I never had Sea Monkeys[TM] when I was a kid. I always wanted to try them, sometimes desperately, even though I understood from a young age that they were basically a heavily-marketed brine shrimp rip-off. Childhood passed, as did adolescence and young adulthood – all Sea Monkey-free. However, a nagging suspicion that I was nonetheless missing something in my life, a mysterious elusive something, persisted…
A couple of years ago, purely as a lark, I impulsively sprang for a “Sea Monkeys Ocean of Fun” kit that was on sale at a certain “educational toy” store for the bargain-basement price of 75 cents. Then I relegated it to the top of my fridge where it joined my growing Top O’ the Fridge Collection of Retro Kitsch Cheapo Collectibles (comprising several miniature gumball dispensers, an Incredible Hulk 3-ring binder that I used in the first grade, a Marvin Martian plastic figurine, a bendable Pink Panther figurine, a semi-working miniature Pac Man arcade-style game, and more! 
I had always intended to hatch my Sea Monkeys, but was waiting for the proverbial rainy day to do it. That day has arrived. My life really couldn’t be any more ignominious than it is at present, and hay fever, persistent sinus problems, and, now, the hatching of Brood X cicadas promise to make my misery complete. May the playful and morally uninhibited antics of Sea Monkeys loft my spirits! …much as a particle of algae-and-crud on the bottom of a fishtank – or Sea Monkey tank, in this case – may be buoyed to the surface by a tiny bubble of oxygen that eerily clings to it via some mechanism of surface tension, or somesuch.
Besides which, according to one of those Sea Monkey fan-sites, May 16 is International Sea Monkey Day! Hubba hubba!
So here is the first posting of The Scrivener’s Sea Monkey Diary(R):
Day One (May 13, 10 P.M.), getting started. [sigh] Time to rip open the packaging and tender a gimcrack collectible into a living toy… What is in this “Ocean of Fun” kit, anyway? A 12-oz.-capacity neon yellow-green plastic one-piece tank/base, a Water Purifier pack, a pack of Sea Monkey eggs, a packet of food, a tiny ladling spoon, a pack of enticingly-dubbed “Sea Diamonds” that the Sea Monkeys will be “playing” with when fully grown, and, most grandiloquently, a “Life Insurance Policy/Growth Guarantee” – meaning that my as-yet unhatched Sea Monkeys[TM] are already better-insured than I am.
Following the enclosed instructions, I added 12 oz. distilled water to the tank, added the contents of the Water Purifier (plus micronutrients*) pack, stirred with the spoon, and set the tank aside to sit for 24-30 hours.
My excitement is stoked at a high level due to spending over two hours poring over the Sea Monkey-related websites. Was the seeking of this heretofore mysterious knowledge unwise? Had I already undermined the delights to come of Sea Monkey stewardship by following the Sea Monkey links in this thread and downloading short videos of Sea Monkeys in swimming, eating, and making more little Sea Monkeys?
It is a trenchant question. I decided that, given all the testimonials of others who have managed to kill off their Sea Monkeys, that I probably need all the good advice I can get. I now know – Sea Monkey care and life-cycle SPOILER ALERT:[SPOILER]that the laissez-faire approach to Sea Monkey husbandry (implied in certain comic-book advertisements still clearly remembered from childhood) may not represent a sufficient degree of involvement – i.e., it’s not just a question of uncapping the tank, feeding them, re-capping said tank, and ignoring for another four or five days. For one thing, the Sea Monkeys need bright light, but too much exposure to the sun will overheat the tank and leave them languishing for oxygen. Specifically, the water should be kept around 72 degrees, to be exact, and frequent (daily) aeration is a virtual necessity if one wants to see a sizable population of Sea Monkeys reach maturity. Also, some careful cleaning of the detritus from the bottom/sides of the tank may be necessary, although ideally you would want to retain as much of the bottom scum as possible, because that’s where the unhatched eggs lay, and I hope to keep this tank going beyond the first generation, as others have reported doing with some success.
If I do everything right, I should witness the emergence of a second generation even as the first is dying off in about six weeks or so. OTOH, I might see a successful hatching of Gen I, only for the whole batch to die en masse after only two or three days, as has happened to so many other Sea Monkey enthusiasts. I hope to avoid the oft-reported errors of my Sea Monkey-raising predecessors.[/SPOILER]
The next diary entry is slated for Saturday morning, when I’ll add the contents of “Instant Life” pack to the tank, after which some Sea Monkeys[TM] are supposed to hatch on the spot. In fact, that’s supposed to be their size upon hatching: little tiny specks, the size of a typed period. Small type… 8-point font, perhaps as large as 10-point.
I can’t wait!
