I am surrouded by idiots! (Longish, but I hope it's worth it.)

The BBQ Pit
1

Week One: “C’mon Judy, it’s wildfire season again. Burn Barrels were banned weeks ago. Will you stop already?”

Week Two:"C’mon Judy, We had this conversation last week. It really is stupid to keep burning your trash. Elko Sanitation will pick up your trash for a mere $22 a month. Shit, your ol’ man will make more than that in one hour on Monday morning.

"Have you noticed that it’s wildfire season again? Burn Barrels were banned weeks ago. Will you stop already? Shit. Do you realize that you are endangering this whole freakin’ subdivision with that thing? What if it gets away from you? Have you thought about that?

[Unquoteable Idiotic Response. Even here in the pit. I would not subject this community to that level of dumb.]

“I see. No, I don’t think that that ‘not-quite-full’ gallon pail of water will do much good …”

Three Days Later:“C’mon Judy, Okay. Look, I’m through trying to reason with you. Burn Barrels were banned weeks ago. I called the County Sheriff’s office and they’ve got a Deputy on the way over to talk to you. Will you stop? Now!”

Week Four:"C’mon Judy! I told you - shit - The nice Sheriff’s Deputy told you last week - that it is wildfire season again. Burn Barrels are banned. They were banned weeks ago.

"Some of your neighbors are looking for a good rope to lynch you with. I think you should know that I plan on being at the head of the mob.

“What part of ‘burn barrels are banned’ don’t you understand???”

Three Days Later: Apparently all of it. :rolleyes:

Okay. Well, I tried. :dubious:

From the article:

Actually, according to the Fireline Supervisor, the barrel didn’t ‘overturn’ in any classical sense. There were 6 aerosol cans in the barrel. (You know, the ones with the warning on the lable: Do not expose to heat or flame; Do not incinerate; etc.) When one of them exploded it blew the side of the old rusted out barrel open which, in accordance with the laws of physics, caused the barrel to overturn. Oh yeah … and the pail of water didn’t help.

Again from the article:

The Fireline Supervisor stopped by my house after the fire. He wanted permission to GPS our above-ground swimming pool as a source of water and get my permission to use it if necessary. (Signed and sealed. Gladly.) We had a good hour-long chat. Much dry (pardon the pun) humor regarding the intelligence level of people in this county. He told me that were it not for the fortuitous event of two engine companies from Salt Lake City seeing the smoke and stopping to investigate (they were passing by on I-80 on their way to fight wildfires in California), I would not be typing this right now. (They are now officially my heroes!)

It is now quite early on a (hopefully) quiet Saturday morning. I was up most of the night reflecting on what happened yesterday. You see, my home is a mere 930 feet from where this fire started. My BIL’s place is right next door to Judy’s. He called me last night and asked if I could come over this morning and help him replace 6 fence posts that burned. (After inspecting them, I have concluded that they were not burned badly enough to justify replacing them …)

Shit. This could have gotten real ugly, real fast! Less than 30 minutes after they got the blaze knocked down the afternoon winds kicked up. 20 mph sustained gusting to 35 mph. We could have (make that: probably would have) lost the whole eastern half of the subdivision. And with the way the wind was blowing, perhaps all of the subdivision to the east of us. [::sudders::]
[::thinks-about-it-for-a-minute-and-sudders-again::]

Let’s review:
Climate: High Desert.
Terrain: Low rolling hills.
Vegetation: Sagebrush, cheat grass, wild grasses and weeds. Dry. Verrryyy Dry. And lots of it.
Temperatures: Running in the low 100’s.
Winds: Variable. Usually fairly calm in the mornings, wild and gusty in the afternoons.
Nearest Fire Hydrant: Seven miles west of here. Yes, miles!)

Oh, Hell! Shit. Would you excuse me for a few minutes?

“Larry, did you read the paper this morning? Did you notice that Judy just got arrested for doing what you are doing?”

"It’s not like it’s the middle of http://www.elkodaily.com/articles/2007/07/08/ap-update/d8q866400.txt]winter …

"And I’m certain that you’ve heard about the other wildfires burning all over http://www.elkodaily.com/articles/2007/07/08/news/breaking_news/breaking4.txt]Northern Nevada.

"Larry! Would you please listen to me?!?! Have you heard? It’s wildfire season again. Let me say it one more time. For the record. I. am. going. to. speak. verrrry. slowly. so. you. have. enough. time. to. soak. it. all. in:
Burn Barrels. (that’s that thing you’re standing next to …)
were banned. (that means you can’t burn anything in them like you’re doing now …)
weeks ago!!! (as in … you know … way back in May!) Remember? It was in the newspaper. It was on TV. It was on the radio. It’s constantly being repeated everywhere.

“Will you stop already?!?!?!”

“Your burn barrel is just 125 feet and upwind from my house. Look, Larry, here’s 25 bucks. Call Elko Sanitation and have them bring you a trash can. For just $22 a month they’ll pick up your trash and you won’t need to burn it. That $25 will cover the first month. Keep the other three bucks to cover your time and trouble for the call.”

