Is depression an acceptable excuse?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I will try to keep this as short as possible.

I’m a senior in college, majoring in history. I’m taking 14 credit hours this semester. If I don’t complete this semester, I will most likely be kicked out of school for poor academic performance.

And I’m depressed, horribly, excruciatingly depressed. Can’t concentrate, barely get out of bed, want to die depressed. I was diagnosed at 15 and have been on and off antidepressants and in and out of therapy since. Currently I’m not taking any antidepressants, nor am I in therapy.

So, I’ve only been to class a handful of times this semester. A week or two into it, I got a bad kidney infection. I spent a week in bed in unbearable pain before finally dragging myself to the doctor (I don’t have insurance). I spent another two weeks in bed taking antibiotics. They made me dizzy, light-headed, and tired. After I took the last dose, I broke out in hives. Turns out I’m allergic to Cipro as well, bringing the grand total of antibiotics I’m allergic to up to 7. I don’t know if the fatigue and dizziness was part of the allergic reaction, but either way I was out of commission for almost a month.

I informed my teachers, and showed them my documentation. Fine, it won’t count against me, I can make up what I missed. But the reading load in these courses is incredible, and if the kidney infection wasn’t bad enough, my eyes crapped out on me at the same time. I need reading glasses again, but my eyes are weird so I had to wait a week while they ordered my lenses. So, because of the terrible headaches, I fell behind in my reading.

So, my depression got worse with worrying about school, and not having any money because I couldn’t work while I was sick, I might get evicted, etc. I’m now a bawling mess on the couch. I went to the counseling center at my school to see if I can see a therapist and and psychiatrist and try medication again to see if I can find one that works. I might have to wait a week or two to get an appointment, which really really sucks.

Back to that bit about getting kicked out of school. Yeah, I’m on academic probation (final warning) because when I get depressed, I don’t go to class, then I fail. I’ve only told one teacher ever about my depression and he let me make up my work. But I really don’t want to have to do that.

Why? Because approaching a professor with, “Sorry I keep skipping class and missing assignments, I really just suck at life. Could you take pity on me and cut me some slack?” That’s how it feels. I have to admit that I can’t cope with day-to-day life, so please feel sorry for me. But that’s stupid. I don’t feel like I warrant any special treatment, it’s my shit I have to deal with, and if I can’t, tough shit. The electric company won’t turn my power back on if I tell them I’ve been unemployed because I’m depressed. My employer won’t pat me on the head and say, “That’s ok, you just come in to work when you feel up to it.”

Real life doesn’t work that way. There are no do-overs. I’ll just be that leech that sleeps on her friends couches and keeps borrowing money until people stop lending it if I can’t learn to suck it up.

I don’t know what to do. If I say nothing to my profs, fail, and get kicked out, then I have to admit to my parents that I’m a failure, oh and by the way can I move back in with you? If I do say something, I have to tell my teachers I’m a failure and please just let me make up the midterm, I wanted to spend that day laying in bed staring at the ceiling instead.

:frowning:

2

You are looking at it incorrectly in a couple of ways but that is typical for depression. Depression is a disease and is very real. I have a related illness, bipolar disorder, that has depression as one of its features. Once you accept that it is a disease, that doesn’t take all of the responsibility off of you however. This isn’t likely something that will go away on its own at least in the long term.

Your responsibility is to seek effective help in anyway you can. This doesn’t mean a single counseling session with someone in the school counseling office. I mean a good psychiatrist with the real possibility of going inpatient for a week or so (it really isn’t that bad at all believe me). That is the fastest way to get the medical aspects way sorted out the quickest. After years of hell for me, the one firm piece of advice I have is just to throw yourself on the most competent psychiatrist and/or psychologist you can find and do what they suggest even if you end up in the hospital. It may take some additional work from there to get the right meds and therapy but that has everything to do with you and nothing to do with school.

If you take those steps, you should be able to easily get a medical withdrawal from school which may be just the thing you need.

3

On a given day, in a specific situation, I think that depression might work as an acceptable excuse. I think probably EVERY adult has failed to complete some task or obligation because of X reason or Y reason or Z reason, when the REAL reason was they just didn’t have the mental health to do it.

A disruption of mental health that’s equivalent to a head cold is nothing unusual, IMHO.

But it doesn’t sound like that’s what’s going on with you.

IANAD, but it sounds to me like you are seriously ill and are not at a point in your life when you can take care of yourself. Your life is way off track and you need help getting the pieces back together. Semester, schemester - school will still be there, don’t sweat that.

