So I’m kinda looking for advice. I’m not the best housekeeper. My apartment isn’t really dirty (tho’ it has a lot of cat hair) but it’s really, really cluttered. I have a two bedroom apt crammed to the gills. I can never really deep clean because I’m so horrible about throwing stuff out. I always think I con go sell it or I might need it later. I can actually see myself turning into one of those poor old ladies who are crushed to death by a fifteen-foot tall stack of newspapers and eaten by their cats. :eek:
The clutter affects every area of my life. When it gets really bad like it is currently (I’ve been really busy and out of town just about every weekend lately), it seems to pull me down into a slump where I don’t feel like doing anything. And I absolutely can’t even consider dating because I could never invite the guy over. I still look competent to the outside world, I go to work neatly dressed, go rowing almost everyday, captain my rowing team, go to my evening classes, coach high school kids on the weekends. I appear like I’ve got it together but then I get home and just feel bleh. Yeah, I know, just buck up and get it done. But I’m feeling so horribly overwhelmed. (I seem to get this weird pseudo-blah feelign every fall) And even when I do get it all straightened, I still have way to much crap. I feel consumed by my crap.
So my friends know I’m too embarrassed to invite people over because my place is so messy. So they want to come over and do a “clean sweep”. They promise that they won’t judge in anyway. But…I’m am sooooo embarrassed by my apartment. And I’m embarrassed that I can’t get this together on my own. I know I’ll get it all picked up eventually (I usually do it two or three times a year - a big reorganization). I know having fresh eyes could help convince me I don’t need the plastic dragons from high school or the Estee Lauder make-up kit from my grandmom from ten years ago or the sixteen boxes of books I’ve moved to two different apartments without opening.
So the question is, should I let my friends come over and have them think less of me? They know I have a clutter issue but I don’t think they really know the true extent. Or would I be better off in the long run just waiting til I do my eventual straightening and can force myself to get my act together. (I already feel horribly embarrassed I’ve admitted this on a message board)
They’re your friends. Let them give you a sweep and then repay them by having them over for a fabulous meal.
I’m sure if you thought about it, you could think of some flaws that each one of them have, but you like them anyway. Your flaw happens to be clutter - let them help out with it.
Regarding the 10 year old Estee Lauder makeup? Toss that now girl - it’s rancid - your, nor anyone else can safely use it.
If they’re good enough friends that they’re willing to volunteer to do physical labor on your behalf, they’re good enough friends to not think less of you because of what they find. Another vote for yes.
I’ve clean swept a friend’s pantry and I never thought less of her. I thought it was interesting what she had multiples of, funny when we found the sprouting potato, and it fed my OCD quite nicely to arrange things efficiently.
These sound like real friends you’ve got, so I wouldn’t worry too much. Maybe try having them over for an assessment will help you see if you can handle the real thing? Or just let me come over to play, I love that sort of thing.
Thank for the responses, y’all. I’m still feeling embarrassed I posted this. Argh, it’s painful to admit weakness.
One reason I’m so apprehensive is becaus I have a friend who’s also messy but she’s also dirty. And she seems to think since we’re both untidy, I’ll understand when she invites me over and there are heaps of cat hair and used kleenexes swept into the corner and cat crap in the bathtub. Eeeuw. I do think a little less of her 'cause her house is soooo gross (and she always has me fed her cats when she’s outta town and one neds medicine so I always have to go under the bed with the dust encrusted bed skirt to get the cat and, ugh, I’m itchy just thinking about. At least I vaccuum.) and am worried about my cleany friends and what they’ll think.
But I guess just typing it the original post out made me realize that it wouldn’t be the end of the world and would probably be a good idea since they want to come over and mess with my stuff.
But, but, what if I decide I want to try peach make-up and I don’t have any peach make-up so I can just try the old stuff to see if I like it? Or maybe I’ll think of a use for it for Halloween. Or maybe the case will become a collectible and I could sell it for a gazillion dollars on Ebay. And there are children starving in Ethiopea who be grateful to have a ten-year old make-up kit, think of the children! Argh. I do this for anything I freakin’ think about throwin’ away. I get a tightness in my chest just thinking about it. I’m hopeless. I am gonna be that old lady…
One thing my mom, my friends, and I all agree upon: it is much, much more fun and satisfying to clean up someone else’s apartment than one’s own. When my mom visits me, she has carte blanche to clean up, pick up, and rearrange furniture.
This is not a burden to put on your friends. They will have fun - especially if it is several of them together. Go to the grocery store, buy good cleaning supplies, a cooler, and whatever your friends like to drink. Let them in, and then go catch a double feature. Maybe even a triple feature. Your friends will have fun. You will come back to a much more liveable apartment. You will be happy. Your friends will know they’ve done a good thing. Everyone wins.
