Move over Caligula, big budget porn movies have a new champion

[bouv]

And its name be Pirates.

'Tiss a tale of the sea, of scurvy dogs and wenches, settin' sail round the world, stealing treasure, and fucking like a bunch o' dogs in heat, it be.

[Coin]

I call dibs on the "plundering booty" joke!

as soon as I think of a way to make it funny.

[The Scrivener]

I take it there's some swordplay in this flick? [snicker]

Originally Posted by bouv

Move over Caligula, big budget porn movies have a new champion

Big budget, maybe, but a regular-ish "movie" with mainstream actors, er, no. Pirates is still just a storyline porno (not that there's anything wrong with that). Caligula remains on top in that respect.

[Otto]

Goddammit, I keep trying to come up with a "15 men on a dead man's chest" joke but it keeps turning out all necrophiliac.

[Otto]

Originally Posted by The Scrivener

Caligula remains on top

Heh.

[Left Hand of Dorkness]

I wonder what they'll have to cut to get an Arrrrr! rating?

Daniel

[Fern Forest]

They did that with Dream Quest. Something about watching monsters having sex with women was decidedly unsexy and unerotic.

Although it might be interesting to watch a skeleton and a woman.

Hmm?

We need a stroking beard smilie as that's what I'm doing. <--- straight line

[Left Hand of Dorkness]

Originally Posted by Fern Forest

They did that with Dream Quest. Something about watching monsters having sex with women was decidedly unsexy and unerotic.

Although it might be interesting to watch a skeleton and a woman.[/size]

I guess, if you watch porn for the boners.

Daniel

[astro]

Will it be aboard The Raging Queen? What of the poor cabin boy?

[Evil Captor]

Actually, Jenna Jameson did a big budget hardcore pirate flick called Conquest back in 1997. So we aren't exactly breaking new ground here. And the thing that made Caligula kinda different was that they had mainstream A level actors like Malcolm MacDowell and Helen Mirren in on it. They didn't do hardcore of course, but they did some pretty raunchy stuff, like MacDowell and Mirren doing some softcore sex doggie style.

Kinda reminds me of that HBO series "Rome" come to think of it.

[Baldwin]

Tommy Loy: the Movie.

[Chairman Pow]

Originally Posted by Fern Forest

<--- straight line

You know, surprisingly most pirates weren't...uh, never mind.

[GuanoLad]

That's some impressive imagery for a medium budget porn film! ANd I'm not talking about the womanflesh on display, either. They've put an awful lot of effort into it.

It's a shame the acting and sex will be irritatingly glammed up standard porn.

[Savannah]

I'd watch it.

[Argent Towers]

Holy fucking shit.

This movie actually looks better than Pirates of the Carribean (which I hated and which I actually fell asleep during.) I believe it was the two-hour long skeleton swordfight with the overused blue-gray color pallette that bored me the most. I can actually see myself enjoying Pirates as a movie, not just as a porno.

[priapus]

It will do til Busty Cops 2 comes out

[CalMeacham]

It wasn't just Malcolm McDowell that made Caligula such an event -- it had Peter O'Toole and John Gielgud (!!!!!!) -- although they were not, of course, in the porn sections.

But the real killer was that Gore Vidal wrote the original screenplay -- the same Vidal who gave us Julian and Creation. They jettisoned his stuff and added a lot of porn.

I still can't believe they threw away all that talent to make a porn epic.

[seosamh]

Good Lord: those women are UGLY! It's almost enough to put me off porn altogether.

[ShibbOleth]

Originally Posted by seosamh

Good Lord: those women are UGLY! It's almost enough to put me off porn altogether.

Ditto. Too fake, too (fake) blonde.

[Evil Captor]

Originally Posted by seosamh

Good Lord: those women are UGLY! It's almost enough to put me off porn altogether.

Now, let's not get too hasty there. Don't wanna do anything you'll regret later.

[seosamh]

I said almost .....

[ArrMatey!]

Having seen Conquest, I have to say it's pretty good. The sex is pretty generic, but the sets and costumes (and even swordfights) are pretty good. The new one? Eh. I agree. Too blonde, too fake. Or, as (I believe) a local DJ said, "They look like women female impersonators."

[Bippy the Beardless]

A good ol' jolly rogering all round, nice.

[Duke of Rat]

Shiver me timber

[ArrMatey!]

Grrr. Had quicktime 6, upgraded to watch the preview, and now can't watch it. Grr.

[Jurph]

Originally Posted by astro

Will it be aboard The Raging Queen? What of the poor cabin boy?

It's his turn in the barrel... with Jenna!

[middleman]

This film was directed by a true dongmonger!

[Loopydude]

Originally Posted by Left Hand of Dorkness

I wonder what they'll have to cut to get an Arrrrr! rating?

I guess, if you watch porn for the boners.

Daniel

That'd be two of yer scurvy puns in this thread alone to churn me bowels. Batten it down, ye lubber, or I'll have ye keelhauled!

Now, fair wenches, avast! I be hoistin' me mizzen...

[GrizzRich]

I'm wondering if there's going to be a new meaning to the term 'fist full o' gold.

