What book titles will you never see? (But would like to)

[SSG Schwartz]

My suggestions are
An Idiot's Guide to Weapons of Mass Destruction
Neurosurgery for Dummies

Any other suggestions?

Sgt Schwartz

[Hung Mung]

14 K of G in a FPD by Dan Brown

[Helena]

My husband and I were amusing ourselves in a grocery store checkout line once and came up with Ventriloquism for Dummies, Dressmaking for Dummies, and Crash-Testing for Dummies.

[Full Metal Lotus]

The Random Order White Pages (Alphabetical Order is for Pussys!)
Psllengi rof Lysedxics
Bubba and Billy Bob's Definitive Guide to Kabuki Theatre
Steven Hawkings Guide to Fitness through Running


FML

[Siam Sam]

Bomb Disposal Made Easy

[Mona Lisa Simpson]

1001 Extremely Fussy recipes --(now with more impossible to find ingredients!)

[saoirse]

Originally Posted by Juliefoolie

1001 Extremely Fussy recipes --(now with more impossible to find ingredients!)

Sorry, I saw that one at B&N just yesterday.

How about If We Did It by Julius and Ethel Rosenberg.

And Pecked Off Her Nose, the final installment in the Agatha Chrisite series

[Zeldar]

Altar Boys' Guide To Sodomy

[Larry Borgia]

Originally Posted by Hung Mung

14 K of G in a FPD by Dan Brown

Teach your kitten quantum mechanics

[Tuckerfan]

My Life as Satan's Right Hand Man by Carl Rove
My Presidency Was a Mistake, and I Apologize to Everyone by George W. Bush
How to Pick Up Women by Bill Clinton

[Celyn]

"Stop the War Now" by Tony Blair

"Yes, Of Course I Was Elected" by Gordon Brown.

"On Civility and Moderating One's Language" by Gordon Ramsey.

[BJMoose]

Originally Posted by Helena

. . . Ventriloquism for Dummies . . .

That is just plain !

After spending too much time in the latest JFK Assassination thread I find myself longing for something like I Lied Through My Teeth by Mark Lane, but that will never happen. Lemme see. . . .


Obedience for Cats


Politics as Public Service


Serene Modesty by Paris Hilton


Be Your Own Man by Ed Zotti


There goes my subscription.

[matt_mcl]

(never mind.)

[Gukumatz]

Cooking For Absolute Morons (with an infinitesmall comprehension of cooking utensils and no patience for running to obscure stories in East Delhi for ingredients)

[Hostile Dialect]

Originally Posted by Gukumatz

Cooking For Absolute Morons (with an infinitesmall comprehension of cooking utensils and no patience for running to obscure stories in East Delhi for ingredients)

FWIW, the bookstore I work in has pretty much an entire section on this very topic. Then again, East Delhi is a longer trip from here.

[Tapioca Dextrin]

Psychic Self Defense: a practical guide

My Big Fat Greek Wedding by Jackie O

[Derleth]

Better Living Through Death by Richard Feynman.

Appeal For Clemency by Kim Jong-il. (Not a book, but a document delivered to a markedly unimpressed World Court.)

Last Request by Fidel Castro. (Again, not quite in the book genre.)

[Stanislaus]

The Small Business Guide to Successful Tax Evasion
The Busy Traveller's Guide to Circumventing Airport Security
A Social Guide to Islamabad by Salman Rushdie
Why You Will Never Be Rich: The Wealthy Are Just Better Than You, Pauper Scum By Bill Gates and Warren Buffet

[Johnny Hildo]

Originally Posted by amrussell

The Small Business Guide to Successful Tax Evasion

When Loompanics was still in business they had an entire section of books devoted to this very subject.

[Hung Mung]

Originally Posted by Johnny Hildo

When Loompanics was still in business they had an entire section of books devoted to this very subject.

I had no idea Loompanics was closed. I got my now-battered copy of the Principia Discordia through them. Shame, that.

[essell]

The latest fashion trends in armpit hair
A univseral guide for getting companies to do what they said they would.
1001 techniques for removing a ball of matted hair from the plug hole

[RealityChuck]

A Fundamentalist's Guide to Understanding Evolution.
101 Top Ski Vacations in Egypt.

[BobLibDem]

How I Rigged the 2004 Ohio Vote by Kenneth Blackwell

My Confessions by Dick Cheney

Things I Wouldn't Do by Paris Hilton

How I Won in 2008 by Mike Gravel

Me and 'Roids Broke Aaron's Record by Bobby Bonds

Our Fifth Straight NCAA Football Championship by Mark D'Antonio

Scientology is a Fraud by Tom Cruise

The New Catholic Guide for Using Birth Control Pills by Pope Benedict

Why I Hid Being a Liberal Democrat All These Years by Rush Limbaugh

[Annie-Xmas]

Necrophilia for Dummies
Pedophilia for Dummies
The Straight Dope for Dummies (or is that called The Pit?)

[Captain Klutz]

Originally Posted by Helena

My husband and I were amusing ourselves in a grocery store checkout line once and came up with Ventriloquism for Dummies, Dressmaking for Dummies, and Crash-Testing for Dummies.

You can add Declarer Play for Dummies.

[Zeldar]

Please, anybody who remembers the thread or some keywords in it, help locate the older thread like this one where unlikely children's book titles were explored. I seem to recall just the gist of the thread and the Key Word Searches I have tried have all failed to resurrect it. As I recall, though, it was hilarious, too.

[Hal Briston]

Originally Posted by Siam Sam

Bomb Disposal Made Easy

Hell, why not:

Chapter One: Kicking It
Chapter Two: Whaling On It With A Hammer
Chapter Three: Repeatedly Running It Over
Chapter Four: Whipping It At Some Guy's Head

etc...etc...

