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  #1  
Old 03-14-2005, 03:53 AM
Scissorjack Scissorjack is offline
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LOTR Limerick Smackdown: Summarise A Novel In A Limerick

The title says it all - summarise a novel, any novel {OK, or a play or poem} in limerick form.

The Lord Of The Rings

Young halfling, get rid of that Ring
Bewitching, malevolent thing!
Dwarves, wizardly ken
Elves, Hobbits and Men
Lent a hand {and enthroned the True King}.
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  #2  
Old 03-14-2005, 04:36 AM
picker picker is offline
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I'm no good at limericks.

But I'm okay at haiku, so here's a couple:


Indiana Jones,
Seeker of lost treasures
Watch out for Nazis

Rudy wants to play
Too small for Irish football
But the kid's got heart

Machines run the world
But Neo is the one who
Will free humanity

Hey, Look! An Iceberg!
Kate Winslet has nice boobies
DiCaprio dies

The extremely random and esoteric bonus movie:

Take to the hills, kids
The Russians have invaded
No more school today
  #3  
Old 03-14-2005, 04:45 AM
Scissorjack Scissorjack is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by picker
I'm no good at limericks. But I'm okay at haiku, so here's a couple:
No! I should have specified in the OP: NO haikus in this thread! Any fool can write them. Limericks only! This has been a public service announcement brought to you on behalf of rhyme, rhythm and meter. Normal service will now resume.
  #4  
Old 03-14-2005, 04:46 AM
Scissorjack Scissorjack is offline
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Oh yeah, and the bonus was Red Dawn.
  #5  
Old 03-14-2005, 05:01 AM
picker picker is offline
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Sorry.

A serial killer named Gumb
Turned out to be pretty dumb
Starling and Hannibal,
Agent and cannibal
Soon had him under their thumb.


  #6  
Old 03-14-2005, 07:46 AM
Ichbin Dubist Ichbin Dubist is offline
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A telemachy artist named Dedalus
Spent whole chapters inside of his headalus
A jewanderer named Bloom
Tried to rent him a room
With a view of his wife Molly's bedalus.
  #7  
Old 03-14-2005, 09:14 AM
CandidGamera CandidGamera is offline
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Let's see if I remember the details correctly..

007 hooked up with a gal,
And worked with his CIA pal,
To catch a Russian defector,
Now working for SPECTRE,
While at the Casino Royale.
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I am the very model of the modern kaiju Gamera / I've a shell that's indestructible and endless turtle stamina. / I defend the little kids/ and I level downtown Tokyo/ in a giant free-for-all mega-kaiju rodeo.
  #8  
Old 03-14-2005, 11:28 AM
AwSnappity AwSnappity is offline
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Because I'm in a French lit-y mood:

A prostitute named Butterball
Wouldn't sleep with the Prussians at all.
Said one haughty dame,
"She cries because of her shame,"
while pretending to be appall'
  #9  
Old 03-14-2005, 11:38 AM
GorillaMan GorillaMan is offline
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A fool will bring up the Templars,
And ways we relate to the stars.
An innocent notion
Will swing into motion
Things possibly linked to Cathars.
  #10  
Old 03-14-2005, 12:28 PM
Gorsnak Gorsnak is offline
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The Captain stood up on his peg
"A whale has made off with my leg!
I must have his head
before I am dead!"
Alas! Twas the end of Queequeg.

Say, do we need spoiler warnings here?
  #11  
Old 03-14-2005, 03:12 PM
ddgryphon ddgryphon is offline
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Seldon created a mystíry
Based on his work psychohisítry
Terminus abided
Till dark ages subsided
And Trantor was left all Blisítry


This is fun, I'll probably do more later.
  #12  
Old 03-14-2005, 03:36 PM
The Scrivener The Scrivener is offline
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Election by Tom Perrotta:

A high school teacher whose friend was a knob,
Schemed behind the election to rob
The goody-girl slut.
But when teach did rut
His friend's ex, he lost wife, home, and job.
  #13  
Old 03-14-2005, 03:44 PM
Ponder Stibbons Ponder Stibbons is offline
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Louis Wu saw a wonderous thing
A star with a habitable ring
Three million miles wide
A hell of a ride
But off it they eventually did fling!
  #14  
Old 03-14-2005, 03:47 PM
Captain Amazing Captain Amazing is online now
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He was a good little feller'
Tracker, protector, and smeller.
Till he had to be shot
for rabies he'd got
And that was the end of Old Yeller.

