I’m still waiting for the guy to show up to get me my new car.
In 1996, I got a letter from a company claiming I had won a contest. Since I didn’t remember entering it, I was automatically suspicious. I called the company, and they told me that, yes, I had won a new car and a thousand dollars cash! “Aren’t you excited?” the guy kept asking, apparently trying to get me worked into a state of ecstatic joy.
He was good-- he didn’t ask for any other information which would have sent up red flags. He ran off a list of makes and models I could chose from, how the taxes would be dealt with, how I wanted my thousand dollars, oh, and by the way, they were a company that offered these fabulous, amazing vitamins that were made with special ingredients that made them better than the ones you could buy at the health food store. You know, since they were giving me a car and all, it would be nice if I would buy some of them.
Sure, I said, how much?
Only six hundred dollars for a three month supply of the vitamins that would change my life.
“Wow,” I replied in a voice of wide-eyed wonder.“They must be great vitamins if they cost that much. Tell you what-- go ahead and take the vitamin money out of my prize winnings, and just give me the difference.”
Uh, well, he couldn’t do that. He said it was against the law to “tamper” with the amount of my winnings. I should just go ahead and buy them now, and the winnings would be here before my credit card statement came.
“Aw, gee,” I said in a morose voice. “All of my credit cards are maxed. But I’ll give you my word that as soon as the check gets here, I’ll call and order some, okay?”
His entire demeanor changed. Crisply, he told me that the “representative” would arrive on Wednesday to go with me down to the dealership to buy my new car.
I was shocked, shocked, I tell you, when he didn’t arrive. But then again, he didn’t say which Wednesday, so every Wednesday, I keep an eye out for him, just in case this is the one.
