What is an appropriate gift for a bridal shower? I’ve been to weddings before, and baby showers, but never a bridal shower, so I don’t know what I’m supposed to get for my friend. I already got the couple something from their registry, which will be shipped directly to their house around the time of the wedding. What types of gifts are appropriate, what price range, etc.?
Also, what goes on during the shower itself? Are there games and things or is it usually just an informal get-together?
tiltypig, unless the invitation indicates some type of “theme” for the shower, I’d just get something less expensive from the registry and give it to her at the shower. I usually spend $40 or so on the shower gift. If you can’t find something workable on the registry, you could give them a gift card for a restaurant - to take a break from all that wedding planning - or a spice set from Penzey’s - those have been popular gifts. Or tickets to a play or a movie or something.
What usually goes on at them? Sometimes people play “shower games” but during the showers I hosted, it was just eating, opening presents, and talking - we aren’t a big “game type” of group. We tend to drink, eat, open presents, ooh and ahh a bit, then go home.
There’s a huge range of bridal shower possibilities. It’s probably not intended to be as raunchy as a bachelorette party however. White lacy teddies might be giggled over and appropriate. Black leather bullwhips and ball gags - save it for the bachelorette party.
Often people just get something else off the registry for the shower. Or cash, cash is always good. (although I had one hysterically feminist friend who said cash gifts at a bridal shower are a holdover from the ol’ dowry customs and offensive and patriarchal. But she’s a bit of a git, anyway.) I usually allocate about $50 for a shower gift.
Some showers have games, some don’t. Some are woman only, some are now co-ed, though that’s still pretty rare. You can bet there’ll be food and drinks and gossipy chat time. Then there’ll be opening present time. There may be a cake, there may be games, there may be this silly custom of counting all the ribbons on the giftwrap that the bride-to-be breaks when opening the packages (each broken ribbon = one baby to be born), so some people tie shitloads of tight ribbons around the boxes, to guarantee that at least one is broken. At that point, proper etiquette is to point and laugh at the poor woman.
Seems like all the things from the registry in the right price range are items like a single butter dish, or one place setting, or a set of napkin rings. All things I’m sure they need, but it seems a bit weird for her to open up a box and pull out… yay, a single place setting!
I was thinking about maybe a cookbook (she likes cooking) or a box of bath items from Lush (soaps, bath bombs, massage oil bars)–do you think would these be good presents, or would I have to go for a present geared more towards the couple and married life? I like the idea of the spice set but I think her kitchen is well-stocked already. I might be too cheap to give them a nice enough gift certificate for a restaurant. Hubby is way richer than me, so I feel like it might be a sort of futile gesture to give them a present that’s essentially some money for them to spend.
I attended a bridal shower where approximately half the gifts turned out to be “cereal bowls” Several people went together on a gift, and bought her 4 bowls, then a couple others bought 2 small bowls, and two large bowls (might have been serving bowls–I don’t remember). I just recall the laughter each time she opened another box with bowls. I don’t think anyone gave her any plates that day.
If you feel silly giving a place setting, and think of a better, more personal gift, go for it. But, there is no reason to feel bad because you can’t afford to buy “enough” of a set of china.
A cookbook is definitely a good, appropriate bridal shower gift. I wish I’d gotten more of those for mine! It also takes into consideration her interests, which is very thoughtful. Where I’m from, a bridal shower generally focuses on household items. I’m invited to one this weekend, and my gift is a kitchen-related item. This is also a quite young couple (early 20s) who don’t really have that kind of stuff already. Towels (bath or kitchen), placemats with matching napkins and rings, etc., also make nice shower gifts. There’s definitely nothing wrong with just getting one place setting. I got many single place settings for both my bridal shower and for our wedding.
I’ve been giving photo frames and albums from the Hallmark store, and Hallmark gift certificates. These have been well-received, so far. Which is good, because in my neck of the woods, the Hallmark shop is the nicest gift shop around. I’m 50 miles from the nearest mall, where the best gift shop is also the Hallmark shop.
