The Straight Dope

Go Back   Straight Dope Message Board > Main > General Questions

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 11-23-2004, 10:45 AM
keeper0 keeper0 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2000
How do I keep my bed from squeaking?

Since finding true love, happiness and co-habitation, my bed has ceased to be a place of only quiet repose.

But, now during amorous moments, the bed squeaks loudly. Besides the distraction factor, there are also times when discretion is preferred.

Short of ceasing such activities, is there a way to eliminate or reduce the squeaking? I presume the culprit is the connection between the metal bed frame and the headboard, but I could be wrong.
Reply With Quote
Advertisements  
  #2  
Old 11-23-2004, 11:46 AM
Bryan Ekers Bryan Ekers is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Well, for starters you should completely strip the bed and remove the mattress and get right down to the frame. Then carefully tighten every bolt, adding lock-washers if need be.

Or consider branching out your recreational activities to the bathtub or kitchen table.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 11-23-2004, 11:46 AM
spingears spingears is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Quote:
Originally Posted by keeper0
the bed squeaks loudly. I presume the culprit is the connection between the metal bed frame and the headboard, but I could be wrong.
Lubricate it with bar soap applied to points of contact between any and all movable surfaces.
__________________
Do nothing simply if a way can be found to make it complex and wonderful
spingears
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 11-23-2004, 11:56 AM
RumMunkey RumMunkey is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Quote:
Lubricate it with bar soap applied to points of contact between any and all movable surfaces.
Today 11:46 AM
The bed.... lubricate the bed.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 11-23-2004, 12:05 PM
spingears spingears is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Quote:
Originally Posted by RumMunkey
The bed.... lubricate the bed.
That's KY not SOAP!
__________________
Do nothing simply if a way can be found to make it complex and wonderful
spingears
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 11-23-2004, 12:33 PM
ouryL ouryL is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: 21 20' N 157 55' W
Posts: 6,506
Squeaking is usually because of springs somewhere. Cheap and old mattresses squeak. Mattresses resting on springs squeak. For the latter, people have used plywood. For the first, new better mattressses.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 11-23-2004, 03:20 PM
vetbridge vetbridge is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Quote:
Originally Posted by keeper0
Since finding true love, happiness and co-habitation, my bed has ceased to be a place of only quiet repose.
Does your g/f have any good friends who could join you? Explain to her that the added weight of one extra female will certainly stop the squeaking.

You are welcome.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 11-23-2004, 04:08 PM
MelCthefirst MelCthefirst is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Ours is one of those Swedish slat beds and they squeak now. I don't think they used to, so it must have developed after much use.
What is bar soap?
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 11-23-2004, 04:11 PM
ShibbOleth ShibbOleth is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Quote:
Originally Posted by MelCthefirst
Ours is one of those Swedish slat beds and they squeak now. I don't think they used to, so it must have developed after much use.
What is bar soap?
Bar soap is soap in a cake or bar form.


As for your squeaking, you might try a strip of foam cushioning along the place where the slats join with the bed frame.

Of course I'd just consider the squeaking the "song of love" and hope that the squeals of joy help to hide those sounds.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 11-23-2004, 05:14 PM
LordVor LordVor is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
You've really got to find the source of the squeek. Squeeks either come from worn-out springs, in which case there's nothing to do but replace, really, or from two pieces of your bed rubbing together. You have to stop the two pieces from rubbing together, by either tightening bolts, or stuffing something like newspaper or foam rubber or something in between the two parts, so they don't rub together directly anymore.

-lv
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 11-23-2004, 05:19 PM
MelCthefirst MelCthefirst is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShibbOleth
Bar soap is soap in a cake or bar form.


As for your squeaking, you might try a strip of foam cushioning along the place where the slats join with the bed frame.

Of course I'd just consider the squeaking the "song of love" and hope that the squeals of joy help to hide those sounds.
Thanks, I thought it must have been some kind of special soap used in bars.
I guess we just call it 'a bar of soap'?
Having heard a number of flatmates and, yes, the parents (happy place, happy place), I enjoy sex more if I know others can't hear us. At the mo this is not a problem, but I've started wondering if the neighbours can hear the squeaks as we share a wall.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 11-23-2004, 05:27 PM
FUTBOL! FUTBOL! is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Just west of West Webster
Posts: 1,973
If you have bedposts it might not be a bad idea to cover the bulb parts with something soft. Or attach pads to the back wall where they would hit. ;j

* * * * * * * * * * *

True Blue Jack
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 11-23-2004, 07:19 PM
LorieSmurf LorieSmurf is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
by an air mattress and do it on the floor.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 11-23-2004, 07:24 PM
Oat1957 Oat1957 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Quote:
Originally Posted by LorieSmurf
by an air mattress and do it on the floor.
I'll have this blown up in a few minutes. While I'm blowing this up how's about......
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 11-27-2004, 10:18 AM
FUTBOL! FUTBOL! is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Just west of West Webster
Posts: 1,973
The above was for an additional problem that sometimes happens. The suggestion below makes it irrelevant.

For the squeaking part: Why not just throw the mattress off the bed onto the floor if you have space? It saves on buying an air mattress for this sole purpose, as others have suggested you do.

If you already have an air mattress, it's a moot point.


* * * * * * * * * * *

True Blue Jack
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 11-27-2004, 10:26 AM
danceswithcats danceswithcats is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Voting anti-obamanation
Posts: 10,300
Quote:
Originally Posted by LordVor
You've really got to find the source of the squeek. Squeeks either come from worn-out springs, in which case there's nothing to do but replace, really, or from two pieces of your bed rubbing together. You have to stop the two pieces from rubbing together, by either tightening bolts, or stuffing something like newspaper or foam rubber or something in between the two parts, so they don't rub together directly anymore.

-lv
Only problem with your solution is that it requires a third party to go squeak searching while the parties of the first and second part are united in coital gymnastics, a situation some find to be off-putting. Now if the squeak searcher is cute and all are agreeable to her reward....
__________________
Crows. Keeping our highways clear of roadkill for over 80 years
Reply With Quote
Reply



Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:28 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

Send questions for Cecil Adams to: cecil@chicagoreader.com

Send comments about this website to: webmaster@straightdope.com

Terms of Use / Privacy Policy

Advertise on the Straight Dope!
(Your direct line to thousands of the smartest, hippest people on the planet, plus a few total dipsticks.)

Publishers - interested in subscribing to the Straight Dope?
Write to: sdsubscriptions@chicagoreader.com.

Copyright 2013 Sun-Times Media, LLC.