Lesson No. 1: Don't Jump To Conclusions

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Phone Rings

Me: Hello?

Voice: You broke my computer!

Me: Erm… what? Sorry?

Voice: You broke my computer!

Me: Sorry… who is this??

Voice: its X from X division - i used one of your web applications last thing last night and now my computer won’t work! You broke it!

Me: Mate, none of our applications can break your computer.

Voice: Fucking did.

Me: Fucking didn’t.

Voice: Well the power light flashes on the computer but no matter how many times i reset it the screen stays blank.

Me: Look boss, it was nothing to do with us, i suggest you ring the IT Helpdesk and…

…wait a sec. Is your monitor on??

Voice: Oh
Idiot :smiley:

2

So, you’re saying if I turned my monitor on, I could see what I’m posting and read responses? Hmmmmmmmmmmmm… learn something new everyday. :smiley:

3

I feel your pain.

Scene 1: A desk, somewhere in cubeland. A phone rings.

Brainiac4: This is Brainiac4.

User: <application> is broken!

Brainiac4: How so?

User: I can’t log in to it, it’s broken!

Brainiac4: Can you log in to anything else?

User: Yes, but not into <application>, it’s broken! The sky is falling, the sky is falling! Alert the media!

Brainiac4: Okay, I’ll head over and take a look.

*End Scene 1. *

*Scene 2: a different desk. **User **sits at the desk, while **Brainiac4 **stands beside it. *

Brainiac4: Right, show me the problem.

(click click, logs in fine)

User: …

Brainiac4: Right then. Let me know if that crops up again.

Exit, stage :smack: :smack: :smack:

4

Actual personal history, from working tech support at Target:

Caller: The computer says it can’t save this file to the floppy.
Me: What’s the error message?

Caller: “Disk full or write protected.”
Me: Well, is the disk full or write-protected?

Caller: … how do I tell?
Me: :dubious: (thinks unkind words towards the three (3) levels of help desk that this call passed through before it got to me…).

The disk was write-protected.

5

They keep trying to make computers idiot-proof but every year the idiot limbo-bar gets lowered another notch.

Orker of Cattle: Can you help me? I can’t find the document I saved yesterday.

AHunter3: Where did you save it?

Orker of Cattle: In Microsoft.

:rolleyes:

AHunter3: You mean you were working in a Microsoft program, like Word or Excel?

Orker of Cattle: Yeah, Microsoft Word.

AHunter3: ‘Microsoft Word’ isn’t a ‘where’. That’s like saying you saved it in English. I mean what folder were you in when you saved it?

Orker of Cattle: I don’t know, the little box comes up and I save it there, in Microsoft Word.

AHunter3: Did you check the folder called “My Documents”? That seems to be the default location for Microsoft stuff. It’s on your desktop.

Orker of Cattle: ::looks at desktop blankly. Desktop contains about 73 items sprayed all over the place, installers and JPEGs and random documents including one titled ‘Confidential’::

AHunter3: Uh, over here. “My Documents”. See if it’s in there.

Orker of Cattle: :: opens “My Documents”. Stares at mass of files:: Which one?

AHunter3: What name did you save it under?

Orker of Cattle: I don’t know, all I know is it’s in Microsoft.

:smack:

AHunter3: !::has idea::! Wait…you said you saved it recently? I think Microsoft applications retain a list of recently opened documents at the bottom of the file menu. Check your file menu.

Orker of Cattle: ::stares slack-jawed at screen, apparently looking for a file menu among the documents of “My Documents”::

AHunter3: Umm, here, let me try. May I have your seat for a moment?
::switches to Word, opens all 10-some-odd files listed at the bottom of her File menu:: OK, see if it’s any of these.

Orker of Cattle: ::stares slack-jawed at screen::

AHunter3: Umm, here’s how you move from document to document. Look at each one and if it isn’t the right one, close it and move on.

6

The first time I read this, I swore it was a John Cleese piece from Monty Python.

Carry on.

Vlad/Igor

7

www.techtales.com/tftechs.html

Older site, but some funny ones. Lots of repeats of the cup holder story and putting a cd in a 5 1/4" drive. Some similar to the above.

8

They (techtales.com) appear to be dead or dying, though. Each update takes longer to make an appearance (they’re still sporting March’s contributions as the most recent) and the number of contribs seems to be on the wane, too.

OTOH, if you’re new to the place, they have archives going back to something like '97.

9

Idiot: My Mod-40 isn’t working.
Me: What’s it doing?
Idiot: It’s not doing ANYTHING!
Me: What do you see on the screen?
Idiot: I don’t know! Come look at it!
Me: sigh I’ll be right there.

I get out the Ops floor and see a perfectly fine Mod-40 at the log in screen.

Me: Ok, show me what it’s not doing.
Idiot: I can’t get past this screen!
Me: Well, type in your username and password and let me see what it’s doing.
Idiot: Uhhh…I don’t know the password.

:wally

The sad thing is that this guy worked at the same pos doing the same thing every damn watch.