In Boston this book was banned
Preachers said the book couldn't stand
It was pure smut
Fanny Hill was a smut.
"You're telling me!" said John Cleland.
  #15  
Old 03-14-2005, 05:40 PM
NoPretentiousCodename NoPretentiousCodename is offline
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Said Major, "We're tired of these gigs,
We'll take over the farm, get new digs!
Revolution erupted
The swine were corrupted
'Til you couldn't tell humans from pigs
  #16  
Old 03-14-2005, 05:55 PM
Ponder Stibbons Ponder Stibbons is offline
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These docs are the Pros from Dover,
Who are better with bones than Rover.
With friends like 'Me Lay',
'Painless Pole', and, hey,
With them you'll be rolling in clover.
  #17  
Old 03-14-2005, 06:24 PM
pinkfreud pinkfreud is offline
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Cthulhu came out of the blue
To enslave and/or eat me and you.
Ere long the Great Old Ones
Will hoist a few cold ones
While dining on humanoid stew.
  #18  
Old 03-14-2005, 06:50 PM
NoPretentiousCodename NoPretentiousCodename is offline
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Guy Montag was tired of fire lightin'
Cuz firemen should be out firefightin'
He took leave of those nasties
Became Ecclesiastes
With some outcasts who memorized writin'
---
Ford Prefect and old Arthur Dent
Hitchiking with Vogons they went
The big answer, turns out:
42. No doubt!
For what question was that answer meant?
  #19  
Old 03-14-2005, 07:05 PM
C K Dexter Haven C K Dexter Haven is offline
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Raskolnikov picked up an axe,
And gave two dames forty whacks;
Said he, "It's depressing,
And I'll be confessing,
It's all about violence and sax."
  #20  
Old 03-14-2005, 07:05 PM
iamthewalrus(:3= iamthewalrus(:3= is offline
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Some terrorists in search of a buck
Run a brand new skyscraper amok
A cop not from LA
with no shoes saves the day
Yipee-ka-yay, mutherfuck!
  #21  
Old 03-14-2005, 07:15 PM
MovieMogul MovieMogul is offline
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The Compson kin hardly are pure,
With obsessions well past any cure:
Benjy moans Caddy's name,
his bros wallow in shame,
and all Dilsey can do is endure.
  #22  
Old 03-14-2005, 07:17 PM
iamthewalrus(:3= iamthewalrus(:3= is offline
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Uh. I was clearly going for the novelization of Die Hard.

slinks off to write "I will actually read the OP" 100 times.
  #23  
Old 03-14-2005, 07:23 PM
NoPretentiousCodename NoPretentiousCodename is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iamthewalrus(:3=
Uh. I was clearly going for the novelization of Die Hard.

slinks off to write "I will actually read the OP" 100 times.
Ask and ye shall recieve.
  #24  
Old 03-14-2005, 07:26 PM
MovieMogul MovieMogul is offline
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Roger Ackroyd's dead as a doornail,
But Poirot's instincts are without fail.
In this ingenious thriller
We discover the killer
SPOILER:
Is the one who is telling the tale!
  #25  
Old 03-14-2005, 07:37 PM
Jurph Jurph is offline
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Wilbur the swine wasn't big
on headlining the dinnertime gig.
An N. domiciliorum
said "Fern, don't ignore 'im:
that sus scrofa is really Some Pig."
  #26  
Old 03-14-2005, 07:39 PM
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His childhood the army would steal
As he trained for the coming ordeal
'Gainst an alien plot
He avoided the thought
That this game was disturbingly real.
  #27  
Old 03-14-2005, 07:56 PM
Sample_the_Dog Sample_the_Dog is offline
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Bigwig and Hazel and Fiver
had skills like Crusoe and McGuyver.
With the help of a seagull
they unleashed the beagle.
But did General Woundwort survive her?
  #28  
Old 03-14-2005, 08:04 PM
emekthian emekthian is offline
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Adam Trask had a servent named Lee
An evil whore was his pretty wife Cathy
His good pal named Samual
Was wise as a camel
Read Genesis- it's really the same thin'

