How to tell them apart (a public service)

Cafe Society
1

Robby the Robot vs. Robot (from Lost In Space):

Robby had a dome and two moving antennas on his head – one horizontal, one vertical. Robot has a flattened circle, and both antennas are vertical. In addition, Robby has three fingers on each hand; the Robot has two pincers.

NY Mets “NY” vs. NY Yankees "NY"

The Mets’ “NY” is orange (or blue with orange highlights); Yankees is white. The “Y” on the Mets logo has its arms sticking out the top of the “N”; the Yankee’s “Y” has the arms sticking out the side of the “N.”

Now add your own, so we can reduce confusion.

2

Kathy: adores the minuet, the Ballet Russe and crepes Suzette
Patty: loves to rock and roll; a hot dog makes her lose control

What a wild duet!

3

Selma parts her hair in the middle, while Patty does not.

4

Betty’s blonde, Veronica’s got black hair.

Merry goes with Gandalf to Minas Tirith, while Pippin stays in Rohan and helps kill the Lord of the Nazgul. Or… no, wait, Pippin goes with Gandalf to… No, wait…

5

Susan plays guitar, Sharon plays piano.

6

…and I’ve always wanted to know why.

7

Nigeria: Has a coastline and much money that needs to be taken overseas.

Niger: Doesn’t.

8

Niagara: Has a big waterfall.

9

Niagra: goes down.
Viagra: goes up.

10

Chip: Has a chocolate chip colored nose
Dale: Doesn’t

11

Vancouver: is a city on the mainland
Vancouver Island: is an island with a city (Victoria) on it
Victoria Island: is an island in the high Arctic, no cities

12

A karate punch is like an iron bar – whack!
A Gung Fu punch is like an iron chain with an iron ball attached to the end and it goes WANG! And it hurts inside.
–Bruce Lee (laughing as he said the last bit)

13

Russians vs. Germans (when I was about 6 years old at the end of the '60’s, I got them confused all the time - they were both bad guys, right?)

Germans - were in the old WW2 movies, with helmets and stuff - oh, and they said “Schnell!”

Russians - were in the newer movies with those furry hats and said “Nyet!”

14

I can’t believe I got beat to this one. Did an waiter at Disney World tell you that too?

15

That’s messed up!

16

stalactites: hang down from the ceiling
stalagmites: point up from the floor (like the letter ‘M’)

[nedflanders]
If it’s clear and yellow, that’s juice there fellow!
If it’s cloudy and brown, you’re in cider town!
[/nedflanders]

17

I think you’ve got that backwards.

The Mets’ logo is the spittin’ image of the old New York Giants logo. (That’s the NY Giants baseball team that moved to San Francisco, not the NY Giants football team that’s still in New York.)

18

Oh … and an obligatory Public Service message, courtesy of Ogden Nash:

The one-L lama, he’s a priest.
The two-L llama, he’s a beast.
And I will bet a silk pajama
There isn’t any three-L lllama.*
*) The author’s attention has been drawn to the kind of conflagration known as a “three-alarmer.” Pooh.

19

The version I heard was:

  • stalactites stick tight (tite) to the ceiling
  • stalagmites stick up from the ground
20

Vulcans: Logical
Romulans: Warriors