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Old 02-12-2007, 05:13 AM
Hostile Dialect Hostile Dialect is offline
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Stuff you're amazed you got away with.

Inspired by remembering the story I just told in this post. The concept of this thread is pretty self-explanatory, really.

Other stuff I'm amazed I got away with include a lot of high school high jinks, like one time in my senior year: I had sweet-talked a certain freshman girl into ditching school with me to participate in an afternoon of first-class debauchery, and I was in my car blasting Hieroglyphics with said freshman-ette, a prodigious chronic stash, multiple smoking implements, a veritable armory of condoms and a fresh bag of Bogota bullion in tow. I looked left, looked right, and pounced on my opportunity to make the escape. I just got out of the parking lot when I saw the biology teacher bringing her class back from a field trip. I knew this could have disastrous implications--the same teacher had caught me lying in the back of my car with a girl in my class and a box of whippits during her class not long before, though she didn't see the whippits and probably assumed we were going to have sex (what do you say to that? "No, ma'am, no sex here, we're just taking drugs!"). At this point it was pretty damn unlikely that I could get any further away from the school without getting noticed, and I didn't want to risk sitting right outside the parking lot. So I quickly endeavored to sneak back in without being seen and save the party for another day.

But...you know how sometimes, you're so freaked out that you don't really look in your rear view or side mirrors because you don't want to see anything else to make it even worse? You just kind of take a leap of faith? No? Well I do, because that's the way I thought when I was 17.

Backed right into the engineering teacher's truck with teacher in it.

I could only imagine the myriad of ways my life would change in the next few hours. I began to mentally count the offenses I was simultaneously committing, organized by legal importance (starting with the fact that I was already high as a kite at school) and estimate both the repair costs I would be paying that teacher and the prodigious amount of sucking-up I would have to do if I had any hope of passing his class.

Finally I realized I could hide from it no more, and I got out of my car to walk a very, very nervous few yards to his car. I transformed into blubbering-idiot mode and he gave me a stern lecture about blasting my music so loud I couldn't hear a honking horn with my windows down ( ). Next thing I knew, I was walking away from the whole ordeal having suffered no repercussions whatsoever. I'll never know for sure whether he spotted the girl in my car, and I know he didn't see any of the drug/sex paraphernalia, but how and why he let me off without even asking me to pay his repair bill, I can only credit to the reputation I'd gained in my first three years as a straight arrow. The story of the boy who cried wolf, cuts both ways--establishing a good rep with the teachers and staff early bought me a lot of Get-Out-of-Jail-Free cards for later use in my wilder fourth year. There were other amazing getaways during my high school career, but I'll consider this one substantial for the purposes of opening up this thread.

So, what did you get away with that you can only look back and shake your head at now?

(Disclaimer: Drugs is bad, don't do 'em, this is all strictly historical.)

Last edited by fetus; 02-12-2007 at 05:14 AM.. Reason: Added disclaimer
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  #2  
Old 02-12-2007, 05:24 AM
Mangetout Mangetout is offline
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I was stopped by a policeman once for running a red light - it had just changed to red, but it was not really one of those borderline cases at all - I could easily have stopped. The car I was driving at the time (my first car) was a wreck (rear shocks completely gone, tyres bald almost to the steel, rear door locks missing and the doors held shut by bungee cords to the seatbelt post, probably a couple of lamps not working at that time). I was a suspicious-looking character also; unshaven, shoulder-length hair, dressed in shabby army surplus clothing, I was almost certainly also over the legal limit for alcohol while driving.

The police officer looked me over, looked the car over, made a couple of comments about my appearance and the sticker in my rear window (which proclaimed 'I(heart)Mushrooms'), then he let me go. I've never quite been able to work out why - maybe it would have been a great deal of paperwork.
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Old 02-12-2007, 05:55 AM
FRDE FRDE is offline
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Not really getting away with it, but curious.

When at Uni in the 1970s a friend of mine and I decided to take a weekend trip to France to visit his sister who was aupairing.

We had a great time, but cut it fine for the ferry so I put my foot down as we were getting close. The French police gave me a hard time about my insurance (which was legal, but then it was customary but not necessary to have something called a 'green card' - odd that).

When we got into Dover, Customs literally pulled the car apart, which was not difficult with a 1967 Triumph 13/60 Convertible. My pal and I just watched with amusement, we had not had time to stock up with booze and cigs.

One of them then turned round and said: 'next time don't speed in the French docks'.

The French must have rung ahead and asked them to give us a hard time - an interesting variation of the Entente Cordial.

Hmm.. I've just thought of a time I really did get away from a serious charge, possessing an offensive weopon - the ironic thing was that later the same evening we saved some old boy from what looked like a serious (and professional) mugging - and ribbed the same policeman that we had got there first.
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Old 02-12-2007, 06:00 AM
Kalhoun Kalhoun is offline
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My friend and I snuck out of the house one night. I left the screen off the window and the chair outside when we returned.

So my mom finds it and asked me why these items were out of place. I told her we were practicing exit routes should the house start on fire.

She believed me.
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Old 02-12-2007, 06:08 AM
don't ask don't ask is offline
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I recently recalled the strangest thing I got away with. I was driving to work along a moderately busy road. The set of lights I was approaching turned red and I was in a hurry, there were no cars waiting at the cross road, so I just went through the red light. As I crossed the intersection I glanced in the rearview mirror to see a police car behind me. The two cops in the car were talking and they just pulled up at the lights and ignored me. Off I drove.
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Old 02-12-2007, 06:09 AM
WhyNot WhyNot is offline
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Two for me:

In high school we had a cast/crew party after dress rehearsal of the school musical at my friend's house (because her parents were out of town.) Of course my mother wouldn't have swallowed that one, so I just told her I was sleeping over at friends house and neglected to mention the party bit.

Some amount of underage drinking ensued, of course, and at one point someone arrived and mentioned that they had a bottle of Jack Daniels in the trunk. I, and several other people, ran outside to fetch it, and I somehow fell off a 4 inch curb in such a way as to tear four of the ligaments of my right foot.

Everyone panicked a bit at the thought of the hospital/mom calls which were obviously now required. Until someone came up with the idea of just getting me drunk enough so it wouldn't hurt anymore. Blackberry brandy. Ugh. To this day, I can't stand even the smell of it. (Hey! This is the first time it ever ocurred to me: what the hell happened to the Jack?)

