Note: This thread is not about sick porn. There is a lot of sick, depraved, disgusting pornography out there. If it’s sick, depraved, disgusting AND hilarious, then it’s acceptable for this thread. But it must first and foremost be funny. Please keep that in mind.
With that being said, I’ll start off with a porn I only know about from my friend Megan. Her ex-roommate was this guy who was obsessed with porn, and sometimes he’d show her the really weird ones. This porno was about a woman having sex with like five guys, but that’s not the weird part. The weird part is that all the guys were dressed in extremely realistic-looking latex pterodactyl costumes. While the girl was having sex with one of the guys, the others would stand over them, flapping their arms and saying, “Kaw kaw kaw! Ka-kaw!”
I like to tell this story to people I know who’re having a really bad day. It never fails to make them laugh hysterically. I know it makes me grin like an idiot sometimes, and I’ve never even seen the damn thing. Okay, I can kind of see the appeal in something like Batman porn, but pterodactyls? Who’s browsing their local adult video store, going, “Oh, Pterodactyl Gangbang 4! That is so hot to me!”
Google “Smurf Porn.” First link. In Spanish.
Don’t ask where I found it. I think someone here on the boards linked it a while back, and I haven’t been able to unsee it since.
The first true porn film I saw (excluding novelties like Flesh Gordon) was The Private Afternoons of Pamela Mann. The film was decent technical quality and seemed to be going through a number of variations of sexual hooking up. No surprise there.
What’s weird is that there was an ordinary-looking woman, fully dressed, carrying a clipboard who, at one point in the proceedings, showed up in every scene and asked one of the participants some complex question about politics or economic policy, which the participant answered abstractedly with “Yes”, “No”, or “I don’t know”. There didn’t seem to be any reason for this person to be there, and none of the participants ever seemed to show any surprise that she was there, asking inane poll questions.
At the end of the film someone finally took notice of her.
“Who are you? What are you doing in this scene?” asked the naked man.
She replied:
“Oh, I’m here to give the movie Redeeming Social Value.”
That was the buzz-phrase of the 1970s. You couldn’t ban an X-rated film if it had RSV.
Ditto! I saw that one, as a matter of fact, or at least a clip of it. It’s beyond bizarre. It’s not even sick, really, they’re having normal sex as far as I can tell in the 30 second clip I saw. Just every once in a while, they flap their wings and do the cawing.
First thing I thought of was the photo of a sweaty, hairy, fat guy, chugging a can of corn, positioned doggie style with a woman that has a sad expression on her face.
I can’t recall the name of it now (I think it was something generic like Arabian Twinks or something), but it was a gay porn with a 1001 Nights theme to it, with the frame story of it all being in a book that some young man was reading.
Except, in several shots you could see him moving his finger along the text as he read it, and he was reading the Arabic backwards.
It’s just such a random, throwaway detail that it cracked me up. I could imagine this exchange between the actor and the director:
“Okay, this scene of you reading is really boring. You need to spice it up a bit.”
“I could do it naked?”
“Mmm, no, no. That isn’t really what I’m looking for.”
“I could lick my lips and look like I’m really turned on?”
“No…not quite right. I’m just not believing that you’re reading this book.”
“I could move my finger across the page like I’m following the words?”
“Perfect!”
Great. I had to talk to a co-worker who went to a questionable site during her lunch, and now I’m giggling my ass off over the thought of this. Thanks, Dr. Ross Geller.
I’m not one to watch porn, but I’ve seen a few. One I saw quite a long time ago was Nightdreams. Forget the sex. This is one of the most surreal films I’ve seen. A jack-in-the-box with a very long nose, sitting in bed next to a fish, a zombie with a fetus, and…
Mr. Cream Of Wheat. The link is to YouTube and there’s no nudity in it. Of course it’s been heavily edited, and it’s much funnier uncut.
And I still remember these quotes from The Devil: ‘Attention! That’s all I want! An hour on Sunday morning right after the Farm Report. Where’s the harm in that?’ and ‘Pain? Do you want to know what pain is? Pain is not having your own cable outlet so you can show your friends what Life is all about.’
They play funny porn clips on The Howard Stern Show all the time. Mostly guys having outrageously loud or long orgasms.
Recently they played this one of this lady screaming OH, BILL, OHHHHHHHHH BILL, OHHHHHHHHHH Bi-iii-iii-iii-i-i-i-i-iiiiiiiiiiiLL!!! etc over and over. They asked the guy who found the clip, “boy, he must really be going to town on her to get a reaction like that, huh?”
He replied: She’s on top. The guy is just laying there.
I was looking for something online a while ago, not porn as far as I can recall but something else. Instead, I ended up with a porn video instead of what I was originally looking for.
The porn itself wasn’t inherently funny. However, the porn was dubbed in Spanish.
Let me repeat that. Porn. Dubbed.
Maybe it’s just me, but I found it hysterically funny.
I saw a movie with gargoyle porn once. Two actors with elaborate head makeup and full gray bodypaint, and one normal woman. Of course, the illusion was broken by the actors’ bright pink dongs, because apparently the woman didn’t want to taste the bodypaint or get it in her hoo-ha.