Get some help. Go to a hospital if you need to.

4

Depression is a reason things can get out of control, but it’s not an excuse for letting that happen.

I think you should leave school until you get yourself back together again. Get back into therapy and on meds (if they helped you in the past) and get to the point where you are stable emotionally. Get your physical health back. Then work, and get some financial stability. Right now, the pressures of school are only compounding your problems.

It’s not like you only have one chance to go to school, to succeed or fail. You’re not a failure for crashing and burning academically. You’re not a failure for having depression. You just gotta work around it. IMO, it would only be failure if you threw your hands up and gave up on ever trying again. Life doesn’t have do-overs, but it does have second tries.

I don’t know if your parents seriously would view you as a failure for telling them all this, or if that just the depression talking, but if you can count on your parents for anything, now is the time to ask.

5

I would love to do something more than just seeing a psychologist at the counseling center and trying one more time to find an antidepressant that 1) works and 2) doesn’t turn me into a violent, short-tempered bitch. If I had the means I would have spent the afternoon on the couch with a phone book calling every psychologist in there.

But I don’t have the money. I am not kidding when I say that I probably won’t make rent this month, and my electricity will probably get shut off in the next day or two. My phone already got cut off.

My parents don’t have the money either. The family business is struggling and they can barely make ends meet, so shelling out hundreds of dollars for therapy and medication isn’t going to happen. They’d gladly do it if they had the money, but alas, they don’t. My last round of meds I got through Glaxo Smith Kline’s free prescription program because I am so poor.

I don’t want to leave school. It took me 5 years to get my AA because of this problem, what with dropping classes and taking semesters off. I feel like such a failure because it’s taking me so long to get through school, I couldn’t stand it if I put it off even for a semester.

I just wish I didn’t feel this way.

6

In my experience, or, more accurately, that of my brother and sister, universities will often accept documented cases of illness and give you a medical withdrawl/incomplete on a class without affecting your academic standing. That is, if you are already on probation, with a properly documented medical case, they will allow you to restart next semester on probation as well - basically a do-over of that term (though of course, with potentially other classes due to scheduling, but that’s to be expected).

This is in Canada, BTW, specifically schools in Québec and in PEI.

My sister has never had to use this, but she has a standing medical note on her file for a chronic disease that occasionally has caused her to be unable to go to classes. In her case, it is a physical thing, so she’s able to catch up, do the work outside class, obtain notes/recordings of classes missed, etc. Basically “attendance” criteria are waived for her (many schools have a “miss 3 lectures, automatic fail” policy; it doesn’t apply to her).

The situation with my brother more closely resembles yours; depression prevented him from being able to attend class, do his work, he fell behind, and eventually nearly dropped out. He got medical help (onto meds, regular visits with a psychiatrist, etc) and with that, the university he was attending allowed him to withdraw from his classes to deal with the medical issue, but he retained his admission to the school, so that when he was ready, he could return. As it happens, due to other reasons, he didn’t return to that school, so I’m sure he’d have to reapply if he wanted to continue, but he was given the initial leeway.

As for you; get the medical help you need first and then go talk to your advisor. If you don’t have one assigned to you, your school’s Student Services, Counseling, Office for Students with Disabilities, or other equivalent can point you into the right direction to sort out what you can and cannot do with your classes.

Simplest route might even be to go directly to your Registrar’s Office. If you feel there is a class you might be able to recover, you might be able to drop to part-time while you deal with the health issue. You will need a doctor’s note, and likely a follow-up to allow you to take advantage of whatever options your school has, so make sure you follow up on your appointments, get back onto your meds if you have to, and take control of your disease. Easier said than done, I know, but it doesn’t change the fact that that’s what you need to do.

Situations like yours aren’t new for universities. Guaranteed, there is help for you, and you will be able to work with the school to manage your illness and your classes, and get yourself where you want to be.

7

Most schools have counseling centers, so it’s good that you’ve looked into it. It wasn’t clear to me if you’ve made an appointment, since you said it might be a week or two before you get in. It sounds like you’ve checked on it, so if you haven’t already, make an appointment. Maybe you have to wait a week, but it’s better than staying in this languor.