Sorry, that was more than a few minutes … ended up with much to do yesterday. Have I mentioned yet that I feel like I’m surrounded by idiots? It is now 4:00 AM next morning (Sunday). Back to my commentary [where was I? Oh, yeah …]

I don’t know why the online version of this story doesn’t have the other picture from the front page of yesterday’s edition - the one showing Judy being taken into custody … it is a lovely shot of our newly elected Sheriff (not just one of his deputies) doing the honors (I think he was trying to make a statement). I would love to download that one to print up and nail it to each of my neighbors’ front doors!

What is wrong with these people? What part of ‘burn barrels are banned’ don’t they understand??? :confused:

Shit. Here we go again! Would you excuse me for a few minutes?

"Ben! What the fuck do you think you’re doing? Did you read the paper yesterday? Did you notice that Judy just got arrested for doing what you are doing. Yes, I know it’s 5:00 AM. No, that doesn’t lessen the danger! Holy fucking bat shit - Ben!!! You haven’t even cleared the weeds away from this thing!!!

“Yes, I see the 1 lb. fire extinguisher. No, I don’t think it will help …”

Sorry. I’m back. Gotta feelin’ that I oughta just end this. there is smoke on the horizon, and I find that, in fact…

*… ACTUALLY …

… I AM …

… SURROUNDED …

… by IDIOTS!*

Sorry, didn’t mean to scream. It’s just that, you know, getting my neighbors to stop burning trash is like herding cats made of Jell-O! :eek:

Gotta run. Need to go vacuum the pool. Want every thing to be neat and tidy when the firemen show up. It’s kinda like the “always wear clean underwear” phobia thingy.

2

Tennesse is suffering from the worst drought in memory.
And everybody is shooting off skyrockets.
They’ll keep doing it til October, usual at 3AM, always whilst snockered.

3

Oh, please?

4

Wow, you really are surrounded by idiots! Move, before it is too late.

5

From now on call the police immediately.

6

At what point are you allowed to act in self-defense?

Sailboat

7

I suppose the authorities would not go for using the idiot’s properties for prescribed burns?

8

Nothing is too idiotic for The Pit. Please, please, please? Just whisper it to me if you are too embarrassed to tell everyone.

You’d better move before you don’t have anything left to move away from.

9

Holy shit! You are, indeed, completely surrounded by idiots! I thought my fireworks jonesin’ neighbors who burn their chemical detritus from the meth lab were bad, but that does indeed take the cake.

Might I suggest investing in a nice sturdy cart with proper inflatable tires? Upon the top of this might I suggest mounting a plastic 55 gallon water barrel? With a nice pump attached, probably a hand pump I guess (maybe an electric pump with a car battery?), 25 feet or so of hose and a good nozzle. Next time an idiot starts a burn barrel, deploy your handy water cart, walk over to the burning stuff, put it out, making sure to douse thoroughly so it will be really hard to start another fire in the barrel for a while, then finish by squirting the neighbor in the face with another blast of water. For best effect, I’d suggest the following verbiage to accompany the dousing, “Bad! Burn bad! NO! NO! BAD NEIGHBOR, NO BURN! BAD!”

Then walk back home and refill your barrel. I bet the local Sheriff’s department and maybe the fire department as well would be willing to pitch in for the equipment and to subsidize a portion of your water bill.

Put a sign on the cart that says “Stupidity Amelioration Project.”

Good luck!

10

I’ve read that you can use deadly force to stop an arsonist who is attempting to set a fire in an occupied building. Insert usual disclaimers. I’d suspect that you could justify some level of force to stop someone who is doing something that is likely to result in death or injury to other people.

11

I have no words to express my astonishment. Every time I think there is hope for humanity, the sheer stupidity, carelessness, and lack of insight exhibited by our brethren and sistren snuff it out. You are, indeed, surrounded by idiots.

12

As a survivor of a home fire, I understand the anxiety this causes you. I had a home fire, there was a place to run to get away. I cannot imagine the horror of seeing the entire horizon afire with no place to go. It has been eight years since our fire, (nobody hurt, but everything, and I mean everything but what we were sleeping in and ran out of the house wearing became a smoking hole in the ground). To this day I wake up and think I smell smoke, and cannot go back to sleep until I have walked through the entire house, including inspecting every closet and corner. Drives my wife crazy. Obviously you have a clear understanding of how carefully fire must be controlled. It is not to be messed with. I must wonder if Sailboat isn’t on to something, perhaps self defense should be considered a reasonable reaction, but the courts are not likley to agree. Perhaps the suggestion of Baffle is right on, report each and every offense. Of course this will lead to a neighbor war, so consider the advice of Muffin to move on. In the meantime I suggest you stick to soda and bottled water. For there to be so many spectacularly stupid people in such close proximity, I suspect the water supply. The city is not pumping water, it is pumping liquid stupid.

BTW: My fire was caused by bad wiring, which amounts to stupidity. I knew the wiring was substandard and not to code. There was always something more important to spend money on. I learned different, the hard way.

13

No.

Well, okay. Since you asked so nicely.

Warning: This program is intended for mature audiences. [DEL]Armed Intervention[/DEL] Viewer disgression is advised.