I’m in the same fix you are, TremorViolet, only I haven’t had anyone offer me a clean sweep! I actually think it would be fun to ‘get organized,’ but my biggest problem is figuring out how to get rid of all the stuff I need to clear out before I can even get started. Since I’m in an apartment complex, I can’t have a garage sale – and that’s what I really need. I’m willing to part with some good things, but not willing to throw them into the dumpster. So I just keep sitting here, being immobile.
I’ve thought of eBay, but I don’t have a camera; could borrow one but don’t want to go through the listing and stuff involved there anyway, don’t want to pack and ship. Two of the largest things–that are sitting here in my office taking up space–are a hanging bamboo chair my son got me (with no box to put it in), that’s never been used because the apartment manager doesn’t allow that kind of thing, and a bread machine that’s been used one time. (I always wanted one when the family was at home, but put off buying it until I lived alone. :smack: )
The friend who lives fairly close and has a garage refuses to use it for a sale, no matter how much I assure her I’d do most of the work. I think she had a bad experience once.
I can’t think of any alternative to a garage sale. Any suggestions? Anyone?
Donate them to the local Salvation Army thrift shop, maybe? The tax deduction might be worth more than you could get at a garage sale anyway.
Count me among the let them do it votes, my friends and I have cleaned one another’s gunkiest gunk and not once did anything lower my opinion of them. What’s overwhelming for one person is much more manageable for two or more, they’re trying to do a good thing for their good friend, let them!
Enjoy your new organized home and treasure your great friends.
tremorviolet , I apologize for my post in this thread. Upon re-reading, I realize it looks like I was trying to ‘take over,’ and I didn’t mean to do that! I wanted to say that I think you’re very lucky to have friends who want to do this for you, and I’ll bet you and they will have lots of laughs if you let this happen. I’m sure it will give you fond memories, and they won’t have bad thoughts about you at all. Sorry I got carried away before.
Look for a local flea market that rents tables by the day. We held a yard sale (a typical suburban neighborhood-type yard sale) and got rid of almost NONE of our junk. A few months later, we decided to rent an outdoor table at a local flea market. We didn’t really get rid of that much stuff, but we made more than $50 over what we paid to rent the table. At that point, we decided that anything left was Goodwill fodder…
I don’t think I was totally clear. The makeup is rancid. You cannot use it, even to try. It’s no good for halloween. It’s no good for Ethopians. No one on e-bay wants it.
It’s possible that I have a slightly different perspective because I’m in the biz, but honestly - this is like arguing to keep the mouldy, rotten cantelope that’s in the back of your fridge. Toss it. Now.
I disagree. You need the plastic dragons from high school. You might consider making a shadow box or knick-knack shelf display for them, though, if you think of them as “clutter” now.
We’re clutter-monsters here, too. Even in a regular house. DH and I try to de-clutter a couple of times a year, but the kids kind of destroy any semblance of order we try to establish within just a couple of days.
My mother tries to make a dent in things when she comes to visit. However, her idea of cleaning is really more along the lines of rearranging everything in the house to fit her sense of order. It generally takes me weeks to figure out where she hid everything that she decided needed to be kept someplace other than on the kitchen counter. She once offered to clean out my car for me, which was a disaster. Two days later, I was stuck in traffic with both kids (one about 8mo, and the other about 3yo) strapped in the back seat, only to discover that every toy, book, or other diversive object had been removed from the car.
I would recommend that you take your friends up on their offer, but that you stay and kibbitz a bit while they do it.
Other than the comma, that’s the exact same phrase I started using to make my writing look pretty. Did you pick it up from somewhere or just start using it or what? I think I’ve also seen it in Yeats’ work.
I’m also hopelessly untidy but luckily I don’t really care. I don’t have bookcases or CD racks and have piles of books and CDs everywhere.Where I am now I can see piles of books and CDs on the table (haven’t eaten at the table for months), 3 dining chairs have books on them, the coffee table in the lounge has a pile of books, there are books on the ironing board. Upstairs there are piles on both sides of the bed, on and in both bed side tables, under the bed and in boxes in the spare bedroom. There are a couple of books and magazines at the end of the bathtub.
About 3 months ago I visited a friend who gave me all his cassette tape audio books because his new car doesn’t have a tape player. I put down the bag containing them in the lounge room - it is still in the same place although I pull out a tape once in a while.
Last time I tidied up I bought big plastic storage boxes and using one per room just put everything in, so if I knew where it was I now know where it is. I plan to do the same again soon and maybe buy a CD rack.
You really should go through with it. They want to help. And having someone else come and do it can make an incredible difference.
