site.
“Now class, this bubbling tray is filled with water so we can collect the gas given off by our experement. The gas runs through the tube on the bottom…” (tilts tray, dumps a litre of water down his smock…)
And he wondered why we all hid in the back of the room when he discussed radioactivity…
Well, Guin why not mass in R.C. school?
Physics professor is talking about tools. He then polls the class, “How many of you know about screwing?”
Joining in on mass hysterical laughter is impossible to resist, sadly.
I’ll never forget when my history teacher was talking about naval tactics in the Battle of Salamis… and said “The Greeks won the battle of Salamis by comig through the rear…”
Grade 9-11 Biology (gr 11 class, some people took it in gr 9 or 10 - I was in gr 9):
Teaching about taxonomy, the teacher prepares to give the common mnemonic and sort of slipped and used the ones the students “reinvent” every year:
King Philip Came Over for Great Sex
Pretty funny to hear from a teacher!
Grade 10 math, my teacher made a point of asking a student to repeat the extended mnemonic for soh cah toa that a friend came up with:
Sailors often have certain anal happiness to oppress anger.
WHY this teacher wanted to learn it, when soh cah toa is enough for anyone, I don’t know!
The experience of a fellow teacher:
She had set the work for the day and was helping individual pupils - a particular pupil had been trying to attract her attention for some time and had resorted to hitting his ruler on the desk while calling out her name. She turned and said: “XXX - there is no point in banging so hard, you are not going to make me come any faster!!”
I had a roommate who was taking a transmission test (auto mechanics classes) and there was a question that counted as the bulk of your grade:
What is a prindle lever?
Park
Reverse
Nuetral
Drive
Low
(most of the class failed)
Unclviny
My college organic chemistry Prof referred to bulky organic side groups as shrubbery. This was usually used to illustrate steric hindrance of reactions. Anyway, after the first few times he said this, from random points around a rather large lecture hall you would hear someone saying “Ni!”. This lasted the entire semester. Either the Prof ignored it, couldn’t hear it, or was to wrapped up in his presentation to notice.
And no, we never had to do any experiments involving a herring!
This was in 9th grade history, so you know it was infantile…
The teacher was pretty out of it, to say the least. You could understand what he was saying but it would come out jumbled up…like Yoda on crack. Also, class wouldn’t start until halfway through the period and few of the kids paid attention after that, least of all the stoners in the back of the class.
So the teacher is up front talking about an upcoming test and how important it was going to be. At one point, the fog must have cleared because he suddenly became aware that nobody was paying attention to him.
It obviously pissed him off because he wheeled on a girl sitting in the second row talking to one of her friends.
“You better pay attention,” his brow furrowed in furious determination, “otherwise, you’re going to get a test - ‘E’ in my gradebook.”
For the first time that year, EVERYBODY was paying attention, nobody actually believing what they just heard.
One of the stoners in the back blurted out, “Testis in the gradebook? That’s not cool, man.”
If you had five Peters, your underwear would fit like a glove. 