The mods may consider this a totally inappropriate thread and if so I apologise and request that they delete it.
The question obviously does not apply to members of the military who may have killed whilst in action but they may post should they so wish.
I would really like to know how you felt afterwards.
I ask because many years ago I accidentally killed a young boy of 7.
It wasn’t my fault, he darted out between parked cars and it was impossible for me to avoid hitting him, the matter went to court and I was exonerated of all blame and even his parents agreed that it was a tragic accident and I was in no way to blame.
Despite this I had bad dreams for months after, I could still see that young lad.
It was about 12 months before the dreams ended but to this day I shall never forget the feeling of absolute horror that I felt as I hit him
You were there, and something awful happened. Came within a hair’s breadth, driving cab, same thing. You were there, and something awful happened, and that’s all. That’s all.
Oh, that’s horrible, Chowder. I can well believe it was NO fault of yours, given the way some kids behave near traffic.
I had some how thought this thread would be a bit more complicatedly conceptual, along the lines of working out how many deaths we in the “developed” world cause by wastefulness of lifestyle or whatever.
I’m glad the dreams have gone and I would wish the horror would stay in the past for you.
As for the question, no, but, but I don’t even drive. If I did, judging from what I see as a pedestrian or car passenger, there’s a big chance that what happened to you could happen to anyone. Very good that his parents agreed you were not to blame.
Almost the same thing happened to me in 1961. The little boy came running from between cars. I was at the rear of the car when he appearred at its front and he was struck by the left front bumper of my car. I had slammed on the brakes and the nose went down taking him with it. For a second he disappeared and then as the car sprung back up he was thrown in front of the car. His leg had a compound fracture, but thank goodness he was not killed.
I hit a kid while turning a corner, he was crossing at an angle and looking at his cell phone. I was in the right, but I will never forget the feeling of seeing that kid’s body going over my car. He was not hurt to bad, so I don’t have to deal with his death. But I understand at least a little bit of how you feel. You can’t change the event, but you can forgive yourself. Self forgiveness is very important, it will lessen the guilt you feel. It is not necessary for you to feel guilty any more.
We have a built in feeling that causing the death of another is wrong, only those that can suppress those feelings don’t feel guilty, but they usually don’t feel nothing else either.
I lived during WWII and the soldiers coming home were very reluctant to talk about what they did. Many suffered from nightmares and anxiety. It was reported after the War that German soldiers felt the same way, and some had refused to kill unarmed prisoners, letting them go. We humans do care about each other in spite of our differences.
Good luck, and remember to forgive yourself often.
My heart goes out to you Chowder . Be sure when I tell you, although I know something done can never be taken back, don’t let it haunt you. I have never killed anyone but I have done things to humans that I am really not too proud of. It was a different time, a different place, but in the end, these things make us who we are. Don’t let it have a negative effect on you. Think of the positive; aren’t you more careful and mindful now, even though you know you don’t have to be? How do you know you haven’t saved a life since this happened through you increased awareness? Peace be with you.
I don’t feel guilt these days but after it happened I did. I found myself thinking “What if I had just been a few minutes later/earlier, what if I hadn’t taken that route home, what if…”
All this happened many years ago, I’ve come to terms with it but even so I sometimes find myself thinking “That lad would be about mid 40s now, with kids a wife and all the trappings that I had”
I guess it’ll never go away completely
Off on a different trail. I’ve noticed that all to often these days kids seem to ignore traffic and just saunter across roads without first checking the road is clear as if they are convinced that cars will just bounce off them.
I feel like getting out and telling them that they won’t, they’ll be killed or at the very least injured.
Not I chowder but one of my dear friends in California hit a man who was inexplicably walking down the middle of the interstate, near Las Vegas IIRC. My friend Tex was glancing out the window at some lightning striking in the mountains when he looked back at the road and was shocked to see a man right in front of his vehicle. Of course, Tex was traveling at Interstate speed and he hit the man in the blink of an eye. Sadly, a few other motorists ran over him too. It was later found that the man was drunk. Tex was very distraught about it (as you were too) but you know - that dude should NOT have been there! Same as the young chap you struck.
You can ‘what if’ yourself to pieces, but the bottom line is, it wasn’t your fault.
You’re one of my favorite posters (should I say favourite? heh). I’m sorry to hear this happened to you. Peace on you, hun.
I’ve never hit anyone much less killed them. But I remember years ago seeing someone get hit. Her body bounced up in the air like it was just a bag of trash. Squicked me out for months. And I never did find out if she was OK.
And I once saw a guy get shot to death. That was – unsettling.
My brother hit and killed someone on a Florida highway. It was dark and the guy was wearing black. He was cruising at about 75MPH and he hit what he thought was a large animal. He pulled over to observe, only to discover that it was a man, and he was certainly dead – body was mangled. My brother dragged the remains to the side of the highway and called the cops.
Turns out the man was running from the police after a robbery.
My brother was a little freaked out, but says he never carried a shred of guilt.
Given your username, Small British Shop Owner, should we assume you run a gun shop?
To answer the OP, no… although I once, in high school, passed a car on a blind stretch of road while driving a carful of my friends. Fortunately there wasn’t a car coming the other way. If there’d been an accident and I’d been responsible for the death or injury of one or more of my friends, I’m not sure I could bear it.
Well I think it’s pretty obvious how I define killed but to further clarify…
By accident
Deliberate…in the case of members of the military whilst on active service.
That about covers it unless you want to confess to bumping off the guy next door who really got on your nerves playing his bagpipes at 3 in the morning, every morning
thank you, thank you very much