I admit I’m a quirky guy. Okay, make that neurotic. With a generous dose of OCD and Og knows what else thrown in. But there are certain commonplace behaviors that irrationally make me want to tear my hair out, but that most people wouldn’t think twice about.
For example, my job entails a lot of time on the phone, and I frequently have to give people additional/alternative phone numbers to call. It really fries my bacon when someone repeats the number back to me as I’m giving it.
Me: Okay, the number you need to call is 800…
Caller: 800…
Me, getting annoyed: 555…
Caller: 555…
Me, royally pissed off: 1234.
Caller: 1234.
I know they’re just trying to verify that they’re hearing me correctly, but by the end of the exchange I’m entertaining fantasies of going all Jason Voorhees on the schmucks.
Hey, I said it was irrational.
I have a friend who seethes inwardly when he’s a passenger in a car and the driver rests his hand on the gear shift. To his mind, you only touch the gear shift when you’re actually shifting; when done shifting, remove your hand. It is not a hand rest. He knows it’s ridiculous, but it can make a car trip downright miserable for him.
What random things push your buttons? I don’t mean whistling or cracking knuckles or anything widely regarded as annoying. I mean perfectly ordinary, socially acceptable behaviors that inexplicably get your hackles up, but you can’t say anything because you know the person isn’t doing anything wrong.
People who tap their feet, pencils, etc., incessantly. That little repetitive noise drives me nuts. I usually wait too long to say something, so by the time I do, I’m screaming “STOP TAPPING YOUR GODDAMN PENCIL!” I know, very productive.
Lots of little catch phrases that pop up also annoy me all out of proportion, such as “It’s all good” (no, it ain’t), “ricockulous” instead of “ridiculous,” “anyhoo” instead of “anyhow,” any of the popular business jargon that’s going around, and phrases along those lines. When I hear them, I reflexively go :rolleyes: , even if it’s not appropriate to do so.
My neighbor having his car alarm set in his driveway. I’m talking, Saturday afternoon, he’s working in the yard, every fifteen minutes “Beep beep beep beep” to open a door, “beep beep” to close it. We live in a nice neighborhood, and I swear I’ve never seen people who run to the car more often. Everytime I here it beep, I slam something in the house.
My coworker is a very nice lady. I like her. But every time she answers the phone and says, “Happy Monday”, I want to rip her throat out.
People - especially adults, who say ru-ro (like Scooby). It’s friggen annoying when Scooby does it. It’s even more annoying when a 60 year old woman does it.
Tippex/Whiteout
42 (One particulary person really killed this for me.)
Impromtu Parrot Sketch Renditions
Guesstimate (Though I do see the point of the word.)
See, I’m different. I hate being the one writing down the number. I will never understand why the other person simply doesn’t give it to me whole. Instead, I keep saying “Yeah? Got it. Yes. Move on. Keep on. Oh, really? Is there more? Please, wait for me! Oh, the agony! Speak! Agghh!!!”. The sarcasm, anger, and despair are interchangeable.
When I answer the phone in the office, speaking to a complete stranger, and the first thing they say is, “How are you?”
It’s a bit of fake politeness that really grates on me. Dammit, you don’t know me. We’ve never even met. We both know that you don’t actually give a hoot how I am. If I answered your question honestly, you’d be disconcerted at best. Please, just tell me what you want. I’ll be happy to help you. Really! Grrr.
I know a few people, both at work and acquaintances, who will attempt to “help” me finish sentences.
Me: “…so I pulled into the gas station-”
Co-worker and I both, co-worker one split second behind me, attempting to catch up: “-and I filled the tank just before it went empty.”
WHAT THE FUCK???
The only thing I can do, I figure, is change what I’m saying so they look like asshats.
Me: “…so I pulled into the gas station-”
Co-worker and I both, co-worker one split second behind me, attempting to catch up: “-and I filled the tank just before-”
Coworker: “-you ran out of gas.”
Me (at same time): “-purple monkey dishwasher. STFU and let me finish my own sentences, asshat!”
Unfortunately, it doesn’t work permanently. One guy has gotten Purple Monkey Dishwasher three times, and one lady at work has even caused me to progress to Wheelbarrow Mud Socket.
tik dit da dit tik People on public transport who tik dit da tik tik think that nobody else can tik dit da tik tik sching tik tik hear their shitty loud walkman.
The fact that there are never TWO crying babies on a long haul flight. This would be better if it meant there would be none on the following flight. But no. One baby. Every. Single. Flight.
People who recite a telephone number like they’re in a race.
The number is…twofoursixonethreesevenone!
I can’t write that fast. Inevitably, I have to make them repeat it and THEN recite it back to them, just to make sure I got it correct. I feel stupid at the end of it all.
When people aren’t aware that they use the same phrases over and over. My boss, a nice guy, says “quite frankly” “such that” and “at any rate” at least six times in any given exchange. I sat in a presentation once where the woman kept saying “whatnot”.
It drives me right up a tree when people deliberately mispronounce words in an effort to be funny. Especially when the mispronunciation is an old joke, like saying “recipe” instead of “receipt,” “mercy buckets” instead of “merci beaucoup,” etc. And when some easily-amused moron laughs at the mispronunciation, thereby reinforcing the behaviour, I feel like throwing things. From up in the tree.
I don’t know about automatics, but with standards I believe that you could actually damage the shifting bits (sorry for the technical jargon) by habitually resting your hand on the gear shift. Something about the constant pressure. Anyway, my 2002 Nissan Sentra owner’s manual specifically tells me not to do that, so your friend might be justified.