Anyhow, next morning, I'm hung over as all get-out. My friend gets her (older) boyfriend to drive me home, foot swollen to the size of a beachball. I somehow convinced my mother that my friend and I took her dog for a walk last night and I tripped on a tree branch that was on the ground.

Oh, and remember the musical? Turns out that with enough pain killers and wrapping your ankle really tight between scenes, you CAN dance with only one ligament holding your foot onto your ankle.




The second wasn't a discrete event, but a technique. My mom had a phone by her bed, and there was an extension in the basement, which I would often answer late at night. When I was out late, I'd call home. When Mom picked up, I'd say, "OH, It's OK, Mom. I've got it." She'd hang up, thinking I had answered the extension and was therefore home safe. I can't believe I got away with that one, multiple times!

Last edited by WhyNot; 02-12-2007 at 06:09 AM..
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Old 02-12-2007, 08:08 AM
lieu lieu is offline
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When I was about 15, Dad came home with an E-Type Jaguar that belonged to a business client-friend of his. I was car crazy at the time, dying to drive any and everything I could get my hands on and they'd caught me sneaking out cars before and were royally pissed. Still, when he and Mom went out with friends that night I grabbed the keys, called a friend and went out 100 mph plus joy riding, the E was just waaay too tempting for any punishment to deter me. I hadn't even had drivers ed yet.

We I got back home, I parked it perfectly in the driveway where I'd previously marked the tire locations, but was worried that the hood was so hot. Stupidly, we turned the hose on it to cool it down, so then we've got huge clouds of steam coursing into the air just screaming "Your son's been hauling ass in me!" Fortunately, they were late getting home and none the wiser.

I did a lot of crazy shit in HS and much later told my Dad about some of it. This though, I still don't think he'd want to hear.
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Old 02-12-2007, 08:22 AM
TheLoadedDog TheLoadedDog is online now
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A simple one...

When I was in high school, a friend of mine was eating a cake. He was Italian, and always had good home cookin'. When I saw the cake, I had been about to go and buy an orange juice from the school canteen. So suddenly that I even surprised myself, I gave him the price of the OJ and said, "If you let me have that cake, I'll let you go to the canteen and buy an orange juice for me." And he did.

Twenty years later, I related the story to an adult friend of mine who said, "Hmm. Maybe he had a very, very dry sense of humour." I guess I'll never know.
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Old 02-12-2007, 08:26 AM
StuffLikeThatThere StuffLikeThatThere is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WhyNot
The second wasn't a discrete event, but a technique. My mom had a phone by her bed, and there was an extension in the basement, which I would often answer late at night. When I was out late, I'd call home. When Mom picked up, I'd say, "OH, It's OK, Mom. I've got it." She'd hang up, thinking I had answered the extension and was therefore home safe. I can't believe I got away with that one, multiple times!


Alright, I consider myself warned. I just hope I remember that one until my as-yet theoretical children are teenagers.
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Old 02-12-2007, 08:47 AM
Sapo Sapo is offline
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Turning off the lights in a bank.

I just wanted to cash a very small check. They had me there forever. I could see them doing a million other things and not taking care of my stupid litlle check. I complained (nicely) and you know exactly what good it did. In the end, it was over 40 minutes for less amount of dollars. On my way out, I see a row of light swtiches right by the door (who the heck puts light switches by the door of a bank?). I just hit the whole row on my way out. Absolute chaos ensued. I just kept walking. A guard called me but I didn't even bother to look back. (This was in Venezuela, where guards are clowns)

Mind you that my mom had met me at the door and totally panicked at my action and my total lack of remorse at it. Oh well.
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Old 02-12-2007, 08:52 AM
jjimm jjimm is offline
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In an eery parallel of Mangetous's experience - many moons ago, two long-haired, tie-dye wearing idiots, known as me and my brother, went out to score some cannabis one night. I drove us to a friend's house, we sampled the merchandise, got good and buzzed, I drank a can of Guinness as well, which, though I was probably still under the alcohol limit for driving, wasn't a good idea. After a couple of hours of smoking, we set off homewards with a quarter ounce of hash each in our pockets.

As I drove up the main road towards my street, we passed a darkened gas station, in which was sitting a cop car. To my extreme dismay, the car pulled out of the forecourt and started discreetly following us. I warned my brother, who started to freak out.

I turned into the next road and sure enough, the cops followed us down, then they followed us into our street, and stopped outside the house as I pulled into the driveway. My brother, by now in a total state of panic, shoved his quarter ounce into his mouth, while I could do nothing but throw mine into the glove box.

I got out of the car and the cops got out of theirs. The effects of the hash exacerbated my nerves, and my knees were literally knocking together. The woman police constable noticed me shaking, and said "cold, tonight, isn't it?"

"Yes," I replied, trying to hold it together. "But not as cold as Ireland!" I blurted.

"Been in Ireland, have you?" she asked. This was during the IRA bombing campaign, so possibly wasn't the best tactic for small talk when one is trying not to appear suspicious.

"Er yes, a holiday," I said, attempting to keep my voice from warbling. At this point I decided to shut up until spoken to.

"Well, we just pulled you over to let you know that one of your tail lights is out. Turn the lights back on and I'll show you."

I opened the driver's door and caught a glimpse of my brother, face white, eyes bloodshot and wide with fear, mouth bulging slightly with lumps of hash. I turned the car lights on.

Sure enough, the rear nearside light was off. As the policewoman looked on, I tapped it.

It came on.

At this point I should have said "it must have been a loose connection. Thanks for pointing that out to me. I'll get it fixed in the morning."

However, my relief at the innocuous reason for our being pulled over made me forget to try to act straight. Thus, in one of the stupidest moves I've ever made, I pointed at the light, then stuck my hand right in the cop's face, waggled the digits, and said, in a zany wizard voice: "Magic fingers!"

She gave a bemused look, got in the car, and they drove off. I have no idea how we got away with that, but I never drove stoned again.
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Old 02-12-2007, 09:06 AM
Baron Greenback Baron Greenback is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jjimm
"Yes," I replied, trying to hold it together. "But not as cold as Ireland!" I blurted.
Quote:
Thus, in one of the stupidest moves I've ever made, I pointed at the light, then stuck my hand right in the cop's face, waggled the digits, and said, in a zany wizard voice: "Magic fingers!"
Brilliant work, jjimm.
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Old 02-12-2007, 09:08 AM
TheLoadedDog TheLoadedDog is online now
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Hehe.....
Jjimm, that reminds me of a mate's tale of driving full of pot and, more importantly, speed. They got pulled over, and the cop said, "you're speeding."

