Memorable, annoying phonecalls which you have gotten

In My Humble Opinion
1

I sure we all get annoying phone-calls from time to time, but what are some of the memorable one? Here one of the classics from my list.

My mum have this friend who gives me the fits whenever she calls.

Friend: Er hi, is Mum of Extrakun in?

Me: No, she went out this morning.

Friend: She’s not back yet? Actually, her clone went out this morning and she herself is still in…is that the answer you want?

Me: No, she’s not back yet.

Friend: Oh, she says she will be coming back around this time…

Me: Yeah, but she’s not in right now.

Friend: She told me on the phone this morning she’ll be back by now. Look, lady, no matter how many times you tell me she shall be back by now, it won’t magically summon her here!

Me: Is it? I don’t know about that, but she’s not in now

Friend: How can that be? She told she will be back by now. Many things are supposed to be, but are not. Like you shall be putting down your phone and I shall resume my studying, but currently we are not.

Me: But she is not in right now. Do you want me to ask her to call you back?

Friend: She supposed to be in now. I told her I would come over and she would do up my hairdo. She also asked me to bring some dumplings along. She told me she would be back by now. How can she not be in? You could be bringing diamonds and gold chains and the One Ring™ over, but she’s not in means she’s not in!

Me: But she’s not.

Friend: She told she would be!

Me: Yes, but what do you want me to do? She is not in right now!

Friend: All right, can you ask her to call me when she’s back?

Me: Sure…

2

Them - “Is this Mrs X?”
Me - “No. This is…”
Them - “Yes it is!” Then continues to talk.

What the hell?! I told them once again I wasn’t Mrs X and hang up.

3

Very, very late at night. Like, 2 or 3 AM.

“Hello?”
“I need to speak to Thelma Smith, please.”
“Er, you have the wrong number. There’s no Thelma Smith please.”
“Don’t give me that. Get up and find her.”
“You have the wrong number.”
“I am going to call in the morning and tell them how lazy you are, and you are going to get fired! Now get up off your butt, put down your magazine, and find my mother!”

Hang up. Discover that my number is one number transposed from the number for a local nursing home.

Several weeks later, my roommate answers.

“Hello?”
“Hello. I want to talk to Thelma Smith, please.”
“I’m sorry, she’s wandered away, and no one knows where she is. Can we call you back when we find her?”

(Note: I do not support my roommate’s response. Even though it was funny, I would not have done it.)

4

I happen to answer a phone number that is very, very close to the number of a we-deliver burger place.

Despite the fact that I always answer “Good evening, Business Name,” which is NOT “Burger Place”, I have people ask me all the time, “Is this Burger Place?”

I used to want to say “Did I SAY Burger Place? No? Then IT’S NOT!” (Only when I felt really, really evil. I know people don’t listen to phone greetings.)

But then one night, this lady called… 7 times. Each time saying she wanted to order some burgers. “Ma’am this isn’t Burger Place. You have the wrong number.” Over, and over.

Finally, I took an order.

…she never called back. I wonder what happened.

Corr

5

“Hello, glee speaking.”
“Hello glee, you know who this is, don’t you?”

Well, one of my (lesser) friends appeared on a TV show and it sounds a bit like him. Or anyone of a hundred people. Why not just tell me who you are? I decide to wait.

" "
“Hello, glee, are you there?”
" "
“Hello? Hello!”
" "
“Glee, it’s Jim. I wanted to ask about roleplaying rules.”

and finally the conversation starts…

6

Queen Tonya: Hello?

Ford Motor Credit: This is FMC calling, is this Queen Tonya?

Sure, I’ve got an account and since I work there my payments are deducted weekly. I’m laid off but always send in my payment, so why are they calling me?

QT: Yes, is there a problem?

FMC: Do you know Bob Smith?

QT: Umm, what?

FMC: Do you know Bob Smith?

QT: Bob…well, I know a lot of Bobs…no, can’t think of any Bob Smiths, sorry.

FMC: He’s your neighbor, drives a black Explorer, are you sure you don’t know Bob?

QT: The hell?!

FMC: Yes, I’ve got your address as blah blah, which means Bob is your neighbor next door. Are you sure you don’t know your own next-door neighbor who drives a black Explorer?

QT: Nope, I’m a recluse, sorry.
Went and told Bob FMC was calling me asking about him. He admitted he was late that month but said he’d already made payment arrangements and apologized that I was bothered. I offered to let Bob hide his truck on my property, not knowing if that would actually thwart a repo or not, he thanked me and declined. I noticed the Explorer in question disappeared a few days later, but didn’t ask any questions.
That was icky, I shouldn’t know about my neighbors finances unless he chooses to share, and why would FMC presume I’d be willing to set my neighbor up or dish dirt on him? The whole thing was just weird.