My mom has a standing agreement with a friend of hers–mom’s willing, at any point, to come sit on B.'s bed and talk her through throwing things away. “You’ve had that for how long?” “You really don’t need that. You have seven!” No, you really don’t need seven year old magazines. You’re not ever going to look at them, ever again." And it helps. Lots.
Good friends won’t think any less of you for having a lot of clutter. It just gets smooshed into tremorviolet’s quirks, and everyone moves on with life. Besides–they’d much rather have you happy and uncluttered. :^)
I’ve had several “pack rat” friends, and I know that it is a serious problem with no easy answers. I’ve volunteered for “clean sweep” duty, and although the offer has never been accepted, I would not have thought less of the friend and I would not have thrown out anything they would ever actually need. It’s very disturbing to see a friend get to the point where they can’t date or let people into their house, and the house often becomes a fire hazard. These people suffer a lot of shame and emotional distress over the condition of their house, but something in them won’t let them let go of things. The pain of throwing things away would be worse than the pain of isolation and shame. I’ve learned that the “collecting” is not my problem, and that all I can do is to be supportive and appreciate these friends for their other qualities.
One such friend was in and out of the hospital for several months. Her own children would not go into her house to retrieve her personal items, so every time she went into the hospital they bought her all new stuff (pajamas, socks, underwear, combs, shampoo, etc). While she was in the hospital, she saved every single plastic food container, plastic utensil, salt and pepper packet, and piece of plastic wrap or aluminum foil from her meals. The stuff was neatly stacked or folded and was kept on her window ledge. It drove me crazy, but I knew it would upset her if she saw me discard anything. (Well, truthfully, when she wasn’t in the room, I’d usually throw out about a third of the stuff – enough to keep the problem under control, but not enough that she’d notice.)
If you can bear to let your friends clean out, do it. You should not be there when it happens, or nothing will actually get discarded. Your friends will have to take the junk away from your house, somewhere where you can’t retrieve it. You are probably going to have quite a bit of anxiety about the experience, and you may be depressed and upset afterwards. But perhaps you can manage to do it, just this once. If it’s too upsetting, you don’t ever have to do it again.
Eh, no worries. THe thread’ll be more intersting as a general tidiness discussion than if it’s just about me anyway.
don’t ask, that’s a lot of what my place looks like. I have bookshelves (six, in fact) but I have soooooo many books there are stacks everywhere. And it bugs me because the books can get ruined and I can never find a title if I’m looking for it. And I have clean clothes in stacks on the bedroom floor because I need to go through them and purge before I put them away but there are sooooo many of them. Argh.
laina_f and everyone, thank you the encouragement. I’ve seen some of the truly horrible houses (like are currently being discussed in another recent thread) and I’m not that bad yet. (I clean, I just save too much) But I can see how easy it is to fall into that trap which really does make me worry sometimes about when I get old. I wonder what it is about some personalities that make it easier to get into the “cluttering” mode.
And there’s such a range of housekeeping habits. There’s the obsessivly minimalist houses, the comfortably lived-in houses, the way to much stuff but still relatively clean houses, and the absolutely should be condemned styes. And on the opposite ends of the scales, it’s very difficult to understand how one either cleans all the time/live in a sty.
But, I did email my friends and said “I’ve discussed it on the message board where I hang out and everyone says go for it. So I’d really appreciate it if the offer is still good.” I think we might try to do it in two weeks so I have a little time to maybe get the worst done…
Two organizations can help you unload your stuff without a garage sale:
Craig’s List for things you think you can get money for. http://www.craigslist.org/
There’s a list of active metro areas on the right hand side of the page. Click-thru on your nearest city to post listings for your stuff. I’ve had good sucess moving decent, nothing-special furniture, and moving it quick (and I was more than 1/2 hour outside the nearest listed metro area). Things I’ve sold: a 14 year old tv, a bedframe, a baker’s rack.
Freecycle. This is for stuff that no one would honestly pay money for, but you may consider too usable to throw away. http://www.freecycle.org/
The basic idea is you list your giveaways, people come and pick them up. they are active in 1500 cities! Crankyasanoldman turned me on to it. Actually it’s kind of scary what people will come and get when it’s free. Things I’ve freecycled: a 7 year old futon mattress (!), a small computer desk that was kind of dinged up, some old 78s that I could have sold but I just didn’t feel like dealing with it, a hideous lamp, an odd-shaped hutch, a small end table that I had painted rather creatively.
And another reminder about thrift shops…
I donated usable old clothes, glassware, miscellaneous kitchen items to our local Kiwanis Club. It was the most convenient. Goodwill, Purple Heart, and many other charities will come and pick your stuff up if you call them.