"NO, O GOD NOOOO!!!"

"Woah, calm down. It was just a few kilometres over the limit. I won't fine you, but go straight home, boys."
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Old 02-12-2007, 09:21 AM
jjimm jjimm is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheLoadedDog
"NO, O GOD NOOOO!!!"
Brilliant. I can identify with this logic.

My brother refers to the above story as "the Magic Fingers incident" and uses it when he needs to illustrate what an idiot I am, which isn't often, as I do that all on my own; he eventually refused to get in the car with me, since I also got us pulled over for speeding while he and his mate were packing all sorts of "candy". Twice.
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Old 02-12-2007, 09:43 AM
fishbicycle fishbicycle is offline
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If we're talking about substances that we don't mess with anymore, this happened in 1976 or 1977. I had been with some guys at the bar until closing. The bar was downstairs from street level. When you come up and outside, there's the entrance area to a store next door. Five or six of us were standing there, saying our goodbyes, when a cop car drove by. "Geez, glad he didn't stop."

Well, he did stop, actually, and backed up to come investigate us. Out of all the people in our group, he chose me to search. He patted me down, missing the ounce of pot inside my pants and just behind my belt buckle. He took out my cigarette package, opened it, looked inside, threw away the foil from one side and looked in, then handed it back to me, missing the seven joints. He ran his thumb through my shirt pocket, missing the three Benzedrines and four hits of acid. Like Roseanne Roseannadanna, ah thawt ah was gonna DAH! "OK, you boys break it up now." "All right, officer." And that was the extent of it. Incidentally, none of the other guys was holding.
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Old 02-12-2007, 10:07 AM
Santo Rugger Santo Rugger is offline
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jjimm's got Magic Fingers! Too funny!

Once, many moons ago, my buddy and I stopped at a closed grocery store to roll a "cigarette". There was a nice bright light, and my buddy was doin' the rollin' while I was on lookout. I saw a cop drive by in front of us, and let him know. He started to put everything up, and we somehow spilled the Yukon Jack and Sprite on my registration (that he was using to roll). The cop pulled up and says, "What are you boys doin' here?" "Oh, just hangin' out." "License, registration, insurance." Which, of course, was completely covered with pot and booze. He looked at the papers, looked at us, and said "You boys need to hang out somewhere else." WHEW!
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Old 02-12-2007, 10:13 AM
brewha brewha is offline
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This was a long time ago, and I don't do this kind of thing anymore.

I was driving back from the bars - WAAAAY over the legal limit. I was driving my Firebird which just screamed "follow me, I'm up to no good". I went through an intersection and saw a police car on the perpendicular road waiting at his red light. After I had passed, he turned right and followed me. I concentrated very hard to be a good drunk driver - 2MPH over the speed limit (to not look suspicious) and straight between the lines.

He had followed me for about a mile, then put on his left turn signal and merged into the center turn lane. I thought that I had gotten away with it for sure and for some dumb ass reason, I decide to tromp on the gas.

The cop, who was paying more attention than I gave him credit, noticed this and hit the lights and sirens and came after me. I pulled over and the combination of three things got me off.

First, when he asked for my license, I handed him my military ID. I thought that I had really messed up and proved my drunkeness, but he was former military and told me that he wasn't going to do anything he didn't have to.

Second, when asked if I was drinking, I told him that I had had a couple. He could smell the booze on me and if I had lied, it would be obvious that I was trying to cover something up.

Third, and most important, I had several friends that were cops. One of them had just shown me the new field sobriety test. I screwed it up the first time while I was sober. But, I had practiced it to perfection.

So, anyway, he asks me to step out of the car. I had to lean against it to keep from swaying. He tells me that he is going to give me a FST and carefully explains how it is done. I followed every word, prentending I had never seen this before. Then I did my well practiced routine to perfection.

He told me that he doesn't like to mess with military guys and that I should go right home and watch my speed on the way ( had earlier explained to him that I saw him following me and that I simply stopped paying attention to my speed when he pulled over to turn).

I couldn't believe it when he just told me to go home. I haven't driven drunk since that night.
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Old 02-12-2007, 10:18 AM
Adoptamom_II Adoptamom_II is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WhyNot
The second wasn't a discrete event, but a technique. My mom had a phone by her bed, and there was an extension in the basement, which I would often answer late at night. When I was out late, I'd call home. When Mom picked up, I'd say, "OH, It's OK, Mom. I've got it." She'd hang up, thinking I had answered the extension and was therefore home safe. I can't believe I got away with that one, multiple times!
That is pure genius - and something I've made a note of also Perhaps when AdoptaTeens are grown and have kids of their own, I'll share this with their children as a form of parental revenge :-)
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Old 02-12-2007, 10:29 AM
Litoris Litoris is offline
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  1. Cutting, lining and snorting Columbian Marching Powder during Sophomore English class
  2. Dropping 2 hits of LSD 30 minutes before going onstage to do Death (by Woody Allen) and having to ad-lib because I forgot my lines
  3. Spending the night at a boyfriend's house during my parents' divorce -- just told my dad I was staying with a girlfriend
  4. Sex on the steps of the Parthenon (in Nashville, not Greece) **hmmm....I could start a whole thread about my exhibitionist issues
Sometimes, I swear I am scared to death of what my (now 14 and 7) kids are going to get into -- then I remember that with the sheer amount of bad stuff I have gotten away with, my kids have no chance! When my daughter experienced her first kiss -- I asked her immediately. After much blushing and blubbering she admitted that she did get her first kiss and asked how I knew -- I said "I'm a mom, I know everything" but the truth is, been there, done that!

On a related note -- the only time my parents ever "caught" me, my mother found a case of wine coolers (hey, it was the 80's give me a break!) under my bed -- and for once, they weren't for me and my friends. My (older) sister knew that I had the connections and had asked me to get it for her and her friends. Of course, when my mother confronted me, it was easier to say "yeh, they're mine, don't you know how hard this divorce is on me" than to try to convince her that my sister was capable of ever doing anything remotely bad.
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Old 02-12-2007, 10:38 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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I was the third in line at a job. Only the first and second could make bank deposits.

