Job Advise: Turned in Resignation, Boss wants to Talk

In My Humble Opinion
1

Last week, I sent my resignation in to my boss and the two human resources departments that are responsible for me. (My boss is an MD who does research. The hospital provides the money for my salary, but I’m an employee of the University’s research branch.) There were many reasons behind my decision: politics among the researchers has been brutal, this department’s University funding has been pulled, a lack of leadership, etc.

Yesterday, one of the junior researchers told me that Dr. Boss might be in the lab Wednesday or Thursday to meet with us. Dr. Boss has been out of the lab for months, he hasn’t been replying to any emails, pages, or phone messages. The junior researcher called him at home and told him “Hey, you have a pregnant research assistant and a post-doc who need to know what’s going on.”

In all honesty, I am hurt that Dr. Boss is only showing up because of the junior researcher’s phone call. After our senior research assistant (my mentor) left for a job back home in Australia earlier this year, Dr. Boss’ silence began. I don’t have 20 years experience like my mentor, but I’m willing to do the work and learn new skills. I just need someone to point me in the right direction and check in to make sure I haven’t royally messed things up. Over time, I have taken my boss’ lack of communication as a sign that he has no confidence in me. Since my resignation has not been mentioned, I can’t help but wonder if Dr. Boss wants me to go. (Or, maybe he hasn’t checked his email or mailbox. There is no way to know for sure.)

Since Dr. Boss has been so distant, and only agreed to come into the lab after another researcher goaded him, I don’t have a positive feeling about this meeting. It wouldn’t surprise me if Dr. Boss announced that he’s quitting research. However, there is a chance that he wants to continue. If that is the case, and I’m asked to stay on, should I do it?

2

Fuck no.

They’re assholes, which you’ve told us a gazillion times. Move. On. It doesn’t matter if they come back, offer you something, or whatever. They are disorganized, inconsiderate assholes.

3

Mouse, I don’t know you but over the last year I’ve seen dozens of thoughtful postings from you regarding your extreme unhappiness with your current job. Not discontent, not water cooler grumbling, but real gut wrenching unhappiness.

So, my only response to today’s question is "have you taken complete leave of your senses?"

4

Thank you.

I regretted this thread as soon as I started it. Being unemployed is scaring the shit out of me. Anyone willing to smack the shit out of me? This :smack: isn’t enough.

5

Howdy, Mouse! If I haven’t already said so, Congrats on the mouseling - how happy you and Mr. Mouse must be!! :slight_smile:

To address your questions/post, first thing is that I can’t tell you how thrilled I was when you posted that you tendered your resignation - this job has been making you nutso for HOW long? Now that you’re pregnant, you don’t need the stress - spend the next few months getting ready for the baby, and enjoying your pregnancy, not worrying about what Dr. Ass - er I mean Dr. Boss is thinking or not thinking (and frankly, from what you’ve told us about him, the odds are that he hasn’t checked his email/mail versus not having confidence in you so don’t worry about it. And besides, you’re so outta there - who cares anyway, right?)

Oh - and if he wants you to stay, spend some time practicing saying “HELL NO” in a mirror 'till you get it right, and can say it with conviction. :smiley:

6

What do you want to do? Do you want to keep putting up with the BS you’ve been dealing with?

If there is no funding, and the PNP is trying to take over your space, I don’t think there is much left.

If by some means your boss thinks he is able to continue, do you really want to continue to work for someone who won’t communicate with you?

I think you need to get out. You don’t need the stress and BS during your pregnancy.

7

NO. You should not stay. At all.

I’ve had bosses treat me shittily for a long time (sometimes two weeks is an eternity, sometimes it was months and one occasion, years) and then, when I presented them with my “farewell” letter, all of a sudden go all puppy-eyes on me. “How can you do this to me?” Ehrm… well, you’re not my bf so I can’t list “cos you’re a lousy fuck,” but you sure have been a fuckin’ lousy boss, that ain’t reason enough now?

The time to talk was months ago, not now.

Think of it this way: if your Mom had asked you to stay when CPS took you away, would it have been any good for you to do so? I know I’m exagerating the example, but no, you should not screw up your life because other people say “pleeeeese?” - two months after they should have had an adult conversation with you.

Do not make me come over, young lady! (I don’t know if I have enough vacation time :D)

8

The only reason you should contemplate meeting with Dr. Boss is so you can deliver the swift kick to the nuts he so richly deserves.

9

Add me to the ‘Hell no’ list - I’ve been following your trials whilst I was lurking between affording subscriptions, and there’s no doubt in my mind that you should reconsider your resignation.

Run! Run! As fast as you can!*
*OK, given your current state of pregnancy, that may not be very fast!

10

Even on your way out, being professional is good. Tell them “Thanks but no”; we understand you really mean “PIT off, you PITing PITer!!!”

11

Do not stay. Run. Run like the wind.

