I just bought Enron stock.
I’m working on the world’s largest ball of belly button lint, which I will sell for millions.
I just started.
Are you harvesting it from patients?
Let’s take a look-see at my e-mail this fine Monday morning. Oh my! I seem to have had a most fortunate weekend, to wit:
Sizal Internatioanal Lottery, US$500,000.00
Euromillion Loteria Español, €667,248.26
Christmas International Lottery Sweepstakes, €1,107,020.12
UK’s Overseas Gambling Board, £18,486,220.00
European Lottery Sweepstakes International Promotions, €500,000.00
Google Email Lottery International, €1,000,000.00
Netherlands International Lottery Program, US$18,900,000.00
Cardiff Lottery Organization, £1,500,000.00
Using the following currency exchange rates…
€ 1.00 = CDN$1.37351
£1.00 = CDN$2.01050
US$ 1.00 USD = CDN$1.15575
…it seems I have won $67,101,058.68. I guess I will be re-upping my SDMB subscription after all. Any everyone else’s too!
Well, it’s got nowhere to go but up. 
jali, as long as you are coming into a lot of money, I have this prime waterfront front property I can sell you. Just send the down payment of $15,000 now and we’ll work out the rest after your money comes through.
If that doesn’t interest you, perhaps you might like this bridge.
Let me know, both offers are of limited duration.
Thank you for your kind offers. I’ll need help with investing and waterfront property sounds great! I’ll have to decline on the Brooklyn Bridge offer - my sister just bought it.
Oh, your right, my contact for the Bridge syndicate just let me know it was gone. He informs me that he you may have won the Irish Sweepstakes however.
He can handle the paperwork for you for a small fee.
You should call them back every Thursday morning. The squeaky wheel gets the car, you know. Of course, you probably didn’t get their number.
Darth
I find your lack of faith disturbing.
/darth
I like to reply to those with a sob story, about how I had to spend all my money on my medical bills after I woke up in a tub of ice with my kidneys gone. I was in the airport because I was on my way to Microsoft headquarters with several hundred pounds of soda can tabs, which I would exchange for several thousand dollars.
In intended to donate the money to this poor kid with cancer, and then pick up my lifetime supply of M&M’s I’m due. I’m not a big fan of M&M’s, but I heard about this class of 5th graders who are tracking e-mails, and I figured I would give them the first batch of M&M’s so they’d have something to do while they wait for the tracking system (made with the help of Bill Gates! He’s even paying them to do it!) get it’s first reports.
But since I got slipped a micky by some hot girl at the airport, my kidneys are now gone. But while I’m in the hospital, if they want to have all their friends send me an e-mail, I’m collecting them until I have one from every nation on Earth.
they never write back though. 
[nitpick]I think you meant Linus Van Pelt, as he is the only believer in The Great Pumpkin[/nitpick].
Over in the real world, I won half a million meat listening to the radio.
I used my winnings to buy a time sword.
No, I was responding to “All I got was a rock” which is a line spoken by Charlie Brown. And my reply, which you quoted, was generally spoken to Charlie Brown, by Linus.
Okay, looking at it again, I guess my reply was somewhat out of context. It’s just the first thng I thought of.
… can I borrow some money?
Sure…um…send me your checking account info and I’ll make a deposit…yeah that’s the ticket…I’ll make a deposit.
Dear Mr (Ms?) jali -
Our records indicate that you are the recipient of some unclaimed money from a previous employer or settlement. For a small fee of [del]$25[/del] $10,000 we can send you the necessary claim forms to retrieve this property. Please contact this office immediately to start the process today!
Well I got this letter from a psychic who assured me I have lucky numbers and I’m about to win $770,000 - not sure which currency though. All I have to do is to buy his $40 book of how to work out my lucky numbers.
I would if I could, but I can’t. Let me explain. About a year ago I cosigned on a car loan for my brother. At the time he was employed and my husband had just started his own business.
Then towards the end of the year my dad had a heart attack and my brother took time off from work to help my dad regain his strength. About mid-way through the process my dads doctor realized that the arteries leading into my dads arteries were between 95 and 99% blocked, the veins leading into his kidneys were 95 - 99% blocked and he had an aneursym in his right leg. He was quickly admitted to the hospital and underwent a quadruple bypass, kidney surgery and an aneursym surgery. Unfortunately, my dad has an adverse reaction to pain medicine and frequently wakes up not knowing where he is or why he’s there. His outbursts were so bad that the hospital recommended that a family member remain with him at the hospital so that he could be reassured when he woke up.
Since my family is pretty small and my mom and I are the bread winners, my brother was selected to stay with him at the hospital. In exchange I began paying for his car.
Back to my husbands business. His business took off qucikly about midyear and he was forced to hire an accountant to handle the finances/investments/etc. For simplicity we had the accountant handle both our personal and his business accounts. Unfortunately, his pick in accountant was a poor choice and the guy emptied our checking, savings and retirement accounts and fled the country. Fortunately for us, within the past week he was caught by the FBI and was brought back to the US for prosecution. The problem is that since the majority of this has all taken place within the past 2 months and prosecution is pending, all the accounts in question have been frozen. To make matters worse, in addition to empting our accounts he had opened up several accounts in our name, when my husband first hired him in early summer. Of course, the accounts were never paid on and went to collection late last year, with the problem being that we didn’t find out until after he’d emptied our other accounts and fled.
Now that our credit has plummeted, we have been unsuccessful in getting a bank to work with us through this typing time. They all claim we’re too “high risk” and when we try to explain the circumstances they flat out refuse because they’re not interested in getting involved.
I’m still paying for my brother’s car, since his job fired him while he was off taking care of my dad, and my husband and I are attempting to get things stregthened out so that things can return to normal.
So, you see the problem is that we don’t have any bank accounts.
Tristan, thank you very much. 
The sad part is it’s not all a story…
Mo’ money, mo’ money, mo’ money. Please call me right away. I’ll have the $10,000.00 as soon as my friends in Nigeria contact me.
1-888-gullible