I remember one where a guy in a van cuts off a woman in traffic. So she follows him to where he is going (a parking lot at a beach, if I recall) and gets out to yell at him. Then for no reason at all, they climb into the van and have sex.
How about that one where the gal is broken down in the desert, and the guy pulls over to ‘help’?
Tripler
Yeah, they’re sweating because the sun is hot.
Porn has plots? 
Well, there’s porn that’s kinda like Playboy. You know, I only read it for the articles etc.
And then, of course, there are the gynacology/aerobics variety. Who would want plot in such an eduactional video
Boy sees girl on the beach.
Boy: Haven’t seen you in awhile.
Girl: Yeah.
Then, sex. I wish.
Porn plots that involve magic and similar contrivances are thematically unsatisfying.
Plus a lot of the chicks are ugly.
I had an idea for a porn/comedy. Two guys are searching for the last real pair of breasts in Los Angeles. And they have many, uh, misadventures, along the way.
Ron Jeremy would be PERFECT for it.
Wonder what I could get for my screenplay?
Arrested 
“Hot Gun”. It’s difficult to make a porno based on Top Gun when you don’t have any planes.
Anyone ever seen “Milk and Honeys”? Milk man brings milk to a woman they have sex. And it’s some old guy talking all about his past experiences
Male babysittee to foreign female babysitter: “I’ll give you a beer if you kiss my older sister.” The girls kiss. Then the kid drops his pants and all three start at it.
:eek:
Back in high-school some friends of mine were renting porno, remembering my complaints about my grampa’s western fetish, they got a western themed porno.
I can’t really remember the plot, twas too horrified by some of the sex acts (“she’s giving him a blowjob AFTER he’s had anal sex with someone else right in front of her?!?”) but it had one of the funniest pieces of dialogue as a pick up line I’ve ever heard: “Aaaaaaaarrrrrgh… suck my dick.”
No no no, the funniest bits of dialogue from a porno are these two lines (not heard together)
“Look! Look at his cum! Doesn’t it look like venom?”
“Ya Mule!” - said by cowboy guy as he has a girl bent over a table.
I’ve actually mentioned this movie on the boards once before, in Cafe Society (as a positive comparison to ‘Vanilla Sky’). BTW, isn’t that where this thread belongs? Or is it too mundane and pointless for that forum? Never mind, I answered my own question.
In any case, the movie is “Big Abner”. It’s basically a movie about a bunch of sex-crazed hillbillies. The plot, such as it is, revolves around ‘Crazy Lay’, the female protaganist, who is obviously pregnant – about 6 months, by the looks of her. She desperately needs to convince ‘Big Abner’ to marry her before she has her child. Considering that virtually everyone in town has sex with one of them before the end of the movie, the morality conflict escapes me.
It’s a pretty involved plot, for a porno flick, but it’s totally stupid.
A couple horny girls want to get laid. Sensibly enough, they decide to go over to the nearest Army base.
Girl 1 gets it on in a MFM three-way while Girl 2 stands watch. (Don’t worry, she gets laid later.) Girl 2 does a bad job at keeping an eye out (being a voyeur and all).
Army Colonel (or whatever) comes in - conveniently after everybody’s done - and demands to know what’s going on.
Girl 1 makes up some half-assed story about a virus, “nymph fever” (incidentally the title of the movie), that just forces its victims to have sex. Not wanting to get court-martialed, the two guys she just had sex with back up her story.
The rest of the movie is basically people using the “virus” as an excuse to have lots and lots of sex. The epidemic even makes broadcast news, and as a result, uninhibited sex runs wild across the U.S. (mostly off camera).
The movie is lots of fun and is really campy. It’s like watching a raunchy B-movie that, well, is really raunchy for a B-movie. 
Oh man, that German chick is the hottest!
You know, I remember seeing some from back in the early 80s (sneakin’ peeks around 85 and 86) and while the plots were corny they always at least seemed to make sense.
Now adays most of the time there isn’t even one, especially the French. As someone who knows something about Egyptian history and archeology I got a huge laugh at Pyramid concerning this archeologist couple who uncover an ancient Egyptian sex goddess. And let me tell you, they had no method, absolutely no method, to their work. Most amoosing.
One that’s a standard joke around the office here -
Buff guy walks up, knocks on door.
Housewife (in robe) answers.
“Hello?”
“Yes, I’m here to clean your pool.”
“But we don’t have a pool.”
“I know!”
Porn music starts, wild sex ensues!
Ah, for the life of a pool cleaner.
Another one:
(I don’t remember what the original language is… it’s dubbed into English)
two women are on some sort of jungle adventure. One of them (named, conveniently, Jane) wanders off and gets hurt. A hunky guy in a loincloth shows up, starts smelling her, and wakes her up. She calls him “Ape Man” and they have sex. She goes to give him a blow job and he gets all scared that she is putting her mouth on his dick, thinking she will bite it off or something.
There is a montage of them running around together, her wearing loincloth-like clothes, hides tied around her feet, etc… having sex hither thither and yon. She teaches him how to speak. Seems like months have passed.
Then she goes back to her camp, and it has only been, like, a day.
They take “Ape Man” back with them to civilization, where he proceeds to have sex with every woman he meets, sometimes two at a time.
Jane gets jealous, and I forget how it ends. Probably with some people fucking.
Years ago I saw a porno that had people commenting the onscreen action ala Mystery Science Theater 3000. Personally, I find the thought of people critiquing my performance a turn-off. I suspect there’d be an awful lot of jokes about my pastey white arse.
Gotta love Debbie Does Dallas. Actually, if I remember correctly, it would’ve been more aptly named Debbie’s Friends Do Dallas. I don’t seem to recall Debbie getting much doing done.
Saw an '80’s one, The Pillowman, I think. Dude with a spiky mullet breaks into this houseful of women. Women - conveniently dressed in lingerie - catch the would-be burglar (apparently know as “The Pillowman”). Sex ensues.
The best line/scene? There’s a closeup/facing the camera shot of the guy, who’s grinning like hell…His eyes are looking upward. You get to see one of the women’s vaginas (& waxed pubic area) pressing against his spiky hair!!
Her line (delivered in a disturbingly deep voice?); “Your hair…it’s so…prick-like…”
Oh god.