If you feel comfortable doing it, explain to your teachers what’s going on. In my experience (maybe I’ve been lucky) the professors really do care about their students, and they want you to succeed. Professors were students for a long time to get to where they are now. They probably haven’t forgotten that college can be tough. There’s a chance that they might think you’re making excuses, and if you tell them and they do think that, to me, it doesn’t seem like you’re any worse off than you are already. It’s worth a shot. Make it clear that you aren’t trying to make an excuse. You realize you’re in a bad spot, you know how you got there, and you want to work to get out of it. If you’re taking 14 hours, at least one of the professors should be understanding, and if you’re willing to work, I bet they’d be willing to help you. I’m pretty sure I had a “+” tacked on to my calculus grade because I showed up to office hours, and review sessions. I wasn’t great in the subject, but the professor knew I was making an effort.

Talk to an academic advisor, try to find some help somewhere. You know something is wrong, so keep trying to fix it. I know that’s easier said than done, but it sounds like you do have some good things going for you. To be a senior you’ve obviously made it this far in school. You’re absolutely right that there are no “do overs”. However, in college that’s going to be your last shot, and as close as you will get to a “do over”. There’s still a pretty good support structure in place, and available resources aimed at helping students. Keep trying to take advantage of those services to get help.

It sounds like you know what you need to do. That’s a great start. I hope it works out for the best.

8

To address only the school-related parts, I think Shagnasty’s suggestion of applying for a medical leave is something you should seriously consider. Every school is going to have a different policy on leave and leave-related issues (such as refunds or credits) and you could probably find this on your college’s web site. To give you an introduction to the issue, I mean. You would still need to talk to your advisor or a counselor at the school to find out exactly what your personal situation would entail.

After your return from such a leave, you should also seek out your college’s office for students with disabilities (depending on the size of your college, that could be a whole office, or an individual within another office). Mental illness is protected by the ADA, and that office will be your advocate when it comes to dealing with your professors. You will need to provide documentation, but it seems like you already have a handle on that. You must, of course, find out what your college’s procedures are for this – it is not uncommon for schools to disallow retroactive documentation (as in, it’s not going to impact past semesters) – it is more of a “moving forward” assistance.

I’m not at all qualified to speak to any of the actual medical issues, but I wish you the best in taking care of yourself and with your treatment.

9

My personal opinion is that school isn’t in the cards for you until you address your mental health issues. It seems like throwing good money after bad in your present state. It’s time to tell your acedemic advisors, tell your parents, and withdraw. If you’re going to fail anyway, it’ll all come out. You’ll have to get a job with insurance, if possible. You need to get your life in order to start moving forward.

Good luck.

StG

10

Okay. I hope that you’re not in denial about the seriousness of your immediate situation, as well as the depth of your depression. You’re seriously going to sit there with no power in wait of eviction? Come on, you need to do something now.

I think you should go ASAP to the student health center and talk to someone professional. A doctor, social worker, somebody.

11

As for the appointment with a psychologist- I’ve been the the counseling center before, that’s when I was on meds the last time. I could get an appointment with my psychiatrist no problem.

The psychologst, on the other hand… I saw one last time to get a referral to a psychiatrist and to ask about therapy. I didn’t particularly like her, she didn’t read me right at all. She suggested group therapy as opposed to individual therapy. Well, I barely talk in class because I’m so shy. Yeah, right. Terrified of making small talk with people I don’t know, I don’t see how it would be any easier to spill my guts to total strangers.

So, that psychologist is booked for 2 weeks, although I could try a walk-in appointment first thing on Monday, but there’s no guarantee I could see her (first come, first served and all). I told the receptionist I’d like to be seen ASAP and don’t care if it’s with a different counselor, so she said she’d talk to “my” counselor first to let her know I’d requested a different one. She said she’d call me by tomorrow at the latest.

So I might be able to see someone sooner, and if they read my answers on the evaluation I did today they might pull some strings to get me in ASAP.

12

Then go to your local emergency room and stay there until you are evaluated. Your depression is giving you lots of excuses and encouraging you to procrastinate on dealing with your problems- don’t listen to it. Go get help.

13

…

14

The ER? I don’t know if it’s really necessary, and I’d rather not rack up any more hospital bills since I haven’t even paid them for my trip there this summer (no insurance + allergy-induced asthma = no inhaler. No inhaler + 72 hours of labored breathing = 2 AM trip to local ER).

I am not suicidal. Yes, I do think things like “I’d be better off dead,” from time to time, but I’m not sitting here planning it out. I couldn’t do that to my family and friends, and (as embarassed as I am to admit this here) I have just enough doubt about atheism to fear an eternity in fire and brimstone and all that jazz.

Here’s what the next 12 hours will probably be- sitting on the couch wrapped in a blanket distracting myself with the Dope. When I get sick of that, I will take a couple Tylenol PMs and go to sleep. Then I will head to my parent’s house to use their phone and call the counseling center to see what can be done about an appointment.

