I had never even heard of Pirates let alone know it was a huge best seller film.
I am sure no Dopers ever watch porn, but do you, uh, have friends who do and what did they think of the film?
Here’s an earlier thread on the subject, for what it’s worth.
Arg.
Didn’t know the topic had been previously pillaged.
I bought a copy of Cleopatra- a similar type of big budget porn movie. Apparently it won all kinds of awards and sold buttloads of copies (no pun intended).
I give them credit for trying, but the movie just turns out to be hilarious. I’d go into details, but I don’t want to hijack.
The point is: I have a feeling Pirates would be the same.
But if it’s porny and funny, that would be good. Unless it’s so silly that one is unable to stay turned on due to excess of hilarity.
I think one of the dangers is that most porn actors (both male and female) have specialized talents that aren’t necessarily taught at places like Actors’ Studio and the theater department of Northwestern University nor have they had a chance to perfect their acting skills at the Pasadena Playhouse or similar locations.
So their ability to sustain a high profile production tends to fall short of their skills.
Ah. I get you. I don’t watch much porn (all I’ve ever seen is a few short videos with very little or no dialogue), despite my best efforts.
So it would be unintentionally funny due to lack of acting skills on the part of the participants. That’s one of my favorite kinds of funny. And it’s porn–how could you go wrong?
That kind of funny can be entertaining for short spurts, but in the long run, it is hard to sustain it. Productions can be flacid. It can be so easliy blown. I guess it all comes down to that.
Groan.
Oops.
Production costs of over $1 million? The investors will end up in a hole for sure. I bet they’ll feel like boobs for wasting their money on such a bust.
The “acting” is about the same level found in most porn films. It was amusing, but not one of my favorites. I prefer goofier films such as “Edward Penishands.”
Sounds like Pirates needed a “money shot”. 
I read that this movie has already sold over 100,000 copies, when the average porn film is lucky to sell 5,000. Seems like they have made a nice profit on it.
Let met set the scene up for you: Cleopatra is laying on her bed. She has some elaborate, see through thing on the top, but is totally bottomless. Caeser walks in wearing some obviously cardboard “Roman” outfit.
(From my memory, so not exact!)
Caeser: “My Cleopatra! After much blood shed, death, and many lives lost my day has finally come. I have been named ruler of Rome! Now I can lead the people of Rome to a greater era! (on and on it goes for a minute or so)”
Cleopatra: “It is true, but Caeser: DO ME NOW!” Then the 70s porn music starts and penis ensues.
And there is one part I have to wonder if it is intentional or not: Octavious bangs Octavia. Unless my history is totally screwed: aren’t they brother and sister? They never mention their relationship, but it is pretty funny to see a brother double pen his sister with the slave boy.
What? I have a sick sense of humor, ok? 
So that is where HBO got that idea. 'cept for the slave boy part of course.
The only porn movie I ever saw that made an effort:
A German spoof of Hamlet, based around the idea that Hamlet was too indecisive to put the moves on the girl he’s obsessed with (Ophelia) despite the fact that she’s as easy as pie.
Typical scenes included him sitting on the edge of her bed in her chambers, masturbating bitterly while giving a soliloquy, as Ophelia gets it on with two handmaids a few inches behind him – or Hamlet going for a walk with Laertes (around a real castle) and having two peasant girls throw themselves at them, which Laertes gets most of the advantage of, because Hamlet is still busy moping about Ophelia.
Corny as hell, of course, but the costumes, sets, and locations were definitely a step beyond.
Funny? You want funny? Just read through the categories, titles, and scene names for the 2006 AVN Awards Nominations. Pirates gets 24 noms.
Hell, the press release is hilarious all by itself.
I haven’t seen “Pirates” but what I’ve seen of porn in general indicates to me that anything beyond the old “two or more people humping in a hotel room” scenario has got to seem like a refreshing change, a really “outside the box” movie that challenges all the porn conventions for all they’re worth.
That’s why I like hentai – it consistently features plotting and characterization. Sometimes even GOOD plotting and characterization.
Mind you, I’ve nothing AGAINST those porn films that are simply conceived and designed to get people off. I’ve seen some that were quite nice. There was one I saw once starring an actress named “Blondie Bee.” She is riding around on a nice, sunny day in a convertible. She picks up a hunky guy, they go to a pleasant hillside, and have a lot of sex in the California sun, both appearing to enjoy themselves and each other enormously. It was about as pleasant as a sex film is ever likely to be. However, I have just said about all you can say about such a film without just cataloguing sex acts. Some people would call that a review, but I wouldn’t.
It could well be that there is an aesthete wrt how sex is performed in adult films of which I am not aware, but having seen a fair number of porn films, I tend to be suspicious along those lines.
So unless there is considerable competition for Pirates in terms of plotting and characterization, I would say it deserves all the awards. I imagine the same was true of “The Fashionistas” when it won all the awards.
I saw this one! Very entertaining. The best porn I ever saw, story-wise, was the remake of Alice In Wonderland, starring Kristine DeBell. Singing, dancing, costume, playful animals…
Ha ha ha! The Caesar/Cleopatra scene is something I must see. That would be really funny. The other, I’m not sure, but hey, those kinds of scenes are perfectly fine with me, outside any humor, as long as they’re not violent.
Like I said, I haven’t seen much porn, so I’m not jaded yet. I don’t know how much you have to watch to become jaded, but something tells me I better get started.