12

I like this approach. You owe them nothing. Ask yourself - Would Dr. Boss have even responded to a request for a meeting from you if he terminated you?

13

Sorry folks, I had forgotten how much bitching I’ve done.

The job I have, minus the politics and funding crap, is one I really enjoy and its the only thing I’ve ever felt good at. (Breeding rodents and dissecting them is a strange thing to be proud of, but I’ve never claimed to be normal.) Between my cat passing on, being scared witless of parenthood, and the usual insanity of my family, part of my wants to hold on to something familiar and safe.

(I’ve been trying to navigate our health insurer’s mental health services. If you weren’t depressed before, you’d would be after trying to figure out their system.)

14

Go to the meeting. It might be interesting. However, you should still plan on quitting on the day announced in your resignation. At this point, the place is going down the tubes and being pregnant gives you a perfectly good explanation when asked in a future interview as to why you left this position.

ETA: Be polite, don’t go into the details as to why you are leaving and as to why they are jerks etc. While it may feel good, it won’t do your career any good in the long run.

15

Be professional and cordial; if nothing else maybe you can get a recommendation letter out of it.

I understand wanting normalcy and something you feel good about, and you will have that again. I also think you will do even better when you’re doing your work for someone less batshit crazy, inappropriate, unprofessional and messed up. So wrap things up on as good a foot as you can and then get the hell out. You are not burning a bridge as you are leaving for a good reason independent of his shaky situation.

You will need the time and energy to take care of yourself and your baby. Things may be tight for a while but you will have the luxury of staying home with her and also taking care of yourself at counseling or whatever you need to stay stable.

16

Years ago I got a consulting job. When I got on the job site, I found that I was #6 on the list of people who had been brought in with the promise of exactly the same position. That the clients were a bunch of disorganized morons who kept hiring people with no plan of action and no work assignments. I complained to my boss and…

I was brought in, read the riot act and placed on probation for my insolence. For daring to say “Um, why am I here? If they’re not going to give me any actual work, they’re wasting their money and my time.”

The worst was that the owner of the consulting firm I worked for had the nerve to say, without ever looking me directly in the face, that there must be something horribly wrong with me as a human being, because the (very minor) things that had happened to me lately only happened to people who deserved them.

I got another job and quit by fax. In the mean time, I wrote up a battle plan for the clients that had them singing my praises.

Then he wanted to talk to me. I was a star.

Conveniently, with no planning on my part, every time he called me I just happened to be away from my desk. The two times he drove out to speak to me (without scheduling it with me first), I just happened to be out of the office.

I never returned his calls, I never spoke to him again.

I suggest that you take that kind of approach with your current boss.

Which is to say, you have nothing to say, you’re leaving and there is no point in speaking about anything. Just go your merry way and leave him to figure things out on his own after you’re gone.
A year later I got a call from someone who had been hired to “clean up the mess” at the consulting firm, because something like 80% of the employees had quit in that year. He asked if I would consider coming back. When I told him the story of why I quit, he started to seriously reconsider who he was working for, saying that I was not the first person to tell him things like that.

17

My guess is that Dr. Boss is involved with other things, and letting your lab, which has its money already, run on its own. Not all people are good (or even competent) managers, and he sure isn’t. Perhaps he’s finally woken up to the fact that he’s never going to meet the project’s deliverables if everyone leaves.

I’m betting he’ll ask you to stay. Don’t. As soon as the fire is out, he’ll go back to ignoring you. Someone who doesn’t respond to messages until you leave is not someone you want to work for. You will no doubt get a good reference, but I’ve been following your travails also, and you’re doing the right thing.

18

You spent a lot of time thinking about resigning and made an informed choice. As with most jobs - there would good aspects and bad aspects. You decided that the bad aspects outweighed the good.

What has materially changed about your job since then, that you are thinking about reconsidering?

19

I know you are unhappy with your job, and some people might consider what I am about to say unethical, but it’s not like it doesn’t happen all the time.

IF they make a counter offer, and IF you think you can handle it, stay out the pregnancy, take whatever (paid) maternity leave they offer, and then call in and say “oops, sorry motherhood is so much more important to me than I realized, I’m staying home.”

OTOH, if the place is just not worth the drama, then GTF outta there.

20

I’m first on the bandwagon with “hormonally unstable and prone to violence.” pregnant women. That being said. When you are unstable yourself, and dealing with a crazy situation, the situation amps up your crazy. HOWEVER, you have thought about this rationally, have rational reasons to leave, have rational concerns about your mental well-being.

So stop being irrational. He didn’t swoop down when you tendered your resignation, he swooped down when, I’m guessing, the person who he assumed would take over responsibility tracked his ass down.

Let me assure you, in a few months, this job will not matter one bit. The things you worry about now will not even be in your sleep-deprived noggin. Now rub that belly for me and do what you KNOW is the right thing to do. Leave when you say and leave gracefully.