Cleopatra is getting massaged (naked, naturally) by her slave girl while some other slave girl is washing herself in the background.
Cleopatra (turning her head towards the slave girl): “I like them.”
Pause
Pause
Massage
Pause
Cleopatra: “Your hands, they’re so delicate.”
Pause
Massage
Pause
Cleopatra: “But Caeser’s feel better on my pussy.”
70s porn music
You can figure out what happened after that.
Oh, did I mention this film wasn’t originally in English? Yeah, the words are dubbed over- making for even more funny.
If you do buy Cleopatra for the funny, buy the special edition (I bought it online for $24).
The second disc has bloopers (PORN BLOOPERS! ha!) and interviews with all the actors and directors.
The director is hilarious. He wears a little hat, smokes, has a funny little accent. He goes on and on how he spent YEARS looking for the proper actress to play Cleopatra and how it took forever to get permits to actually shoot in Egypt.
My fiance bought it home as a surprise for me, and we snuggled up on the couch to watch it.
I loved it, but neither of us could get horny watching it. At one point we were laughing so hard we were both crying. The “Good captain” guy in it is hilarious. His performance is so completely, cheeseily tongue-in-cheek…it was brilliant in a very MST3K-worthy sort of way.
I’ll grant you, my sweetie and I have pretty odd senses of humor, but…
[spoiler]One of our favorite scene was: one of the female leads is kidnapped by a gang of pirates and stolen away to a pirate hideout where she is forced to have sex with a prostitute, while the pirate-gang looked on.
Turns out it’s a “pirate bachelor party”, the female lead gets into it after about 15 seconds of protest about the situation, and the two men are happily engaged in a girl-girl show for the “bachelor party” to watch. That’s not the funny part.
The entire time the two woman are having at, as it were, the pirates are making some of the most hilarious pirate-porn cliches we’d ever heard.
*“Arrr! Swab 'er deck, lassy!” One of the girls was on the other one’s boobs and one crys out “land ho!”
My sweetie and I started joining in with some of our own comments about poop decks, and walkin’ the plank, and we just lost it. [/spoiler]
Speaking of pr0n movies that have gone above and beyond the call of duty to entertain the horny masses, I once saw an absolutely hilarious porno called “Dick Black, Black Dick” made sometime in the 70s or early 80s in the vein of a Blaxploitation flick. It was about a black private detective named Dick Black who interrogated his female subjects via giving them orgasms, and there were even a few cheesy fight scenes thrown in (plus you can imagine the groovy blaxploitation-style dialogue). Due to the nature of the title though, it has been impossible to find a DVD copy using a normal search engine (as you can imagine). Though I did manage to find a listing for it once, it hadn’t been released yet, and I haven’t been able to find a listing for it since. Any suggestions?
singing
Even with a show the critics hammer,
Featuring a bosom or a leg,
Still there’s lots of glory and there’s glamour
To back a drama that lays an egg.
