Take a look at your social calendar and what that says about you. If you’re 40-something, and a night spent with kids in their early 20s sounds like the perfect evening, maybe that says something about your maturity level and/or social skills. Even if your coworker invites you.
Don’t lift the Birthday Boy’s kilt to catch a peak of his naughty bits. Especially in front of his wife. And really, saying, “I’ve seen so many penises they all look the same to me,” is not a good defense.
Don’t hang all over the guys, especially the ones with wives and girlfriends. Pay attention to whether girls keep appearing and whisking away the boys you’re talking to, or if the guys are grinning nervously and backing away. Don’t try to kiss guys who turn their faces away as they lean backwards and try to politely extricate themselves from your clutches. And don’t do it to 4 different guys.
Don’t get involved in arguments you know nothing about with total strangers. Don’t tell the female half of a quarreling couple to throw her boyfriend’s shit out and leave him. Same goes for heated political debates of which you know nothing. Singing Bob Marley songs off-key while there’s an argument in an attempt to foster a sense of love and solidarity will probably only serve to further infuriate the participants and annoy the peacemakers.
Reconsider your style and dress sense, or lack thereof. People don’t take you seriously? Maybe it’s the fact that you’re overweight, over 40, and still trying to squeeze into that miniskirt you wore the night you banged a roadie from Motley Crue. Likewise with the feathered hair and leather-like, deep-fried-in-tanning-oil skin.
If you insist on wearing that miniskirt anyway, please put on some underpants. It’s bad enough that you sat on the porch wall with legs spread (at exactly eye level to those on the bench across from you) and bent over exposing both ass and crotch, but no underpants?! Don’t be so dense that the horrified screams, comments about never eating tacos again, and wanting to pour bleach in one’s eyes go right over your head.
If snide remarks, rolled eyes and hysterical laughter are directed at you, and you repeatedly wonder aloud why we are so rude, perhaps that’s the time to go. Desire to get laid should not trump the basic instinct of not wanting to make an ass of oneself. Get a freaking clue and take the hints. It shouldn’t take an exasperated kid whose girlfriend you told to leave him, and whom you called stupid for wanting to buy a car instead of a house (he’s 21!) to make you the butt of the best joke I’ve heard all year before you decide you might just wanna leave.
Lingering for an additonal 2 hours after the above exchange is likewise not advised.
When the owner of the house finally tells you maybe you oughta just leave, don’t call his wife a fat bitch. Don’t call the party-goers obnoxious white trash. If we can’t put up with you, think about what that says about you. Don’t stand on the edge of the property line whining about how you’re prettier than all of us girls anyway (really? I guess that’s why our boyfriends will be fucking you instead of us tonight… oh wait…)
Finally, don’t act like a desperate, idiotic, pathetic whore, and maybe people won’t treat you like one.
Wow, this thread is really the ying to this thread’s yang!
From my observation, guys in their horny twenties love to have sex with middle-aged and/or heavy women. They just don’t want anyone else to know they’re doing it. If everyone would just exercise a little decorum they’d all get all the hot monkey lovin’ they want.
The couple who argued (and did make up, no thanks to her) actually started arguing because of her. I wasn’t paying too much attention, because I was trying to avoid this woman, so I’m not sure exactly what she said. And maybe it’s just me, but I think heated political debates are fun, sans poor renditions of Bob Marley songs.
I did have a fine time until she started yelling at us from the neighbor’s yard, she was rather entertaining as long as it was someone else she was bothering.
I do hope she was blind drunk when she got there, otherwise it adds a whole new dimension to pathetic. And the friend that brought her unfortunately missed most of the craziness and got rather upset at her ejection. Of course, he has a really high tolerance for other people’s annoyingness, being a bit annoying himself (though in a loveable sort of way), so he might not have understood what the big deal was.