That could go a few different ways.

[Loopydude]

Originally Posted by GrizzRich

I'm wondering if there's going to be a new meaning to the term 'fist full o' gold.

I'm trying to think of a good joke for "pieces of eight", but they're all lame oral puns. Anyhow, I don't think this cast is big enough to support much more than a three-way, so orgy references are right out as well.

[Left Hand of Dorkness]

Eh. Pirates of the Carribean had plenty of C&B* for me.

Daniel

*Chest and Booty

[Charlie Tan]

I'm not so sure, however, that 18th century piratettes had collagen and silicon enhancements, let alone shaved parts and tattos in close vincinity of said shaved parts.

[Scruloose]

I seem to recall hearing back in the day that Caligula was originally done as an historic epic, directed by Francis Ford Coppola. Then Bob Guccione had all the porno stuff spliced in, unbeknownst to Coppola who subsequently had his name legally removed from the project. Or something like that.

Can anyone confirm or debunk that story?

[Guinastasia]

Is it just me, or does the second chick from the left look like Christina Aguilera?

[Left Hand of Dorkness]

Originally Posted by Guinastasia

Is it just me, or does the second chick from the left look like Christina Aguilera?

No, no, you both do.

Daniel

[Sam Stone]

I'll bet they 'walk the plank' a lot.

[Loopydude]

And swabbing the poop deck will take on a whole new dimension.

[Cervaise]

Man, them are some ugly plasticky chiquitas. Give me Euro porn any day.

Originally Posted by Scruloose

Can anyone confirm or debunk that story about Caligula?

Sort of, but not exactly. It wasn't Coppola, but the director (and writer) did disown the production. Neither did it for the hardcore sex, though. See the link, the first big paragraph about a third of the way down.

And for anyone who's curious, Caligula isn't worth sitting through, despite its notoriety. It's one of those movies with such a reputation that people feel like they have to see what it's about; but afterward you just feel dumb for having been suckered by the rep. It's long and boring and pretty stupid. Still, the lure is so powerful that until you've seen it for yourself, nobody will be able to convince you it isn't worth seeing.

Oh, and Conquest is pretty good, though there are a few scenes where it's hard to enjoy the sex while you're worrying about the performers getting sand into their moist bits.

[Cervaise]

Sorry about the inadvertent modification to Scruloose's quote. I was trying to code it as an emendation, i.e. "can anyone confirm or debunk that story [about Caligula]" and I screwed it up.

[Scruloose]

Originally Posted by Cervaise

Man, them are some ugly plasticky chiquitas. Give me Euro porn any day.
Sort of, but not exactly. It wasn't Coppola, but the director (and writer) did disown the production. Neither did it for the hardcore sex, though. See the link, the first big paragraph about a third of the way down.

And for anyone who's curious, Caligula isn't worth sitting through, despite its notoriety. It's one of those movies with such a reputation that people feel like they have to see what it's about; but afterward you just feel dumb for having been suckered by the rep. It's long and boring and pretty stupid. Still, the lure is so powerful that until you've seen it for yourself, nobody will be able to convince you it isn't worth seeing.

Ah - thanks for the link. And I completely agree with your point about seeing the film. Curiosity got the best of me when I was 19 and I saw the movie. B-O-R-I-N-G. I'll never get that, what - 7 hours? back.

[Sam Stone]

So is it fair to say that the 'name' actors in the movie like McDowell knew it was going to be a hard-core film?

[Sam Stone]

I meant, "Is it fair to say that NONE of the big name actors knew it was going to be a hard-core porn film?"

[Evil Captor]

Well, like the movie or not, I remember one of the historians on The History Channel's series on Sex in Ancient Days (or something to that effect) saying that what went down in Caligula was a lot closer to what went on in the Caeser's orgies than anything you'd see in other, more respectable films.

[Scruloose]

Originally Posted by Sam Stone

I meant, "Is it fair to say that NONE of the big name actors knew it was going to be a hard-core porn film?"

According to the link that Cervaise provided: "Peter O'Toole and John Gielgud claimed to have been unaware hardcore sex footage was being shot for the film."
No word on Malcolm McDowell.

[Dusty]

That makes little sense and sounds to me like they're just after-the-fact distancing themselves from the project.

The screenplay always had sex in it, right from the very inception. It wasn't tacked on at the last minute, it was an integral part of the story. The scenes Bob Guccione added were mostly (poor) reshoots of scenes already in the film. How any of them could not have been aware that the film portrayed scenes of graphic sex is baffling. Sir John Gielgud, for one, was certainly aware. He originally was cast for the part of Tiberius Caesar, but pulled out because he thought the film verged on pornographic. Later, he reconsidered its artistic merit and took the smaller role of Nerva (Peter O'Toole taking the Tiberius part). He's quite free to change his mind back again, of course, but to claim he was completely in the dark is ludicrous.

Bob Guccione did a lot of terrible things to Caligula (mainly in his incredibly sloppy editing), but he didn't significantly change the story or its content. The lesbian scene, a few additions to the Imperial Bordello scene... that was about all he created himself and all the actors could legitimately have been unaware of.