First Guy went on vacation. He was scheduled to come back the day Second Guy went on vacation. The day before Second Guy went on vacation, he gave me a cash deposit of $293 and told me to have First Guy deposit it when he got back, so I put it in my purse.

First Guy had a family emergency and didn't come back until a week after his vacation was suppose to be over. Second Guy was gone for two weeks.

Three months later I was cleaning out my purse and found the cash. Nobody had asked about it, and I had worked my ass off holding down the office with the both of them gone. So I kept the money.
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Old 02-12-2007, 10:41 AM
According to Pliny According to Pliny is offline
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In college I bought a used British sports car convertible. I bought it because it was cheap.
The seller told me he had only brought it over to race it, and so it wasn't "street legal". I figured he was bragging, and badly, because it was an older model and not very fast.
But he was right that it wasn't street legal. It had no side mirrors, no working horn, no working wipers, the bumpers had been removed. A regular fixer upper.
But I was so thrilled I had to show it off right away. But it was the weekend and I couldn't get plates, which in my state stayed with the owner, not with the car.
So I took the plate off my old car and wired it to the new one.
Went to see my old roommate and his girl and they got in just to go around the block.
Since it was a two-seater the roomie sat on the front edge of the trunk with his feet in the passenger compartment. Very dangerous, but we were just sitting in the parking lot.
Just then a cop pulled in and said he had been following me a couple of blocks because I had no taillights and my turn signals were yellow instead of red.
When he went to write the ticket he spotted the wired on plates, and then he made me run through the lights and horn and wipers.
I was looking at over half a dozen laws broken.

He was going to write up the guy sitting on the trunk, but his buddy pulled up and said that rule didn't apply in parking lots.
They spent a half hour trying to find the codes for all the things that were wrong, decided they had to move aling, and just wrote a single ticket on the brake lights, which I got removed with no fine by bringing in the repair ticket.
Whew!
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Semper aliquid novi Africa affert. There is always something new out of Africa. ~ Pliny the Elder-Natural History
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Old 02-12-2007, 11:15 AM
neutron star neutron star is offline
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Another drug story

Several years ago, when I was younger and stupider, I hit on the brilliant idea of growing magic mushrooms.

It did require relatively sterile conditions, but not much of an initial cash outlay, since it was a small operation for personal use only; the only things I needed were canning jars, a pressure cooker, spores purchased quite cheaply online, some materials from the gardening section of Wal-Mart, and a terrarium, which was actually just a cheap, plastic blanket box.

Being paranoid about my activities and not wanting to take any extra chances, I did not buy a scale to measure my dosage, as that action could have been construed by authorities as a business venture.

My first crop came up nicely, but never having tried psilocybe mushrooms before, I had no idea how much to take. I took my fan-dried bounty from its bag and spread it all across a large dinner plate. Somehow that dose seemed reasonable for two people. I made tea with it, chilled it in the freezer, added sugar and Kool Aid mix to it, and it ended up tasting just like regular Kool Aid.

After my then-wife and I downed our 32 ounces each of this concoction, bad things started to happen. She was sitting in the bathroom, and called out desperately to me from there, only a few minutes after the drug started hitting us.

"I'm dying!" she screamed.

I was still somewhat lucid, so I replied, "No you're not. It's impossible to die from psilocybin."

"But look!" she yelled holding out a hand full of vomit, "I'm puking and shitting at the same time! I have to be dying!"

Her drastic pronouncement jarred the last bit of the aforementioned lucidity out of me, and I ran to the phone to call 911.

Our apartment was soon swarming with police and paramedics. I told them all exactly what we'd done. I was so out-of-it that I even showed the police my grow setup! In some kind of stroke of extremely drug-addled brilliance, I told the officers that I was an amateur mycologist, though I did constantly refer to my fungi as "magic mushrooms," and mentioned that people would often trespass on farmers' land to obtain the ones that grew nearly year-round (I lived in Southern Louisiana at the time) in cow dung.

To my utter shock, not a single one of the paramedics or police officers had ever heard of 'shrooms! Not a damn one knew that I had just openly showed them how I had committed a felony!

We ended up getting an unnecessary ride in the ambulance, and a total of $1800 in medical bills, which we were only too happy to pay.

Needless to say, I threw away all of my supplies the very next day (except the pressure cooker, which we kept for making food), and have never grown or manufactured any drug since.
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Old 02-12-2007, 12:44 PM
ZipperJJ ZipperJJ is online now
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neutron star ... where were you that the cops had never heard of such a thing? Wow!

My story's kind of lame. I was living in the dorms at school, feeling miserable after just saying goodbye to a friend who had come to visit. I was lonely and started to cry and decided the best thing I could do was to fire up a joint and watch my lava lamp.

Usually I took precautions when I smoked so as not to be caught but I didn't do any of those things that night. So I got a knock on the door - campus security was there, saying that my RA (who uhm...lived RIGHT ACROSS THE HALL) reported that she smelled weed coming from my room. There I was standing there with completely bloodshot eyes (from crying), smelling of weed.

They asked if they could come in.

Normally, I am a goody-two-shoes and would have normally been ready to let them in and bust me and kick me out of school forever. But...

In a moment of dumb luck I remembered reading in the dorm rulebook that you didn't have to give anyone permission, not even security, to enter your room. I said no they couldn't come in and told them that she must have smelled some old tobacco that I had been rolling and smoking.

Oddly enough, I HAD been rolling and smoking some tobacco a day or so earlier.

They asked to see the butt of said cigarette and I HAPPENED TO HAVE THE BUTT. I retrieved it, gave it to them, they smelled it (it really was tobacco), and went on their way.

I totally could have ended my life as I knew it right then and there (honestly, I really am a goody-two-shoes, good student, boring git, etc) but somehow my inner badass took over and saved me from a heap of trouble.
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Old 02-12-2007, 12:45 PM
Earl Snake-Hips Tucker Earl Snake-Hips Tucker is offline
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Selling several hundred rounds of (blank) ammunition at school. . . while a teacher was in the room.
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  #25  
Old 02-12-2007, 01:04 PM
Lightnin' Lightnin' is offline
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Several years ago, a friend of mine tried to get me into hacking TV satellite. I was pretty interested, as I couldn't get the local network channels, and being able to watch Buffy over satellite rather than over the antenna sounded really nice. I bought the equipment, but never got around to setting anything up- the stuff just gathered dust until I threw it out.

