Either in the legal sense or in the “it’s so old it doesn’t matter” sense… what have you done?
When I was in high school, my mom’s roommate (who was a little older than my mom, and was sort of “my other mom” from the time I was 3 on) was in nursing school. She was something of a germophobe (yeah, I know, doesn’t make sense) and as part of her nursing degree she had to get CPR certified. She had been certified in the past but it had expired. She knew how to do CPR. But she really didn’t want to go to the class because the “Annie” doll they teach you on grossed her out. So she had me take the class instead, in her name. I gave her the certification card when it was over.
She died of breast cancer in 1995 so it doesn’t matter now who knows about it.
I also once shoplifted a mascara and a pair of $3 earrings from a grocery store, when I was maybe 13. To this day I don’t know why.
I smoked marijuana more than 30 years ago. (It didn’t really agree with my throat, since I’ve never ever smoked tobacco, and I’ve never done it since). Does that count?
The house I grew up in was across the street from a small mom-and-pop grocery owned by a kindly old man named Mr. Miller. The whole neighborhood loved Mr. Miller and his family, and I loved him, too. Nevertheless, I was willing to steal from him. I decided that I wanted some Fleer Double Bubble gum. I didn’t have any money. I stole a piece of gum while Mr. Miller wasn’t looking.
I stuffed the gum into my mouth and chewed it for the rest of the afternoon. It tasted like guilt.
I took the wad of gum out of my mouth and carefully placed it back in its wrapper. I mooshed it around until it was somewhat brick-shaped, as it had been when fresh. And I snuck back into Mr. Miller’s store and replaced the gum in the display box whence it came.
It just never occurred to me that nobody wanted to buy a piece of gum and find that it had been pre-chewed. :smack:
There’s all kinds of crap my mom never knew about until much later, but it was all very unimportant, really. Things like I accidentally ran a red light with my brother in the car while rushing my cat to the vet. Or when I lost control of my car on a wet road and got stuck in the mud on the side and some nice guy had to tow me out. She’d have just gotten upset over things that didn’t actually result in any harm, so I saw no point in telling her. Same with a lot of my brother’s transgressions. Sometimes, Mom just doesn’t need to know.
What made it sadder was that she died about a month after my son was born, never having seen him. What’s even sadder than that is that she died in Minnesota (where her parents lived, we lived in Arizona) where she’d gone for the last year and a half or so of her life… and my mom, knowing the end was near, had gotten on a plane to St. Paul to come see her one last time. When the plane landed, Sonia had already died. My mom got on another plane home without even leaving the airport. My mom and Sonia had been together for about 20 years at that point. I think Sonia was in her early 50s but I’m not sure.
I was a pretty bad kid in the early 80s. (I had issues) I shoplifted numerous times, smoked weed and broke into a few places and stole things – all before I hit my teens. Mainly that was the influence of hanging around with the “wrong crowd” and me trying to fit into any crowd. But then I grew up.
When I was around 12, I went up on the roof of the house and sunbathed in the nude.
I could get out on the roof by going out on my sisters’ balcony and climbing over the railing onto the lower part of the roof, then going all the way up over the ridge into the quarter of the roof that was screened from the streets by trees, but open to the sun.
The sunbathing lasted about 15 microseconds. I didn’t realise how hot the sunny side of the roof got…
I shoplifted the entire line of Dick Tracy figures from ShopKo. Not on the same day but over a period of weaks. I had a system down and everything.
My karma kickback came just a few years ago when I got detained for shoplifting at a store when I hadn’t actually stolen anything. A clerk saw me handling an opened package and reported me to security. I was actually moving the package out of the way to get to the item I wanted.
When I was 17, I sat on the hood of a car in my bikini, leaning on the windshield, topless, to entertain the guys working on a passing train. They greatly enjoyed the free show.
When I was about 13, my degenerate little friends and I went through a shoplifting phase. Most of what I shoplifted was sealing wax and some stamps for the wax, for no known reason. None of us ever got caught, but it got old pretty fast.
During the reasonably early days of the internet, I had a geography paper to write. I hated the teacher and had no intention of writing the paper. I already had my acceptance to university and this particular course wasn’t included in my average. I had the brilliant idea to find an article on the internet and hand it in as my own. It worked and nobody found out.
The teacher must have been a special kind of stupid because it was so much better than anything a high school or even an undergraduate could have written it wasn’t even funny. The bibliography itself was something like 9 pages long. That was the only time I cheated in school. I’ve been bitten in the ass because of other peoples cheating, however. Karma, I guess.
A girl snaked the parking spot I had been waiting nearly 15 minutes for. She clearly saw me and pulled right in front of me. I waited till she left and kicked her side view mirror off the car. God it felt good.