Cervantes was caught by the Spaniards
They threw him in jail, those bastards!
He cunningly made
Don Quixote a play
I don't think he ever said "bean curd"
  #29  
Old 03-14-2005, 08:21 PM
Sample_the_Dog Sample_the_Dog is offline
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Poor Humbert, who feigned love for Charlotte,
when she dies makes her daughter a harlot.
But alas he's found guilty
of shooting old Quilty
for making the nymphette a starlet.
  #30  
Old 03-14-2005, 08:46 PM
Tracy Lord Tracy Lord is offline
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Norrell's library: quite camoflagic
Strange's marriage: turned suddenly tragic
She's a gentleman's cherie
(And now Black's king of Faerie)
The return of ye olde English magic?
  #31  
Old 03-14-2005, 08:47 PM
Sample_the_Dog Sample_the_Dog is offline
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Case Sensitive, obviously you have found my weakness -- classic literature combined with lowbrow verse -- the best of both worlds!

I've enjoyed all the posts so far, especially Gorsnak's Moby Dick, NoPretentiousCodename's Animal Farm, and ArchiveGuy's The Sound and the Fury.

One more before I retire for the day....

Jake Barnes, that nutless guerrero,
lost his love to a handsome torero.
His final regret
is he could have had Brett
if he were, shall we say, mas entero.
  #32  
Old 03-14-2005, 08:51 PM
Kilvert's Pagan Kilvert's Pagan is offline
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A hack sci-fi writer named Trout,
Shows Dwane Hoovler what life is about.
Creeks pestilential...
Hotels existential...
And when the lithium's gone, watch out!

Young Wagstaff and Chworktap the 'bot
Flew the Hwang Ho to every spot
He'd ask natives "Why
Do we all suffer and die?"
SPOILER:
Till Old Bingo's burped answer: "Why not?"
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  #33  
Old 03-14-2005, 09:50 PM
BrainGlutton BrainGlutton is offline
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Winston Smith's rebel acts weren't deluxe --
Furtive thoughtcrime, occasional fucks --
Yet in Big Brother's slammer
He came under the hammer
Oceanian life really sucks!
  #34  
Old 03-14-2005, 10:26 PM
Tracy Lord Tracy Lord is offline
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After Lady Door's strong assertion:
"The Old Firm's attempting coercion!"
Dick finds out the hard way
Trapped Below with no say
And (worse?) he's just Neil's self-insertion.


Becky's scaled up to Vanity Fair
With just bluffs and a capable air
Rawdon's off on campaign
She falls out with Lord Steyne
Jos Sedley, my good man, beware!
  #35  
Old 03-14-2005, 10:46 PM
Ludovic Ludovic is offline
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A few hundred people in Russia
Periodically invaded Prussia
And morons and sages
filled the next thousand pages
And it's not easy to summarize this so you husha!
  #36  
Old 03-14-2005, 10:48 PM
Captain Amazing Captain Amazing is online now
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The Ithikan sailor Ulysses
couldn't tell just where Greece is
According to Homer
He was quite a roamer
He just wanted to get back to the missus.
  #37  
Old 03-14-2005, 10:58 PM
NoCoolUserName NoCoolUserName is offline
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There was a new professor at the university, Ms. Christina Bright by name. She insisted that her students call her Ms. Bright, but her friends on the faculty simply called her "C."* It was rumored amongst the students that she was involved in a hush-hush government project, but when asked about it she always said "It's a Time Machine!" Everyone laughed, because everyone knew that time travel was impossible. Little did they know...

Oh, wait. Make a novel into a limerick
.
.
.
never mind.

