Guess How This "You Suck, Comcast" Thread Will End

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

No, really…c’mon in and take a guess. Here are the particulars.

Issue One – Rate Increase: A few weeks ago, I received a call from a Comcast customer service rep. She informed me that our one-year promotional rate of $59.99/month was about due to expire shortly. However, she wanted to know if I wanted them to continue the promo rate.

“Bwuh?”, was my immediate thought. What the hell was this? Part of their entire scam is to give you the lower price for a year, and then jack it up on you when the promo period is over. Why would they be calling to volunteer a lower price?

“Ummm…sure”, was my hesitant reply…I waited for the other shoe to drop.

“Ok, great! We’ll keep your current promotional price going for another year. Thank you for choosing Comcast!”

Huh…go figure. A huge, faceless corporation doing something nice for the consumer. What a concept.

Cut to this past weekend, when we get our latest bill. May/June: $59.99. June/July: 68.90.

Ummm…what the hell just happened? Since when does “We’ll keep your current promotional price going” mean “We’ll raise your monthly bill $8.91”?

Issue Two – Restructuring of NFL Network: I sorta like football a little (Note: if you’re not aware, that was sarcastic. I fucking love football). I sit down a few days ago to see what’s happening around the league with a little NFL Total Access, only to get a blank screen.

Hmm…must be having some feed problems. Ah well, I’ll watch something else.

Next day comes, and the exact same problem – a gray screen, no feed. Hmmm…

Saturday comes – I try again. No grey screen this time…instead, a message saying “NOT AUTHORIZED – To Order NFL Network, please call blah blah blah”

Gaaa! Ok, not a huge deal now, but damnit, we’re five weeks away from the start of pre-season. Gimme my damn NFL Network!

Ok, check the Comcast web site – hey, lookit that headline… NFL Network Moving to Comcast’s Sports Entertainment Package. The article points out how fricking fantastic it is that they took a free channel and put it into a pay package! Yay! Or not, ya fuckers…

Sigh…ok, how much is the Sports Entertainment Package and what will it get me…check the web site – $4.95/month. Hmm…not that bad a price. Still, I hope I get more than one channel for my money. The package will get me:

The NFL Network - 100% Necessary
NBA TV - Meh, I like basketball, but will probably never turn this on
Fox College Sports Atlantic, Central, and Pacific - Couldn’t care less
College Sports TV - Couldn’t care less
Fox Soccer Channel - Couldn’t care less

So, yeah, I’d be paying $4.95/month for one channel. Arright, fine, you bastards…you got me, yeah, I’d pay it. But not if I can avoid it, of course.

Now then, I’ll be calling up Comcast shortly with two goals in mind – 1: Give me back the promo rate, and 2: Give me back my NFL Network at no charge.

Unfortunately, they’ve got me by the nuts on both counts. If they refuse on both, then damn…not only did my rate go $8.91, but it’s going to go up another $4.95. I’m not going over to satellite, so I’m stuck. However, I’ve been working in high-end customer support for the past eight years, and I’m pretty good with talking my way into getting what I want from the person on the other end of the phone.

So the question for you, if you’d made it this far, is this – How will this saga end?

A) Victory all around! I get my base rate reduced to the promotional rate of $59.99/month, and I convince them that they should hook me up with either the Sports Package or just the NFL Network for free. Hurrah!

B) The preferred half-win. I get the base rate knocked back down to $59.99/month, but I’ll still have to pony up the $4.95/month if I want the NFL Network.

C) The non-preferred half-win. No more promo rate…it’s now $68.90/month, but they’ll give me the NFL Network for no charge.

D) Sucks to be me. No breaks, no promos. Adding the Sports Package will boost the monthly bill to $72.85. Comcast sucks.

Get your votes in now! I’ll be making the call a little later this afternoon.

2

Have a short discussion with the Customer Service Rep, talk about Satellite and DSL or FIOS and then when they cannot help you, ask to speak to retentions.

The retentions department works 8am-5pm. I just cut enough savings on my Comcast bill post-Sopranos to go from $155 to $122. That is Digital Cable with 2 Hi-Def boxes, one with DVR and a third outlet and Internet access. No Premium channels. I like their service, I don’t want to switch and I have to have the YES channel. So Direct-TV is my only alternative currently. I don’t want Satellite, so I am willing to pay extra, but not a lot extra.

Jim

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Whatever happens, I just hope everything works out okay for Comcast, considering they’re based in Philadelphia, home of the mighty Philadelphia Eagles!

[Insert obligatory sheep joke here; extrapolate to Giants fans in general.]

That out of the way, though, good luck… and my prediction is A): if you’re that experienced in customer support, and you’re already plotting strategy, my guess is that you’ll be able to keep them on the line long enough for them to cave and move on to the next call.

4

I Vote: E) You will be pro-rated the intro rate for the month you did not receive it, but your rate will go up to the standard rate, and you will not receive the NFL network for free.