The ER just seems like way too much. I mean, if I tell them I fear for my own or others safety (the only way they’d let me hang out in the ER anyway), they’ll Baker act me. I really don’t like being Baker acted. They take your shoelaces and put you on suicide watch, and if you don’t behave then you end up sedated and restrained. That is so not fun. :smiley:

Sorry for making light of the situation, but I’ve felt this way my whole life and I know when I shouldn’t be left alone.

15

All right, but I hope that you follow up on your plans for tomorrow. If you have low or no income and no insurance, you could qualify for state health insurance, such as Medicaid. Lack of money should not be a consideration for you at this point.

I’m just imagining how stressful this must be for you. :frowning: I hope that by tomorrow night, you have come clean with your parents and have talked to someone that can put things in motion for you to deal with things. Good luck.

16

Have anything better to be doing first thing monday?

You can sit in the office and wait, or you can sit at home and wait. If you’re not going to classes anyway, then you may as well go and be depressed in the office, where you have a chance at seeing someone who can help you.

Well, that’s better than nothing, I assume. If you need to see someone else, maybe you could see if they’ll pull some strings for you?

17

I’ve applied for Medicaid before. More than once, actually. They’ve restricted it to the point that if you’re not on disability, pregnant, or a child, you’re pretty fucked.

I don’t know what to do. I just never seem to get ahead. I had a nervous breakdown in high shool when I was in a highly stressful International Baccalaureate magnet program. Took a year off of high school I was so bad. Seriously, who does that?

Same thing at my first school, taking a semester off here and a year off there, dropping more classes than I actually finished. And now I’m doing it all over again at this school. I could probably use a semester off, I do know that. It’s just, if I could finish these classes (it would require 4 exams and 5 papers) I’d only be a semester away from graduation. 2 semesters if I wanted to take it easy.

I just keep postponing graduation through my actions. I’m 25 now, and I still need to go to grad school.

Let me tell you a little story. Back when I was taking that year off high school, my brother and I got in an argument. He basically called me a loser and a failure because of it, I’d never amount to anything if I kept acting this way, blah blah blah. My big brother, my favorite sibling. We don’t talk anymore really.

Every time I fail, every time I drop a class or quit a job because of my mental state, I feel like I’m confirming my brother’s opinion of me. Not just that, but my own opinion of me. I’m a loser, a failure, I’ll never amount to anything. It’s like, “Oh, yep, you do suck. Thought that might have changed, but nope, you still suck.” I know that this is the depression talking, but the further I push back my graduation date, the worse I feel.

Damnit.

18

Well, if I can’t get in any sooner, then yes, I’ll be waiting in the office first thing Monday morning.

I just wish I could see somebody, like, yesterday. I wish there were more options for mental health care that didn’t cost a fortune. Yeah, I’d probably benefit from 72 hours in a hospital, but there’s no effing way I could ever afford that.

19

I have a friend who had a nervous breakdown a year shy of graduation. She got a medical withdrawal from school. She was also on Medicaid and food stamps. I realize you’re probably too depressed to go through all the paperwork and crap, but I’m pretty sure that you could get transfer payments, Section 8, etc., if you’re really this poor. Get your parents to help you if you need to. If you can get a doctor to help you get medical leave, he can probably also help with what you need to get Medicaid and go on disability. I am not remotely an expert in these things, but it seems like it can be done.

ETA: Isn’t there a county mental health center with a sliding fee scale? There is here, and they give out meds too.

Why do you NEED to? I mean, if you can’t finish school, if it’s really doing you in, maybe it’s not for you. Not everyone finishes college, and many people have to revise their dreams because their real life limitations interfere. Maybe rethinking these ambitious plans would remove some of the stress and bleakness from your life? Stop pressuring yourself right now and focus on getting well.

Forget about what your brother said to you. Get well.

20


It sounds to me like you’re playing a game you can’t win. You’re feeling like a failure every time you push back your graduation date. Instead of doing that, push it back once and for all. Decide when you want to graduate and figure out what you need to do to graduate then. Maybe drop down to 1 class per semester, that way, if you do have a problem, there isn’t as much work building up.

You say being 25 and still having to go through grad school like it’s a bad thing.

Take a break from classes in general and try to find a job with good insurance? Somewhere where you can get the help you needed yesterday, yesterday?

Oh, and does your college only have walk ins on monday? None through the rest of the week?