Then, almost a year later, I got a letter from DirecTV telling me that they'd raided the place I'd bought the hardware from, and were now going to sue me for hacking their signal. A bit of research showed that they were using a shotgun technique to sue people they thought might be doing so- file a whole bunch of lawsuits against hundreds of people in an area (to save filing fees), and then try to sue them for an amount calculated to be just enough to scare people into settling. Basically, it was a huge money-making scam (one that the RIAA is now using). They'd threated to sue you for multiple thousands, and hope that you'd decide that the legal fees alone would make it worth settling for the amount they offered.

(Frankly, I'm amazed that this is legal.)

The best wisdom on the internet appeared to be "keep your head down, and don't do anything 'til they actually file against you", hoping that you can make it to the two-year SOL date. So that's what I did.

My friend also got the letter, and settled with them- for $3500.00. I didn't have that kind of money, and felt like I'd leave it to them to try to prove that I'd actually hacked it. I wasn't looking forward to having to hire a lawyer, but what could I do? I sure didn't feel like paying them what felt like extortion.

Then, a year or so later, I got a call from my ex-wife. She's now a lawyer... and it turned out that she was the lawyer DTV had retained to handle their lawsuits in Austin. And, since she was my ex, she'd had to recuse herself from filing against me.

And, since DTV was spending the absolute minimum on suing their.. ahem, "victims", by doing mass filings, they would've had to spend money specifically on me. What's more, they'd waited until just before the two-year statute of limitations had run out- so they didn't have time to re-file against me.

So, basically- my ex-wife saved me at least thirty-five hundred bucks by becoming a lawyer.
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  #26  
Old 02-12-2007, 02:43 PM
neutron star neutron star is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ZipperJJ
neutron star ... where were you that the cops had never heard of such a thing? Wow!
Lafayette, LA, where an average policeman gets paid about $1.50 over minimum wage. Really.

So they're not exactly among the best and brightest in the law enforcement field. The chief of police of a Lafayette suburb (along with the father of one of my good friends) got busted for attempting to smuggle two tons of pot from Texas a few years back.
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  #27  
Old 02-12-2007, 02:57 PM
Bobotheoptimist Bobotheoptimist is offline
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1988 - 1992, inclusive. What I refer to as "my drinking years". I don't really want to get into the multiple drunk driving stories, but once passed a cop while doing 140+ mph. He couldn't catch me and I assume it takes some time to set up a roadblock - I was far enough ahead of him that I took an exit with my lights off and hid before he got in view. Ha! The passengers freaked out. "Dude, that was a cop" I said. "Whoa, how fast are you going?" they asked. "I dunno... My speedometer only goes to 140" "WHAT?"
That GTO gave a smoother ride at 140 than it did at 65.
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There is a similarity, if I may be permitted an excursion into tenuous metaphor, between the feel of a chilly breeze and the feel of a knife's blade, as either is laid across the neck. I can call up memories of both, if I work at it. The chilly breeze is invariably the more pleasant memory.
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  #28  
Old 02-12-2007, 03:19 PM
AngelicGemma AngelicGemma is offline
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One of my favourites was as a teenager. I'd been out all night and came home at about 7am. (Needed to get changed before going to school.) I could hear my mum in the garden so I quietly opened the door. I was making my way up the stairs when the bathroom door opened. I thought I was busted. Nope. Dad just asked me what time I got in last night. "About 1?" He nods and goes on his way.

I went to my room and changed my clothes. My Dad never noticed the costume change.

I also got away with stuff with teachers by being completely honest. When a teacher asked me a question, I actually responded - "Don't ask me! I didn't get in till 6 this morning!"

After returning to school after a day off, the teacher greeted me with the question - "So, did you buy anything nice?" Yes. My evil friends had ratted me out. So I told the teacher about the beautiful blue dress I bought for the Leavers Do. I didn't get into trouble on either occasion.
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  #29  
Old 02-12-2007, 05:31 PM
Dr. Woo Dr. Woo is offline
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Oh gosh. So many things over the years - I must have a Nice Person face or something because I've been pretty lucky. There's one thing that really stands out though: I've always had trouble sleeping and from the time I was 6 years old until I left home at 17 I used to sneak out of the house at night and go out and play. I did this a couple of times a week at least. Most of the times I'd just go out and wander around - that's how it really started. I was awake and bored out of my skull, and at that age I wasn't allowed out after dark alone, so it was a real adventure to just walk down my street and up to the playground.

Later I enlisted my brother and other friends to go out too. We'd all meet somewhere and just goof around for a couple of hours and then go home. We never did anything really bad while we were out, but we lived adjacent to Air Force off-base housing which had a 10:00pm curfew for people under 18, so we had to avoid the Air Police guys who patrolled the area in their pick ups.

One of the ways we "avoided" the APs was to sneak into the back of their pickups and keep our heads down until we were driven outside the borders of the off-base housing, and therefore out of their jurisdiction. It was considered the height of coolness at the time to suddenly jump up and out of the bed of the pickup at the stop sign and run off laughing.

I had a real close call once, when I went to a friends house at about 2:00am (I was 14 at the time) and while I was chucking pebbles at my friend's window to signal him, the next-door neighbor (this was a duplex) came home. As bad luck would have it, the neighbor was an AP. I took one look at him, spun on my heels and ran like hell, my long blonde hair blowing out behind me. I ran to the edge of the government reservation and scaled the 12-ft. cyclone fence like it was nothing (I have no idea how I did this to this day) and dropped into a walnut orchard. I continued running - very difficult in the loose soil - even though I was on civilian territory. I never once looked behind me, I just ran as fast as I could.

A couple of days later my Dad (by that time a retired AF officer) asked me about the incident. We lived in a really small town and there was a limited number of young girls with really long blonde hair who ran track, and the AP was asking around. I somehow managed to deny any connection and my Dad apparently believed me. I was ridiculously proud to hear that the AP who had chased me said he never had a chance at catching me, that I was gone like a bullet.