[VunderBob]

All those Urban Legends are True: How we Rigged Mythbusters by Jamie Hyneman

[cmkeller]

I've always wanted to see this CD title, but suspect I never will:

No News is Good News, the Huey Lewis solo album.

[Kozmik]

Originally Posted by Annie-Xmas

The Straight Dope for Dummies (or is that called The Pit?)

HEHAHAA!! You couldn't be more right.

[matt_mcl]

Originally Posted by Hung Mung

I had no idea Loompanics was closed. I got my now-battered copy of the Principia Discordia through them. Shame, that.

Wow, quel dommage. I got my copy of How to Start Your Own Country from them, based on Cecil's recommendation. That was a day!

[Agent Foxtrot]

Originally Posted by BobLibDem

Things I Wouldn't Do by Paris Hilton

*ahem* The OP asked for book titles, not pamphlet titles.

What I'd like to see:

Why I Keep Running by Ralph Nader (Foreword by George W. Bush)
The Complete Idiot's Guide to Complete Idiots by Karl Rove

[Ranchoth]

•Post-Nuclear Bombing Assessment Report, (CENTCOM) Vol. 3: "Safe Houses, Bunkers, and 'Sanctuary Zones'"

•Neon Genesis Evangelion: Alternate Ending that Doesn't Make Reader want to Commit Hara-Kiri with a Thermal Lance. (Part of the Manga for People with Low Serotonin Levels series)

•Marvel's collected Civil War, written by Kornbluth and Heinlein.

•Begginer's Guide to Androids, part 1: "So, you want to build a henchman..."

•The Complete Guide to L/G/B/T Characters in American Animation (Vol. 2: Disney through Klasky-Csupo

[Full Metal Lotus]

Brittany Spears tell you about internodality in recursive Bach
fugues

FML

[Kozmik]

Britney Spears & Paris Hilton: The Buddha Within

[Sternvogel]

Originally Posted by BobLibDem[I

Me and 'Roids Broke Aaron's Record by Bobby Bonds

If you mean the guy who currently has 749 homers, his name is Barry Bonds. Bobby Bonds, his father, had "only" 332 round-trippers by comparison. As far as I know, Bobby was never suspected of using steroids.

[Hostile Dialect]

If I Did It by Barry Bonds

[SSG Schwartz]

Just thought of a couple more.

When I did it--Brittany Spears
That would be the sequel to When I did it again--the autobiography of Brittany Spears
The idiot's guide to understanding Paris Hilton

Sgt Schwartz

[Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor]

Do-It-Yourself Piracy
Ninjitsu Made Easy
How I Did It by Victor Frankenstein ("That's Fron-ken-steen".)

[Zeldar]

Originally Posted by Zeldar

Please, anybody who remembers the thread or some keywords in it, help locate the older thread like this one where unlikely children's book titles were explored. I seem to recall just the gist of the thread and the Key Word Searches I have tried have all failed to resurrect it. As I recall, though, it was hilarious, too.

It finally occurred to me to try a Google for some of those keywords I thought I remembered and I got any number of hits. The one at this site seemed to have quite a few of the ones I remembered, including:

1. You Are Different and That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Dad's New Wife Robert
4. Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
7. Julie Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
9. All Cats Go to Hell
10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
11. Some Kittens Can Fly
12. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
13. Grandpa Gets a Casket
14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
17. Strangers Have the Best Candy
18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
19. You Were an Accident
20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
21. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
22. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
23. Your Nightmares Are Real
24. Mamma's on crack and I don't care
25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

[Shagnasty]

Originally Posted by Zeldar

Please, anybody who remembers the thread or some keywords in it, help locate the older thread like this one where unlikely children's book titles were explored. I seem to recall just the gist of the thread and the Key Word Searches I have tried have all failed to resurrect it. As I recall, though, it was hilarious, too.

I am a pretty good search engine myself for any thread I have ever read. Is it this one?

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...ht=book+titles

[Zeldar]

Originally Posted by Shagnasty

I am a pretty good search engine myself for any thread I have ever read. Is it this one?

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...ht=book+titles

If that's not the one I remember, it's a great substitute. Thanks!

[tdn]

Originally Posted by Zeldar

It finally occurred to me to try a Google for some of those keywords I thought I remembered and I got any number of hits. The one at this site seemed to have quite a few of the ones I remembered, including:

Absent from that list are Dressing Sexy for Grownups and something like Attention Deficit Disorder and its Impact on the Lives of Chil...Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!

[racer72]

Theft For Fun and Profit.
The History of Bowel Movements.
The Complete Unabridged Guide to Picking Your Nose.
Secret Messages Though The Years.
The Illustrated Guide to Pubic Hair Styling.

[Taber]

Steal that book. No, not that one, the one to the right

[DocCathode]

DocCathode:How To Have Sex With Him, And Give Him Money
We Did It! You Can Too!
A collaboration by: Rose McGowan, Kylie Minogue, Jennifer Tilly, Shakira and Grace Jones

[kunilou]

How to Make a Fortune Through Insurance Fraud

Terrorism for Dummies

Third Time's the Charm - the Complete History of Aaron Sorkin's Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip

A Pictorial Biography of Cecil Adams

Ann Coulter's Critique of Pure Reason

The SDMB Technical Guide to High-Speed Servers

[OtakuLoki]

How's about this one:

The Life-Book of Captain Jim?

[Grits and Hard Toast]

Home Circumsision, The Party Game

101 Insulting Replies to the Question:
"Do you know why I pulled you over?"

How to Turn Adoring Fans into People Who Hate You
By David Chase