Marriage: better or worse after time?

[Sequent]

Fishing for opinions from those of you who are married: How long have you been married? Does it get better, worse, or indifferent? What's made it work/not work for you?

[kiffa]

I'll go for it.

15 years.
Gets better.
Communicate and negotiate.

[lee]

Married since 1989. It is still getting better.

[PunditLisa]

Met in 1986, Married in 1989. It's better in most ways now. We've ironed out a lot of the wrinkles that used to drive me NUTS. For instance, we've established now that I do the laundry and he mows the lawn. I've given up trying to get him to clean the stove after dinner, and he's given up expecting the house to be immaculate.

I also like the fact that we've established separate identities again. I have frequent girls' nights out, even girls' weekends away. He goes to Canada for a week fishing every other year and does his softball thing once a week. I know some couples, married for 10 years or more, who won't do anything unless it's "together." They check up on each other frequently and one can't piss without the other knowing about it. Uggh!

We've got more shared "stuff" to hold us together -- the most important being 2 children. We work as a team and everyone has his/her place in the house.

The negatives: You have to work at keeping sex exciting vs. before when we'd just have to be in the same room for a couple minutes before we'd want to get a room.

[tatertot]

Married for five years this Friday, together for 7 1/2. Things have definately gotten better with time!

I think the roughest part was just after our son was born, ironically also five years and two weeks ago. Between being barely 21, a "shotgun" wedding, and a new baby, life was very, very hard.

We're both more relaxed now and have more reasonable expectations of each other and married life. I'm sure being old people of 26 has helped a lot, too!

And I gotta agree with Lisa about the sex. It's a lot different than when we it was an adventure to find fifteen minutes alone together...maybe we should move back into the dorms.

[Shirley Ujest]

Been together since 1988 ( not living together) and married since 1993. Two kids. One mortgage. Heads are above water, or as we like to say, " Waving,not drowning."

The road to a successful relationship is always under construction.

He has taught me to be more optimistic, social, diplomatic and nice, dammit. I think I've taught him how to put his shoes somewhere where I won't trip over them. I definately got the better end of the deal.

The only thing I would change after 12 years is where we live. I would gladly trade our wonderful house and all this property for something more centrally located and with PAVED roads. What I wouldn't give for a road that I could take a regular stroller on any time and not worry about mud & mosquitos. However, living out here has made me 1) more independant 2) a SDMB junkie, 3) a whiz with a weed wacker and I am the only woman I've ever seen drive a tractor.

Excuse me while I adjust my crotch...

[Jonathan Chance]

Shirley and I must have something in common. Mrs Chance and I live in the sticks, too. We're in the Blue Ridge mountains in rural VA. Never really worried about it until our daughter showed up (6 weeks old today!) and WE CAN'T TAKE HER STROLLER OUT! The nearest place to take her is 8 miles away.

I spend a lot of time wandering the grounds of the palatial Chance estate trying to sooth an infant these days.

<on topic>
Mrs Chance and I have been together for 14 years and married for about 7. We met during our freshman year in college and never looked back.

I admit there have been rough times. During the last year or two we've begun establishing ourselves as seperate people again after YEARS of doing everything together. We are each interested in different things and we've begun to express that. I think it's made us stronger.

At least that's how it was until 6 weeks ago. Now we just coo over Katie and spend all our waking hours caring for her!

-JC

[JimmyNipples]

Been together 16.5 yrs, married for 14 next August.

Got married when we were 22.....that's pretty young. The fist couple of years were a breeze.....even after our 1st child was born. 4 years into it, it was a little rough. Mrs. Graeme brought some baggage into the for-front and I wasn't going to give an inch. We obviously worked it out.


We have scraps.....but we know where we stand with each other, and we try not to go to bed mad at each other.

If you can make a promise like that, and stick to it,you realize that when you're fighting, you're going to work it out before to long.

In short.....compromise, communicate, and remember what brought you together in the 1st place.

PS....I caught this one before I hit the submit button....no give an inch jokes.....bastards

[Delta-9]

Hate to spoil the party, but mine got worse over time. Had I known my wife would become alcoholic and unfaithful, I would have stayed single (who wouldn't?).

Got married too soon, and to the wrong person. Let that be a lesson to all you youngsters out there who are barely out of college and think they're ready to take the plunge.

[Ellen Cherry]

Congratulations on the new baby, Jonathan!!

I've been married for almost 14 years. People change over time. For the first several (childless) years we wouldn't think of doing things separately. That's why we go married; we liked being together. I used to get upset when he'd want to go somewhere for the weekend. Now I'm like, "sheesh I can't believe I was ever like that! Get goin' buster." But that's not to say we don't still like to spend time together.

We enjoy our children and have moved to another phase from the newly married. Our shared goals and dreams are what's important.

[LouisB]

Nothing but better as time goes on.

A good marriage is a journey, not a destination.

[boli]

I also like the fact that we've established separate identities again. I have frequent girls' nights out, even girls' weekends away. He goes to Canada for a week fishing every other year and does his softball thing once a week. I know some couples, married for 10 years or more, who won't do anything unless it's "together." They check up on each other frequently and one can't piss without the other knowing about it. Uggh!

I can't pinpoint why, but this statement makes me happy. I think my big fear of marriage is that I will lose myself and my identity. I also despise it when my friends act like this (attached to the hip of their spouse). Knowing that it's a natural progression of marriage, and that it's a GOOD thing... well, it makes me feel better.