Unhappy at work. Should I talk to my boss?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I can’t even tell you all how many things are wrong here. I’m doing work that I don’t enjoy and that’s not challenging; I was hired for a leadership position, but I’m completely smothered by my immediate supervisor, our “team lead”, but I wasn’t told she’d be my boss during the interview process and etc. I was more or less told she’d be stepping aside to do other things. She’s not, though. She rides my ass constantly. She nitpicks. She shoots down almost every suggestion I make to improve processes (I’ve been doing Systems Administration a long time); one example is that they refuse to have pagers for on-call. Another example is that they don’t warn users of significant changes - I think we should give people a heads up when we’re implementing a screensaver + screen lock policy, or patching computers, or stuff like that. If for no other reason than to reduce panic and calls to the Help Desk (which I have to answer).

For the last 4 years or so, I’ve been leading/managing global IT Operations, outsourcing and insourcing initiatives. We’re in the process of integrating offices in Europe and building new ones. I was told I was being hired specifically because of my experience and expertise in this arena - I’ve not been asked for input, I’ve not been given any information, and when I’ve tried to get involved, I’ve been turned away. My team lead and our/her boss (Director of Technology) make all decisions in a vacuum. All my participation is engaged by handing assignments to me, which are typically closed-end projects which require little creativity.

Did I mention the Desktop Support guy I sit next to? He goes out of his way to tell users I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. He constantly calls me a fag, a sissy, a homo (I’m not even gay). He’s threatened me on so many occassions I can’t even count - to stab me, to cut my throat, to beat me up and steal my lunch money (seriously). He’s got a shooting target hanging on his cube wall with Osama Bin Laden printed on it. He’s got a bunch of spent shells on his desk. He just applied for and received his license to carry concealed weapons. He’s a classic bully. I don’t really worry about him actually doing anything, but it’s annoying nonetheless. I fight fire with fire. I call him Sally or Mary. I dish it back to him, in other words, lest he should start to think… I don’t even know. But not taking his constant onslaught of shit laying down does seem to help a bit. I’ve seen him manhandle women here in the office. He constantly makes lewd comments to our team lead (she loves the attention). He’s a hard worker, though, so I think he gets away with way more than he should.

On the upside, the money is really good, and it’s pretty close to home (10 miles each way). My plan is to finish my degree program and find a management position elsewhere. I’ll graduate next spring - a year from now (provided I can schedule and pass 7 classes between now and next May). I’ve been in IT for about 10 years now, and I’ve got a really excellent background. I’m just at the right age to transition into Technical Management, but I need a relevent degree to command the money I want and legitimize my expectations and career goals. My last job was running global IT (steering operations in US, UK, Japan, Australia and France). This job, I’m doing desktop support and checking in 50 times a day with my “team lead”.

I’ve got a review coming up. I’m 99% certain they’re going to pass me over for a raise and my 10% performance bonus. If I’m going to say something, that would be the time. I really don’t think my boss is approachable, though. He’s been kind of an ass to me. I really get the feeling that they just don’t like me, and that they’re actually making a coordinated effort to make me unhappy and make me want to leave. Sounds paranoid, right? Ugh. I know. But it actually feels that way.

I just don’t know what to do. I’m really too old for this shit.

2

Dude…what country are you in? You do realize that sexual harassment at work is not just guys saying inappropriate things to women, right? There are some laws being broken here.

I don’t have any advice about the rest of your post but you need to do something about this situation at least. This is not good.

3

Mobbing.

Been there, had it done to me. The first time, what was hardest to handle was the self-doubts… “am I exageratting?” “am I being too sensitive?” “am I just misunderstanding things, what with being a foreigner?”

The other times, I was able to recognize it for what it was and enter this “zone state” where I’d mostly look at those bullies as at interesting specimens. Interesting specimens who were bound to get my ass kicked out of there but who would. Not. Ever. Be able to get from me what they wanted (specifics on this varied by bully).

4

I work in IT in the Boston area as well. That stuff happens and I have never really figured out why. I have worked at places where they thought I was a developer/analyst God and I left to go to one place where my boss took off for my first 3 weeks, gave me a terriible review when he got back and then they fired me and refused to give any reason. The only thing they would say is that I didn’t have basic PC skills (this is after being a develop/analyst and much more for 7 years). :confused:

Certainly don’t take it personally. You are the professional you always were and either they are just completely screwed up (porssible) or it just isn’t a good match. It is very possible that they just don’t like you even if it is completely unjustified. Even professional workplaces sometimes have that junior high mentality and I have seen it happen to lots of people myself.

I would leave to be honest with you. The IT job market is fairly strong right now and it isn’t worth it to stay at a place like that. In the couple of bad positions I have had, I started to believe it was me and it takes a toll. Then, I got a new job and I was back to being a God again and wondered why I ever let people treat me like that. You can barely change individual bosses let alone whole environments so it is probably a futile excercise unless you move within the company or people leave.

5

I’ll bet you work for a bank.

Document your complaints (use an MP3 player with a recording function, or a simple minicasette recorder) and take them to HR.

6

I am sorry you are going through this, I’ve been there too. I used to think that the whole ‘good match’ thing was just a phrase but it is more real than I thought. I too was always the exemplary employee - perfect attendence, no employee disputes, good work, etc. then I took my last job. It Never Seemed Right. I couldn’t put my finger on it but all the bells went off in my head after a meeting with my coworker, my boss and myself over the coming week’s schedule. It ended and we got up to leave. My coworker was asked to stay but I was told to go. I turned to look at her and she said, (way too quickly) “Oh, it’s nothing about you.” Big red bells went off.

