I figured that the pit was the best place for this thread…
After this woman gets ass-poked by more than twenty guys, she turns to the camera and states “I need a new butthole”.
A girl is poking her OWN fingers in her nether regions and she has those huge fake nails. She looks over at the camera and says “I lost one” That’s right folks, one of her fake fingernails fell off her damn hand inside her own butt.
I could probably think of more but I need to go grab another beer 
My hubby has in his possession a porn flick from Brazil. It features a burro being - ahem - ministered to by a young woman. The really hilarious part? They dubbed a human voice for the burro! So this burro is going, “Unnhhhnnn…neeehhnnnnhaann…huuaaannnhhh!” the whole time! Meanwhile they keep cutting to shots of the burro’s face. I never saw an animal look so bored in my life. The juxtaposition was quite gigglicious.
Man, you’ve got a serious anal sex fetish.
Cool.
“Hold on, let me get my teeth out”
The lady then takes out her false teeth and puts them on the arm of a couch. They show the guys face and he is trying to control his laughter, and is doing a bad job of it.
The lesson I learned from that is the bargain bin at the porn shop is no bargain at all.
“I’m sorry, I can’t have sex with you - you’re not my wife!” Okay, I’m making this up. But it would be stupid, wouldn’t it?
Thenk yew…bowing deeply…
What’s so stupid about that? It’s probably the most astute observation ever heard in a porn film. She’d probably be right at home as an anchor on Fox News.
Ok, how about……
Some nubile little tart who is down on all fours with legs spread as far as they go, looking at the dude behind her who’s fondling his porn star crank, says to him, “ What are you going to do with that?”
Well,duh.
This does not qualify as “stupidest” – in fact, it may be fairly witty as such things go. But…
Solo scene, masturbation. It’s one of those pseudo-artsy porn films that plays scene-setting music in the background. And what they’d selected was an instrumental cover of Whitney Houston’s “The Greatest Love of All.” Naturally, some of the words to it began running through my mind. And I busted out laughing.
Gratuitous Kids in the Hall moment:
“What is similar about those two scenes?”
“Well, they’re both very well written…”
This concludes our Gratuitous KITH moment. You may now return to your regularly-scheduled porn thread.
This wasn’t dumb, but it was pretty hilarious.
In ‘Rump Reamers’, Ron Jeremy and some other guy are doing a DP of Asia Carrere, Ron is on bottom. The guy on top (T T Boy? Not sure) pulls out for the cum shot and starts ejaculating - all over Ron. Hardly any actually got on the girl. Ron says ‘Did you get any on her?’ and all three of them (and I believe some of the people behind the scenes) start laughing in the middle of the sex scene.
I was watching a dubed Japanese porno once and the guy says to the girl: “All your twat are belong to us”
“Do you like HOT sex?”
Ummm… wait, lemme think about this one… yes?
If you’ve ever seen a porn film featuring Jeff Stryker, any ‘line’ reading he does is hilarious.
“Yeah, suck that dick.”
The line is said with all the passion and enthusiasm that one would reserve for ordering dinner when full.
And speaking of Jeff Stryker, was watching a DVD of one of his latest porns (he’s not aging well), and it was set in a stable. Imagine, if you will, hunky and well-hung Stryker rides into the stable on his horse, makes idle chit-chat with the blond twinkie farm hand, and, well, pummels the poor lad on a haybale. And just in the middle of everything, including the obligatory, “Yeah, you like that big cock up your ass, don’t you?” you hear…
We were laughing for a good twenty minutes over that one.
Esprix
I have an old one that was given to me by my brother in law. It’s a lesbian strap-on-dildo flic with a five minute section where they didn’t overdub the directors voice. It’s funny as hell watching three women being “spontaneous” while hearing the director clearly saying “Come on, move your hips dammit, now moan, thats it, now lick your lips… make the face hon, make the face.”
It’s a classic, I could probably make a few bucks from a collector, but I don’t think I could ever part with it.
Several years ago I was watching one where they forgot to overdub the director. The funny scene was the obligatory two guys/one girl scene. You could hear the director giving the girl instructions but the funniest part came when the director says, sounding bored, “Now, tell him that you like him better than his friend” and the girl, in the exact same bored-type voice says, “Oh yeah, I like you better than your friend.” I guess you had to be there…
I have a porno of undetermined origins… the dialog is not Korean, not Japanese… probably Chinese.
All of the dialog is subtitled at he bottom of the screen, and some of it is classic!
“Sway harder at lower part!”
“It pouring like pear juicy.”
“He is undergoing a silent revolution; Brother Kang, can you endure?”
“You are itchy?” “Yes! Yes! Very itchy!”
But the best one is when they are interviewing a girl (who is about to get all nekkid and do her “first movie”): she looks into the camera and says something in Chinese(?). At the bottom of the screen: “Hello, gentlemen. My name is Sally, and from now I will be in many good movie!”
Your name is “Sally”?
You don’t LOOK like a “Sally” to me!!
I love to whip this tape out at drunken parties… always good for a laugh!
Scene from some porno in college. This sound bite was taped and played on stereo (volume = 11) during finals week quad yells.
(apologies for language)
He (going oral on her): What a big cunt. (echo: What a big cunt.)
She: You didn’t have to say it twice.
He: Hey, I only said it once. (echo: Once…once…[sub]once[/sub]…)
My housemates junior year in college had a habit of renting the most bucket porno tapes the rental place had. Not that I was watching them, mind you. I was usually busy ignoring the videos, as I was too entralled with a number of books that only sensitive men can truly appreciate.
Anyway, in this hump flick, some chick was about to blow a guy and the guy says “Yeah, that’s it. Have lunch.”
Have lunch?