Anyway, this was the closest I ever came to being caught in all those instances of sneaking out over 11 years or so. My Dad undoubtedly had his suspicions on that one incident but neither he nor my Mom knew/know that I did this at all, let alone the scores of times.
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  #30  
Old 02-12-2007, 05:52 PM
Quartz Quartz is offline
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Somewhat different to the above. Many years ago, I had a mate who worked in satellite TV. I had another mate whose hobby was cracking the encryption. And there was me in the middle. So I used to talk to both and drop hints of what I'd learned from one to the other. They never cottonned on.
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  #31  
Old 02-12-2007, 06:11 PM
Larry Mudd Larry Mudd is offline
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In the late nineties I held season tickets to the VSO.

It was my usual thing to go loaded up with LSD or MDMA and then duck out to the smoking area at intermission, stand around with the usual symphony smokers, and fire up a joint that was approximately the same size as my tool -- seasoned with hashish, drenched in honey oil, and machine-rolled with an oversized black-oil covered rice paper.

At the time, this seemed like perfectly sensible behaviour. I rationalized that the oil changed the aromatic signature, and its perfectly cylindrical form allowed it pass as a cigar. Ha! In my defense I can only say that I was high. Really, really high.

No-one ever said "boo," although with hindsight I'm sure plenty of folk wondered what the hell was up with the wide-eyed stinky-hash space cadet in the third row who apparently thought he was at a Dead show.
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  #32  
Old 02-12-2007, 06:15 PM
Khadaji Khadaji is offline
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When I was younger and much more stupid I would drink to excess and drive. There are too many times to count, but the one that stands out is: I was approaching a train tracks. The lights were blinking red. I looked left and saw no train coming, so I gunned it. The train was coming from the right. It just missed me. I still shutter to think how stupid and lucky I was.
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  #33  
Old 02-12-2007, 06:33 PM
PastAllReason PastAllReason is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WhyNot
The second wasn't a discrete event, but a technique. My mom had a phone by her bed, and there was an extension in the basement, which I would often answer late at night. When I was out late, I'd call home. When Mom picked up, I'd say, "OH, It's OK, Mom. I've got it." She'd hang up, thinking I had answered the extension and was therefore home safe. I can't believe I got away with that one, multiple times!
I'm in awe of your......ingenious sneakiness.
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  #34  
Old 02-12-2007, 09:00 PM
CrankyAsAnOldMan CrankyAsAnOldMan is offline
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Me, I was (and continue to be) an angel. There was nothing to get away with. But my husband? He has tales of being pulled over by the police as a teen in which the only consequence of the stop was being made to break his bong in the street while the cop watched. Then he and his friends would be sent on their way to continue driving to wherever.

Yeah, it was a different time.
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  #35  
Old 02-12-2007, 09:02 PM
robardin robardin is offline
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Wow, I can't believe all the stuff you guys have gotten away with...

Me, the moment I'm proudest of was the time I managed to convince a police officer that I didn't speak any English. (I'm an ABC, American Born Chinese, who speaks English natively and in fact much better than I speak Mandarin.) After 15 minutes of trying to write me up for dodging the subway fare with an expired school train pass (On a Saturday... Over the summer vacation...) he simply confiscated the pass and let me go. He was pretty sure I was faking it, since the pass clearly said I attended a city high school, but given the state of NYC public schools he couldn't actually rule out that I really spoke no English

Rira orggre*: onpx jura zl abj-jvsr (jub unf bapr be gjvpr ivrjrq gur FQZO jura V yrsg zlfrys ybttrq va, urapr guvf rapbqvat) unq whfg orpbzr zl yvir-va tveysevraq, fur qvfpbirerq zl fgnfu bs cbea gncrf (IUF) juvyr gvqlvat hc. Pbasebagrq jvgu gur rivqrapr, V znantrq gb pbaivapr ure gung V jnf npghnyyl uvqvat vg sbe K, n sevraq bs zvar jub fur nyernql xarj unq gnyxrq nobhg nyy gur cbea ivqrb fubcf arne jurer ur jbexrq abg sne sebz Gvzrf Fdhner (va gur cer-Qvfarl qnlf) ohg fgvyy yvirq jvgu uvf cneragf, hagvy ur tbg uvf bja ncnegzrag.
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  #36  
Old 02-12-2007, 09:31 PM
bouv bouv is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by robardin
Wow, I can't believe all the stuff you guys have gotten away with...

Me, the moment I'm proudest of was the time I managed to convince a police officer that I didn't speak any English. (I'm an ABC, American Born Chinese, who speaks English natively and in fact much better than I speak Mandarin.)
So you were an ABC pretending to be an FOB in NYC. WTF?
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  #37  
Old 02-12-2007, 09:32 PM
black rabbit black rabbit is offline
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My band was playing at a VFW hall in a small town. It was a BYOB-type affair, and much B was brought.

On the way back, I was driving my V-6 sedan, with then-GF beside me, and the guitar player, drummer, and roadie crammed in the back. The bass player was following in his two-seater truck with his girlfriend at the gear.

Other than myself, everybody in car was still drinking as I pulled out of the parking lot.

Now this is a little teeny town. There were these raised railroad tracks a couple hundred yards down the main drag on the way back to the freeway. Being that it was late at night and I was under the influence of various substances, I figured it would be an excellent idea to try and jump them.

So I floored it, and hit the tracks at maybe 60mph. I probably got a good three feet of air.

At the top of the arc, I saw who was parked on the other side of the tracks - an officer of the Bumfuck PD.

On came the lights. Four people shoved their open containers down to the floor and propped them up between their feet. Click-click-click-click-click went the seatbelts. I immediately lit a cigarette in an attempt to get some of the smell of brewery off my breath.

The bass player passed us and pulled over further down the road, figuring that I was going to jail and he'd have to give everybody else a ride back home.

A hushed debate about whether the weed needed to be ditched began in the back seat.

I slooowly slipped the switchblade that I always carried out of my pocket and shoved under my seat.

I figured I was dead.

The cop didn't even make me get out of the car. Just gave me the typical small-town shakedown:

"Do you have any idea how fast you were going back there?"

"I dunno, Sir."

"Where y'all headed?"

"Back to Cincinnati, Sir."

"Well have a safe trip. Getting out of town. Like, pronto."

"Yes Sir."

