I’ll admit, I’m not perfect. Thus, it logically follows, my wife receives arrangements from 1-800-FLOWERS often enough that I’m on their mailing list. Usually I ignore the ads. Today, though, I received this. “Make their Irish eyes smile” beer mug arrangement.
I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
Coming soon:
-The 4th of July Handgun and Electric Chair arrangement
-The Mardi Gras Hurricane arrangement
-The Kwanza Watermelon arrangement
-The Valentine’s Day Discount Divorce Lawyer arrangement
-The Father’s Day Bottle of Whiskey and Leather Belt arrangement
-The Halloween Gas Can and Matchbox arrangement (*Detroit area only)
Has anyone in the history of mankind ever sent anyone a St. Patrick’s Day floral arrangement, or a St. Patrick’s Day card, or decorated a private home with St. Patrick’s Day decorations? No? I didn’t think so. Then why the fuck are those things in all the stores?!
So I went to Walmart to buy my daughter a weight bench, and saw all these St Pat’s Day T-shirts: “Lets Get Ready To Stumble” and “I’m a Drinker, Not a Fighter.”
Then when I’m rolling out the door with the big box and the senior citizen guy is standing there to check my reciept, just to be an ass, instead of showing it to him I hand him a $5 and wink at him. Big mistake. No, he didn’t fall for it and sound the alrm, but instead he made me his new best friend.
“Are you Irish?”
(good guess - I’ve got one of those Irish faces that look like a club foot)
“Well, you might want to buy ‘The Departed.’ Boy, them Boston Irish are some pretty hard characters. you know, they still don’t know where Whitey is.”
I was so fighting the urge not to fall into that obnoxious “we’re the last safe stereotype” bullshit, but it wasn’t easy.
Yes. My mother has sent St. Patrick’s Day cards, I have an elderly relative who decorates their home for St. Patrick’s Day (they are Swedish, so no, I’m not understanding it), and you should SEE what my neighbor did to her front stoop goose - it is dressed like a Leprauchaun and has a shillelagh.
Yes, to all three. I had a hard time finding a good selection of St. Patrick’s Day cards this year, and was a little disappointed. I think the arrangement in the OP is a pip. Then again, I am also the person who bought the “red, white, and blue carnations arranged in the shape of the Statue of Liberty” in case anyone saw that one back around July 4th and wondered who on earth would purchase it. My grandmother loved it.
I can’t make a crack about the miserly Scots, but everyone knows all Irish are continually drunk. Nothing says “I love you, you sot” like a flower in beer.
For near 15 years now I’ve refused to participate in St Patrick’s Day activities. Every year I get “But you’re Irish, why aren’t you wearing green?” to which I’ve replied for near 15 years “I’m not Catholic”. This somehow confuses people. I’ve gone so far as to wear orange, just to demonstrate my dislike for Patrick, but hardly anyone around here gets it.
My tradition in school has been to wear an orange t-shirt under my Hawaiian shirt every St. Patrick’s Day, just to see which of my students get it. To others who ask I just state that my Irish ancestors came from Ulster and leave it at that.
You think that’s bad - THIS piece of dreck has been making it’s way through the pagan email glurge-o-matic:
I can hardly begin to point out all the factual errors in that one. (Okay, let’s start with the fact that pagan conversions in Ireland were very civil, and they put about as much local religious tradition into Christianity as vice-versa, there haven’t been snakes there since the last ice age, and the “witch burnings” were not of pagans but of Catholics and folk healers and were about 700 years after Patrick, if he existed, was dead. And he wasn’t Irish.) But to make it worse, it’s going around attached to this signature:
Is this some sort of meta-irony at work?
I’m not sure who SeekingWolf is, but perhaps he should become SeekingFacts for a while.
The last office I was in featured a woman who was actually a horrible person but who believed in decorating for every holiday. Window clings, garland, cardboard cutouts…Christmas? Forget it, it was like Santa and every reindeer threw up in there. But yeah, that wasn’t a private home.
Are you kidding? Visit Chicago in the month of March, sometime! There are green lights decorating houses, shamrock cutouts in windows, flags with rainbows & pots o’gold, etc. etc. Valentine’s Day was hardly over when that stuff started coming out.
At my house, we have one tasteful string of shamrock lights, which we will hang somewhere tomorrow night, since we are having people over on Saturday.
Oh, and my Irish grandmother sent us St. Paddy’s Day cards with a fiver in them every year when we were kids. Likewise, I send one to my dad every year, but mostly because 3/17 is his birthday!
I do put a few things out (green candles, some shamrock stuff etc) and put up green lights only if I am having a party, which I am not this year.
I don’t send cards to family just my sister. Her birthday is the 17th. Oy, she’s turning 25 on Saturday i feel so old. I was at Target the other day and was looking at the St Pat’s birthday cards and I found that I have already given her the ones that were cool/funny in years past, the others were just lame. I just opted for a regular funny card instead.
My birthday is also on the 17th. I’m constantly amazed by how many St. Patrick’s Day Birthday cards I get every year. Who knew there would be such a market for them?
I’m Irish, my American girlfriend bought me a t-shirt she found in her local store “Made in Ireland”, a green t-shirt, with a map of Ireland on it. Now when I wear it I look American hehe, funniest thing is the label which says “Made in Honduras of USA fibre”.
I don’t think I’ve ever gotten my dad anything BUT a St. Patrick’s Day birthday card! And he gets them from EVERYONE. The weirdest thing about it is the sheer number of cards he gets every year…WAY more than your average adult. We figure that it’s because people tend to remember his birthday because he’s Irish & it’s St. Patrick’s Day. My mom is always mock-jealous because she only gets a few cards from family when her birthday rolls around in July, but not from friends.
Do you find that you tend to get an unusually high number of cards, or that people tend to remember your birthday more because it’s on a holiday?
string of shamrock lights, which we will hang somewhere tomorrow night, since we are having people over on Saturday.