* There's a possible pun here regarding traveling faster than C, and another M. C. and her carpentry tools, but I'll let both pass.
  #38  
Old 03-15-2005, 12:25 AM
Ludovic Ludovic is offline
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Van's dad had an estate and he ran it
Van could diddle Jess, Kim, Blanche, and Janet
But not Ada, his sister
In floramors, how he missed her
And some say it was all a new planet.
  #39  
Old 03-15-2005, 02:38 AM
Scissorjack Scissorjack is offline
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{With deepest apologies to Qagdop the Mercotan}

J.R.R. Tolkien's nit-picking son
Published everything Dad left half-done
With Daddy's' waste-basket
His manuscript casket
Well, they're QtM's idea of fun
  #40  
Old 03-15-2005, 07:09 AM
Sample_the_Dog Sample_the_Dog is offline
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There once was a Civil War nurse
who wrote scandalous chapters of verse.
Never done with his edits,
he coudn't put it to bed, it's
a shame... the book kept getting worse!
  #41  
Old 03-15-2005, 07:29 AM
Ichbin Dubist Ichbin Dubist is offline
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Did Slothropís ejaculation
Guide the V-2ís orientation?
Each sex act he commits
Is a strike in the Blitz
ÖBut correlation does not mean causation.
  #42  
Old 03-15-2005, 08:07 AM
Sample_the_Dog Sample_the_Dog is offline
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"Please, sir, will you draw me a sheep?"
"Sorry, son, I've appointments to keep."
"Then let's walk to the well
where the stars laugh like bells."
Little Prince, how sweetly you sleep!
  #43  
Old 03-15-2005, 08:38 AM
TV time TV time is offline
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It was called Bonfires of the Vanities
It was praised in numerous punditries
They made it into a pic
Which made people sick
That it was filled with such mindless inanities
  #44  
Old 03-15-2005, 08:59 AM
TV time TV time is offline
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In homage of Dashiell Hammett

O'Shannesy, Gutman, Cario and Spade
searched for a bird for which money would be paid
But the bird was faux
and they got no dough
Still, it was a thing of which dreams are made
  #45  
Old 03-15-2005, 09:45 AM
NoPretentiousCodename NoPretentiousCodename is offline
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House Atreides took over dune
Harkonnen attacked them, but soon
Shai Ulud were all tamed
The Melenge was all claimed
Led by some dude named after a moon.

---

Man's Empire was about to burst
Hari Seldon prepared for the worst
A Clairvoyant foundation
Would nurture a nation
Lasting longer, indeed, than the first

---

"This whole Wheel of Time thing's a mess
When and how will it end? Care to guess?
In the next book, by chance
Think the plot will advance?"
She said as she straightened her dress
  #46  
Old 03-15-2005, 11:44 AM
Sample_the_Dog Sample_the_Dog is offline
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I wish this thread title didn't begin with "LOTR". There are several dopers who I thought would gravitate here, and who would have great fun with it, but who I'm not seeing. I wonder if while browsing titles they didn't get past "LOTR Limerick Smackdown".

Anyhoo... one more before lunch:

A handsome young fellow named Jay,
from the Midwest, out old Frisco way,
spent all of his money,
never did get his honey,
and was shot in his pool at mid-day.
  #47  
Old 03-15-2005, 12:06 PM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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Dr. Seuss wrote Mooney, Marvin K.
About a boy that wouldn't go away.
The tale's told too late
The world's post-Watergate.
And the book's about Nixon. Oy vey!
  #48  
Old 03-15-2005, 12:26 PM
TV time TV time is offline
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Ode to Scarlet

A character in a tome by Margaret Mitchell
Got married as if it were ritual
In a war that was civil
And not the least bit trivil
She continued on as a bitchel
  #49  
Old 03-15-2005, 12:50 PM
Kilt-wearin' man Kilt-wearin' man is offline
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Dave Bowman and Frank Poole, his pal
Flew Discovery to Saturn's locale
Where the Monolith did lurk,
The AI went berserk
"Please open the pod bay doors, HAL".

Yes, I said Saturn. This is the novel, not the movie.
  #50  
Old 03-15-2005, 01:51 PM
NoPretentiousCodename NoPretentiousCodename is offline
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Ender's mind was unusually keen
And the games he endured were quite mean
Though his shadow loomed large
And he remained in charge
The saga's true hero is Bean
---
An unhinged-in-time life I s'pose
Brought Billy Pilgrim highs and lows
Went to Tralfamador
Lived through Dresden and more
Foresaw his own death. So it goes.
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