Oh man, do I have the greatest thread topic of all time

It’s about boobs and puppies and Ann Coulter and big juicy cheeseburgers and Star Trek and beer and dudes with swimmer’s bodies. Shit on a fish, it’s got something for absolutely everyone.

It’s sexy, but not dirty. It’s full of f-bombs, but not Pit-appropriate. It’s political, but not controversial. It’s spiritual, but not preachy. It’s smart, but not pretentious. It’s manly, but not sexist. And oh man, does it involve nudity of the finest sort, but yet it’s completely safe for work.

I think people could potentially walk away from this thread feeling enlightened, entertained, educated and aroused all at once. And I’m sure anyone who reads this thread won’t look at Barack Obama or cell phones the same ever again.

It’ll involve Doper pics, and lots of them. You’ll have the opportunity to flirt, of course, but man, you just won’t need to. I daresay, it’ll be the last thing on your mind, and you won’t even care.

I can think of at least one former cast member of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” who will probably be made aware of this thread, and could very well stop by to post something.

I had my wife look over a rough draft, and she wept. Tears of admiration.

It’ll never fly
The mods will walk all over it
No one will post
You’ll be pitted for starting this thread
It’ll get buried for a year and someone will resurrect it, only to be flamed for doing so

It’ll never work. You forgot kittens.
(Some people? :confused: )

You forgot flatulence.

Oh no I haven’t!

No doubt Cecil Adams himself will stop by to post in a thread like that.

Do I have to wait in line for three days just to be among the first to read it?

Tha’s hot.

You forgot the pie! But dont worry; I have some extra in my pockets.

I will subscribe to this proposed thread! When can we expect final product rollout?

Can I live in it, live in it, laugh in it, love in it?
Swim in it, sleep in it?
Live in it, swim in it, laugh in it, love in it?
Does it remove embarrassing stains from contour sheets?
Does it entertain visiting relatives?
Does it turn a sandwich into a banquet?
Because, I, personally, am tired of being the life of the party.
Does it change my shorts?
Does it change my life?
Des it change my life?
Does it change me into a nine-year-old Hindu boy?
Does it get rid of my wife?
Does it walk my dog?
Does it double on sax?
Does it double on sax, can I jump back Jack, see you later alligator?
See you later alligator?
Does it steal my car?
Does it get rid of my gambling debts?
Does it quit smoking?
Is it a friend, is it a companion?
Is it the only thread I will ever need to read?
…because I might just subscribe to a thread like that.

Fools, this cannot succeed in becoming the greatest thread of all time until I’ve posted to it!

Drats.

It’s been done.

Betcha one of those blips will happen where it’ll get posted when you’ve only got it half written and the subject line has a typo you were going to fix that changes the sense of it.

Betcha. You just wait. You’ll see.

Betcha it’ll say something about “Really unusually big boots”.

Oh, I’m waiting for the exact right and perfect time.

8:22 CDT on a Saturday is not it.

Don’t worry, this isn’t the greatest thread in the world. It’s just a tribute to it.

I thought this was the pre-release test run - to get audience reaction in case it has to be recut and reedited

If it doesn’t have SPECIAL, third-person isometric, and turn-based, this thread is gonna blow.

Right now, I’d love something that would blow.

Oh it’ll involve blowing and sucking, without blowing or sucking.