5

I vote B.

6

I vote B…they’ll decide you can have the promo rate still but come on dude, you can’t just get pay shit for free!

7

Comcast in Memphis can’t figure out how to bill their customers. Seriously. Since they took over last fall, we haven’t gotten an actual, regular bill, just collection calls. And I’ve talked to dozens of other people in the same boat. I mean really, what gives? What’s so fucking hard about sending a bill?

8

I vote F.

Comcast will apologize for their screw-ups, reduce your monthly rate to $49 / month, give you the sports package for free, and send you two free tickets to the Superbowl for your trouble.

9

You get no premium channels and you’re still paying over a $100/mo? Did I read that right?

In comparison I get a boatload of premium channels, I have 2 DVR boxes which in effect means I have 4 DVR capable TVs for $90. That’s with Dish Network.

My prediction for the OP, based on my experience with Comcast I’ll choose D. I switched form Comcast last summer when I moved here after they tried to charge me nearly $400 to install cable/dsl. I still have DSL through them.

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That includes the high speed cable access. Dish is cheaper, but they do not have Yes. Direct TV does and they are not much cheaper.

Jim

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G - Comcast will rescind the promo rate offer, up your bill to $73.95, charge $4.95 for the Sports package (but only if you sign up for a six month deal) and drop the NFL Network halfway through the season. And they will also charge you $12.95 for the phone call.
I’m wondering, though, did they call you and say, “Would you like to continue at the ‘promo rate’ for one more year?” or say, “Would you like to continue at the $59.99 rate?”. 'Cause they might tell you, “We are giving you the promotional price. We have a new promotion, called ‘why pay less when you have no real options? Comcastic!’”

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I vote H. It’s very similar to G - They will rescind the promo rate offer, up your bill to 85$ (an extra 12$ ‘convenience fee’), charge 6$ for the Sports package, and drop the NFL network after pre-eason ends.

After you complain, they will send a technician to your house. He will spit in your coffee, kick you in the nuts, and burn your dog. The total charge for that is 300$

Seriously though, if Comcast hasn’t totally turned to the Dark Side, you should be able to get Option B.

13

I vote I. That’s where Comcast will tell you that you get A, but when you next try to watch your NFL channel, it won’t work. When you call back, you will get runaround answers with the final result being that it “might take a few more days to get connected” despite the fact that all it takes is a database entry in some table to turn on the damn sports channel.

Several weeks from now, you will receive another bill. It will be for some price other than any of the ones you have calculated out. Not the original intro rate of $59.99, not the new rate of $68, not any of the rates with the sports package listed. It will show a past-due charge of $4.95 for each month that the NFL channel has been for pay, and you haven’t been charged for it. You will call to inquire, and they will transfer you to someone in collections. You will finally get transferred out, and the customer service rep will have no record of any of your previous conversations. According to the computer, Comcast and the NFL have always been at war with Oceania. The rep will offer to settle for half of what they claim you owe them for the channels you haven’t been receiving. They will also offer a new, extra introductory rate.

On your next bill, it will appear as though squirrels on crack have gotten into the data center.

14

I’m gonna have to go with option J. Comcast not only fails to inform you that your promo rate is going to expire, but will silently bill you for the highest upgrade that they offer on the next billing cycle.

When you call to complain, they adjust the bill, giving you the promo rate again, but slowly delete everything until you only have the basic cable package.

I predict that you’ll be seeing a lot of the Cooking Channel and the local cable station in your immediate future.

15

That was funny.

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And the answer is…

…yet to come. I got very busy on my lunch hour and didn’t get a chance to call. Going to be tied up with work stuff, so I’m not going to have the 45 minutes I’m earmarking for a good “You’re not getting rid of me until I get my way” call until tomorrow. So, plenty of time to get those guesses in!

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As to how your experience with Comcast will turn out, I have no idea. The law of averages says you’ll come to a compromise you don’t like and they won’t care. How this thread will end is a bit easier. A mod will lock it as a zombie because it will get bumped again and again by people pissed off at Comcast.

Enjoy,
Steven

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I was thinking of locking it 'cause it looks like a sneaky variation on The Alphabet Game. :stuck_out_tongue:

I vote B, by the way.

19

I guess they add in a change of service package fee to your bill, because you want to add a now different package to what you have.

20

You will get nowhere with Comcrap. I promise you.

After being run around in circles, whatever reservations you have about switching over to a satellite service (I have DirecTV–Want to make $50 the easy way? ;)) will slowly erode while you are on hold. You will come to the realization that between the money you will save on satellite service, and the satisfaction of walking into the local office with DVRs in tow and telling Comcrap to pound sand…well, you just can’t put a price on the second part. :smiley: Next to the birth of your daughter, and your wedding day, telling those bastards to disconnect your cable will be the most beautiful day of your life.