Idiot's Guide to . . . Being an Idiot

I was at a bookstore today and saw The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Betting on Horses.

My immediate thought was “yup, that’s a book for idiots.” I’ve been to the track a few times, and had fun making a few $2 or $5 bets on each race. But anyone who would spend $17 on this book, hoping to make money on the horses must really be an idiot.

So what are your ideas for “Complete Idiot’s” or “For Dummies” books for truly complete idiots. My thoughts:

The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Do-It-Yorself Prostate Surgery

Slamming Your Hand In Car Doors for Dummies

The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Pauly Shore Movies

The Complete Idiot’s guide to Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwiches

Sneezing for Dummies
The Idiot’s Guide to Walking
The Idiot’s Guide to Assholes for Dummies

The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Walking Upright Like The Rest of Us

The Complete Idiot’s Guide To Using Your Damn Turn Signal

The Complete Idiot’s Guide to the “12 Items or Less” Aisle

The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Driving

:d&r:

Breathing for Dummies

Then again, if they really needed help for that maybe it would be better to let him/her die.

The Idiot’s Guide for Getting Their Head Out of Their Ass
Walking for Dummies

The only problem is that Walking for Dummies is real Welfy.

Keith

with props to JDT

The Complete Idiots Guide To A Do-It-Yourself Circumcision

This is eerily similar: The Complete and Utter Idiot’s Guide to Making a Baloney Sandwich

-The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Opening Doors

You would not beleive the number of times I have seen people pushing on a door that has a great big “Pull” sign right in front of them…

No no no! Foreskin Restoration for Dummies.

The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Placing Tech Support Calls would be favorite. It could have chapters called:

Making sure the unit is plugged in.
Having a clue what kind of unit you have.
What are model and serial numbers?
Why we need to know what your name and number are.
Why it makes no sense to call for support on your PC when you are in your car on the cell phone.

You get the drift…

I like the thread title:

The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Being an Idiot

The Complete Idiot’s guide to landing a plane in just ten minutes!

The Idiot’s guide to witnessing.

The Idiot’s guide to jury duty.

The Idiot’s guide to breaking the law.

“Idiots guide to Crack” or “Crack for Dummies!”

Some REAL ones that struck me as funny…

The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Being a Model
The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Pro Wrestling
The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Extraterrestrial Intelligence
The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Online Gambling
The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Investing in Internet Stocks
The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Self-Esteem (Is this required if you buy any book in the series?)

I was unable to find a link, but I did see The Idiot’s Guide for Idiots at a local bookstore.

I actually saw Gambling for Dummies, and I thought, “Yeah, it sure is!”

Wait! I have the deal-closer, here. The greatest Idiots Guide of them all. Ready yourself.

The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Buying a Complete Idiot’s Guide
Thank you.

I work at a library, so I see a lot of these books. My favorite of the “Idiot” books is The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Amazing Sex. You have to have absolutely no shame to check this out, let alone buy a copy of your own. (I guess that’s why we have the self checkout.) Now that I think about it, it would make a good coffee table book.

Slight Hijack:
We have quite a few self-help books. My favorites always have titles so you don’t even have to open the book. “Stop Beating Yourself Up!” Okeedokee.
The worst one I’ve seen so far was “What to Say When You Talk To Yourself”. If you need a book of several hundred pages to keep conversation with yourself, you have bigger problems than can probably be helped. (Or you could inflict your self-monologue on message boards.)