It’s looking good for the Dead Chipmunk campaign. We’ve gotten a lot of support. But now it’s time up the ante. Our campaign is about truth. And as such, we would like to provide a forum through which we can clear up some of the false statements Dubya and Gore have made about our campaign.
Ask any questions you like here, the more controversial, the better. It’s time to make some waves. Maybe shake up the race a bit. We’re hoping that Dead Chipmunk will be the new Ross Perot, except cuter, and less insane.
Doctor Jackson and I can answer any questions you might have for Dead Chipmunk.
::Whipering urgently to Freak “It’s Dead Chipmonk, with an ‘o’. I just got through rebuking Eve in the other thread about this, don’t make me look bad. Besides,the m-o-n-k spelling will get us some votes from the Religious Right.” Turning to the crowd, smiling pleasantly and waving as if all is right with the world::
Me and Doctor Jackson have confirred and we’ve decided that we’d rather not let Dead Chipmunk be associated with guns or the NRA. I’m sorry Gunslinger, but we have to put thev best image forth.
Since this is a new campaign, I’m sure you could use volunteers. I’d like to be in charge of soft money contributions. Is that position open?
On a related note, a recent poll I conducted shows that 4 out of 5 housewives can’t distinguish Dead Chipmunk from Dead Crab, which itself is indestinguishable from Whizzo Butter. We most strive harder to puch DC up in the polls!
Current standings:
Dubya…32%
Al Gore…25%
Dead Chipmunk…8%
Dead Crab…4%
Whizzo Butter…2%
Pat Buchanan…1%
Election???..28%
What is D.C.'s postion on the TV show Survivor? Any truth to the rumor that it was engineered to eliminate a potential rival among the rat demographic?
Q. Is D.C. in any way involved with the Pneumonic Plague – Arizona, 1992 scandal? A. Please, KimKatt, just because rodent fleas were a suspected cause of the illness, let’s not throw all of Rodentia to the wolves. Besides, everyone knows that it was a contact with a feline which actually infected the poor gentleman. With a last name like “Katt”, one may think your trying to throw out an election year smokescreen. ::Freak, see what you can dig up on our Ms. KimKatt!::
Q. Is D.C. the same dead chipmunk which “starred” in the movie Kissed? A previous film career may be just the publicity that D.C. needs. A. Well, we weren’t going to let the cat out of the bag so soon, but yes, our Dead Chipmonk is a movie star. Kissed is one of his finest works, don’t you think? Hey, it worked for Ronnie!
::steps up behin Doctor Jackson and whispers “Okay, I got some info on our little ‘friend’ KimKatt. Apparently she’s a canuck, and probably a spy. I think we should keep an eye on her. Also, I think we may need to keep some tabs on this ‘Dead Crab’ everyone’s talking about. We can’t lose votes to a fish. Ooooh, that gives me an idea! We can mount a defamation campaign against him with the slogan ‘A crab in the white house would be like a fish out of water. Vote Mammal in the upcoming election!’ You like? Last of all, I’ve heard there’s some talk of a Cecilian Mafia taking root. If we can just get organized crime on our side we can take this election for sure! I’m gonna go over there and make a proposition, you keep up the spin control. We can do this!” stepping back behind the curtain::