I went to one a few weekends ago–my gal-pal and I went to one. We put in 30/piece (including card and wrapping). We got 3 things off the registry–kitchen gadget, laundry hanger, canister set…the other guests (there were 7 of us total) gave her a nightie, towels, board games, serving platter…mostly stuff off her list, I think. And do stick to the list if possible–or include a gift receipt.
The game was LAME. It was a survey to see who knew the couple better. I hardly know the girl at all since we are friends from the hubby side, but it wasn’t too bad. They very, very odd thing for me was the party started at 11 and was done by 1pm. Everyone just left. Maybe it’s just me, but it seemed a bit rushed. My baby shower was the week before and went from 4-10pm and that was WITH a cold-ridden hostess who lost her voice, me being exhausted, the booze and food running out and another gal in pre-term labor! I guess we are just used to marathon parties in my little circle! COme to think of it, the bride to be and a few other guests left my party after 2 hours…maybe I’m just crazy (I am on bedrest afterall and have nothing better to do than compose rambling posts!!)
I’ve been to two showers in the last two months, and I have two more coming up…and the store I work at specializes in wedding and shower gifts. At my cousin’s shower last year, every other box was a place setting…very boring to watch being opened up, but that’s what she wanted. At the last two showers we gave the bride her cake knife and server set (engraved, of course, from our store) and toasting flutes, and picture frames. At my cousin’s shower, I gave her a picnic basket that came with dishes and glasses and silverware. My other favorite gift to give is an ice cream maker.
A few years back I went to a shower for a girl I didn’t know at all…her mom-in-law to be was a friend on mine, and she held a shower with all her friends because the girl didn’t know anyone and had no friends or family living nearby. I bought her Pyrex mixing bowls and glass pizza pans and baking dishes, and the poor girl was so touched…everyone else had bought decorative items (vases and bells and candles) and since they were really starting out with nothing, my gift was the only one that was going to be used. I also like to do the cookbook route, bundling it together with some cute towels and potholders and a whisk or other tools.
At the last shower, the girl got most everything off her list at Bed, Bath and Beyond, and everyone had the store wrap the gift, so all the presents were wrapped in the same silver rose bag. Another shower last year, I gave them a doorbell for their new house (they didn’t have one) and someone else gave them a very nice Sears Craftman hose…the kind that will last forever, not the cheap plastic kind they would have bought for themselves at Wal-mart. I was going to give them snow shovels for their wedding present…I really like practical stuff!
The games played at showers usually do suck. It is the nature of the beast, I suppose.
I haven’t been to a bridal shower in eons, but I like to give a all-purpose cook book (Joy of Cooking is an excellent resource and the only recipe book I have faithfully referred to and relied upon for years.) and maybe some baking mats
( silpat, about $20 per. Worth their cost 1000 times over.)
Maybe a pizza baking stone ( cooks more evenly) and the non-perishable ingredients to make pizza ( with a couple of recipes.)
If they are close friends, a vat of toilet paper ( yanno, the box with 25 or so ) and a bunch of gift certificates in the bottom of them, or in each roll… Or maybe a fiver in each roll. That is usually a wedding present. Wraps up nice and impressive to sit on the wedding table. And we all need toilet paper. ( I am nothing but practical.)
Graduation is usually ramen noodle soup and a pyrex bowl. I like to encourage the freshmen 20.
If it’s right before the wedding, there might not be time for much more. “Relaxed” and “plenty of time” would be some of the last words most brides would choose to describe the few days before their wedding. I probably wouldn’t have spent much time at a party shortly before my wedding, either- I was too busy doing wedding-related stuff. (Words and even smileys cannot express how happy I am that that’s over)
IME there are 2 kinds of showers: the civilized kind where all the bride’s aunts buy her matching towels and mixing bowls, and the fun kind, where all the bride’s friends buy her trashy lingerie. Any idea which kind this is?
Sane bridal shower gifts from not super close friends or family of the bride are usually the more inexpensive household items off of the registry (e.g., the sugar bowl or the soap dispenser or a cookbook - less than you’ve spent on the wedding gift). The closer you are to the bride, the more moved you may want to be at the thought of her getting married and the more you may want to spend on a shower gift. And you’re not tied to the registry, if you see something that’s great for them, get that. The best idea I’ve ever seen (and have stolen - for people who tend to have basic household items already) are picnic baskets.