I kept at it and doubled my efforts to join in and be a part of the group and nothing ever worked out. It could have been many factors but nothing I could put my finger on. I did more work, volunteered for more projects and made friends outside the department. Nothing. Eventually it ended badly and I still don’t know exactly why I was let go (lacks passion?) Huh?

Needless to say, it was a hard knock to me personally. I’ve never been the ‘failed’ employee much less the ‘bad’ one. I got another job but it’s looking pretty wobbly financially speaking so I am out on the market again and dreading it. One thing for sure, I’ll be more carefull about ‘good match’ this time.

7

No, I work for a company that does Bio-Technology. I don’t want to get too specific because I like to maintain my anonymity here.

But I worked as a teller for about 6 months back in my college days, so I know exactly what you’re saying.

8

I’d look for another job. You don’t have to bail immediately, just start looking. You’ll find something better and all this will be a memory. It’s not worth it.

9

The time to bring it up is at a performance review? No way. The time to bring these issues up was long ago, when the problems started happening. You need to decide what you want. Do you want to continue working there for a year or do you want to leave? If you’re going to continue working there, decide how much shit you’re willing to take. BS micromanaging from your team lead is one thing, but harassment? You need to be documenting that and getting HR involved. There is NO reason for that to continue. That should have been nipped in the bud the first time it happened.

10

Yeah, the whole “harassment” thing started of innocently enough, and while I’m hesitant to say it’s escalated, I’ve definitely come to the conclusion that intimidation is his goal, not harmless fun. And I certainly think he’s getting a little nastier every month.

And I guess you’re right about the time to bring it up. I think this is broken and can’t be fixed. I want to leave, but I think career-wise I’d be better off sticking it out for another 12 to 18 months and moving on to bigger and better things next summer/fall.

11

At my old company, if you made any sort of noise at all about not liking something, or if you were assigned to inappropriate duties, or if you had any legitimate beef at all that you actually raised - even if you did so professionally - you were laid off. Even offering to help out in some way that lay outside your job description usually meant instant termination, because that threatened people’s empires.

Finally I wanted a new job so I went to my boss and said, in a professional and friendly manner, that I felt I should be doing this and that and that I hadn’t received any training in three years and wanted some, which I had helpfully planned out. I explained in detail how I could better help the company make money. I was laid off a week later. Which of course is what I had wanted, anyway; now I have a severance package I can live off while I get a better job. As it turns out a dozen others did the same thing at the same time.

So, it depends what kind of company you work for.

12

Trust me, this will take a long-term toll on you in ways that you might not be able to see until way after it is over. In my case, I had to realize how stupid I was to let people believe things about myself that were obviously not true. Your career isn’t going to be hurt, especially in IT, from a rapid job change. People do it all the time for the same or other reasons.

Companies have personalities like people. I have worked for 8 and no two were much alike at all. You will find the same thing. Like people, some of them can just be concentrated evil. There is no harm in looking in my mind. If you honestly can’t find something better you still aren’t out much.

13

As usual, well meaning dopers will tell you to record conversations, tell HR, tell your boss, blow the whistle. It makes sense on the surface, but think about a few critical things: 1) Even if HR took relatively decisive action, are you going to begin enjoying your job? 2) Are you willing to do without any references from this job when looking for work in the future? Although it is unethical, and perhaps illegal, you cannot afford the possibility that someone will suggest to a potential employer that you are a whistle blowing crybaby. 3) Would you rather invest time looking for a new job, or documenting offenses and working your way up the complaint ladder at the current job?

Does refusing to stick it out make a pussy? Not in my book. It makes you a no-nonsense realist. It makes you someone willing to avoid doing the hard thing in favor of the really hard thing, with better job potential and more upside.

14

I agree with that. It would be a pain at best and backfire badly at worst. HR can’t actually fix some of the stuff the OP described. It doesn’t sound like it would be that great even if the Rifleman disappeared.

15

Yeah, I think ratting to HR would be a mistake, even if the guy deserves it.

Pretty much across the board advice to bail. This sucks.I’ve spent the last three summers job hunting. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to again. :frowning:

16

Well, you got the jargon down pat. :smiley:

Yeah, this job is not for you. I mean, this company is not a fit for you, no reflection on you. Like others have said, when you fit, you fit, and when you don’t, it’s time to move on. From what you’ve described, you’d be better off working as a temp until you finished your degree than continuing at this soul-sucking position.

17

I’m really leery of temp positions. I’ve got a wife and two kids (4 & 2) at home, a giant mortgage, preschool to pay for, etc. Plus, from what I’ve seen contract/temp salary is only about $70k to $80k max, and I’d have to pay health insurance for the family out of my pocket, so financially it really wouldn’t work. I’ve thought about it, though.

18

Look for a new job. The company is not going to change for you and it sounds like from the coworkers to the management to the job itself, everything is a bad fit. Find a place that doesn’t suck.

Attempts to change the fundamental culture of an organization generally results in that culture resisting those changes and expelling the source of change (IOW…you)

19

Find a new job. You’re really making me appreciate the atmosphere I work in.

20

Wow. My husband works at a biotech, too, and he’s getting the “everything you do is wrong” spiel. At this place, however, it’s rather clear that they’re trying to frighten people away as part of a cost-cutting measure. They’re giving great people bad reviews, people are disappearing and temps immediately take their place, etc. I have to remind my husband that it’s not him, it’s just the company being a cold, cruel, corporate bastard, and that he does a good job.

But we started looking for a job for him yesterday. It’s clear that mistakes made by higher-ups at this place have put the company in dire financial straits and it’s time to be prepared for a layoff.