The nearest we could figure was that the guy had been napping, and was startled awake by either the roar from my engine as I ramped over the grade or the sound of my bumpers hitting the pavement on the other side, and he'd only caught my flight out of the corner of his eye.

I'm ashamed to admit that pulling a open-container Evel Knievel in front of a cop isn't even the stupidest thing I've ever gotten away with.
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  #38  
Old 02-12-2007, 09:34 PM
Nic2004 Nic2004 is offline
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robardin-May I ask what this is?
Quote:
Rira orggre*: onpx jura zl abj-jvsr (jub unf bapr be gjvpr ivrjrq gur FQZO jura V yrsg zlfrys ybttrq va, urapr guvf rapbqvat) unq whfg orpbzr zl yvir-va tveysevraq, fur qvfpbirerq zl fgnfu bs cbea gncrf (IUF) juvyr gvqlvat hc. Pbasebagrq jvgu gur rivqrapr, V znantrq gb pbaivapr ure gung V jnf npghnyyl uvqvat vg sbe K, n sevraq bs zvar jub fur nyernql xarj unq gnyxrq nobhg nyy gur cbea ivqrb fubcf arne jurer ur jbexrq abg sne sebz Gvzrf Fdhner (va gur cer-Qvfarl qnlf) ohg fgvyy yvirq jvgu uvf cneragf, hagvy ur tbg uvf bja ncnegzrag.
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  #39  
Old 02-12-2007, 09:58 PM
robardin robardin is offline
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Location: Flushing, NY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nic2004
robardin-May I ask what this is?
Why yes, of course you may.


Mouse over the original text again and you should see a useful hyperlink...
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  #40  
Old 02-13-2007, 01:52 AM
Seven Seven is offline
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I would post about what I got away with, but then someone would know, they might tell someone else. Next thing you know the jig is up.

Nice try fetus,. or should I say.. Officer Wilson?!?!

*runs away*
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  #41  
Old 02-13-2007, 02:21 AM
MannyL MannyL is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by robardin
Why yes, of course you may.


Quote:
Rira orggre*: onpx jura zl abj-jvsr (jub unf bapr be gjvpr ivrjrq gur FQZO jura V yrsg zlfrys ybttrq va, urapr guvf rapbqvat) unq whfg orpbzr zl yvir-va tveysevraq, fur qvfpbirerq zl fgnfu bs cbea gncrf (IUF) juvyr gvqlvat hc. Pbasebagrq jvgu gur rivqrapr, V znantrq gb pbaivapr ure gung V jnf npghnyyl uvqvat vg sbe K, n sevraq bs zvar jub fur nyernql xarj unq gnyxrq nobhg nyy gur cbea ivqrb fubcf arne jurer ur jbexrq abg sne sebz Gvzrf Fdhner (va gur cer-Qvfarl qnlf) ohg fgvyy yvirq jvgu uvf cneragf, hagvy ur tbg uvf bja ncnegzrag.

Mouse over the original text again and you should see a useful hyperlink...

What a Really Original Thing to do on your 13th birthday. It is a great message to send

Last edited by MannyL; 02-13-2007 at 02:24 AM.. Reason: Oops I left out original quote
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  #42  
Old 02-13-2007, 02:23 AM
SurrenderDorothy SurrenderDorothy is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2006
1. My family is Catholic. like WAY Catholic. Likeif we were in the middle of a nuclear war and trapped in a bunker and starving to death, my dad would be working on plans to get a priest over to our bunker because UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES can we miss Mass.

Now I, in the midst of all this, hate, destest, despise, and abhor Mass. In said bunker, i'd be sitting there gleefully being like, "hell YES nuclear war! that means no Mass!" It's a colossal waste of time, as far as I'm concerned. It's an even more colossal waste of time on Holy Days because on Sunday mornings, there's usually nothing important that needs to be done. Whereas I have homework or dance class or plans on weeknights. And to give this particular Mass the grand colossal waste of time trifecta, it was going to be at my dad's church and he was reading. My dad's church is huge and far away, so the drive is long and Mass is longer. So on this particualr night, we were in for about three hours of mind-numbing boredom.

So it was my sister Margaret, her freind Caity, and me. Maggie must have been ten, which makes me twelve. Before Mass, we went down to the basement/bathrooms to pass the time before Mass without disturbing the Rosary people. After about five minutes of sitting down there whining about how much it sucked that we had to go to church all the damn time, Caity (who has always been a bit of a wild child) proposed that, if we don't want to sit through Mass, we should skip. Go for a walk. Go play outside.

So we formulated an overly complex plan that involved sitting near the back for the opening procession so that my dad and the priest (who were the only ones at that church who would recognize us and be looking for us) would see us. Then we'd make a break for it and return in time for Communion. We'd wait in the back of church and then get in line, dropping our purses in a pew as we passed, etc.

It went off without a hitch. We walked down to the nearest gas station and my sister and Caity got rap snax (I didn't... in my warped mind, breaking the hour-before-communion fast was more sinful than skipping church) and then returned just in time. My dad, as far as I can tell, was none the wiser.

(and yes, this is rebellious for me. And my parents think I'm a delinquent. pshh.)

2. This is the one I'm really surprised I've gotten away with for so long.

I have to go for a weigh-in once a week and I'm supposed to stay above a certain weight or there will be consequences. I'm currently about 18 lb under that. Every week when I go in, I drink a ton of water and, using a few other tricks, always make weight. It boggles my mind that people whose job it is to deal with people and their weights haven't gotten hip to me yet.
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  #43  
Old 02-13-2007, 02:43 AM
Red Barchetta Red Barchetta is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SurrenderDorothy
I have to go for a weigh-in once a week and I'm supposed to stay above a certain weight or there will be consequences. I'm currently about 18 lb under that. Every week when I go in, I drink a ton of water and, using a few other tricks, always make weight.
Damnit, I hate when people do this, but here I go. I'm not sure how much water you drink, but it can be dangerous of a lot is consumed at once, especilly if you're using it to gain "pounds." There was a case recently of a woman who died in a contest just by drinking too much water at once.

Just fyi
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  #44  
Old 02-13-2007, 05:28 AM
Malacandra Malacandra is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Red Barchetta
Damnit, I hate when people do this, but here I go. I'm not sure how much water you drink, but it can be dangerous of a lot is consumed at once, especilly if you're using it to gain "pounds." There was a case recently of a woman who died in a contest just by drinking too much water at once.

