How fucking hard is it for people to understand that I DON’T dance. I don’t want to dance, I don’t enjoy dancing, and I’m not going to do it? I enjoy music, I like to listen to a good song, but a good song isn’t supposed to sound like a dinosaur farting amplified 3000 times. If you ask someone to go golfing, and they say ‘no thanks I don’t golf’ and you let them be. But as soon as I say I don’t want to dance, it becomes the avowed mission of every female present to try to con me into getting on the dance floor. We’re friends, and I have the common courtesy to not ask you if you want to go in the rest room and fuck because I realize that you don’t want to do it. So why in the hell do you keep trying to pressure me into getting onto that smelly, sweaty, sardine-ready floor full of morons who had their brains replaced by a some gland that apparently produces cologne by the gallon? No I’m not afraid of people thinking I’m gay, and no I’m not too embarassed, remember, I’m the guy who used to streak football games, and start conversations with famous people in bars. I just don’t understand the point of dancing, and I will not be presured into it by your inane psycho-babble about how everybody really wants to dance. I’m here to drink and socialize and I’m not interested in looking like a epileptic pissing on a high-votage wire, like the rest of you ‘cool’ people.
I bow to the master.
You’re white, aren’t you? 
I say amen to someone who refuses to dance (for their own personal reasons) rather than to be subjected to the viewing of a rhythmless bump-and-grind show (recalling the first 15 minutes of Night at the Roxbury–hey, that’s all I watched).
I like to dance. I’m actually not so bad. What I really hate, though (trying to remember the long-gone days of club-hopping in my youth)… are these guys that come up and start grinding on my leg like some horny,lazy-eyed dog. Excuse me, but, first of all, I would like to at least know your name before you become intimate with said leg. Second, let’s go take this out to the parking lot where I can wrap your scrotum around your neck for being an uncontrollable, loutish, disco grease-ball. I (used to) go to clubs to dance, not to fornicate on some dance floor.
So, I do raise my glass to you, wolfman for your honesty.
Ye gods, the man do but speak the truth.
Course, if the female party in question is a GF, then…well…you sorta have to.
that’s all I’m gonna say
What can I say? I have a new hero. I am with you all the way wolfman.
Amen brother…
My wife was so concerned about my ‘not dancing’ that she was genuinely afraid I wouldn’t do a ‘first dance’ on our wedding day.
Before our wedding I had this great notion that my fiance and I would go to dance lessons to learn only ONE dance to ONE song REALLY well. I didn’t want to learn dance theory or any such thing…just get one dance nailed and surprise the hell out of our guests (probably would have been a swing number).
That never happened so we simply did the obligatory wobble on the dance floor at our wedding.
Thankfully, now that I’m married and don’t go ‘clubbing’ (at least to dance bars) no one bothers to try and drag me on the dance floor anymore. My wife will try once in a long while but that’s about it and she gives up the effort easily if I resist.
Amen, brotherman. You don’t know how much I hate the idea of dancing. And, once you reveal this to a female, how much they hate the idea of not making you dance. What, do you think I’m Michael fucking Jackson, and just don’t want to ‘show my moves?’
–Tim
I dance like Keanu Reeves acts.
Cut the sexist stereotyping! I’m a non-dancing female, and I’ve had male friends/acquaintances/SO’s beg, plead, even physically drag me onto the dance floor. People who like dancing simply cannot conceive of the idea that not everybody else does. It’s fucking annoying.
I HATE dancing.
I HATE drinking.
I HATE crowded places.
So what does everyone try and get me to do? Go to frat parties! Then they bitch that I don’t do anything with them. Seeing how all they do is go to frat parties… I’ll stay at home…
BTW, I don’t mind slow dancing.
Another girl who hates dancing. But I can admit freely it’s cause I’m embarassed. And I can tell you, NOTHING makes it worse than all kinds of people trying to drag me on the floor.
Once, I went to a dance club with some friends, they convinced me to get on the floor (i decided to just stannd on the side) then they pushed me into the MIDDLE OF THEIR CIRCLE AND WOULD NOT LET ME OUT. I almost died =>
The only time I’ve even been to a dance club since is with ONE good friend of mine =>
I can relate, since I only dance when I’m drunk at a wedding.
Ok, I’m guilty. But it’s the alcohol that made me do it. I am a reformed clubber now, haven’t been to a club in years. But yes, I am one that would drag you on the floor. sigh
I detest doing most anything that will embarass me, unless I’m trying to play wounded or something. Which I rarely do. I don’t like dancing. I don’t like big gatherings or parties. I don’t like drinking or being around those who have. I don’t like smoking, smelling the smoke or talking to people who are smoking because the smell and feel disturb me.
I don’t like dancing. I don’t like violence, for the most part. I don’t like large crowds of people. I don’t like really loud noises or music. So when I go past a large crowd of people who are making loud noises and talking about violence, yes I am going to have a problem with it.
Rather than physically trying to pull me onto the dance floor (which will not only annoy me, but will leave your body, to some degree, sore), why not sit and talk with me? Must less physical exertion, plus you avoid the necessity of having to make a fool of yourself.
If you do try to make me dance, if I do dance in your presence take that to mean you’re VERY special. I have danced very few times in my entire life. If you try to make me dance and I politely refuse, drop it at that. If you keep on I will not be pleased. If you keep on after that, you will not be pleased.
Simple, no?
amen to all of that! wolfman etc, yes yes yes. only female.
and iampunha, you sound like male-me. may i have your permission to paraphrase your response and use it on people who try to coerce me into things? (you basically said exactly what i think and how i think it)
I feel terrible reading this since I love dancing. I can’t say I’m a wonderful dancer–I just pretend to be. Anytime there’s a dance at school, I stay in motion until the dance is over.
My boyfriend is the complete opposite. He refuses to move. True, he is never hesitant to slow dance with me, but once the fast music comes on he retreats to the side of the dance floor. I don’t stop him. I just look for some other guy to dance with. This doesn’t bother him; he wants me to have fun. And I never force him to dance since I know he hates to. Each to their own. I’m proud of you guys for your honestness. Just bite and kick the people who drag you out to the floor!
I used to love to dance, now I hate it! In fact, I used to dance on the tabletops in my miniskirt, but I digress.
In those days, the music was stuff you can dance to! On the rare occasion that I do go out I find that I can’t dance to what they play nowadays (it’s official! I’m old!).
I will slowdance, though.
Amen, oh Man of Wolf. Great rant, too. 8.5. Could have been a 9.0, if it weren’t for the fact that it’s all in one paragraph. But I digress.
Thank you for putting Eddie Grant’s I don’t wanna dance in my head on a monday morning. I absolutely hate you for that. But I fully agree with your OP.