7

I used to be a clerk at a military office. Within our camp there are many units and divisions, each with their own extension numbers, but sharing the same line. Since several months ago, the main enquiry line was rigged to my Chief Clerk’s phone.

The bad thing is whenever anyone, and by anyone, I mean the Commander of an unit or a lowly toilet cleaner, call out, the caller id will show the enquiry number of the camp…

Needless to say, she wasn’t very pleased as she took on the role of the unofficial recepionist of the entire camp (and on top that, she’s a warrant officer…)

Soon, she left and the phone was passed to me…

And so one day the phone rings:
Irritated Stranger: Get me LT X at once!

Me: I am sorry, but there is no LT X here.

Irriated Stranger: What are you talking about? He called me at this number just now? Where is my son?

Me: I am sorry, sir, but this is Such and Such Unit. They accidentally rigged the enquiry number to our unit. There is no LT X here.

Irritated Stranger: Well, then, then get me LT X!

Me: I am sorry, there’s no LT X here.

Irritated Stranger: This is the army right? You shall have the number of the officers right? This is outrageous!! I just told to LT X just now?

Me: Please calm down. Can you tell which unit does LT X belongs to?

Irritated Stranger: I have no idea! How dare you ask me? Don’t you yourself? Is the military this ineffective?

I passed the line to my officer to handle at this point…

8

I got a call on my cell phone late at night last week from a number I didn’t know that featured a group of drunk girls singing “Lady Marmalade”

http://www.lyrics007.com/Christina%20Aguilera%20Lyrics/Lady%20Marmalade%20Lyrics.html

It was memorable because it was funny, and it was annoying because I had to get up early for work the next day.

9

It annoys me when I answer my phone and the caller says “Who is this?”

Grrr. Who are you calling? Are you just calling random numbers to make new friends?

10

My phone number is really excellent (basically, ABC-ABCD, except with numbers), but we get a lot of wrong numbers, I think because people start redialing without having actually hung up.

One wrong number was a drunk guy who asked for someone, but when I told him it was a wrong number, decided that he’d talk to me instead. I made some lame excuse and hung up on him.

Some elementary school office kept calling my house asking to speak to “Tierra’s mother.” I guess Tierra gave them a fake number.

Our fax machine got health-insurance forms (filled out, with all kinds of information) for weeks. It finally stopped when I managed to call the insurance company, told them they were sending stuff to a private residence, and assured them that I’d been shredding all the faxes that we’d gotten.

I got a voice message on my cell phone once that went something like: “Hey Jim, this is Don. I just got off the bus and I’m at the station. Can you come give me a ride?” I hope he called back later with the right number.

11

I was more like a series of calls I got several years ago while visiting my parents’ house:

Me: Hello

Irate Caller: I need to speak to Amanda immediately! Put her on the phone!

{Note: Amanda was my brother’s girlfiend and my brother was home from college).

Me: I don’t think she’s here since I haven’t noticed my brother come home yet, but I’ll check for you.

IC: I know she is–this is her FATHER–put her on the line now. I don’t want to hear any more of your lying. I want my daughter!

Me: I’ve never spoken with you before much less lied to you, but I’ll check if your daughter is here.

{I looked around the house. No one was there but me.}

Me: Amanda is not here, and neither is my brother. If she shows up, I’ll have her call you.

IC: You’re lying through your teeth. I know my daughter is there with that son of a bitch son of yours. PUT HER ON NOW.

Me: She is not here, you’re talking about my brother and my mother, and I don’t appreciate your tone of voice or language. Goodbye.

{I hung up. The phone rang again immediately but I let the machine get it. The calls kept coming and eventually I answered it figuring the guy is just really scared.}

IC (not even letting me say “hello”): I know my daughter is there. You put her on the phone RIGHT NOW or I’m calling the police.

Me: I know you are concerned about your daughter, but I do not deserve your abuse. She is not here. My brother is not here. Have you tried her friends?

IC: I know she’s there. I don’t know what kind of home you run but…

Me (cutting him off): I’ve said all I can about your daughter. If she shows up here, I’ll have her call you. Goodnight.

{I hung up. Again, the phone rang immediately. I let machine get it. Lather, rinse, repeat. Eventually, the calls stopped.}

About a half hour later, my brother came home and I told him about the calls. It turns out he hadn’t even been with Amanda. She’d gone out with some girlfriends.