Said JudyTheVilliageIdiot. With a straight face - no less.

It’s already later that you think. I own this place free and clear. Will not do the mortgage thingy again. Would prefer open season and a 50 cal. machine gun.

Non-emergency response time up to six hours. By the time they get here it’ll all be over. Hell, for that matter, emergency response time may be up to 20 minutes! Don’t really want to wait till the flames are on the loose.

Seriously.

If those fire trucks from SLC had not been where they were, when they were [or, had they assumed that it was already being fought, or was an “approved controlled burn” and just kept on going their merry way, or had they not been carrying water, or, or, or …], all would have been lost.

NDOW wildfire crews did not arrive on-scene until 19 minutes after the first 911 call. (That was 11 minutes after the Salt Lake Crews started fire suppression.)

County fire crews were 7 minutes behind them.

Their water tanker showed up 3 minutes after that. Half full. :eek:

That sounds bad. I don’t want this to sound at all like I live in an old ‘Keystone Cop’ movie set. They respond initially with a half full tanker on purpose. The exit from I-80 for our subdivision is seven miles from the nearest full time non-volunteer fire crew’s station, and just over a mile from my home (eight miles total). Judy’s place is three 300 foot lots and one 30 foot wide street to the north. From the freeway, all roads are unimproved, non-graveled dirt roads. It takes me 10 minutes to drive that last mile in my big truck. The firecrews take about 3 minutes to cover that ground - it’s very rough - hence the half full tanker on initial response. It can get here quicker (water is heavy!) and there is less risk of damaging the truck (a fire truck with a broken axle is of no use to anyone!). Addional (Full) tankers then have a few more minutes to respond if they’re needed.

We have a voluteer crew in Ryndon, 4 miles east of us, but they didn’t get here this time till it was pretty much over. Hell, the Salt Lake Crew pretty much had it controled by the time anyone else got here. I’m in the process of hunting down who ever trained and supervises these guys and gals from Salt Lake. These crews deserve special recognition and I’m gonna make certain that they get it!

My wife and I chose this remote location, knowing the risks (at least the obvious ones … it took two years to figure out that a fair percentage of the neighbor are nuts …), and we accept those risks. We keep a 50’ clear-cut firebreak around our home and the horses. We have an above-ground swimming pool that can provide 3500 gallons of water with which to help fight or at least keep a fire at bay till the tankers show up.

Unfortunately, the list of things we have also includes some neighbors that you must square off and hit right between the eyes with a 2X4 just to get their attention.

Even that doesn’t always work. :smiley:

Lucy

On preview:

shamrock227, gotcha covered above.

14

Discussed something very similar to your suggestion with the Sheriff friday ATF (after the fire :D)

He got a good laugh. Said he couldn’t see anything particularly wrong with it. “Just be sure to wear a vest. Oh, and keep your very good legal team’s retainer paid up.” Said he.

Don’t have vest. Can’t afford lousy legal team, let alone a very good one.

Have mouth.

Will holler.

:smiley: :smiley: :smiley: :smiley: :smiley:

Lucy

15

seenidog, I think I got most of your post covered above. But I just could not resist responding to this:

City doesn’t provide water. Everyone in on their own well.

This is, quite literally, Ground Level Liquid Stupid*

Can’t find a bigger ‘big grin’ smiley so this one’ll have to do … :smiley:

Lucy

*I gotta go. I need to find out how to Trademark, Bottle, Label and Sell my well water! Oh, and, ahhhh, you owe me a new monitor … jus’ onna counta’cuz!

16

You need to get pictures of these morons setting fires. If they ask why you are taking pictures tell them it is so Emergency Services will know who to send the bill to.

17

I thought it was bad that people walking by my tindergrass lawn late in the season (when watering has been banned) flicked their smoldering cigarette butts on it. Your idiots are much, much worse, Lucy. Have you considered installing a moat?

18

I like SnakesCatsLady’s idea. Document.

And, yeah, I wanna see what Ground Level Liquid Stupid looks like. I’ve got this image that it’s the same shade of flourescent green that radioactive crap always is in the movies…
ETA: Yanno, this whole situation adds a new level to the phrase I’ve used before: “The Sssstupid! It burnssss usss!”

19

Ok, your problem really is that “burn barrels” are allowed at all, at any time, any place. Get your County to forbid the burning of trash year around. Bad for the environment, the air and the fire danger. If you ban them year around, and make the fine large enough your won’t have this problem.

Oh, and you can buy some old wear on the back or carry in the off hand water pump fire extinguishers.

Make sure your roof is not made of kindling wood- aka “shake”. Clear the brush from around your home.

20

Given that in Lucy’s subdivision there are at least four idiots who can’t be assed to pay for trash removal, what makes you think that such a measure could get passed in the county?

Not really what I’d recommend. I’d imagine the most you could carry that way would be 5-7 gallons of water. Remember a gallon of water, as Lucy mentioned, is heavy - 8 lbs. Refilling it is cheaper than refilling some of the more effective exhaustion agent extinguishers, but I think that Lucy would want to be assured of having enough agent to be sure of putting out the fire. And I really don’t think a backpack unit for general civil use would do that.