I was listening to that classic commentary carol, “We Didn’t Start The Fire,” and it occurs to me that, just because of when it was written, it doesn’t cover anything after the late 1980s. So I figure, us Dopers are smart enough to condense the last 15 years or so into another few verses lamenting the sorry state of our society. Here’s my attempt, such as it is:
Berlin Wall, Gulf War, collapse of the USSR
LA Riots, Lorena jeers, NAFTA, goodbye Cheers
Rwanda, Kerrigan, OJ and Kevorkian
Calvin and Hobbes, Oklahoma [The Oklahoma City bombing], Yitzhak Rabin, and ebola
Princess Di, Carl Sagan, Heaven’s Gate, seizures from Pokemon
Jonesboro, Monica, impeachment, Viagra
Charles Schulz, Y2K, Douglas Adams, WTC goes away
Harry Potter, terror attacks, Madrid, war in Iraq
Merciful Og, that was harder than I thought it would be. And it doesn’t seem very good, either. I’m sure you’ll all come up with much better stuff. Have at it!
There was a parody called I didn’t Fart, You Liar!. Coincidentally, I went looking for the lyrics yesterday. I found some, but not all of them. I don’t remember who did it.
I’ll bite, here’s my obviously culturally biased stab at it (please be gentle):
Grunge Rock, Stephen King
Hockey Strike, Bling Bling
Martha Stewart, Iraq
OJ, Terrorist Attack
Scud Missle, Waco
Olestra, Canseco
Berlin Wall, Monica
Rwanda, Russia
Phil Hartman, Dangerfield
Arafat, Project Shield
Atkins, Carson
NAFTA, Mars mission
Really stretching with rhyming mission to Carson so I’ll just stop there
Perestroika, Berlin Wall, Desert Storm, Hannibal,
Saddam, Perot, National Debt, Clinton/Gore, the Internet,
Weaver, Koresh, McVeigh, Lewinsky and eBay,
Columbine, No Fly Zone, Matthew Shepard, sheep clone.
Dangling chad, Ken Lay, Britney Spears, 401K.
World Trade Center, Taliban, bombing of Afghanistan. Columbia, Tikrit, Middle East, Iraq has no WMDs,
gay marriage, stem cells, partisan hacks can go to hell!
I prefer the alternate lyrics (that are updated yearly by the group) of the a capella group Cayuga’s Waiters at my Alma Mater, Cornell University. They have quite a lovely rendition of We Didn’t Go To Harvard.
Sock puppets will be banned
Rio dances on the sand
hi Opal, bring back pie,
I.P.U.
Band name, Gaudere’s Law
How long on the ocean floor
angry-hungry, nine yards
penis ensues
Czarcasm, the Science Board
Welcome our new overlords,
Chick tracts, Cajun Man, QED,
Og smash.
Goat felching, death ray,
Longest ever thread was ‘a’
Paid subscriptions, missed content
perfect master, xash
You’ll never stop the hampsters
Just don’t be a jerk,
and keep it safe for work
You’ll never stop the hampsters
Ignorance is fought,
takes longer than we thought.
I laughed so hard my roommates came in to investigate and found me quite literally laying on the floor holding my stomach. It’s brilliant. I’m not worthy.