12

Not so much annoying as very odd. Last fall, in my dorm room up at RPI, the dorm line rings.

Caller: “Is this the Human Resources department for RPI?”

I simply said no, and that was it, but to this day I wish I had answered with, “Yes, and I am Catbert, the evil HR Director.”

13

Back in the days before voicemail, we used to receive a lot of calls in the middle of the night in which someone who was obviously drunk or drugged would start out by asking “Is Giorgio there?” and not seem to understand that the reason why Giorgio isn’t here is that we don’t know anyone named Giorgio. Apparently this Giorgio had a phone number similar to ours, and he had a lot of friends or clients or whatever.

More than once I had the experience of explaining to such a caller that he had misdialed, only to get the belligerent response “Well, if it’s a wrong number, then why did you answer?”

14

Me too! That’s one of my pet peeves. I usually answer “You called me. You first.”

15

Our phone number is similar to that of a local coffee shop, and we’re pretty used to answering the phone and hearing “Is this Java Stop?” But one night I answered the phone and the first thing I heard was “Is Stephanie working tonight?” A number of responses popped into my head that would have been much more entertaining than “I think you’ve got the wrong number” but that’s the one I wound up going with.

16

Gah! I just got another one of these:

Me (picking up on the first ring): Hello?

Caller: Is your mommy there, young lady? <AARGH!!>

Me: No, she doesn’t live here, but perhaps you’d like to speak to my husband instead??

Caller (flustered): Oh, I’m so sorry! Er . . . um, (mumbles “Mrs. Hubby’sname,mispronounced” as I start to say:)

Me (slightly annoyed, incredulous tone): Is there some specific person that you’re trying to reach?

Caller (still recovering): Oh, er, um, may I speak to Mr. or Mrs. Hubby’sname,mispronounced?

Me (giving my standard response because I don’t share his name): Who’s calling, please?

Caller: <some trooper’s association>

Me: I’m sorry, but we don’t make donations over the telephone.

Cripes, when somebody answers the phone, don’t ask for their mommy, ask for the person you’re calling!! If I really AM three years old, you’ll figure that out soon enough. (I don’t know why I get these loons – my friends assure me that I don’t sound like a toddler.)

17

I’ve shared this one before:

I used to work at a TV station in Charleston, and one day I was covering the phones while the receptionist was at lunch.

“Good afternoon, TVxx, can I help you?”

“I need the phone number to the AMA.”

“The AMA? The American Medical Association?”

“Yes. I need their phone number now.”

“Ma’am, I’m sorry, I don’t know the number to the AMA. I suggest you call the local hospital.”

“Well, why don’t you know? You knew what AMA stands for!”

:confused:

“Ma’am, a lot people know what the AMA stands for. You’ve called a television station. You need to call a doctor or a hospital.”

click

Then, I felt bad once because we kept getting collect calls from a juvenile detention facility, asking us to accept the charges. We didn’t know anyone who’d be calling collect from a JD facility, so I kept hanging up, but I kept thinking some scared kid is trying to get a hold of his mom and can’t understand why she won’t talk to him.

18

If work stories are permitted, I have a bunch of 'em, since I was once the switchboard operator for a state government agency.

I would give the prize for Most Wacko Phone Call of All Time to the guy who called the Oklahoma Employment Security Commission and…

OPERATOR: Oklahoma Employment Security Commission. How may I direct your call?

CALLER: Is this the Oklahoma Employment Security Commission?

OPERATOR: Yes, sir. How can we help you?

CALLER: Lady, I have bugs in my well. I need to know how to get them out.

OPERATOR: If you have insects in a water well, you might want to talk to someone at the Oklahoma State University Agricultural Extension. Let me give you their number.

CALLER: No, I already talked to them, and I called the people at Social Security, and the Welfare Department, and you’re the last one on the page.

19

In college I was an assistant to a professor of physics. We got quite a few calls for a medical clinic, which we eventually determined had the same number as our office but a different area code. I always answered the office phone “Dr. Smith’s office,” which didn’t help the confusion.
One time I answered a call: “Dr. Smith’s office”, and a man said, “I want to make an appointment for my wife to get a breast exam.”
I still regret that I did not simply transfer the call to Dr. Smith, who would’ve gotten a kick out of it once he got over the initial shock.

20

One time, my friend Chris was on the phone for a few minutes with his grandma before they realized that grandma called the wrong Chris, and Chris was speaking to the wrong “grandma”.

This same friend once got a wrong number call. They asked for some guy and my friend said “I’m sorry, you have the wrong number.” The guy replied by yelling “Hey, buddy, fuck you!” and hung up.