Mel and I have been trying to coerce our New York men to go dancing with us for I don’t know how long. They all change the subject by using some subtle means—yelling, “Look—Halley’s comet!” or setting a fire.
Is this a chick thing? Do all men hate going out dancing? I’m no Ginger Rogers, but I adore it. My idea of heaven is to be in a long ballgown, waltzing around to Strauss . . .Or even Pogoing to the B-52s. It’s not a romantic thing (is this what has them scared?), I just love to dance.
I’ve been taking ballroom / latin dancing classes with my fiancee for about a year now. (waltz, tango, foxtrot, salsa, cha-cha, merengue, and of course the now-trendy swing dancing.)
I wouldn’t say I hate it, but I would never do it on my own. I’m no good. However, there are many men in the class that enjoy it.
I took ballroom dancing with a girlfriend in college (foxtrot, waltz, etc.) and enjoyed it. I have taken swing dance lessons and would like to learn lindy-hop if I ever end up with a girlfriend who’s interested in the same thing. Hell, maybe I’ll even go on my own (if I get up the nerve) or with a female friend one of these days. That is, as long as she’s patient and doesn’t laugh at me too much. My ex-girlfriend was really into country dancing, but the thought of frequenting a country dance place makes me shudder (personal preference - no flames, please). Likewise, she had no interest in swing dancing.
One thing you will not get me to do is what I call “free form” dancing - which is what you see at most of the clubs. I look like an epileptic orang-utan on acid if I try that kind of dancing. Also, I just detest the “music” they play at those places. I used to tolerate it, but now I can’t stand it. To me, it’s the auditory equivalent of being beat over the head with a cinder block. I refuse to go to those clubs, if at all possible.
Most men in my acquaintance fall into two categories. 1 - those that don’t want to dance and shouldn’t (my ex husband) and 2 - those that don’t want to dance, but when they do they have a great time and look good (my current SO).
I think there’s a widespread belief that dancing isn’t “manly” so when I say “let’s go to the disco tonight” the stock answer is “no way.” When I drag him there, though, he has a blast. Funny what a little liquor and good music will do to a guy.
My reason for not liking to dance is an ego thing. I don’t know how to dance and I don’t like to look like a fool. Especially with ballroom dancing there are definate steps and you look silly if you don’t know them!
“To do her justice, I can’t see that she could have found anything nastier to say if she’d thought it out with both hands for a fortnight.”
Dorothy L. Sayers Busman’s Honeymoon
Aaahh, this is my forte’. I LOVE to go out dancing, and, since I have no skills, free form is the only way to go! I also dig the most of the music, although House/Beats can really start to annoy me if it is played all night long. The only problem is that I don’t have many friends who like to go, so I don’t go that often.
BTW, I just got a really cool “club” shirt. It is a button up with a larger than average collar, black and satiny(rayon?) and has two wide strips of dark green velvet running down the front! Yeah!
“Teaching without words and work without doing are understood by very few.”
-Tao Te Ching
I am one of those guys who won’t dance. Back in my dating days I was sometimes in the awkward position of having to explain my non-dancing ideology. “I like to go out and have a good time,” I’d explain. “My idea of a good time just doesn’t include gyrating aimlessly with a bunch of aimlessly gyrating strangers.”
Mostly I knew I was no good at it, that’s all.
Whatever the truth might be, my opinion is that there are three types of people when it comes to dancing:
Those who look silly doing it
Those who look good doing it because they are naturally graceful
Those who look good at it because they have worked hard to learn to look good.
I am a 1. You are likely a 2. Please don’t make a 1 feel bad becuase he is not a 2, like you. What you might try, if your friend is interested, is converting him to a 3 with some private lessons.
Okay, this is MPSIMS:
“Men visit discos for the same reason that bankrobbers visit banks. It’s not that they enjoy being there, but it happens to be necessary to get at something they want very badly”.
Oh boy, my “freak” status is going up every single day. First I admitted to not wanting to go to a spa. The I said I thought pregnant women look hideous. Now I have to admit that I hate dancing. You’d have to drag me kicking and screaming into a club anyway, but once I am there you couldn’t get me on the dance floor if you poked me with a cattle prod.
Actual conversation from the last time I danced in public (over 20 years ago). It was a church dance, we were charging 50 cents to get in and I was in charge of the arrangements. At the break I went to talk to the people collecting the money and they gave me a huge handful of quarters. I put them in my pocket:
Me, speaking to the beautiful blonde that I had a big crush on with whom I had been “dancing” all evening without any quarters in my pocket: “I have a pocketful of quarters!”
Her: “No wonder you were dancing so funny!”
“To do her justice, I can’t see that she could have found anything nastier to say if she’d thought it out with both hands for a fortnight.”
Dorothy L. Sayers Busman’s Honeymoon
Uh, keep in mind that I took lessons which is different from being a good (or even decent) dancer. However, if you don’t mind me relearning some, and screwing up a lot, then I’m there!
I have a friend who’s employed as a dance instructor, and her boyfriend works there too. Outside of her hearing, we call them and their pals at work the Tacky Dancing Cult, but actually going out dancing in clubs with them is a lot of fun - it’s way better to learn how to actually do some steps (and be taught by a good looking fella, no less) than to just go shake it around at random.
So my advice would be make friends with a TDC member.
Actually, I used to teach country dance lessons when I was overseas. The problem with most of the people that dance to country music is that they all want to line dance to every single freakin’ song. I mean, I know that it’s hard for some people to feel co-ordinated, but there are a lot of other dances that you can do. Waltz, 2 step, chadacy, swing…(sigh)…
Do you know how hard it is to get a club to play deelite? I will dance to their bad 90s dance music, and I have to beg them to play James Brown, George Clinton or Deelite.
Put me in the I like to dance category. I especially like 80s stuff. Its so much fun to dance when I can think of how much of a wallflower I was in 6th grade when this stuff first came out. Plus, I know all the words.
I absolutely love to dance. Before moving to my current location, I was a regular of several clubs in the city. Tunnel. SF, Twilo(& Club USA), Limelight. etc. The man I have dated for the past 6 1/2 years, has never seen the inside of any of those clubs. He just refused to go with me. He can’t stand to dance. (This was actually a recurring topic in our relationship, he didn’t like me coming home at 2 in the afternoon the next day, he didn’t understand the club was still open at that hour.) but there are guys at the clubs, where did they grow? not really relationship material i suppose, but you never know.
If your head is wax, don’t walk in the sun.
-Benjamin Franklin