The stupidest?
Any woman that says, “I’m gonna cum! I’m gonna cum! I’m cumming!!”
Uh huh.
My particular favorite? A ‘college professor’ was about to nail a supposed raver-chick in the most notorious of body cavities. She looks over her shoulder at him, and pants out, “Oh, Doctor, Nine Inch Nail my ass!”
That was one for the highlight films. 
That basically says it all.
I’m not sure this counts, but in “Insatiable,” Marilyn Chambers is going down on this geeky guy she picked up on the side of the road (!) and on the soundtrack a man is singing a song about what’s going on on the screen. It’s all very early 70s, but it certainly kills the mood.
“Which hole is he in?”–from the person sitting 3 seats to my right.
…
Oh, you mean stupidest line FROM a porn flick…
In Deep Throat, there’s a lady sitting on a kitchen counter near the beginning of the film. There’s a guy between her legs munching away. She pulls out a cigarette and asks the guy “Do you mind if I smoke while you eat?”
I’ll think of some more eventually.
I don’t remember the name of the movie, but it was a video of a bunch of different clips (probably out takes) of various gay porn flicks. It was made sometime in the 70’s, judging by the clothing.
[Swanky music playing]
Guy#1: Opens door to greet Guy #2
Guy#2: Hey, Dave. You’re looking pretty tall.
Guy#1: Yeah, I’ve been playing a lot of basketball lately. Wanna suck my dick?
[Dogzilla dissolves into giggle fit]
[/Sawnky Music]
A scene in which a German guy goes to visit a prostitute in Amsterdam. they’ve been through four positions already, the girl is screaming with hot hot porno lust, she’s writhing and twisting, grinding against this guys hips, having already been fucking for eleven minutes and the guy says, (in English with a thick german accent)
“You like to sit on my cock?”
::cough::
It breaks me up every time.
jarbaby
Can’t remember the title of this one, but this was very near the beginning of the film: man is, er, performing analingus on a woman. She: “I like your tongue in my butt.” He: “My tongue likes being in your butt.”
Now I KNOW I never wanna see a porno-are they all made so poorly?
Hell, this sounds like fodder for MST3K!
Now I know what job I want – English proofreader for a Japanese porn company!
For some reason, they like to cover the video boxes in some of the strangest English I’ve ever seen.
“Enjoy the fuck of noble woman”
“She give to palty of big happy”
“Don’t you like to pull her sailor?”
But the oddest one had to be the Christian-themed Japanese porn series I saw in the store one day. The title that stuck in my mind was “Jesus Clitoris Superstar.” Now I wish I had rented it.
–sublight.
As Max Stiener has his way anally with a barely 18-year old:
Max: Does that hurt?
Teen: Yeah.
Max: Well that’s too fucking bad.
If it were an action film, this probably would be line of the year. But in a porn film, without S&M in it? Hmm…although one has to consider that Max Hardcore style looks worse than S&M.
1: A sort of kidnap scene, the guy comes on the girl, and the other dominatrix-wannabe woman tells her “look at it! Look at his cum! Doesn’t it look like venom?”
2: A man wearing nothing but cowboy boots and hat is doing a woman from behind while she is bent over a table. He slaps her butt and says “Ya mule!”… now, I’ve heard of pretending your partner is someone else… but this disturbs me.
Waitress: What’ll you have?
Customer (Leering): I’ll have some pie…and a couple of melons. How’s that sound?
Waitress: Like you’re an idiot.
OK, I made that last line up. That’s what I always hear her say.
Best line from a prono I haven’t seen: "Come on! Let me show you how to take it like a marine!**
My friend (I’m too pure and innocent to have seem porn… ahem…) said that the stupidest thing she ever heard was the guy saying “I’m in you” to the girl and proceeding to narate the entire act…
That would be SEEN porn… not SEEM porn… <blush> Stupid keyboard…
I always thought that this would be a great idea for something like the Playboy channel to do. Call is like “Mysteriouse Sex 69000” or something, and have the same sort of jabs as in MST3K. I think it would be funny as hell…sigh…yet another idea of mine that will never come to fruitation.
In one of those cheapy loops.
She: Professer, you gave me an F on the mid-term. I’ve gotta pass this class.
He: How about a little “oral” exam?
Boom chicka pow-wa
The theme song to one of my hubby’s favorites.
Deeeep inside Vanessaaaa
Guy#1: Help me find my car keys.
Guy#2: Yea. Let me light up this flashlight, then we can drive outta here.
Deeeep inside Vanessaaaaaa!!
The above was paraphrased. If anyone knows the real lyrics to Deep Inside Vanessa Del Rio, I’d love to see them.
I have to agree wholeheartedly with xploder’s, “Do you mind if I smoke while you eat?” line from “Deep Throat.” I stared at the TV aghast for five minutes, thinking, “THIS STUPID SHIT was GROUNDBREAKING?” Besides which, if her clit was in her throat, even White Castle would be orgasmic for Linda Lovelace. I know porno isn’t supposed to be about plot, but come on!
There were a bunch of short “Swedish Erotica” flicks on one of my dad’s videotapes, and one of them involved a guy bringing 8mm porn flicks home to watch with his wife…and through the WHOLE THING, it was like triple-fucking-dubbing. Couple on movie screen…we can see that he’s eating her. Couple on bed WATCHING movie…we can see that he’s eating HER. Woman on bed, being eaten: “Ohhh…you’re eating me like he’s eating her!” HOLY SHIT, REALLY? What a fucking GENIUS! And so HELPFUL for those of us in the audience who might have been having trouble following these SUBTLE VISUAL CUES! What is this, porn for the blind? No offense to anyone who’s blind, but christ, who else would need the running commentary?
And a quick BTW, to all of you who say, “I don’t watch porn, but…” whether you are obviously joking or honestly trying to pretend you don’t: FUCK you. Fuck you and your puritanical need to appear innocent while posting to a thread about porn. You’re probably the same weasels who go into a sex toy shop and blush and giggle and try desperately to convince the cashier that you’re buying the Ultra-Orgasmo 2000 with Bonus Butt-Plug and Instructional Video for a bachelorette party, as if he gave a rolling fuck what you were going to do with it. It’s assholes like you who give a hearty, healthy, lube-and-toy-filled boinking a bad name.
Here’s a logical question for everyone: Why the hell are you watching porn with the sound ON? Is there really a good reason for listening to all those obviously faked “oohs” and “ahhs” when you can just WATCH?
-L