Just fyi
Well, on the one hand, there's serious medical consequences, but on the other hand, there's having her own way and laughing up her sleeve at the people who are trying to stop her. No contest!

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  #45  
Old 02-13-2007, 05:36 AM
SurrenderDorothy SurrenderDorothy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Red Barchetta
Damnit, I hate when people do this, but here I go. I'm not sure how much water you drink, but it can be dangerous of a lot is consumed at once, especilly if you're using it to gain "pounds." There was a case recently of a woman who died in a contest just by drinking too much water at once.

Just fyi
thanks, but I know I usually only drink ~2 liters of water. The rest I make up with weights strategically placed (two wrapped around my waist, one on each arm & leg, and one in each cup), rolls of quarters strategically placed (pockets, taped into my waistband & sewn if I think about it the night before) coins in my socks, a sandbag in my hair, and the heaviest bracelets and necklaces I can find

So mostly non-deadly measures
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  #46  
Old 02-13-2007, 12:35 PM
Emilio Lizardo Emilio Lizardo is offline
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1) In my youth I would attend all-ages concerts at various clubs in the Chicago area. Typically, you showed an ID at the door and got a hand stamp that made you eligable to purchase alchohol at the bar. Before I turned 21 my trick was to pick up an empty beer bottle from the trash, wave it at a busy bartender, and say "give me another one." That almost always worked.

2) No way in hell am I sharing this one with strangers on a message board.
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  #47  
Old 02-13-2007, 01:12 PM
Anastasaeon Anastasaeon is offline
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Four of us, underage, drinking, on the main street of my hometown, after curfew. The entire town has a curfew (10pm) because of all the ridiculous crime that goes on after dark. Well, as teenagers, we were part of the problem at the time (it's gotten much worse over the years, and drinking teenagers are tame in comparison, for certain). We were all sitting or frolicking on the steps of the post office, a large, imposing building made entirely of granite situated in the centre of town, or dancing around the "town pump"; another central feature of the town, an old water pump set in the middle of the street. This is a particularly sharp corner, so by the time you see anyone coming up on you, it's very probably too late.

Well, the police showed up. They drove around the corner and turned on their lights (but not the siren) upon seeing us. Eek. We collectively seemed to sober up... and shot off like rockets into the night - down the front side of main street. Except... we knew where we were going.

Driving along beside us, the police followed us, yelling at us to stop running, until we all reached a familiar alley and tumbled into it. We could hear the cops getting out of the car, and we raced around the building.

The building was a church.

In the back of the church, there was a very small hole in the ground which led under the building. This was our haven, and there were plenty of beer bottles laying around down here. We dove into the hole, one by one, and held our breath.

We watched silently from under the church as the police came around the corner and began to pace, shining their flashlights over the embankment that runs parallel to the church (nay, all of main street; I once flew over it on my skateboard by the bank, which we passed on our way to the church, and got banged up pretty good), and one ran ahead to peer around the corner into the next alley. The light shone along the ground, and we all ducked, hoping our eyes hadn't glinted in the flashlight beams, knowing damn well he must have seen the beer bottles under there, or heard the ground crumbling the tiniest bit under one of us, or heard a breath, saw a hair, or heard a thought or two.

They consulted each other, confused, angry, and wondering where the hell we could have disappeared to. Eventually, they walked away.

I don't know how they missed the rabbit-hole. But they did, and we hid out for most of the night down there. I don't know, and never found out, what the hell that place was for underneath the church. There was a door from the church that led into it, and there was a stone/cement bench under there, too. Above it was a crucifix. Otherwise, it was just a gravel-pit under the church. Lots of room to stand up and walk around.

It wasn't the first or last time we'd hide out down there and not get caught, either. I don't know if they ever figured it out. They came back there many times, but never seemed to find the hole. Or, perhaps, the joke was on us, and they were just trying to give us a good scare. If that's the case, then we certainly did get a fright... but we were never scared straight. Although in my case, maybe they scared me half-straight? HA!
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  #48  
Old 02-13-2007, 01:18 PM
Fish Fish is offline
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Ask Cervaise about the plates.
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  #49  
Old 02-13-2007, 01:30 PM
Fiddle Peghead Fiddle Peghead is offline
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I was driving home drunk off my ass one night in college and got pulled over about a mile from my home. The cop had me out on the street and was getting ready to give me the sobriety test when (I believe I was just getting ready to start moving my fingers to futilely try and touch my nose) a call came thru over his radio. I don't remember what the call was about, just the cop turning to look at me quickly and then yelling, "Keep it in the road!", after which he jumped in his car and sped off, presumably to catch some nefarious criminal.

Also, I've got a twin brother, and one brother who is ten months older. Once when we were 12 and 13, a friend of my mom and dad died. They went off to the funeral home, and said they would be gone a few hours. So we of course, at the insitigation of my older brother, decided to go for a joy ride around the neighborhood. We cruised about for 15 minutes or so, but much to our chagrin when we showed up back at the house, mom and dad had returned prematurely. Amazingly, after calming down enough to speak coherently, that informed us that they weren't going to punish us, but "'DON'T EVER DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT AGAIN."
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  #50  
Old 02-13-2007, 02:11 PM
PoorYorick PoorYorick is offline
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I'm 17 years old pulling out of McDonalds one night with a car full of buddies, all as giggling high as I am. Immediately as I hit the road, I see the red police lights behind my car, and pull over. I'm already wondering whether it will be worth calling my Grandmother to get me out jail, or whether it would be better to just rot in prison.

I roll the window down, the policeman at blinds us all with his flashlight and asks to see my license. Now, somewhere between the time he asks his question and the time I have my wallet in my hand, I'm so paranoid and high that I've forgotten what the cop originally asked for. I'm just going through everything in my wallet, hoping that when I see it, I'll know it, growing more paranoid each second. After a few hours (seconds), I can't stand it anymore and grab the first thing I see and hand it to the policeman.

It's a one-dollar bill.

I look at him and he looks at me, and then I remember. I calmly put the dollar back and hand him my license. Seems like I didn't have my headlights on. He tells me to be more careful, and lets me go.

I honestly have no idea what he thought when an obviously stoned seventeen-year-old handed him a one-dollar bill. I guess I should be glad I didn't have a fifty.
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