Most of the showers I’ve been to have had games, but no one takes them seriously (yes, I’ve played “toilet paper bride.” Yes, I do a darn good veil out of Charmin, thank you very much.) But the main focus has been hanging out with friends and family of someone you care about enough to go to their shower; talking and eating and present opening, etc.
LUSH would be wonderful. (LUSH is always a wonderful present for any and all occasions).
There’s nothing at all wrong with buying a butter dish or the like. My standard shower gift has always been either the coffee or tea pot or the sugar bowl & creamer of the china pattern. They always get a great response - and stand out among the salad plates & coffee cups.
Every wedding or baby shower I’ve ever been to has been pretty much the same. You get an invite with a note about where the couple is registered, you trot out to the store and get whatever item you want from the registry that you can afford and is somewhat meaningful to you (I usually buy a toaster!), buy the requisite overpriced wrapping paper and gift card and wrap it up.
Then you go to the shower and put your gift on a table and then everyone eats and mingles - usually friends sit in one corner, the man’s family sits in another and the woman’s family in another. You may play some games. Then there’s the present opening.
One at a time. Save the ribbons and bows (for a wedding shower) on a paper plate for the rehearsal bouquet (tee hee!) and if she breaks a ribbon when opening a present, that’s one more baby in the future (tee hee!). Everything she gets matches, because it was from the registry. She gets duplicates of something. Mom or Grandma or Aunt Cindy get her something special like an antique crib or hand-embroidered tea towels. Lots of oohing and aahing, and presents are over.
Then someone at your table looks under their chair to find a special marker that indicates who gets to take home the lovely centerpiece. And you go home.
Gifts go to the shower, and you give money at the wedding itself (I have since found out this is a custom only practiced in the North, or the Midwest, or possibly ONLY Cleveland). The men don’t “get” to be involved in the shower, except for to show up at the end and say “thanks” and load all the gifts into the car.
That’s been my experience with all of the showers I’ve been to in the past 25 years. I’ve started avoiding the things altogether. But then I am a bitter, bitter young woman.
As a soon-to-be bride with a mountain of shower presents in her apartment, I can say a lot of the kitchen gadgety stuff comes at the shower, along with textiles. China and glassware and flatware typically comes at wedding time. Look at the registry and find some of the more fun stuff (we registered for board games at target). Or, as an above poster suggested, a gift card to the couple’s favorite restaurant.
As far as games, there can be the “Make a wedding gown out of toilet paper game” which is always very awkward for the models (in my case, the Mother of the Bride, and the Mother of the Groom).
My personal favorite “game” is where someone writes down every comment the bride makes when opening presents (Examples: “It’s just what I’ve always wanted.” “We’ve been needing this for a long time”, “It’s so soft/hard/cute/big/etc.”). Then the list is read back to her as “Things El Perro will say on wedding night”
When my best friend’s in-laws found out that I, the maidtron* of honor, hadn’t planned an elaborate bridal shower, they insisted on throwing one. (There was an exchange something like this. Bride: “Hmm. D’you think there should be a bridal shower?” Me: “Dunno. We could plan a hangout at the fast food restaurant we always hung out at when we were in high school …”) The Bride ixnayed the in-laws’ original suggestion of a lingerie party, so instead they rented out a Beverly Hills tearoom.
The moneyed in-laws all got her expensive breakables from the registry they’d insisted on. The friends got her candles and candleholders, which she had always loved. I got her a pretty plant. The bride’s family got her practical kitchen schmoo, like garlic presses and jar grippies and stuff. Did I mention the bride and groom had already lived together for more than a year? I suspect all the pretty breakables stayed in their boxes for some time, but the candles and holders went on the mantelpiece, the plant went on the balcony, and the practical kitchen schmoo went into immediate use.
Of course, I also bought the couple a Craftsman cordless drill/driver set and a crapton of bits as a wedding present, so mileage may vary if you’re not talking about two people who met in Engineering school …
The word “maid” doesn’t seem applicable, but neither does “matron” … I usually referred to myself as “the tallest bridesmaid”.
