Fuck Golf.

The BBQ Pit
1

Fuck golf.

I was * ordered* to play golf today. And this was not the first time. . .

Golf is nothing more than “fetch” for people: hit a ball, chase a ball. Hit it again, chase it again. There is nothing more stupid that someone or a dog chasing a little stupid ball into a hole.

Fuck golf.

In no other sport involving clubs/sticks/bats/whatever that you have to either carry a multitude of expensive sticks around yourself, or have someone carry it for you. If you can’t figure out how to do something with one implement, then the hell with you.

Fuck golf.

Notwithstanding George Carlin, it is still as arrogant a sport as you can get.

Fuck golf.

The first time I “played” golf, I teed off from the 4th tee, and ended up on the 9th fairway. I got yelled at because I was a ‘beginner’.

Fuck golf.

And don’t dare tell me it’s like ‘the artillery’, ‘cause it ain’t. With the field artillery, you have to compute for things, in order to put fire on target. In golf, you try to compute for wind, just to put a stupid little ball in a little hole. In the artillery, you are actually saving lives though fire on a point.

Fuck golf.

And don’t give me that shit that “you can drink while you’re playing”. Fuck that. I can drink whilst playing hockey, poker, ping-pong, pocket pool. Beer is an accessory to any sport, and it doesn’t fucking matter in this case.

Fuck golf.

I completely agree with the former Governor of Minnesota, Jesse Ventura: A lot of those golf courses could be turned into property to house the homeless, or graveyards, airports, whatever. There is so much manufactured acreage in golf courses, I want to carpet bomb them all. With B-52s. Armed with nuclear weapons.

Fuck golf.

Sand is not a trap. Water is not a trap. Both are found on a beach, and both are pleasureable.

Fuck golf.

Now, some know I don’t like certain sports: I don’t like basketball–it never appealed to me, and I’m 5’6". Baseball is okay, but it’s so darn slow. For me, hockey is where it’s at: fast, furious, and the testosterone flows. Golf? Shit, let me walk along a non-wild green, manicured by the staff, only to whack at a perfected ball just so I can land it on an even more-manicured green.

Fuck golf.

“Golf” is the ony sport you don’t ‘play’, but you do. I’m “going golfing” versus, I’m going to ‘play softball’/‘play roulette’/‘play hockey’. Fuck that.

Fuck golf.

Golf is not a sport. Golf is an arrogant hobby.

Tripler
Fuck golf.

2

I can’t stand the game either. That said, I wish I made golf equipment. Stupid people love to try and improve their game by throwing money at it.

3

<golf clap>

4

I can get on this bandwagon. As I’ve mentioned previously, I hate lawns. Golf is played on a really huge lawn. WASTE OF SPACE. Let’s tear up the grass and do something halfway useful with the land.

5

For me, “executive golf” is where it’s at. Not so much walking/carting, and all you need is an 8-iron and a putter. Plus, the cheapness of it detracts from the pretentiousness.

6

Trip, you know we love you. Last week in this thread it was all about fucking cows. Now in this thread, it is all about fucking golf. Can you please make up your mind and let us know as soon as this happen. Thank you very much.

7

What about the golf courses in Florida with alligators in the water? That’s kind of a trap.

8

You vill play golf.
Und you vill like it.

9

I heartily agree Trip !!!

I teed off at 10:32 this a.m.

I tee off at 11:52 tomorrow.

I hate it!!!

See you there. :cool:

10

Well, you know the old joke-

Why do they call it “golf?”

Because “fuck” and “shit” were taken.
Hubby plays twice a year, at our company’s conferences. He has to play some mean courses too- he’s about to play Sawgrass a second time, the Stadium Course. You know, the one that gives Tiger Fucking Woods fits. Talk about a lovely walk gone terribly wrong…

11

As for chasing a little white ball?

Not so much.

12

Sawgrass is one of 'em. Once they get longer than 3 feet, they relocate them off the course. But under 3 feet is just another hazard. You really watch the rough down there.

13

So, how’d you score? Find any ProV1’s? :slight_smile:

14

How does anybody “hate” a lawn. :rolleyes:

15

Too early up here to keep score. Just practice until May 15th. Then the official season starts.

Don’t find too many Provees. Anyone who loses one of them keeps looking till he finds it. :smiley:

16

Doc once fuck golf. Neighbor come out house and yell ‘Get away from my Volkswagen.’ This ruin romantic moment between Doc and sexy but affordable piece of German engineering.

17

Samuel Clemens: “Golf is a good walk…ruined.”

I love to play golf. I suck, but I don’t care. You have to find a public course where nobody gives a rat’s ass. It’s an afternoon spent on the sun, whacking the shit out of a little ball until you’re so pissed off you could spit.

Then you drink.

Seriously, it’s a lot of fun if you don’t take it too…seriously. Unfortunately, a lot of people do. It’s also far too expensive. But it can be a sort of bonding experience, unless the others in your foresome are actually serious about it. I like to show up wearing surfer baggies and “Jesus boots” (sandals).

18

TheInterruptingCow is right. Golf with my Dad (who takes the game quite seriously) is nowhere near as fun as Corporate Challenge golf, where you estimate where your ball disappeared into the woods for your drop, bet whether or not you can clear that water hazard from here, guess your score on that last hole to within the nearest stroke, and get prizes awarded for the ‘most average’ team score. :slight_smile:

19

'Tis a nasty bit of ostentatiously wasted space which could be more profitably used as a training ground for mortar fire.

And I agree with the OP: fuck golf. I once had to do some structural analysis on a fucking golf club. $80,000 worth of billable work for a lump of titanium and carbon fiber, all for the purpose of knocking a little white ball across a big green field, and the customer was climbing out of his pants to get results back so they could go to market early. Shut the fuck up, asshole, this isn’t a medical device. It isn’t going to save anyone’s life or repair a child’s retina.

Fuck golf, and the bloody Scots that foisted it onto the rest of us.

I do like reading Wodehouse’s farcical stories about golf, though, but then the man could make cooking oatmeal sound whimsical.

Stranger

20

You are not playing it correctly. The “front nine” is for racing the golf carts down the fairways and the “back nine” is for the demolition derby portion.

By the way, the names front and back “nine” refer to quantity of beers (or shots if you like) consumed during that section.

If you do it right, you don’t need any clubs at all!